The 12 Undeniable Rules of Successful Dating
There are no rules when it comes to dating. Make up your own. Do what works for you. Don’t do what some dude on the internet tells you to do. Take it into consideration, and then take it from there. Got it? Good.
Although there are ‘no rules’, it is generally a good idea to follow some ideas and some principles. Here are 12 of them for your reading pleasure.
1. Be honest.
Now I know that this may not be what you expected. But I got to be honest with you – being honest is truly the best dating advice you will ever get.
Being honest, not only with her, but also with yourself, opens up so many gates and possibilities – you have no idea before you actually try it.
Being honest opens for expression. When you express yourself, truly, you open up a part of yourself. You show her the real you, and that’s vulnerable.
And it all leads to trust. Trust with a woman is one of the key ingredients to having a fulfilling relationship, no matter its nature. Whether you want a one night stand or a girlfriend, you need to have her trust.
So be honest, at all times. I wrote an article a while back which can be found here:
Start Being Brutally Honest with Yourself and Others. Also check out this recent article called Why Bohemian Painters are Sexy as Hell and How You Can Become That, Too, it’s all about expression.
2. Express your true feelings and desires.
This builds upon being honest; they compliment each other very well.
Again, this is not what most “pick up artists” would tell you, but tell her that she looks stunning, because damn! She’s a woman, and that is what she does best.
Not to say that women can’t do other things, I am a big believer in equal rights etc. All I am saying is that generally, women are fabulous, stunning, and the best creation on this planet.
So appreciate them, and TELL them! Compliment your woman, even if you have been together for 10, 20 or 30 years. Tell her that she looks just as hot as she did when you first met.
Tell her on the first dates that she looks gorgeous. Not in an insecure way to gain approval; no, tell her because you appreciate her beauty.
Some guys can pull of saying something like “I want you right now” when out on a date, and that’s fine. It’s just not me.
I would rather be suggestive with my eyes and general body language. Hold the eye contact a little longer than comfortable. Look her in her eyes, glance at her lips, and then back to the eyes. She’ll know what you mean (and want)…
3. Tell her with your body.
Again, this builds on the previous one.
Use your whole body to communicate, don’t rely just on your words. Your body is much better to get the message through ;-)
- Take her for a dance in the living room, women love to dance.
- Spin her around and give her a big kiss.
- Give her the warmest, biggest bear-hug ever.
- Massage her.
- Play with her hand and fingers.
- Tickle her.
These are just playful suggestions, use them or don’t. What is important here is to practice using your whole body instead of just your mouth.
A lot can be communicated with nothing but the eyes, really.
If you feel you could use some body-communication work, do this exercise called the “Silent Day”:
Go about your day as you normally would, do your shopping etc. But don’t say a word the whole day. This doesn’t work too well if you work at an office or go to school, so do it on a weekend.
By not saying a single word, you’ll be much more aware of your own gestures and body language.
4. Know how to kiss
As a female reader wrote me a couple of days ago:
“I am especially glad you emphasize how to kiss well, since this is very important to girls. It’s not uncommon for girls to avoid or dump an otherwise cool guy because he’s a bad kisser. Big, permanent turnoff.”
She said it best… But basically, a good or bad kiss can really make or break ‘the deal’. Check the articles on kissing already published on the site here:
- Kissing A Girl for The First Time – When and How?
- Be a Great Kisser – How To REALLY Kiss a Girl
- How To be The Perfect Kisser
- The 5 Most Common Kissing Mistakes Men Make
- 5 Tips on Kissing Passionately from 5 Women
I would also recommend signing up for the free dating newsletter at the bottom of this post; one of the first articles you will see in your inbox is a very good one on kissing!
5. Don’t take her crap and pass her tests
I wrote a whole post on it here: Dealing With Her Tests – How To Gain Instant Attraction
Women test men. It’s not strange, seriously, how would you go about knowing which one of the 20 guys that approaches you in a night is good enough for you?
Of course you would test them in some way. And not by simple interview questions like, let’s say, “are you honest and authentic?”, “are you confident?” or my personal favourite “are you good in bed?”
All men would just say yes. There is no real truth in that, it is much better for her to test for it in a more subtle way.
Subtle tests women use and how to handle them
It can be as easy as her seeing how you react if she starts talking about sex. She can also see how you treat other people when you’re out. It could be about a lot of stuff.
The best way to handle the tests is to be totally honest all along. Being yourself is a true and tested advice, so don’t go about reinventing the wheel.
That also means don’t hide your desires – be in charge, and don’t be ashamed.
It is often said that the one with the strongest reality “sucks” the other people in. When it comes to dating, use it like this: If you have the strongest “frame” (reality perception), she almost won’t have a choice with you; you’ll be in charge all along.
That means that if you’re really confident, you can do almost anything you want, whenever you want to. So just kiss her! Don’t hesitate if that’s what you want.
Being in charge of yourself like that is very sexy to women.
6. Be chivalrous in public, but an animal behind closed doors
Always open doors, walk on the outside of the curb etc.
If you take on the ‘male’ role like that, she’ll have an easier time feeling like a real woman. Don’t you just love that feminine radiance and glow?
But don’t carry the chivalry into the bedroom. “Can I assist you taking off that bra?”… not going to happen.
All over the place…
Be more of an animal instead. Wild, loose and all over the place.
Do some unexpected things. Kiss her like you never have before. Whisper in her ear. You get the picture.
Check out some of David Shade’s stuff if you’re interested in getting that part of your “game” handled, he’s really good. Follow the link and you’ll also find an interesting video…
7. Take good care of yourself.
Although women generally don’t get turned on by your looks as much as your personality, they care abot how you take care of yourself.
Any man can become sexy if he is well-groomed, has some well-fitted clothes, a healthy tan and a trained body.
Do what you can
So do what you can: Get your teeth fixed, eat more vegetables, spend some dollars on a pair of Levi’s, get outside and run… You’re a smart guy; you know what I’m talking about.
You don’t have to become the healthiest guy on the planet, just take baby steps to get there and show her that you care about yourself. And of course, it’s for your own sake first and foremost.
8. Don’t compromise yourself.
Whatever you do, don’t put her needs before yours.
Even if she says that she would like you to stay home instead of going out with the boys, that’s not what she wants deep down inside.
This presupposes that you told her a couple of days in advance, though, and that she is not sick, ill or in a mood where she really needs your company.
The anti-war climax
This is the same phenomenon taking place when she tells you that she don’t want you to leave for war when you are a soldier.
What she wants deep down is for you to follow your own path and goals and to always put those before her.
So even if you stay at home instead of doing what you really think you should do, you’ll compromise yourself, and in the long road it will be bad for you, for her, and for the both of you as a couple.
So remember this: Listen to yourself and let yourself be the one making the decisions. Take her words into consideration, she may have something useful to add, but always decide for yourself.
This can also be in a small scene like choosing which restaurant to eat at. So keep it in mind. Be in charge!
9. Don’t become clingy and needy
What all women want is a man who is strong, confident and independent. No one wants a wuss boy who clearly sets her needs before his own. It’s just wrong.
So don’t call her all the time. Don’t bring flowers on every date.
Instead, be more of a challenge. Be a little mysterious. Be sexy!
Check out the post I wrote a while ago titled Why Gifts and Flowers don’t work for Creating Attraction – Only for Amplifying it.
Here’s a small excerpt from that article:
“See, I thought that by giving a woman gifts, she would like me more. She would think that I was generous, sweet, and all these words that I linked to gaining a woman’s love.
But instead, the complete opposite happened. On the outside, she would become happy. She would hug me, smile, and say thanks.
On the inside, she was hugely disappointed. I killed the attraction. All women basically want to be attracted to you. They want to fall in love. They want to have amazing relationships.”
Also read the hugely popular post Why Bad Boys get all the Hot Women, and Nice Guys don’t even get close, I think you will learn a thing or two.
Basically what that article boils down to is this:
The balance between bad boy and nice guy looks something like this:
- You are dominant without being domineering.
- You are masculine without being macho.
- You are forthright and trustworthy.
- You are considerate without being placating.
- You are strong yet gentle.
- You are mysterious without being deceiving.
- You are exciting without being reckless.
- You are sexually exciting in the bedroom and a gentleman in the living room.
If interested, read some of the comments on that post. They’re good!
10. Have a powerful voice
Having a powerful voice is often underestimated when it comes to dating and life in general.
It is our first, foremost and most direct communicator, so wouldn’t it make sense to improve it?
In the article How To Use Your Voice to Project More Confidence, I share some tips to strengthen your authority while speaking:
- In the article mentioned above, scroll down for some specific voice training exercises. They will help you get a fuller, deeper (sexier!) voice.
- Speak with confidence (know what you are talking about).
- Only say something when you have something to say.
- Speak slow, have the confidence in yourself that people will still listen to you even if you add small pauses, and…
- Pronounce every word. No mumbling!
- Use hand gestures to enhance what you are saying.
- Stand straight (have good posture)
- Talk louder. Most people would benefit from this; just don’t become obnoxious in any way. Talk loud enough for everybody to hear you.
- Be a better breather. This is alpha-omega to speaking powerfully, so check out the article on breathing here: Start Breathing When It Matters The Most and Get More.
11. Move with purpose and confidence
The way you carry yourself says a lot about you. And even though you may not be aware of it, she notices.
The way you use your hands when you talk, the way you look at her and others, the way you walk, the way you sit… She notices and interprets it all.
Instead of working on all the details, like holding your drink just right, focus on the big thing instead: Be yourself and be proud.
This translates to being confident in ‘date talk’. A confident person will always move and carry himself just right.
While working on getting more confident, there are a couple of body language tips that apply pretty generally:
- Take up space. Spread your legs and reach out with the arms. A non-confident person will always try to fill as little space as possible because he does not feel worthy. But you are worthy! So take up all the space you need. That doesn’t mean you have to be rude, though.
- Hold eye contact. Breaking eye contact is a typical weakness indicator. Try to look the person in the left eye while talking, for him or her it will more intense, and for you it’s easier to hold the focus than looking into both eyes. Experiment a little to see what fits you, but for god’s sake, hold the eye contact!
- Carry yourself tall and with good posture. You have probably already heard it a thousand times. Another one doesn’t damage you: Stand tall! Shoulders back! Chest up! Slouching makes you look very unattractive, so just avoid it altogether. It’s bad for your back and general health, too. Practice by standing with a book on top of your head, or by aligning the back of your head, your shoulders and your butt up a plain wall. That’s pretty good posture. I know it’s tedious to walk around like that all day, but you just have to build the habit, and soon it won’t be tough at all. Or well, at least not as tough. Actually, why don’t you start right now? Sit up. Shoulders back. Head high. Just do it. Now! :-)
12. Accept, let go and move on
I got to be tough with you here: It won’t last. 99% of all relationships fail, that’s a fact and a part of life. But instead of seeing it as a failure, learn to see it as an accomplishment. Learn to look at all you gained and learned, and suddenly it won’t be as bad to break up with someone.
Sure, you’ll feel sad. I do too; it’s completely normal. Learn to accept that too.
Give yourself the time you need to move on, but be sure never to stall. If you get dumped, don’t dwell on it. Truth is, there is not much you can do about it anyway.
If you need help getting over your ex girlfriend, the post How To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend should be of assistance as well as over 900 (yes, 900!) comments.
I would actually go to the length of saying that this is the most important “rule” on this entire list. Learn to accept, let go and move on.
That cute girl didn’t call you back? Call her again the next day, and then let it go. Seriously, she’s not worth your time! That girl you met at the grocery store didn’t seem as friendly when you met again as the first time? That’s her problem, not yours!
If you just work on yourself, don’t dwell on the small details. You are doing everything right.
Get the mindset that basically, it’s their loss. You offered what you had, and they declined. Too bad! You do not want to be with a girl who doesn’t like you, anyway.
Here’s a post I wrote a while back on accepting yourself and letting go: Accept Yourself: How To Let Go of Bad Emotions and Feelings. As always, check out the comments.
That is all from me this time, I hope you learned a thing or two.
The 12 things were the following: Be honest, express your true feelings and desires, tell her with your body, know how to kiss, don’t take her crap and pass her tests, be chivalrous in public but an animal behind closed doors, take good care of yourself, don’t compromise yourself, don’t become clingy and needy, have a powerful voice, move with purpose and confidence and last but not least accept, let go and move on.
As always, I would very much like to hear your thoughts in the comments. Do you have some additional advice? Some critique? Make sure to let me (and everybody else) know.
Also make sure to also sign up for the free dating newsletter, it’s getting pretty popular :-)
Thanks for readings this far!
/Alex over and out.