Written on Friday 28 Sep by Alex Kay
Do You make This Crucial Mistake when Calling a Girl for the First Time?
No. 2 in the series “What everybody ought to know about dating“.
Have you ever wondered at what point you should call a girl after getting her number? Call too soon and you will be seen as desperate and needy,
call too late and she will have lost interest, or forgot you.
I guess that your goal for this call will be to get a date with her, so of course your choice of words, voice, tone etc. will matter more than the timing,
but you know, the devil is in the details. You might as well maximize your chances.
Her level of interest is what determines if she says yes or no to meeting again, and let me tell you one thing: It never stands still. Kind of like stock prices,
her interest always INcreases, or DEcreases. And you want to call her when it’s highest.
So when IS IT highest?
As you might have figured out already, there is no definitive answer to this. As with most things here in life, it depends on the situation.
But not entirely, here’s 5 tips to get it right:
- As a rule of thumb, never call on the same night as you’ve met her. By this time, you has not really “sunk” into her mind just yet.
Give her a chance to think about you, it’s at this point your call will have the biggest impact, and is most likely to succeed. - Be polite when calling. Ask her if she has the time to chat. If she says yes sure, that’s great. If she says no: Don’t hang up! Just tell her that you will make it quick. This usually works, and it spares you a whole lot of trouble, instead of having to get a hold of her… again!
- The answering machine is your friend. This is a fantastic opportunity to show of a lot of self-confidence. Just make it short, something like:
“Hi, this is John from last night. You know, the sexy dark haired guy from the supermarket. I just wanted to say hi, and ask you if you would like to meet again. Get back as soon as possible, that would be great. Bye.”
Just remember to introduce yourself, and make your point clear. And if you can incorporate humour, your message simple can’t fail. - Don’t wait too long. This kind of depends how you got her number, but don’t wait more than 3 days. She might have “lost hope” in you, she might have forgotten you or she may have met a new man. There’s thousands of possibilities.
- Don’t call her in the middle of the night.
- And for god’s sake, be sober!
Don’t talk for too long!
This is probably one of the best tips I can give you to maximize your chances for getting a date. Please don’t talk to her for more than a few minutes.
Actually the shorter the better. This is not the time to “getting to know her”. Just drop her the question, want to meet for coffee tomorrow? Or anything you come up with.
Though I am not saying that you shouldn’t say hi, ask her how she is, or just talk general things. Just remember the point of this call; you want to meet her again. Everything else comes second.
With this post, I hope that I have made you aware of some of the problems you might be facing, and / or having when calling a girl (for the first time).
To wrap it up: Don’t call on the same night, be polite, talk to her answering machine if she isn’t there, call at a reasonable time, don’t wait too long, don’t talk for too long and be sober.
Do you have a story about calling a girl, or do you always have the same troubles? Leave ‘em in the comments.
Are you nervous about the whole ‘dating game’? Subscribe to our RSS Feed and we will work it out!
Thank you for sharing!
I met a beautiful girl today in starbucks parking lot. I was in my gym clothes and she was dress pretty for work. She is a make up artist. I didnt shave either. We smiled at each other talked and I asked her to go to dinner soemtime and she gave me her number. Even dressed like I was. When should I call?
Hey Mike! Don’t worry too much about how you looked, it doesn’t really matter. Combining what you have learnt here with my 5 Perfect places to Take Your Date article should give you a pretty good foundation about your situation. My advice would be to call her not “tonight”, but the next night. That meaning if you met her wednesday, you should call her at thursday night. Good luck, and keep us updated!
My friend set me up on a small date yesterday with a girl I have seen around but never approached.. We exchanged numbers after the date was over… When should I call her do you think?
Hey James,
make a quick call tonight, just saying hi, etc. Don’t make it too long. Say you have to go do something and hang up after about 2 minutes.
Tomorrow you can call her and make plans for a night in the week coming up.
But hey, it’s your “call”, it also depends a lot on how well you clicked, your personality, and a lot of other stuff.
Good luck man! :)
Thanks Alex!
I did call right before I was going for a run so that kept the conversation short. (thanks to your advice)
We made plans to go to a international social and we had a blast!
One of my friends told me she just broke up with her boyfriend of 6 months and she’s pretty heartbroken… she mentioned she had a bad day the other week but didn’t delve into it… should I back off so I’m not like a rebound guy? This is a delicate situation I think I’m not sure..
That’s great James, glad it “worked”! :)
To your question:
It’s a hard situation. Have you kissed yet?
I would say that you have to avoid becoming the friend which shoulder she cries on… It’s much better (for both of you, actually) if you become her lover.
Or maybe it would be allright for you to be her friend?
Just remember: It’s very hard to go from friend to lover, but being the lover, you also become her friend.
Good luck whatever you choose mate.
HEY HOMMIE.. DON’T LISTEN TO THIS WHITEBOY RIGHT HERE.. U JUST GOTTA CALL HER UP.. TELL HER TO COME IN UR ROOM.. TELL HER TO DRINK BEER WITH YOU AND THEN GIVE HER SEX.
Hey man,
Yesterday a girl gave me her number …. Infront of my manager at work. I remember talking wid her few days ago.
Well my question is , when sud I text her ( I really dont want to call ) ?
and what sud the text be like? I am pretty young and new in this matter. Can u help me find some words to text her.
thanks man