It has been 15 minutes since you sent her a text. You just said that you had a great night last night, and asked when you would see her again. You have read it a couple of times after you sent it – was it any good? Could you have done better?
30 minutes passes. You have been checking your cell phone like a maniac. Why hasn’t she replied?!
45 minutes. Now you get all these wierd thoughts that, maybe she wasn’t that into you? But you vibed pretty well, didn’t you? What went wrong?
You start analyzing the evening for mistakes or clues. Nothing. Just a wait a minute! There was this awkward silence, and…
There is no point in continuing the story. You’re a smart guy, you get the point. I’m pretty sure you have been there, too. I know for sure that I have.
It’s a dark, dark place waiting for a text message reply. It downright sucks.
So what is there to do about it?
It’s about a change in mind
The simplest way to say it is this: Stop caring so much!
I know it can be hard. Really hard. But if you don’t want to walk around your whole life and just wait, it is absolutely crucial to learn it.
There will be hundreds of girls. She was just one of them.
This is the attitude you need to take on when you send a text message:
- I don’t really care if she replies to this message. It’s just a text, I’m just a guy, and she’s just a girl.
- It would be nice if she did reply, though, because I think she’s kind of cute and I would like to get to know her better.
- I have better things to do than sitting around and waiting. I have a life. There will be others.
- Now I’ll just live on and accept whatever the outcome may be.
So maybe she will reply. Maybe she never received the SMS. There are 1000 possibilities.
But in the end, it’s all about the amount of importance you lay on her reply. If it honestly doesn’t mean much to you, what’s the big deal?
Don’t check your phone all the time
Guys, this is huge! Try to really become “outcome independent” of your phone.
No, you don’t need to take it with you everywhere you go, just in case…
No, you didn’t just hear your phone. It was probably something else.
No, you don’t need to check it every 5 minutes. And just in case you actually got a SMS, what difference does it make if you don’t read it right away?
Just chill. That’s the basic lesson for today. Don’t take dating so god damn serious!
When to write again
If, after a day or two she still hasn’t replied, it may be time to send another text, just to give it another shot.
Try to not sound too needy. Something along the lines of this should work:
“Hey (girl/nickname), too busy to reply, are you?… That’s just too bad, since I think you’re cute and would like to see you again! :-)
This is not necessarily an example of a good text message, it is just an example. And it may not be your style at all, always remember to ‘be yourself’.
I know it’s old advice, but to be yourself means to be congruent and authentic. Two really important qualities.
What you want to achieve is just some kind of life signal from her side. Maybe she didn’t receive your first text, and in that case, it was a good idea to send her another one.
Maybe she just forgot about it or actually ignored it. If that’s the case, she may reply to this one.
If she doesn’t, is she really worth spending your time and energy on?
I think not.
Third text
If you want to, and she haven’t replied to your second SMS, you can send a third one after a week or something.
A sample could be this:
“Are you alive?”
If she doesn’t text you back after that message, I would just delete her number.
But that’s just me. It’s your call ;-)
Let us hear your stories on waiting for text messages (or calls, for that matter) in the comments.
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Great post, as always Alex! I’m doing something similar this week over at my Blog (click the name). Re-designed the whole damn thing, too, and would LOVE your feedback my man!
As for your excellent post: When I find myself caring too much – and you’re ABSOLUTELY right, ‘not caring so much’ is the key, and should be applied to many areas in life – but when I find myself getting a little whackadoodle I just leave my cell home for the day. If there are people who may need me I call or text THEM and say I will be out-of-communication for about, oh, six hours or so. No explanation (this lends Mystery) and then go about my biz.
Sure, when I get home I frantically check to see if she’s texted – but if I don’t feel chill INSIDE MYSELF then I repeat this ‘no cell’ thing the next day. If I have to do it a third day by night’s end on that third day I’m usually over it.
Keep up the awesome work Alex! :)
– Will Pheeler
aka M
Hey Mark! Glad to hear from you, I’ll talk to you about your redesign later :-)
The leave the phone at home thing is a great “technique” or idea. It’s all about detaching your feelings from it, you could say. I really like your approach.
And being a little mysterious once in a while doesn’t hurt, either…
Keep up the awesome work too ;-)
Amazing Post Alex!
Unbelievable timing as well! I have been dating this girl for a couple weeks and last night we texted each other back and forth, then I asked her If I could take her out to my favorite restaurant… 45 mins went without a reply.. I began to doubt myself and began analyzing things I normally would never do if I were my confident self. I began to think, “maybe she is just not into me, I must have done something wrong” and all the other detrimental stuff that comes along with it.. Sure enough she called me after an hour and told me she was at work..
Funny thing for me is, I should no better! In my previous relationship I completely ruined it because a FEW times she left me hanging with the texts and phone calls, I felt insecure and began to doubt myself.. I, instead of being patient continued to shoot her texts.. It was awful. It showed her that I was immature and that basically I had nothing better to do then to sit around waiting for her to continue on with my life. If I just ignored my ego for a little bit and continued to pursue my life with ambition and with the realization that there are MANY MANY MANY women out there I would not have come off as needy. Another great right on the $ thing you said was to approach the text with a ” It does not matter if she replies to this or not ” because without that approach , and what has happened to me in the past is, I would begin to analyze what went on during the date prior to the texting, and then my mind starts to doubt whether or not she had a good time and all sorts of things, when in fact OF COURSE she had a good time because I had a good time, and if she didn’t have a great time, chances are she liked you in the first place and she will give you another chance.
Some girls text a lot, some don’t.. Some girls reply to every text, some don’t.. Some answer every phone call, some don’t. Some return phone calls, others don’t. Every girl is different, and every girl has different moments. Keep living your life.
Another thing I learned from the book ” How to succeed with women” by Louis Copeland is , after the 3rd no answer in an EXTENDED period of time, shoot her a text in the context of what you said, mine would go a little something like this ” Hey Flakey, I enjoyed hanging out with you the other day and getting to know you, I would love to take you out again but unfortunately I can’t talk to you anymore”
Many men here will disagree with me with that text, however I support it on the theory that there are TONS of women out there and you really dont need any 1 girl, and if she hasn’t replied to 3 missed calls then unless you let her know that there is nothing more important then your self respect, in a cocky funny way, she probably won’t reply. However that is for the Extreme flakey case, if she hasn’t replied a text, fellas don’t spaz out, keep living your life and give her a call a couple days later and get the next date!
I apologize for making this SO long, I could have probably written 10 more pages on times where I have been in the exact same position this article recalls.
All the best
Omar
Omar,
Thanks for your comment, it was really insightful! Actually, I think I’ll go read it again.
Damn! You really get it. Write 10 pages any day, man ;-)
I will be happy to read it, and I’m sure a lot of other guys will, too.
Once again thanks for sharing!
Good post Alex and so true!
One thing I have learned when it comes to these things is DO NOT OVERANALYZE! It is what it is. We are not mind readers, and in reality if a girl chooses to avoid you for whatever reason you will never know exactly why.
If it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be. The important thing is you took a stab at it and tried for her. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and not every catch can be reeled in.
We men have got to be strong and not let women get us down with their games. They have the right to choose, and we can’t begrudge them of that. But at the same time if they choose to decline our company, so be it.
A good example in my own experience was a while back ago I met a cutie in my Music class. She seemed attracted to me and we went out to see a classical music concert that was required viewing for the course.
We had a good time, and I thought I might be on to something. But one thing I immediately noticed was she was slow to reply to text messages as well as returning calls. Which is a bad trait in my opinion. If you’re interested in someone you should reply as soon as possible.
We were going to hang out again, but each time we scheduled something she always ended up flaking out. That is a real turn off to me so what I ended up doing was sending her a message telling her to just forget it and that it’s not worth my time if she is going to just flake out.
Who knows why she acted that way. Maybe she was busy, maybe she was playing games. Who knows, who cares? Bottom line I don’t want to be treated that way and no man in his right mind would.
If a girl isn’t going to reply to your messages, and be unresponsive in general she isn’t worth your precious time. Life is too short for that.
As said, one can’t overanalyze, let it go and move on to the next one. And as you said Alex, it is bext to just “not care.”
If you care too much and put too much thought into it you are only hurting yourself, and chances are she has already moved on to the next one and forgot about you. If that’s how she feels, why should you feel any differently?
Take care mate, and thanks for the good read!
Sean,
Thank YOU for the good read!
I think that you carry a really healthy attitude when it comes to texting and dating. I also want to thank you for sharing your story.
Don’t overanalyse, and don’t take her shit. Hell yeah!
Keep well!
Guys do that too? So cool. :D I thought it was just us girls sitting by the phone.
Anyway, if you want quick answers, I’d call her instead. That’ll put you out of your misery or lift you to the clouds what ever it may be. Harder, for sure, but also more impressive to the girl. Besides, I am terrible with text messages, I can miss them so easily, won’t hear them and then don’t check my phone for ages, but it’s much more likely that I hear a call. However… If it was a couple of days after a hot date, I think I would have the phone practically taped to my ear…
The thing is, when a girl, or anyone for that matter, doesn’t reply to a text it could be for any number of reasons. Only one of them is that she doesn’t like you.
I always find it best to just be rational about it and not jump to conclusions, you could end up screwing up something good if you act too quickly.
Sebastyne,
Sure we do! Thanks for the ‘handy’ advice. Always appreciated.
Adam,
You’re absolutely right. The best thing you can do is to just chill a little and say: “Hey, who cares! Let’s go have some fun :-D”
All the best to both of you,
Alex
Hey, I somehow got a link to this blog, and I read the article about dinner dates (all true- i think they’re bizarre).
So even though I’m a girl, and don’t need advice on dating women, I just thought I’d contribute because, from a girl’s perspective, I can GUARANTEE that if she doesn’t reply to your first text message, it’s because she’s not interested in seeing you again. That said, wait a few days before giving up on her, just like guys girls take time with these things, either to make you wait (cruel but true) or simply to make up her mind.
I wouldn’t bother with a second message, but if she doesn’t have your number something might have gone wrong blah blah blah, so if you really like her then perhaps send a very casual message.
But a third message??? I don’t think so. No matter how relaxed your message sounds, three messages with no reply reeks of lame, needy, desperation. sad but true. you’d almost be better off calling her to check ‘if everything’s ok’ or an some other pretense. because that third message is LAME.
Cat,
First of all thanks for your comment!
I see what you’re saying on the third message, but do you really have anything to lose sending it? Even if there is just a 1% chance that she’ll reply, isn’t it worth it? Personally I never use it, but I don’t think it’s fair to discourage it alltogether.
Always nice to have some female commenters. Glad you stopped by :-)
Dead on post. Having a life is extremely important to not getting too attached to things like that. When you got other things to do or other women to date you won’t worry if one calls you or texts you back.
Most guys get hung up on believing that THEY did something wrong. If you come from a frame of believing you are worth calling back (a great text) then you wouldn’t care what she does. You will believe that she missed out on a great opportunity instead of thinking you did something wrong.
You are right, guys need to realize that it could be one of a 1,000 possibilities. She could very well be dating someone else while going out on a date with you. She might of felt bad and cut you off.
I agree with Cat on sending the third message. She either 1. Doesn’t like you or 2. She loves a guy to chase her
Either way it’s best to leave the girl alone. A girl that you have to chase is never worth it…never. It’s best to find a girl that won’t play games like that.
Dead on comment, too ;-)
I like it how all my commenters have (suddenly) become so insightfull. Nice!
Thanks for stopping by Alex.
No problem man, my pleasure.
““Hey (girl/nickname), I see you’re too busy to reply to my super hot text SMS… That’s just too bad, because you’re a cutie and I would like to see you again …Important business, you know ;)””
If I got that text I would just cringe.
Understandable, Bonnie!
Of course it has to suit the man that sends it, and that text fits my personality pretty well. It’s just a demonstration, by the way, so it’s easier to get a grasp of what I am talking about.
I don’t think I would include that important business, now that I read it again :-)
Thanks for stopping by Bonnie.
Truly great great artticle, has opend my eyes heaps, thanks
Matt,
that’s great to hear! :-)
Great article. I would actually like to see it higher on the google search pages. I was looking for a good article to reassure me that I am not the only one who gets ignored.
It just plain out sucks. I would so much rather have a girl say she is not in to me than to have her ignore me. But, there are SO many other girls out there. It really doesn’t matter.
Once again thanks a lot, keep up the good work.
Hey Eric,
thank you! I too would like to see it higher in Google ;-)
You’re right in everything you say. Thanks again, and take care!
Hey Alex,
Thats a pretty good post right there. But what do you do if your in a case where you think she knows you like her, but she seems to kinda ignore you….does that mean she doesn’t like you or that she likes you too and is just shy? I find myself constantly texting her and she reply’s, but she just never texts me first anymore, why is this?
superb post.
assured not only me.
but i’m sure tonnes of individuals out there.
looking out for more of your posts!
Brad, there can be thousands of reasons for that. But the most likely one is that you have become a little dull and predictable. Either turn it up a little with the texting, meaning make them funnier or sexier (without trying too hard), or stop texting her for a while. The best way is to meet up with her and have a great time, though. Let me know how it goes :-)
James, thanks man! Glad you enjoyed the post.
Hi All,
What really got me was that I took a girl out for a first date and everything went well, the conversation flowed and there were plenty of laughs. I paid for everything etc. the next day I sent her a very light hearted text…and to let me know if she wanted to catch up again.
I would have had absolutely no problem is she just sent a “thanks, but no thanks” reply….but it seems text ediquite is such that no reply will suffice.
Pretty anoying, but lots of good advice in this forum, keep it up :-)
Nice post, Alex.
What you said is so true. I always used to panic or feel bad when a girl took forever to text me back. I would constantly read my sent box thinking “did I say something bad?” but after reading this, you’re right. I just stopped caring so much. another technique that worked for me was to delete the sent messages, so I wouldn’t be tempted to read them over and over again. :P
So there is this guy i have been ‘booty calling’ for 8 months now once a week. Every time we get together, (either my place or his and usually on a saturday night), we have a good time. The energy is positive, we hang out, tell stories about our week, we’ve watched movies, etc. and we never flirt or even touch eachother for close to 4-6 hours into the hanging out. Then at some point, usually I will say something like: you wanna go lay down and then it turns into a sex session. The thing is, I’m getting quite attached to him and when I had “the talk” he told me that he wasn’t looking for a ‘relationship’ at this time. He said not just with me but with anyone and not to take it personally. Anyhow- so I generally text him throughout the week 1-2 times to say something cute or corny just to let him know i’m thinking of him but he never texts me back! I’ve learned to not expect a text back but it still bothers me some. He told me that he isn’t a text person but he usually doesn’t call me either until the weekend when it’s “our time” to hang out. I feel like he is the type of guy who doesn’t really show his emotions too much but over time he has opened up to me a bit. He has told me that he hasn’t been with any other girls in the entire time we’ve been “hanging out” and I believe him but now that my emotions are involved what do you gentlemen suggest I do in this situation?? I can’t seem to get him out of my mind no matter how hard I try and I even decided to cut off the sex with him at one point, so not to get hurt further, but I couldn’t do it. I realized that I would be less happy not seeing him at all then at least having our once a week hang out time. Any advice would be great! Hopelessly Hooked 30something.
Well first of all i think i have been there before.. In his role.. It was convenient fo have a booty call there and then after a while she wanted more.. I could understand cos i thought she was cute, and a cool girl but to tell the truth I was seeing other people at the same time.. She was just really a bit of fun and no, i wasn’t looking for a relationship with anyone at that point but if the right one came along then who knows.. Continuing to see him will, in the end, hurt you more than it will him so… My advice would to be to continue to see him,maybe give it a miss for a week n see his response.. If it wasnt what you were looking for then start looking else where.. Stil see him occasionally but just let him know that you might have met a good guy and see his reaction.. If he likes you then he will say or do something about it.. If not, then bail him n move on!!
HOPELESSY HOOKED…I amin the exact situation…we are fwb (friends with benefits) have been for about hald a year and everything has been great with patches where he is distant…we r just fwb and we dnt want to be in a relationship but we are also supposed to be friends…i phoned him the other night..and another girl answered..I kno he was just having a house party but the point is if he didnt want to speak thenhe shouldnt of got anyone to answer the phone…IVE IGNORED HIM FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS but i really want to text him because although I want him to chase me im scared that if i dont talk to him he wont care…I need some advice do i completely ignore himand show himI dont need him or do I send a casual text just as a friend so heknows Im still his friend??
Kim,
If you are friends with benefits, and nothing more, then why do you want him to chase you? That seems selfish and unreasonable to me. Dating, and friendship in general, is a two-way road. You should get what you give. Sorry for sounding rude, but it seems like you want a lot more out of your relationship with him than the effort you put in.
As a side note, being friends with benefits almost never ends well. I don’t suggest going to that stage with anyone.
Well, it’s nice to see i’m not the only person who is dealing with this sort of situation. I just found out from a mutual friend that my FWB was not attracted to me when we were first introduced. It was guy talk, but still- recently learning this information really made me think. Out of fairness to me, that was a hard time in my life and I definitely wasn’t looking my best (had just separated with my ex and was recovering from an operation gone wrong). Anyhow, that was about 1.5 years ago when we first met and since that time I have been progressively taking better care of myself, hitting the gym and feeling stronger overall. That being said, I believe for any “relationship” to progress into something more long term there has to be 1, a physical attraction and 2, an emotional/mental attraction. I guess if any of those are missing you can’t progress to the “long term” level. I wish my FWB had a lid on his head so I could look inside and see what’s on his mind but alas that’s a pipe dream so I spend a lot of time wondering and trying to figure out where we stand today. I’m very much emotionally invested into this FWB now, which makes the idea of just walking away from it all so much more difficult for me to do. Truth is, I’m pissed off at myself for falling for him. I truly thought I could do this FWB thing while keeping any emotions separate (big joke). I am so hooked my FWB (although lately I have not been calling/texting throughout the week) that I can’t even bare to look at any other guys. I just keep thinking about my FWB and not wanting to put any energy towards meeting someone new. I feel so pathetic in this area of my life. I thought I was a “cool chick” haha guess that ship has sailed.
Great site :)
be a real man…pick up the frickin’ phone and call her! text messages are for insecure wimps with commitment issues and any self-respecting woman will stay far away from the man who doesn’t even bother trying to call. especially now, if you want to impress her, if you want to win her over, play it cool for sure, but do it on the phone, talking to her, the right way.
Hi,
I’m a female and I can say that’s it’s a relief to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way and that guys experience this sort of thing too. I had a guy I used to work with and he wouldn’t reply to my texts so I would end up calling him and he would just make some excuse. I realised that he wasn’t interested in keeping in contact with me (even as just friends) so I realised that as hard as it may be, I would just have to accept that. I can genuinely say that all I wanted was just to be friends and keep in touch, but it appeared that he didn’t want to keep in touch so I just had to go on with my life coming to terms with the fact that he just doesn’t want to have anything to do with me. All I can say is, is that people like this are selfish with litte regard for the person who send them the txt in the first place…or are just ‘too busy’ or too tired or whatever, or they dropped their phone in the toilet or whatever ridiculous excuse u may hear. Forget about such people and just get on with your life. If they don’w want to keep in touch with such a nice and caring peson like yourself, it is their loss…not yours. All the best to you all.
sorry about the typo errors above, was too busy to proof read my writing..but you guys know what I mean :)
Kim , in my opinion many amen are put off by a woman who ignores them…I have also been waiting for a reply to a text sms for a day and I get fidgety easily.
Bye
’s getting cobweb-y in here, peeps ;)
Seemingly many men are equally put off by a woman who doesn’t ignore them, or many other things .. such as a period starting while making out … &%£?!
Keep in mind, if a girl doesn’t respond to your text, it is possible that the number you texted isn’t a cell phone (maybe her home or office number or whatever), so it’s possible she never got it. So a voice message is safer bet, unless you are absolutely positive you are sending a text to a cell, and the right one at that.
That said, there is NEVER a good reason to send a third message. If she was into you, she’d get back to you by that point. (P.S. I am a girl).
How does anyone (any age) navigate the early stages of a relationship if they are just feeling their way in the dark, guessing and wondering, the usual challenges, and they are relying maybe 70% on texting for up to 6 months if they don’t see the other person from 1 end of the week to the next … do they hold back as much as possible from sending texts so as not to be perceived as clingy .. where is the fine line between ‘cool’ and ‘cold’ … do they have a right to feel indignant if texts are ignored at night, or not? I feel like saying to the next guy that I am not interested in texting, it’s either conversations on phone or face to face … I do not know how to do this!
The best remedy towards countering the “wait-and-hope” stage for her reply:
Put your phone in another room and check in an hour or whatever. Seems weird and illogocial i know, but at least you dont have the anxiety of it buzzing next to you.
And by not replying immediately, it makes you seem less desperate for her attention.
Ha, you might still have the anxiety of wondering what’s going on in the next room (with the phone) ;) the guy I know sometimes responds straightaway, a split second after I text a short snappy msg, the odd time maybe 15/20 minutes later … most times (lately) I won’t get any answer to those very same words or other words … I’m very stressed by wondering what it is I’ve said wrong, or not said! So I’m holding back in a big way and it’s starting to feel natural not to text at all
Visualisation might work … write down all the positive things you want to attract into your life, to do with what you hope for in a relationship, his initials, specific things you associate with him, then search for these words and more, and images from magazines/papers, and stick them into a scrapbook or on a large sheet of paper, make a poster .. I had to do this for a personal development course and one aspect worked (more to do with getting my big brothers into my life more often, it worked!) .. it’s helping me pull back a bit and give him space, fingers crossed! wish me luck.
this vision board idea .. has it worked for anyone else here with regard to love n stuff??
Hi all, just thought I’d throw something in.
I met this girl the other night at a club, had a dance, bit of kissing and left with her number – “text me” she said, then went home. I texted her the next day, and had a good long conv the day after that. I thought she was really into me, but the replies are varying in reply time, from half an hour to 3 hours, and it’s pissing me off. It was hard for me to go for it, because I never used to have any self confidence until recently. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t normally go out that often due to fitness, work and college work, so meeting girls can be an issue outside of alcohol related environments – any advice?
(I don’t think she’s giving me the cold shoulder tbh…[well I hope not - lol] she’s replied to every text this far).
Cheers
OMG Ive been waiting for a respond text from this girl for days. To the point I was questioning If I was stalking. Obsessed. I used the Are you alive line after 2 txt 2 days appart and she call IMMEDIATLY. THANK YOU. I thought it was over. I hate to say it now but this is the girls of my dreams. All the paranoid thoughts out the window with a great conversation and a date next week.
Samir
ok so I’ve tried all avenues with a guy I’ve been seeing (fwb from his angle) who is relationship/item/couple-resistant and now he has let me down 3 times in a row (meetings cancelled with excuses, too busy drinking with his mates) since last Sunday, and knows it drives me mad so I’m thinking this is his way of letting me go gently (I apologised for cursing, prob doormat-behaviour I know!) so I have not replied to his last 4 texts … it’s his turn … I am vanishing unless I hear from him … it’s grounds for ‘divorce’ .. why so tricky and hard work??
3 times in a row is a new bummer; he was the one to suggest one particular night this week. He knows how into him I am even though I have also made it plain there is an ex interested in me … but a guy showing too much interest in a girl can be a turn off too, so tread carefully … don’t be too reliable (you get just as much respect this way believe me) but don’t ignore texts or calls either unless you have a genuine cast-iron reason for doing so (busy, using machinery, work, asleep, etc), don’t have things ALL on your terms, such as meeting only when it suits you … when relationship is still in early days, hold back from too much texting – keep it cool this way and it stays ‘fresh’ and exciting … lies & excuses & being let down and insecure is a sure killer of chemistry .. hold back from intense statements .. take things slowly … if you want to finish with her, be a man and stick to just one reason; more than 1 reason looks transparent, is pathetic and doesn’t dignify any kind of response … all the best
or should I say ‘deserve’ a response … Samir I have been in your shoes so many times in the last 11 months, thinking ‘it’ was over … except this time, after having a go at him for letting me down, apologising for myself and asking was I forgiven for it, and being let down again … I think it really is over … this time I am strong enough not to cave in and text him or ring him, instead (hoping for, waiting for) wondering will he miss me and initiate any contact … but so many times ‘it’ wasn’t over … just keep it cool, man (‘keep it country’!) … I was brought up to keep my ‘word’, not to be treated like dirt, I deserve to be appreciated and respected, even after doormat behaviour, it’s never too late huh?!
so no matter how drunk I might get on a night out, if I were to arrange a meeting for the next night, I would stick to it .. I would use every hangover cure in the book and then some to make myself better for meting later that night .. I’d have to be mighty sick to call it off
I’d like to know if this guy is interested in me.
He told me he’s not big on texting, never initiates the texts but always replies straight away. We have both been busy so havent been able to see each other but every few days i’ll send a text to him and he replies, always within 5mins, we say we should try organise something but then when im available hes not and vise versa. He calls me hun in his texts but that doesnt necessarily mean anything. We made plans recently and he sent me a text a few hours before we were supposed to see each other saying some family thing had come up that he was really sorry but would like to rescedule. Am i being played with?
I was a bit ignorant lately with some guy I hadn’t seen in about 20 years, who I’d dated back then .. he sent me 3 very nice genuine texts in 2 weeks which I didn’t reply to, cos he seemed interested in dating again and I just see him as a friend, nothing more. I told him I’d probably not reply with texts, that I kinda hate texting (and I set a policy with myself not to text him or get sucked into exchanging texts with him, it’s too encouraging, or potentially misleading, and wouldn’t be fair on him). I don’t hate texting as such and will mostly (not always) reply to current squeeze, cos I am really interested in him! I’ve got better at not replying to every single text CSqz sends, gotta not be so ‘available’ but I will get back to him. Actually last week I didn’t see a text til an hour later, and he sent me one again, and I forgot to explain why the delay in replying. Don’t know if I come across as a right cow!
CJ, I don’t know if I’m right or wrong cos I feel like I’m only learning the ropes about dating again, but if this guy replies always within 5 mins, and he gave notice that he had to cancel but would like to reschedule, I don’t think you’re being played with, I think he’s interested enough .. I would say, think positively about this. Just remember to play it cool (ish).
Actually, you already are playing it cool (ish) by the sounds of it! Apologies. Would be nicer if he initiated texts too. Wonder is there any way around that …
I’m a girl and found this sooooo helpful! I read it everytime I am feeling crap about a guy not bothering to text me back, why should I waste my time! I hate when guys are too clingy so I try and keep that in mind when I’m thinking of sending a guy I like a text.
Thank you again :)
xx
man great shit man. all your words apply to me, and im greatful to find this page. but yea my last text for girl was ” is wednesday cool with you?” she never reply so i text her the second time, the same thing. so im gonna do plan C delete that damn number.
For me, turns out ‘it’ is not yet over … my outlook now is relaxed and confident and my resolve to stay cool (re. txts & contact) has strengthened .. in this regard, the vision board (in this case, a single page in a computer file) is helping in some ways and recently for extra strength & power, I have added a wish (or prediction) in a a text box, which I update daily and placed over the images (cos no room left on the page!) .. yesterday, I ‘predicted’ he’d text me 4 times last night .. wasn’t quite 4 as it turned out, it was 3 but not bad eh? I strongly encourage creating a vision board for everything, even about the individual you really want to attract into your life, if you are convinced they are The One; amazing how images or words manifest themselves, even the ‘gorgeous dress’ I said I’d get, I bought & wore last wk/end. Then other positive things, not even imagined, happen along the way and I can see in retrospect how they tie in with the vision.
Maybe you lot think I’m mad or sad, glad I haven’t put people off this site with my musings! It’s fun if nothing else. Any feedback on this??
Anyone? ;)
wow… this is really awesome.. i was actually in the same situation still waiting for a reply after a lot more than 3 MESSAGES!! yes i know that was lame… i was wondering what had i done wrong cos all seemed to be okay after our date.. well that was ) days ago.. i read this and felt real better and saw things from a different view. so i hooked up with another girl and fixed a date yesterday it went all great and just today this first girl called me.. hmmm.. i felt glad to see her call cos sincerely i have strong feelings for her.. for some reason i didnt pick up the call.. she called again after an hour and i still didnt pick up.. was that the right thing to do.. do i call her back?
Trouble with the vision board thing is that if a few specific things on it don’t come true (about love interest) and you subsequently lose faith in it, then they really won’t come true, which prob means I was just deluding myself and can put uncanny happenings down to coincidence. Hey Markus, any good news?
Anyone? Any good news on the texting front? ;)
hey I give up ;)
Ugh, this is such an annoying thing to go thru. I am trying to be a good texter. If my friend is reaching out to say hello to me via text, I’ll always respond. They were thinking of me and that’s the polite thing to do – it’s what you’d want done to you right? My current FWB for the past 3+ years now has a GF, we used to talk via text nearly every single day. The last time we saw each other was on the 4th. Was talking to him here and there after that, but I haven’t got a text from him to my phone in over a week. I was flipping my lid. I asked him a few times in the past couple weeks if he wanted to come over/that I’d like to see him and I feel like I scared him off. Over the weekend I saw him online and said hi, we talked there for awhile about silly stuff. Now it’s Thursday. I sent him a text Monday asking if he’d like to come over this week or next week? No reply. For someone who’s been my good friend for 4 years I’d expect more. I’d even appreciate a “No” or “I’ll let you know when’s good for me.” But apparently I am not even worthy of a reply. My second failed attempt was on Wednesday, I had just done something that was tough and I felt proud of myself for accomplishing it, and told him about it thru a text (Usually he replies congratulating me, just a simple Awesome! or Good job! Would do. But there was no reply. Now it’s Friday, I’m freaking out. I’m trying not to check my phone all the time. I’ve resorted to putting my phone on silent all the time, because when I hear my text go off, my heart races wondering if it’s him. I’m trying to read other people’s situations, I feel badly for everyone. It seems to happen more with the people who haven’t known each other for very long/went on a few dates. That’s happened to me too, I kinda expect that sadly. But I don’t expect this out of my friend/person I’ve been sleeping with for 4 years. I hate being ignored, I’d rather be told, No, Go to hell, Fuck off, anything besides being ignored. You think the worst. People are really fucking selfish. I don’t know what’s up with my friend but one time I didn’t hear from him for nine days and he blamed it on a problem with his phone. Only God knows….
Like G I would always respond (with the very rare exception, like discouraging a guy I’m not into at all, not wanting to get sucked into a texting thing with him). I respond not just out of politeness but because I genuinely want to encourage the person to at least stay in contact and hopefully arrange the occasional meet-up. I have deleted two people from my phone in recent days, and they were just friends, female like myself. One (I’ve known for about 18 months, if time frame is relevant) ignored many texts I sent her over Christmas, eventually she got back to me saying that she *was* thinking of me, sorry for losing touch and that we must meet and catch up. That was grand, we sent a few texts to & fro, then when we did meet it turned out to be just ‘an hour, I’m under pressure, or we could reschedule’ (like a bloody appointment!) .. as I hadn’t seen her in over a month and had a couple of things to do in the same town, I said we’ll go ahead and meet, no great bother to drive the 20 minutes. Arrived at agreed time, only for her colleague to ring her half an hour later in an ‘emergency’. My friend had to down tools (coffee) and rush off, said we could meet the following evening, that was grand, she said she’d text me the next day. She texted me alright, “I’m going to have to cancel” (no explanation, and not the first time she’d cancelled meeting up), so I sent a curt reply, already suspecting the colleague’s emergency to be staged, and promptly removed her number and texts – she cancelled on me one too many times, it was getting to be a habit. Another friend ignored 3 or 4 texts, only to send me a curt reply the next day with a free online text, to say she had no credit and, “out of courtesy” was texting me from online, to let me know that. Eh yeh but she could’ve sent a one liner from her boyf’s phone to say she’d no credit but would text me when she had. FFS! So I succeeded in getting this guy (I’v been seeing him about a year, long story) to actually miss me and admit as much. Although he keeps saying he can’t do a relationship at the moment for various reasons (and after an emotionally charged meeting just after Christmas I disappeared from his phone and made myself visibly scarce) he’s said 3/4 times in the last few weeks that he’s missed me, because I had totally backed off and gave him space, and against my natural grain, actually ignored some of his texts. To him it was completely new behaviour unexpected from me. But since being given the run around by these two female friends, one playing ‘hard to get’ (and I’m not even a bloke! and neither of us are lesbian or bi-sexual) I know how lousy it can be to have your texts repeatedly ignored. I am letting this guy be the one to initiate texts and suggest meeting up (and we have!), it’s nice to get his Nite xx (and other) messages when I know it’s because he’s thinking about me & wants to send them, it’s nice to respond too. A trusted married friend, who certainly helped & supported me a lot in the last few weeks when I confided about him, says I should still ignore the odd one or two and not be too available (let him wonder why I’m not answering every single text he sends). I sort of agree with her but after being on the receiving end of being ignored, I now find it harder to treat him like this, though I want to stay this new emotionally-stronger & at-peace girl and not cave in like I was doing up to New Year’s Eve. He did say the other night that I’ve been really cool the last few weeks (he meant that in a good way, like he appreciated me more for it) so it’s no harm really to ignore the odd text but I couldn’t bring myself to ignore a string of them, I just couldn’t. Perhaps I’m too soft. I do love him, I don’t want to be heavy by imposing labels on what we have but yeah I want us to be ‘an item’ and more. Maybe the old (tried & tested?!) relationship strategies are different from making the effort to stay in touch with various friends including current or ex FWB’s. Can I just add something trivial & off-the-cuff, in reference to someone’s point made her months ago? I actually had the ‘phone fell into the toilet’ thing happen to me last summer! It does happen. I don’t know about ‘problem with phone’. If anything, same trusted friend’s phone network is causing her texts to be sent twice!
ok me and this chick have been texting for 2 weeks now. havent met up or gone on a date. she laughs at all the jokes I say and she seems to have fun playing phone games on the phone. about a day ago I texted her but she hasnt replied for like 2 days now. should I call her or wait and text her back.
Maybe she’s thinking of letting you make a further move and actually ask her out (in a roundabout, vague, indirect kind of way that doesn’t leave you feeling deflated .. y’know, start hinting about meeting up, get a flirty hinty-y 2-way chat going until you feel she might like you to ask her out) .. maybe it’s time you did that ;)
chillin123 let us know how you get on x
I give up giving advice or posting. Responses too slow or non-existant.
Speaking from a female perspective usually when a guy texts me to catch up and I’m not reallly that into him I don’t reply back. This is because I don’t want to give him the impression that I’m interested when I’m not and/or feel like if I reply back saying I am not interested then I would be hurting his feelings.
In the last few months however I have had a taste of my own medicine. I met a guy I was really interested in through a friend of a friend at a night out. He didn’t ask for my number and I thought that he was just perhaps shy so I asked my friend if he would mind passing on this guys number.
I sent him a text saying that I really enjoyed chatting with him and he replied back suggested we catch up and ended the message with three kisses. So we did end up catching up however he seemed quite distant and then ended the date quite early without any explaination.
I then sent a text saying I hope he was okay and he replied saying thanks but with a … at the end. I sent him another text saying that if he needed someone to talk to or whatever just to let me know and that I really liked him. Well I got no reply to that. I have since (in the last month and a half) sent two humourous texts just to test the waters and to make him laugh but not necessarily requiring a response. Well I have not heard anything back.
I realise now that I would rather he would just tell me that he’s not interested instead of ignoring the last three messages all together. I have now decided that I will always be more direct and if I’m not interested in a guy just say so as I know how it feels.
Hi guys I love the topic since it happened to me so i can relate. XD anyway just wanna ask since I had dates with this girl and my recent one was like I brought her to this formal gathering, after we went home we had a romantic session. anyway we planned to go out the next day, I told her I’d call her 1st before picking her up. But when I called, her housemaid said she wasn’t home, since then I couldn’t contact her, I even texted her the next day what happened? I thought we were going out? its been 3 days and still no reply. I am so confused right now, coz she told me she liked me and all. We even made tons of plans like going to other countries etc. is she just playing with me? coz its ok if she was busy I just thought that I wish she had the courtesy to text or call me that she’ll be busy =/ pls help any advice???
Hey alex,i really like a girl,she actually liked me earlier when we were not friends but as we became friends by an incident…..she started texting me right away after i send her a first text…..we almost chat more then 3 hours a day…..so after 3 months i texted her that i started like you…..she actually told her friend abou this….and told me that she liked me earlier…because i was good in studies and all that schloar in college….and had fellings for me at that time…but now she said now she dont like me….and now she dont text me some times but just gave a miscall after i text her……so what should i do….she actually not text to anyone accept me…..her friends told
me about this…she likes chatting with me only.
Hey Alex, thanks a lot for the post, its great, i love it.
I’m 20, and my relationship is heading towards its breakdown, and I think that the main reason it because I was so impatient, it happened that i sent up to 3-4 SMSs without getting a reply from her within 1 hour. so SICK, right ?
It also happened that I called her up to 10 times, continuously, so her phone was maybe ringing for 10 mins or so, and she didnt pick it up, when she saw it she said: “Ooh Sorry, was learning and didnt have my phone with me”, what’s worse, I started accusing her and kind of yelling at her, so she really is not to blame that she wants a break up.
Do you have any idea what could save my relationship, I really do love that girl and want to have her by my side.
Thanks in advance
Hello Viktor,
It is great that you have realized that texting and calling several times can be very annoying for her. Now you have to put it into action. You could also talk to her and acknowledge that what you did was wrong and needy and that you are different now. It is up to you.
But I doubt that it is only your texting and calling that has made the relationship go towards a breakdown. Your needy behaviour have most likely also made its appearance in other aspects of your relationship.
So a guy I’ve been seeing kinda casually sends deliberate blank texts (I know when they’re not slips of the finger) from time to time (frustration at not getting reply from me v. late at night when I’m asleep – which is sweet) but, on another level, the latest just over a week ago was an immediate blank reply to my Nite x – which kinda hurt (we’re in the habit of exchanging these), so I bounced an immediate blank one back) … unusually for me I have not texted him since, but neither has he texted me … it feels more like 6 weeks and I’m missing him but I want him to make the first move this time, to know that he misses me … was I immature bouncing back the blank text? I was annoyed at the time and I suppose I was being a bit ’smart’ … I hope I haven’t finished things between us, I really truly like him and fancy him lots – even if he acts like a b**** to me sometimes (I can act like a bitch too!)
oh yeah I forgot to mention .. within seconds of me bouncing back the blank, he did say Nite x … I’m not ignoring him at all, and, as I said, not an atom since … I have other/new things to focus on in my life, even today introduced new stuff, but this should be good for independence yeah?
Finally, a Nite x last night while I was sleeping :)
I had a guy just recently give me the slip. I lost my mind on this. I messed up so bad with my insecurities that he must think I’m the lamest girl on the planet. I have to just chalk it up to a learning experience. I ruined it with someone I really loved. I just hope that I can bounce back and when the next love comes along I’ll know to play it cool no matter what.
Guys, this is horrible advice. STOP BEING A COWARD AND CALL THE GIRL. I personally never respond to texts early in the relationship. Too impersonal and makes me think he’s chicken to call.
If you still insist on texting her, just be sure to never, never ask for a date over a text. I just deleted a guys number last night from my phone who I was really looking forward to seeing again, because he asked me for a date over text. Nothing is tackier.
I am a 33 year old woman who is separated and looking for a male perspective regarding a situation.I recently met a man on a dating site it turned out that we had been too High School together and we seemed to really hit it off .We had talked on MSN beforehand for quite a few days and agreed to meet for coffee. After meeting in person we continued to talk quite often in the evenings and he even would send me texts just to say hi or call me in the evening to just say goodnight .We arranged for a dinner date and the day of the date he cancelled ,saying he had to go out of town .I should add that he did this by MSN not the phone .He apologized in the message and stated that he really wanted to see me the following week and would call me the Sunday evening when he returned .Well Sunday there was no call .Monday I stupidly messaged him and told him I was sorry if I seemed pushy and that I was not mad about the cancelled date and would be happy to see him again .He messaged me back with an ” I miss you ” and said no worries . I have not heard anything from him since .He told me in the same message he was really busy with work .I messaged him again and now feel like an idiot ,stating that I didn’t want to bother him but wanted to know if he still wanted to talk . I probably already know the answer but am so confused .He was really nice to me and never gave the impression that he was not interested and always initiated the communication now nothing .I know I just met him but am so confused .Help.
Hey, just to get a load off my mind and maybe get some advice(s).. I met a girl at work and she has the cutest smile i have ever seen. during work i thought we work pretty well together, there’s chatting and i made her laugh at one occassion. after a few days of working together, i finally gotten her number, and text her after work. same issues, reply was slow and i started googling why and came upon this post which i enjoyed alot. finally the replies came and i asked her out. i thought we hit off quite well but her response to me asking her out was, “when?” and not the “sure!” which i hoped. but anyway, i managed to get a ‘date’ with her. when the day came, well i admit the first half of the ‘date’, lunch wasn’t great and we walked around some shops, nothing much. however then we change location and it got a little better and i thought all was good. when it ended, i didnt text her or anything cuz i was going to see her 2 days later during work, then i can talk to her face to face. however the day before we are going to work together, i text her saying i wasnt having a good day, and she didnt reply at all. subsequently i text her a few times about the problems i face at work, her reply was not “why do you feel that way or anyway that concerns me” she just asked about something else and did not reply. i did also told her i felt bad about the previous ‘date’ and ask if we could hang out again sometime when she is not busy, but she did not reply..
i have been trying to check my phone every so now and then, kinds of wearing me down. i guess the “don’t care’ attitude could work for me and the “not worth the effort” was really good advice. but don’t you feel that if something is great, you should persevere to achieve it and not give up so easily?
No words can describe how insightful and welldone your post was! thank you for the tips!
This Is Completely Rubbish!! There are alot more girls out there? Excuse me what is that to say to a guy, they are already treat women like a piece of dirt and now your telling them to try it with a variety of girls!! Women are unique and each and everyone of them have great qualities and if you like this girl who doesnt reply to your text just leave it for but dont give up!! Women do not take no for an answer and eventually give in.
Hey guys,
Im so glad I stumbled upon this site cause I can totally relate myself to this. Thanks Alex for having this article and helped me calm down and think about myself from now on.
Me and this girl I met at work been on hanging out on the dinner for 5 times within 2 months.
We mostly text and that’s what she preffered…we only chat on the phone twice and the max Is 30 mins.
Our 1st Hang out was perfect and she actually held my hands,
2nd was the same thing, she’s doin all the move
3rd same Cuddling, rubbing my arms and legs..
4th we almost kiss but I pulled back ( I got nervous)
5th is the best one and we actually kissed in the lips with passion. Cuddling and doing what the GF/BF would do.
Never had SEX.
Of all those they sound pretty good and I should start making a move and make her my girl right?
WRONG!
The Negatives:
She have a lot of guy friends, She never available to hang out in the weekends with me.
The 5th time we went out she received a phone call from a guy friend and she said “ yeah im free this weekend anytime until Monday whenever you wanna kick it”
I thought to myself she told me the day before that she’s busy! I just let it go and told myself this will be our last. Everytime I ask her to hang out with me She always say “maybe” IDK “We’ll see” I’ll let you know”
Everytime we text , most of the time she left me hangin, no gotta go, no Bye, no talk to you later….Always made me wonder WTF Did I DO!? I became iritated and always in a bad mood but when the next morning comes and she text, Its like nothing happen.
I started seeing a pattern that she’s not into me or interested at all after all the cuddling hugging and passionate kiss we’ve done. Got me always wonder why she did all those… I decided to talk to her.
I asked her where is my place at to her…on all the dinner we had and hanging out did she consider some of those nights as a Date? the kiss? the cuddling? just about everything!
She said she cannot give me an answer…It just happened.
She cannot believe I brought this up to her and Im feeling this way…so that means she’s not interested of me at all after all what happen.
I said ok pretend that this talk never happen and lets just stay the way we were…
we text ok after that and still lots of leaving me hanging as always….until this saturday she stop texting me at 11 a.m. I didnt text her back until I couldnt take it anymore and I text her back at Sunday 10:10 pm to say Good Evening. Didnt get a response at all.
She loves her friends, She rather text her friends than me, and She actually mis text me one after she said she is going to sleep already…and denied it by saying its her sister using her phone..whatever.
From then everytime she leave me hanging Im always hurt deep, feel iritated and upset. I cant go on with my day.
I came to the conclusion that She’s not into me and She is now Ignoring me. And these is how I ended up to this article and made me feel better, Time for me to move on and forget all the times she made me feel better on those nights.
Im now thinking about all the times she made me upset so I wouldnt care about her anymore. these 2 days passed is the first time I didnt received a text from her, and Im trying not to text her anymore even if its hard.
I believed she just played me and toy with me.
sorry for the long post, I just have to let it out.
Thanks again for this wonderful article that made me feel better.
-darwin
I’ve loved reading all of these comments, @ least now I feel “normal” if that is what you can call me… hmmm
And this effects the best of us, men and women alike!
Obviously it’s the one you like a lot that makes you constantly check your phone, I met a guy that totally ticked all my boxes, the chemistry was right, however the timing wasn’t unfortunately.
It started quite full on, and we were ringing each other and texting, and after our 1st slight tiff, and I mean SLIGHT, he left me in the middle of the night, no text nothing, couple of days later he started his excuses, I replied “fair enough, get back to me when your life is sorted out” I was quite mad with him @ that point but missed him like crazy, next minute he wants to see me again?! Like an idiot I see him again, and things get back on track, (he mentioned that his phone wasn’t working properly) I texted him and nothing for 2 days, another text, nothing! I know I should not send a 3rd, but I’d fed this guy AND I’d washed his flipping clothes so, I sent one saying “I doubt your phone is broken, as I know your dad isn’t too well @ the min, but I have to end this, as I feel insecure” take care.
Then I get a reply, “I thought I could handle US but I couldn’t rar rar rar rar”
I sent one back saying PISS OFF! (2 months pass)
Like a total idiot I texted him last week, and low and behold he was on it like sonic! text text text, so we arrangement to meet, perfect night, but I have to say a lot of the chemistry wasn’t the same and rejection caused it, anyway he was texting me the next day, but did not reply on Sunday from one mesg! text again on Monday… no reply!
So you know what I did, I changed my number, ‘cos I was sick of looking @ my bloody phone!!! lol a bit drastic, but I’m already starting to feel human again.
He knows where I live!
But I’ve already arranged a date with someone else, soon I was realise he might have looked the part but in reality he was just a DICK!
Good Luck Peeps
Thank god! I am not the only one left (feeling) insecure, irritated, upset, hopping mad even at being left hanging with no text like ‘nite’ to round things off.. and I get the blame for not ‘ignoring’ mis-texts .. I go the other bloody extreme :( and make a total ass of myself!
and yeah rejection like this and feeling insecure can so totally kill chemistry stone dead in its tracks and yet I will persevere through drama after whatever is thrown at me .. a fool in love & like & lust
And I cannot contemplate being with any other man .. even if I have opportunity to develop chats .. I just cannot, no one else for me like The One
I had my heart set on this man too, but i’m nearly 40, and I know for a fact that life goes on!
My mum always says “what’s meant to be, will be”
If this guy has any feelings for me, he WILL be in touch, if not I will force myself to keep looking in the hope I find someone who @ least makes me feel secure.
It’s just such a pity i’ve met so many selfish men who I am sure have caused long term damage lol
Anyway, Bob Marley says : “Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”
Mine wasn’t! ;O)
I’m 41 and I met this One on the eve of my 40th!
I think an individual could have a whole mile-long queue of people waiting nay itching to give you the right advice .. loved ones who are looking out for you, friends who’ve had their own (experience first hand, professionals (hypnotherapists etc.), the whole lot .. but in the end if you have to give him up it has to come from you alone! It’s a tough one but I can’t take the easy way somehow
When I try to give him space I find it the hardest thing to do cos I miss him as soon as whenever we part .. I am so bad therefore at giving space, within 2 days I’m antsy!
You could try deleting the number @ times you feel vunerable?
I think you’re just a woman in love to be fair x
Ah but I know the number too well .. off by heart
and then of course there are the sweet texts that I can’t bear to delete, they’re semi-protected, easily deleted but when I go to do that, it says sure to delete? I’ve managed to pare back some though
U say ‘just’ a woman in love, you mean I should be a lot more lighthearted about it, it’s not easy either sometimes!
It all feels so complicated now and in the beginning one of the big reasons I was attracted to him (and remain so) is because I thought things would be so much simpler with him, no intense demands, no feelings of being torn between one place and another .. ‘cept he’s almost the other extreme! Anyway I’ve almost said enough .. I have to just sit back and read others’ comments about their own experiences
Jus wanna add that of course I am well aware that texting is just one aspect of a relationship but that’s the aspect that this website is about and we can see how strongly it can affect our emotions so I hope I don’t look neurotic!
I said you came over as a “woman in love”, as in meaning you should forgive youself, i’ve been there and it feels like torture, good luck x
Thank you Mzmuddlepants :)
Alex,
thanks man :). You know, it’s a very universal thing that I guess guys must feel, and the fact that so many of us experience it at one time or another, doesn’t make it easier.
But it certainly does bring comfort to hear wise words as yours. It’s mostly common sense! But just to hear it from someone outside of ourselves does help to shed new light on it so we don’t internalise and personalise it too much.
Thanks for keeping us from hallucinating outcomes that may never actually be :))))…
hhehehehe cheers.
Im haveing the same problem but everytime she doesnt reply somehow she does but I looked at my old text and I do send alot to her..she does reply if that means anything,Seems Im the only one initating the contacts, she said she wants to hang out but seems more intrested hanging out with her friends more
An idea I have for resisting the urge to text a series of (potentially) futile ignored messages is maybe look at your phone like it’s brand new and you haven’t used it yet and it’s a fresh start .. might put the brakes on .. say, right this is a blank canvas, I am going to be real cool and RESIST from now on! Having said that, it doesn’t *always* work for me, just worth bearing in mind for my own benefit and share it too! It’s that bit more practical than just vaguely promising yourself to play it cool
‘Course it’s not possible to always resist but it feels better to step back and send just one instead of 7! I think of the ‘new text’ sound on his phone and imagine from his perspective what it must feel like to get that sound so many times in a row .. course he’s well able to feel as frustrated as I do at no reply, as I saw the other night when I left my phone and went out, and said to his friend, she’s not answering! sweet.
‘he’ said to his friend, that is
For the guys and might work for some girls too.
This is what I did and it’s working for me as well as this article.
If you text her and doesn’t reply, Wait about a day or so to see it play out. She should (if she likes you) text you first. Then wait 20-30 mins (as if you were busy) to text her back.
This let’s her know that:
1) You’re not some needy clingy little lame ass loser.
2) You must have been doing something or somebody else, It’ll make them curious about you.
This will work on all your favor and make her want to initiate contact or spend time with you.
Now, Just be confident, be groomed, be cool, let your Inner jerk out (a little) but still be respectful (just not a total nice guy “im trying to please you’re every command” doormat)
I usually smile, say something charming (rule I use is to freestyle whatever comes to mind, not some corny BS line)
Trick is to be flirty, but still smooth and in control to the point where she knows that you want her but that you “dont really need her to kick it with you”
I do it and it works for me with this girl I really like. Now she starting to contact me first and I purposely leave her hanging for hours after some number of text messages replies we had before she do it to me. Now she tex me with questions like she wants to know what the heck i been doing and why I haven’t text her kinda thing. haha
Good luck.
-darwin