What to Do When Your Girlfriend Wants to Be Single… But Wants You, Too
Two days ago, I received a devastating email from a guy named Lamar outlining his relationship’s current situation. He had been with his girlfriend since they were 16, but now that they are into their young twenties, she has expressed a want for being single again.
Sad thing is that Lamar doesn’t feel the same way – he thinks that she’s the one, and that he isn’t missing anything by being with her. Quite the opposite, actually. He thinks that if he were to be single, he would immediately search for a relationship such as the one he already has.
But she’s confused. She wants to be single and live free for a while. But she doesn’t want to lose Lamar.
And that’s the basis for today’s post – what to do when your girlfriend wants to be single… But wants you, too.
She wants to live the single life
It’s a very common scenario for couples who have been together from a very young age… At some point, she misses the feeling of being free and being single. She feels desperate. She feels that her life is flying right past her.
So she takes action.
She breaks up with you. And you’re devastated. Your high-school sweetheart wants to “experience life fully” –without you.
But… She still wants you.
She probably still calls you once in a while. Perhaps you even meet up. You miss her like hell. And she misses you, too.
But she can’t decide. She still doesn’t want to miss out. But she still wants the love and stability that you have provided her for so long.
What to do
The thing that I ALWAYS want you to do is to be REALLY sure of what you want before you ever do anything. If you don’t know what you want, you can’t get it. Simple as that.
Without knowing where you want to go, you’ll fumble in the dark until you figure it out.
I can’t talk for everybody, but I can say that the most wanted thing is to be happy. And in this example, that would include her to be happy, too. So let’s use this for our case for simplicity’s sake.
You want you both to be happy. As she clearly isn’t happy right now, something needs to change. Her reaction is to break up to feel free.
Kind of radical, but radical is what you do when you’re desperate.
Anyway, your first reaction is most likely to be hurt. Why aren’t you suddenly not good enough anymore?
…Howdy sailor, let us take a step back!
Even though I advocate feeling hurt when you’re hurt and experiencing it fully and honestly… I don’t think that you NEED to feel hurt in this situation. And do you know why?
Because it isn’t your fault!
It really isn’t. If she feels “left out”, you really didn’t have much to do with it. Sure, you always play a small part, but usually it is extremely small. Therefore, you really don’t need to blame yourself.
Instead of feeling hurt, I really recommend that you look at the situation a little less emotionally.
She needs you. But she wants something else. Preferably at the same time.
In other words, she is confused like hell. She has NO IDEA what she is doing…
Because of this, and because she is a woman, she needs you to give her some kind of direction.
And because of this… It is ULTRA-important that you are the rock in all this.
Being a rock means two things:
- Knowing what you want
- And taking action on it
Both without any direct emotion. Cool like a rock.
What that means for you…
It means that if you found out that you want you both to be happy, you give her that space.
You tell her:
“Baby, I’m really sorry that I can’t give you everything you need. So I let you go. Do what you need to do to feel happy. Party. Date around. Live wild. If you haven’t ever done it, now is the time. But you need to know this: You can’t have me at the same time. It’s either or. And I completely understand the need you have to be free, and because of that, I actually think that it’s best that we take some time apart.”
This will probably make her even more confused than she was before. But at least know she knows where YOU stand – now she just needs to figure out where SHE stands.
And that’s where you tell her:
“But I really love you, and I have always envisioned a future with you and me together. And that’s why I hope that you will see the same thing as me one day where the freedom doesn’t feel so appealing anymore. Let’s talk again when you have made your decision – I just want you to be happy.”
This way, she knows that you’ll still be there. And I think that you should be. If you truly love her, you should give her the chance to taste the apple if she never has. Because if she has that desire, she will always want to do it, even if you won’t “allow” her to do it now.
Doing like this is risky, but to me, it’s the best way to handle her wanting or needing freedom. You have to give her the chance. Encourage her, even. If you don’t, she may get the same urge in five years’ time, and the mess will be relatively bigger.
So do it with love. Do it with respect. And she will love you and respect you for it – no matter what her final decision is.
And chance is, she tries out the freedom thing for a few days. Perhaps she goes on a date. And it feels horrible to her.
You’ll then laugh about her silliness a week later over a cozy dinner like you used to do. And her need to act out and be free will be gone forever.
Soon, I’ll publish part two titled “How to make your girlfriend choose you over anything and never ever leave you” which will teach you how to make sure that she will never want to try anything else than being with you.
The next step…
If you haven’t yet checked out “The Ex-Girlfriend Solution”, now is the time. If you have ANY troubles with your ex-girlfriend, chances are that you will find that magic bullet that you so desperately need in the ebook.
And if you don’t, you’ll get every cent back with the 90 day 100% satisfaction guarantee. Go find that magic bullet now!