How to Respond and Act When Your Ex Suddenly Contacts You Again
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So your ex called... What now?
“Maybe in the next post you can cover what to do/not to do when your ex does contact you. I’m in the boat right now and not sure what to make of this unexpected ‘how are you?’ from her.”
This was the comment on the last post 7 Ways to Stop Waiting For Your Ex to Text or Call left by my name brother Alex.
I have been in the exact same situation several times. Perhaps I am not over her yet. Maybe I am kind of in the greyland. Maybe I have already moved on. Whatever my situation may be, the phone rings: it’s her.
She’s simply calling me up to hear how I am doing. She asks me how I have been.
The phone call can go in many directions, but in my experience most often it leads to a rather pleasant conversation. You strike up some old memories, laugh and underneath it all, there still lies some sexual tension.
When you hang up, you feel good. You may even have a slight smirk on your face. But then it hits you: what did it mean? And your mind starts to work on high speed to process all these new thoughts.
Does she want to get back together? Did you say something wrong? And you also start to question whether you’re really over her or not. A call like that can really stir up your mind, and usually be pretty confusing when you start thinking about it.
In this post, I am going to give you some simple solutions to cope with these rather normal problems.
The advice that’s going to flow through the whole of the article is this: don’t think too much about it.
What many guys are prone to do is to over-analyze things. That’s our nature. The ability to analyze like that gives us many strengths and opportunities, but it also has it downsides. One of the most noticeable is that the energy you spend on analyzing, let’s just take the phone call as an example, is taken away from other activities in your life.
And when analyzing something, especially when it comes to an (ex) girlfriend, there’s a tendency to go way overboard with it. There comes a point where there’s just nothing more to add, and that’s the point where most guys go wrong.
They keep on thinking about it, even though there’s nothing more to think about!
You don’t have to be a scientist to understand why that’s not useful. As I said before, the energy you spend thinking about something is taken away from other tasks at hand.
This premise, that guys over-analyze stuff like ex’s contacting them again, is not to be taken lightly.
Because when there is nothing more to add, they will most likely, unconscious about it, make something up. And the most common thing to “make up” is the hope and belief that she wants to get back together.
This is where it gets tricky.
Getting back together?
Do you really want to get back together?
Ponder this question. Your first answer might be yes – that’s natural (also from a biological point of view). In your prehistoric brain, sex is goood. Sex makes babies. Babies make you pappa. Pappa is goood. Pappa means passing on genes!
You get the point.
But when you really give it some thought, what you most likely will come up with is that no, you don’t want to get back together. The reasons are not what important, the important thing is that you can actually feel, way down, that you’re not supposed to be with each other.
Everything happens for a reason
I believe that everything happens for a reason, and when life throws something hard at you, like heartbreak with an (ex) girlfriend, it’s an opportunity to grow. Whether it’s God or the Universe or whatever you call it who “throws it at you”, it’s an opportunity. It’s a help in direction, an unknown force lending you some help in choosing the right path.
Or maybe this force tells you that you have taken a dead end, and that you must go a few steps back to walk the new path.
I like this analogy, because it’s easy to understand, and it makes everything not only happen for a reason, but also for the greater good. It actually says that whatever happens, it’s for the best.
Fight or flee, it’s your choice
That doesn’t mean that you should blindly accept anything life or God throws at you – sometimes you need to fight.
And the only way to know when it’s right to fight is to listen. Listen to yourself; listen to your heart.
I know that I am threading on deep waters here, but I just thought that this simple advice can help some people, as it has helped me. Anyway, let’s get back to the concrete talk on how to respond and act when an ex girlfriend contacts you again.
It didn’t mean anything
I think that the most important thing you can focus on if you’re having thoughts about you and your ex again after a call, is that it didn’t mean anything.
Don’t try to figure out why she did it – you can’t. You will never know, and it really doesn’t matter.
The important thing is that it has no meaning; she could have had millions of reasons to contact you. Maybe she was struck by the thought that you were sick, maybe she missed you, maybe she felt alone or maybe she had an abundance of energy and had to use it on something… and the list goes on.
You see what we’re doing here? We’re over-analyzing things. And it doesn’t lead anywhere at all! It’s 100% unnecessary.
So I really want you to try to stop over-analyzing. Don’t force it; just tell yourself that your thoughts are just that – merely thoughts.
You are not your thoughts
You are not your brain or your thoughts, you are you. Nothing more, nothing less.
The actual conversation
As for the actual conversation, just be casual and friendly. Politely answer her questions and keep the conversation going, but don’t stay on it for too long, especially if you’re uncomfortable with the situation.
If the conversation drags on, simply tell her that you have to go. It was nice chatting – goodbye and have a good day.
It’s as easy as that.
And don’t start flirting too much, either. You don’t want to send the wrong signals, do you?
Here are 6 easy tips to handle your ex contacting you again:
- Be cool. It’s easier said than done, but do your best to keep your cool. Don’t be over excited to hear from her, just be laid back about it. Relax!
- It didn’t mean anything. Don’t start over-analyzing. She called you, you talked, and that’s it.
- Move on. She most likely has.
- Don’t secretly wish that you’re going to get back together. You most likely won’t, and if you do, it will most likely fail. Really ask yourself why. Write it down, get it out.
- Learn. Everything is an opportunity to learn something about yourself. So is this. You’ll get some profound self-understanding if you keep your mind open to it.
- Be honest. This is my evergreen advice. Be honest with her, and be honest with yourself. Real honest. Not some bullshit “Maybe / I think” stuff, no. That doesn’t cut it.
That’s it guys.
Let me hear your thoughts on the article below.
Also, I highly encourage you to check out my book called “The Ex-Girlfriend Solution”. It includes everything you ever wanted to know about getting over your ex and moving on with your life. It takes you right from the break-up to your new relationship, and it answers all the questions I get all the time, like “what to do if she wants to be friends”, “how to avoid being distracted by thoughts about her”, “how to fall asleep when I miss her” etc… Read more about it here!