Written on Sunday 2 Mar by Alex Kay
How To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend
This is the number one question I get asked most of the time - right after the question on how to win her back.
And it’s difficult to answer. How do you get over your ex girlfriend?
I guess that we have all been there at some point in our lives.
Relationship starts. Everything’s good. Suddenly, everything isn’t so good. And you break up. That’s life!
I have had my share of it, so I speak from experience here.
You have probably shared lots of good times, and now it’s gone.
No more holding hands, no more crawling in close when it’s cold outside, no more kisses under the moonlight, no more anything.
For some it’s easier to accept than others. But I don’t think anyone like breaking up.
For the first few days, after realizing the truth, you feel pretty awful. This is definitely the worst part of a break up, and also the part that defines your emotions for the next couple of weeks.
So how do you go about handling a break up?
As thoughts are really hard to control, I’ll give you a “timeline” for your emotions.
I know it might sound a little strange, but it’s how I personally handle the break up, and for that reason, I figure it might be useful for some people.
Here we go:
The first few days I cry my heart out. I let out all of my negative feelings, and do almost nothing more all day than to “think about her”. Whenever I try to slip in a positive thought, I’ll disregard it right away. It’s my privelege to be sad just a few days a year, I’ll explain why later on.
What’s really important in this phase is that you don’t talk to anyone about the break up. At least not more than something like “we’re not together anymore”.
Another really important thing to do is to stop listening to love songs. At this point, you will most likely identify with them, and I know from experience that this can really f**k up your emotions later on.
So just let yourself be as sad as you can, without talking to anyone, and without getting feelings from anyone else than yourself.
Afterwards, if you have followed my advice, you should almost be sick thinking about her. 3 days might not be a long time in a calendar, but in your head, it will almost feel like it’s ages ago you broke up.
You will start realizing that she wasn’t “the one” for you, and that you have your whole life waiting, along with millions of cute girls.
Over the next few weeks, you might have some reoccurring thoughts about her. That’s fine. As long as you realize how bad she was for you, and that you’re not going to get back together.
I think this is the part most guys do wrong. They keep thinking they can get back together, and this makes it incredibly hard to move on.
For a couple of days, try to just “get on with it”. Don’t spend time thinking about her, just live your life like you always have.
After a week or two, you’ll see that you do fantastic without her. You might not be completely “over her”, but you’re definitely on the right path to getting so.
Personally, after about 2-3 weeks, I completely stop thinking about her. Well, not completely, she’s still “my ex”, but I’m by no means sad about the fact that we’re not together anymore.
Soon, I’ll meet another girl, twice as nice, and it’s all uphill from here with happiness. Until we break up.
Life’s strange isn’t it?
General tips on handling the break up
- Stop stroking the banana fantasizing about her. It’s just wrong… AND it tightens your emotional bonds to her. Not good man!
- You’d be amazed what kissing a new girl can do. Start meeting new people as soon as possible.
- Accept that she wasn’t the one. She was just a girl, whatever your brain might tell you. You have a “her” hole in your stomach right now, and you probably think that only she can fill it. But what the hole really is is just a woman shaped hole, and any women can fill it.
- Take control of the situation. Don’t let her define your feelings, only you can do that.
- Start living again. After feeling down for a few days, a week, or maybe more, start living again. If you have always wanted to start playing tennis, now is the time to do it. Or start playing guitar, or start painting. Anything will work, just gain some kind of new passion, or relive an old one.
Why it’s important to be sad at first
This might not work for everyone, but I can only conclude stuff from my own experience, so that’s what I’m going to do.
The reason I choose to be sad at first, is to take control. It’s my choice to cry, she has nothing to do with it. Not directly, anyway.
In my opinion it’s really bad to try to run from your feelings, because you will feel sad. Best just to admit it and let it out.
After those few days, you will also realize that someone that made you so sad, wasn’t right for you. This is also important.
So now to wrap it up, I would like to know one thing.
How do you get over an ex girlfriend / handle a break up?
Let’s start a discussion here!
UPDATE: There are A LOT of comments on this post. A lot of them includes fantastic tips for getting over your girl. I highly recommend reading as many as you can to get a general feel.
Something that has helped a lot of guys here is to simple get on with your life. START HERE. Download the EBOOK REVIEWED HERE.
And as always, contact me for personal advice.
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Lovely images by lizzie vengeance.
Great timing, as I’m going through some of this right now. I really think that filling the void in your life is huge. You might not be over her, or ready for another serious relationship, but you can just go out with some other people without getting serious until you’re ready. I don’t worry about finding the next girl, just keep it casual and have a good time. Kissing her can do wonders to help you move on.
Once the emotions have settled it’s also worth asking yourself if there is anything to be learned. Whether I want to do anything different next time.
Hey Jason,
I like your point of view :) Good luck “getting over her” and kissing someone new mate.
Evan,
Yeah, always great to take a lesson or two.
Hi Alex,
I wish I read this 6 years ago. It’s been years and I still dreamed about her (most are sweet dreams)
2-3 weeks is real quick.
Hey Raymond,
I don’t know if I should feel sad or happy to hear that…
Anyway, I hope you can move on with your life someday :) We all have to take our time, your’s I suppose is just a lot longer than mine.
Recognising that you’re not going to get back together is the biggie I reckon. We all tend to cling to the hope that ‘it will all work out’ and find it hard to let go. I’ve had a couple of experiences where we got back together again and it’s just no good. Once you’ve broken up getting back together is never going to be the same. It’s much better to move on.
Now all you have to do is convince yourself of that.
Hey Karen,
Yeah, I agree… Thinking that you’re going to get back together is a real “biggie”… ;)
I see what you’re saying, also about really getting back together. It’s never the same.
Moving on really is the only way.
I also got this quote from some song: “Looking back will only make you fall over the things in front of you”.
I think it tells a lot. It could be said that you have to look back to know where you’re heading, though.
As always Karen, thanks for your comment :)
it usually involves a lot of alcohol for me
I think replacing one girl for another isn’t that healthy either. But I do like what you say about giving the break up time. I think there’s a moment where you are overwhelmed by your past feelings. The love and heartbreak–you want to indulge in the relationship as much as possible. I think that’s healthy. But eventually, it fades. You move on.
Just a few months ago i was wondering “when she was coming back” when i should have been saying, “why would i want her back”? I realize this more and more now by the help of my closest friends. Rely on their support and whatever you do… go out, go out, go out, and then go out some more. Have fun and enjoy your new found freedom. Don’t dwell on 1 girl when there is a whole universe full of girls out there and most definitely another one will be there for you. Dont give her a 2nd thought as she no longer deserves preferential treatment! Right now, i am 3 months removed from my breakup. I won’t lie to you, i still think about her and wonder what she is up to, but then i clear that thought with how i have alot more to offer somebody else in which the ex didn’t see it! Hope this helps. It will get better.. It always does. And i agree with the others on “not rushing” into another relationship just to fill in the lonely times. Its not fair to the other person who may open their heart ot you. Rebounding is what my ex was all about.
kc
Kevin, lol! Well, if you’re serious, I’ll say that it’s not the best idea… You’ll only feel worse after. But whatever ;)
Lucy, thanks for your comment. I think “replacing” is a really bad idea too, and I don’t think the new girl will like it either.
Kenneth… dude! I couldn’t have stated it better myself! Congratulations on your newfound freedom, and I’m sure you’ll find another girl soon ;)
Heya Alex! Really great advice man.
What really got me over my ex was to start living life again, do everything that I’ve always wanted to do with my life, but for some reason didn’t pick it up when I was with my ex - and that to me was surfing, photography and just generally going out again, seeing my friends that I hadn’t spent time with for a long long time, and now I feel fantastic! Everything will look better - time is an awesome healer and freind.
Seriously - my advice is to get out there and live - not just exist.
Yo, you know what? I had a girl who i have been with for 4 years and we broke up 3 times, i felt like crap for a whole year, and i still have some kind of feelings, i aint gonna lie. but that still does not
stop me from living my life, and meeting other women, and homeboy is right, its not a HER hole its a WOMAN hole that needs to be filled in that
stomach, and they ALL have the same shit between their legs, this is someoe who i really loved, who i still love, though my feelings are waning, because im more focussed on graduating college this year. and dating other bitches to be thinking about her like that, its when we get in relationships we tend to forget who we were before them and when we fall in love we start to change and think that we cant live without them, well thats bullshit, the truth is your a star and success waiting to happen and as far as the females are concernd,
guess what?……they will ALWAYS be there, the chicks aint going no where just work on making your success, education and status/ confidence go up and you wont have to stress the women because they will be busy stressing for you, women like successfull men who got it together so now is the time to do that for ones self, but not for the chicks.. but 4 UR SELF, and when you do than the chicks wil autamatically gravitate to you, because they see you shining and going places in life, there might even come a time when your ex realized she lost a good dude whos got it together compared to the one she deals with now, and than when your on top she comes crawling her behind back,
but you dont give in….. you just be like na bitch im good ( you dont literally say that but that should be your vibe, with a smile and total confidence, because your successfull and chances are you probally have someone else/ a couple of women who put her sorry butt to shame ne way.
to sum it up, this is the time to get to know you and work on yourself,
the females aint goin no where trust me,
their out there waiting for a strong intellegent dude like ya self whos got it together so dont trip, trust me i know how it feels, i litterally felt like killing myself at one point ( of course i aint stupid enough to do that, espeacially over a bitch) but trust me follow this advice and everything should be cool.
peace
i like it carl
I broke up with my ex about a week and a half ago and was really crapped out till sunday. I talked to her and she was being really rude. We dated for 7 months, had some great times, but thats that. I she truely loved me and wanted it to work, she would have been more patient. Yeah, i didnt eat much or sleep well last week, but I feel almost normal. Went out on sat, hit on four girls and got 4 numbers, two which have already called me. Thats not the point though. The point is that just like the thread states its the the hole the says “replace with girl B” not your actual ex. What really made it clearer for me is this…this is the best advice for alot of guys..How many girls were you googly over and butt hurt when you broke up? Im sure it just wasnt your recent one unless your really young. I think back at these girls I “thought” i was crazy about and say wtf was I thinking! I would not even consider dating them again…not bad eh? Just be a man, make yourself stronger mentally and PREVENT your previous mistakes to cost you your next hottie
Iestyn, another man who totally gets it. I’m so glad for you, suddenly life’s good again ;)
Thanks a lot for your comment mate!
Carl, I must start by saying that I have a hard time reading what you’re writing.
But I think I get the overall picture, and I think you have a great attitude towards dating (and life in general)
Thanks, and keep it up man! Mike likes what you’re saying too, so it can’t just be me.
Brian, noo, not bad! Especially about hitting on 4 women and getting 4 numbers. That’s great!
I also really like your attitude.
Actually, I think I have really intelligent readers. Maybe you all should just write instead of me? Naahh… Just kidding.
But thanks for all your comments guys!
Alex, that’s a great article you wrote and it lets me see outside of my situation so that I can cope with it.
The more you think about her the worse you make it for yourself. DON’T keep thinking about her. Just do anything you can to avoid this.
Even if she wants to be friends be polite but ignore her as much as possible. You have a new life now and there is so much opportunity out there for you.
Believe that you are the shit. Say your name to yourself several times and proclaim that you can do anything you set your mind to.
If one girl fell in love with you, you can sure as hell bet that there will be others who are immensely attracted to you. Believe in this and be patient. You will build yourself. They will come.
Never believe she is better than you. You are the most important thing in your life.
Work out. Run, lift weights, get involved in martial arts, play a sport etc. Exercise has been proven to be so therapeutic for me. Plus women will think you are even hotter than you were and get desperate for you!!
Also remember: Revenge is living the best life.
Great article. I am currently at a month of it after being in it just about 2 years. Shits hard. I still think I talk about her to much to people but now I just refer to her as “my ex” instead of “my girl friend”…I need to stop talking about her period to people unless they ask. One thing that I am really still struggling with is just the loneliness. Whenever I didn’t have any friends or anyone else to hang with or talk to, there so was for me whenever I wanted. But now I have that emptieness and I get very lonely easy it seems.
Adam,
I love comments like this. It truly shows that you GET IT! You’re DAMN RIGHT about other girls falling for you; they will come ;)
And I just love the quote of “Revenge is living the best life”, brilliant man :)
Ryan,
You’re definately on the right path here, you just need to keep on improving. In time she will fade from your consciousness. Good luck!
Thanks for your comments guys :)
well my ex and i broke up early last month we have been together almost 4 yrs . Yes i’ve cheated and always wanted to take it back so after the 2 yr mark we were off and on that type of deal , anywayz we got back togetha last yr in November and i swear everything seem so right we had a tremendous valentines day it was great but then i started to notice how distant she was actin she stop calling and would want to get off the phone fast so I started feeling weird and i talked to her she says she doesn’t know if she’s in love with me anymore but she loves me i kinda felt the same but now i cant see myself with out her and it hurts bad my b day is march 31 and hers april 2 we are always together but this yr we wasn’t and now my mind is playing tricks and scenarios on me now!!
And now she has this friends seem like everytime i f’d up she would call him talk to him i mean she tells me its nothing but that feeling is there and i question it damn is she being honest he has a girlfriend but its weird because he makes it his business to conversate with my ex.Tonight was one of my worst nights i havent been able to sleep just wondering could she be having sex with this guy is she with him right now what she doing all these thoughts playin back and forth and its killing me i need help getting over her. I bought me a car the engine blows now she takes me to work until i i come up with the money for a new one so now its really hard to get over her when i see her 5 days a week what do i do?
Hey TJ,
Look dude just hang in there. I know exactly how you feel. I know it may sound cliche, but you just got to find that inner strength within yourself and rip that shit out.
If she is talking to some other guy about all your problems then that is so fucked up. Don’t lower yourself to that. You have to ask yourself, why isn’t she talking to you about those problems?
My best advice to you is cut off all ties to this person.
There is this one guy who is seeing my ex now. My ex said she couldn’t stand this person but now she is hanging out with him on a regular basis. She said he was so annoying and ugly as fuck but now she talks to him all the time and now she won’t even be friends wih me. She was my first love.
I say fuck her. You have so much to look forward to dude. Don’t give up on all life has to offer you.
I am still going through a time where I can’t see myself without my ex. I thought that we were perfect for each other. But we weren’t at all.
Think about all the times you got into horrible arguments and hated each other. I know you’ve felt this, as I have many many times. At some point you must realize, its just not worth it.
Listen, I have regreted so many things in my relationship with my ex. But you have to move on now. You have to learn and grow and know that there are so many girls out there who will love and accept you. They have made mistakes too.
Alex, your advice has helped me so much. Thanks!
thanx man dat kinda made me feel better i got some more stuff out of her about thim this guy makes her feel happy and she says he is something new or what not and she wants to know what it feels like to b happy. he tells her his girlfriend 12 yrs he has thought about leaving her for my x and i know how my x is and talks and views things and right now she is in deep like with him so all the stuff he is saying is basically getting in her head and she is loving the attention she tells me that he came at the right time and they just kinda hit it off but my thing is HE HAS A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND she didnt approve me chating the time i did and didnt want that but she turns around and becomes the woman the guy would cheat on his ex for i asked her alot of questions and got out alot of shit that hurts so deep man but im fighting and im strong ive started working out today running and walking exercising and it is actually helping me loosen up and forget her ass. the catch is we have 2 boys together so its 10 times as hard!
yeah i’m still feeling it after 4 weeks i’m so tempted to call her and see what she’s doing but i miss her but i must be strong and move on.
After a year she said she not in love with me but she loves me. She’s now trying to talk to another guy which also has a gf he left his GF to talk to her now they probably doing something but I’m trying to not to care i’m just so surpised at how fast she moved on.
Me and my girl broke up about 1 month and a bit ago. We went out for 3 years. She’s all I think about everyday, especially on the weekends when i’m asking myself, i wonder if she’s going clubbing tonite and grinding up on other dudes. Im always stalking her facebook account, looking at her pictures and shit and saying damn wat a piece of ass i lost, and watching who shes talking to which needs to stop. She was my first love..everytime i think about her i never think about the bad times, its always the good times and it kills me. Its gonna be hard to move on because not to sound conceited but i think i’m a pretty good looking guy, I just lack confidence or “game” with other girls. I’m very tempted to call her, i almost did several times but i need to stay strong..
Not sure how I found this site, but ironically its exactly what i’m going through, my girl left me about a week ago. And I’ve been going through the phases, sadness, regret, anger, acceptance, and i’m starting to get to the move on phase. But Friday night it really hit me, I didn’t have any plans, and all these thoughts came into my head… wonder what she is doing… and then of course I hit a brief feeling of lonliness, and kinda slipped back into wondering the “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s” of where I went wrong in the relationship, what I could have done to change things. I feel this way because throughout the relationship, (which was a 10 month long distance from the start, got to see each other only 1-3 times a month), there were arguements that i’m sure i could have handled differently, but me being the guy… i rarely remember why they happened. But she had like a photgraphic memory and in the end she made me feel pretty badly about myself. I mean there were other factors that seemed real iffy to me, for instance she had a heart to heart with her ex, just days before the break-up, just to tell him, that we were going to get engaged this summer, and to please stop contacting her..odd thing about that is she told me marriage was not something she was ready for, but thats beyond the point. And of course the evil myspace… I’ve removed myself from her page, but I can’t help to see her profile picture has changed, and she looks so happy. I still deal with the wondering of why I couldn’t be the guy to make her happy… why she didn’t want to push through for at least a month more, for when she came home for the summer to see if it was the distance messing with the relationship… its just hard… but I am making it… i’m just wondering if there is good way, to not think about the what could have beens? Does that make sense….. anyways great blog, and I’m still working on it, I think i’m close to making it through.. just the things said at the end still are burning a bit.
Kyle and luciano I’m going through the same shit Sundays are my worst days I sit there having nothing to do I abadon all my friends and I’m currently in Dallas she stays in Louisiana I used to drive 8 hours to go see her and now she said we argue a lot but I realized she always started it. I hated it I was about to be discharge from the service in 2 months true she could of hang on so we can see if it was the distance that made us mad at each other. True she changed she just turned 21 and now she says she wants to mingle I did everything for her but she changed. Heres my thoughts on it. She doesn’t know that you’re sad and she doesn’t care no more if she really did care she would of stayed by your side or called but she even tolded me she didn’t want to be in a relationship but now she’s going out with somebody after 4 weeks I’m thinking that she’s been talking to this guy and now wanted to move on but had to make some sorry ass excuse so don’t feel bad for something loss remember the good times but just say it like this I learn form this and move on I know it’s hard I still can’t sleep at night but you know what she doesn’t care about you sleeping or not she only cares about her feelings and what makes her happy.
whatever u do don’t call her luciano
It will not help the situation. She dont’ care about you if she did she would of called so see how you doing she’s moving on you need to realized that man.
I hear ya ben, but the hardest thing to do is not call in and check up on them to see how they are. Its fairly difficult especially when i’m the type of person who looks back at the situation, and finds myself taking the blame for a lot of things… i’m not sure if that mentality has been engrained in me or not, but its just tough to not find myself wondering A LOT what i could have done diffently to keep her with me.
hey guys, my girlfriend just broke up with me after it being almost 2 years. I have never felt this upset and depressed in my whole life. I have lost my apatite for food i can not even eat. What do i do?
there’s nothing you can do dave just let it be and dont’ contact her if she does love you she will come back but if she doesn’t move on man. Dont’ wait around for her it’s just a waste of time and for you kyle i do the same thing I’ve been thinking what could i have doen but that’s not the true problem there’ nothing i could of done if she wanted to leave she will leave no matter how much she loves you and if you really loved you she would of sticked around and handle situation A girls ways of bailing is saying they need space and then do what the hell they want.
good words ben… its just been a day to day process…. but i’ll soon enough see that there is another world than one that involves her…. and honestly regardless the mistakes i made and wanted to fix…. i need to move on, learn from them and regain confidence in who i am
i’m still going through this it’s hard day by day though i do the same thing guilty as charge still thinking about her.
It’s so amazing to read these comments here.
Guys helping guys with their feelings, aww, it’s just so touching :)
Really great to see.
If anyone has a specific question for me, please don’t hesitate to send me an email through the about page.
Keep the comments and help flowing!
And to all the guys saying thanks etc., you’re welcome!
I am only here to help you out. Just glad you appreciate it :)
but truly how do i get over this girl i keep thinking she’s gonnna come around and give me back my stuff what am i gonna say.
Great advice. I think sometimes it’s hard to get her out of your head, and you need to quiet your mind to stop thinking about her. A great way to do that is distract yourself through physical activity - go run 10 miles, cycle 50, play soccer, hit the gym. The endorphines will give you a boost, and you’ll realize you feel great without her.
I broke up with my girlfriend a month ago. She has two kids from a previous marriage and she dicided she didn’t want to have anymore kids. I don’t have any but I would like to one day. So I broke with her because i didn’t think there was a point in moving on if we weren’t on the same page in regards to children. I’m doing ok. I had to tell her last night that we shouldn’t talk anymore. She would always call me to see how I was doing and tell me she loved me..etc. I never really called her. But last night was just too much and I told her to stop calling me (nicely of course). She got mad and hung up on me. I can handle the break up but the biggest problem I’m having is thinking about her being with someone else (sexualy). I just can’t stand the thought of her sleeping with someone else. How do I train my brain to not think about that?
Hey guys, i was in a relationship for like half a year, and i just cant get over her…My band broke up, and ive lost my inspiration for art…I just dont know what to do now, i feel like shit constintly, my friend CJ her advice to me was to listen to Green Day- Watsername, because there is a line in it telling me to forget her just not the time, but i just cant, its been over a month now, and everyday i hate this feeling, i just want over her and the sooner the better… Should i just go out and get another girlfriend? Ive been asked out 3 times this week, but i said no… Does anyone here rekon i should reconsider, i just want over her and fast…..
Ali
this is a great place for advice!! I just broke up wit my girl of 6 yrs. its not the first time we break up. but its actually been the smoothest of them. I still think about her but I don’t feel horrible when I do. she calls a few times a week to say hi. plus she be wiriting to me on myspace. I’ve told her not to call cause sometimes we end up arguing and she usually wins the battle of words!! but like she writes stuff like to try and get me jelous. making it seems she’s having a great time now. yest I did get that awful feeling of being alone but it soon went away.. I am fucking around wit like 3 girls now but I can’t get over the fact that my ex was one nice piece of ass…. oh well honestly I guess if she was the one to try and work things out then mayby ill reconsider. I was the one that broke it of cause she liked to argue a lot so my plan was to make her feel like lonely and relize to shut the hell up and stop arguing over everything, at first she was calling and looking for me but I felt she didn’t learn her lesson. so I just went about my business and was living the single life. it was a easy transition until I found out she had a myspace and that pissed me off. this was like a week in half ago. its been a minor set back but not that bad. for whateva reason it upsets me that she’s goin out wit her cousins every weekend getting drunk!!! I start thnking weird shit!! but anyways I’m not really asking for advice guys I just wanted to share my experience……. thanks
Hey, i was the same Ali who posted not long ago, 11 days even, feels longer now, well i got over my ex, im actually going out with a new girl, and im so happy, how did i do it? Well when my life was going to hell i decided to take notice to people who were there, and started talking to this girl i knew alot more, before long i was thinking of her, and then i started to lift weights to death music, i know it sounds mad, but it motivated me, it told me life was shit, i thought of my ex whilst it all played, and started telling myself our relationship was crap, whilst i had a picture of the girl i was aiming for infront of me, and adventually i started to like the new girl a hell of alot more, now listen okay? My ex hooked up with someone, sure im sad…It was sad to see that, but i have a new girlfriend and she is 10 times better, i will care for my ex at times, but she means a hell of alot less to me than i thought she did…Anyway just wanted to drop that in….Ali
This is awesome! I’ve felt everything listed here about my ex who i was with for about two years, and thought i was the only person in the world who felt as bad as i did, but everything gets better, especially when you start living that amazing single life again! Go out with friends, get drunk with them like you used to, before she stopped you, chase other girls! I agree with Sergio, the images of her sleeping with someone else are extremely hard to deal with, especially as i lost my virginity to her, but since sleeping with other people, they fade much more quickly, and of course you’ll never forget her, but you will soon realise how much better off without her you are!
Top work chaps, this is the best help i’ve found!
Also you gotta remember, there are so so so many other, cuter, girs out there who are much better suited for you than her, so just give her the finger and think fuck her, she hurt me so much and doesn’t care, im not going to let her bring me down!
there are more girls that will make you happy just don’t dread on this one girl.
Couldn’t say it any better, Eagle.
I f-ing love all of you guys… I’m finally geting over my 2-year relationship. Thank you so much.
For some reason though.. I have been having sex with this other girl who absolutely is 100 times better than my e… but yet I never fantazise about her.. i keep fantasizing about my ex.. and this girl that i’m doing this with is just a bang buddy.. perhaps that’s the reason why it doesnt work as good. because there’s nothing in it just sex.. I need to forget both and get a new significant other.
Getting to know someone and falling for them, gives more in return than just sex.. se is just a bonus. what do you guys think? should i just ignore both of them and start fresh somewhere else? after all my feelings for my ex are starting to deplete completely.
this has helped me alot! I was with this girl that I thought I was going to marry in a few months!! She met a guy at the mall, she dumped me, and I still have the engagement ring I was going to give her… That was the saddest day of my life…
I would like to thank Alex and all the guys and girls who have left comments. I split up with my Ex a few weeks ago. I sent Alex an e-mail and he gave me some good advice. I also spent time reading some archives and it cheered me up a lot!
I still think about my last girlfriend a lot and I have found out while us where on a break she had met someone else. It was two weeks later than the split up for good. I felt so bad. I got myself so worked up I was sick a few times and even stopped eating for a week.
Over time I feel I am getting better and don’t blame myself as I had done nothing wrong. When I am alone (before going to bed and of a morning) all I do is think about her and make up silly scenarios in my head of what I would say if I seen her. That gets me upset but I can’t help but think about her and what she may be doing with her new guy. I would love nothing more than to do some serious damage to them both (joke).
So all I can say to anybody who is feeling like the world has come to an end, that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You need to keep busy, go out drinking with friends, and find a girl who you have a flirt with. Whatever you do, don’t sit alone that’s when your mind will wonder and get you upset again.
Jay,
I totally feel you on this one. Stay busy and active. Try not to let you mind wonder off. It will drive you insane.
Sergio, when i look back it seems at thow i was insane to have even got that emotional about it all.
My parents are going away this weekend, I have invited a few people to my home for a few beers, once of which i am interested in. Good luckin girl in deed. All I have to do now is put my new found skills to the test.
Wish me luck!
Alex, have you not thought about adding a forum to this website? or would that defeat the whole point of this blog?
Jay
Good plan Jay, a new girl makes everything better! It will make you completely forget about your ex, and i find is the best way to move on.
Good luck with it!
Eagle, I hope it does. It feels like this pain will never go away.
Jay,
I’ve felt the same, and thought i was the only person to feel how i did, but in fact everyone has seemed to feel that way at some point, and they have all seemed to turn out just fine.
This post has all the ‘rules’ about forgetting her, and trust me, they do work, and for this im truly grateful to this site, so cheers Alex, for sharing your wisdom with everyone, its bloody fantastic!
This weekend help you more than anything, friends, hot birds and a few beers will make your ex disappear from your mind, and just imagine if she could see you enjoying life without her!
Just enjoy yourself mate, remember there’s no one there to nag you after what you’ve done!
Things will get better, i know.
I have been dumped 6 weeks ago by my girlfriend of 7 years and am finding it really hard to cope with, she was my first love . We are both 27 and I went to school with her, I always liked her in school altough she didnt know at the time. So anyway we left school and didnt see each other for years then i bumped into her in a club and we both really fell for each other, we both thought it was forever for the first 5 years or more. We stated living together and things were great for a while. After a bit we started started to drift apart a little. Altough we both still loved each other. Then in November last year I was looking on her myspace page and noticed a couple of guys that lived hundreds of miles away that i didnt know so i asked her who they were, she said she didnt know they just added her as a friend and she accepted them. Then a week later i went on the computer while she was at work and she hadnt logged off, so i had a look in her e mail box and turned out she had contacted them first althoufg it was all fairly innocent waht the had been talking about. She said she was sorry and it would never happen again, she deleted her account and that was that. I started to pay her more attention, taking her out alot etc etc.
Then around Febuary time i started to suspicios again as she was very secretive with her mobile phone, always keeping it in her pocket and on silent etc. I didnt say anything about this.
Then at the end of March i came home from work and asked if i could use her phone to send a text, she gave it to me but looked very worried, when i looked in her inbox there was a message from some guy saying how horny he was feeling, could she send him a picture!! I went nuts and called her all the names under the sun, she was crying and said she was sorry, she loved me, wanted us to stay together etc. I thought about it for a couple days, not sure if i could deal with it or not but decided i could. Things were ok for a couple weeks, but then she went very quiet and distant, i asked her what was wrong and she said she needed space to think about what she wanted. I went to stay with my parents in this time i realised how much i miss her and wanted her. She was unsure she said. We had very little contact in this time. Until one night she text me saying she missed and loved me. I went straight round to see her at we hugged and kissed and one thing led to another, she said she wanted me back. I was so happy and so was she. The next morning we both were at work and she called and said how great everything was. BUT.. when i got home that night she was in tears saying she was having doubts again, i was heartbroken all over again. I went back to my parents and then a couple days later she said it was really over. I made the classic mistake of crying, begging her etc for a while, she just kept saying no. So i moved most of my stuff out. A cuple weeks ago i found out she was out partying all night, i started thinking she had slept with someone else which made me furious so i went round and gave her a mouthful she said she hadnt but that she started talking to guys on the net again, which really hurt me to know she was doing it again. I am finding this really hard to cope with. I found myself checing all her friends myspace pages to see what she had been upto, and looking all the time to see if she was on messenger etc. I have since stopped all of this as i realise i am only torturing myself.
Some times i can be really positive, i have booked a holiday for a couple weeks to stay with friends abroad and when i focus on that it makes me feel good but other times i miss her really bad and it hurts. I love going traveling and spent time in Australia although she wasnt bothered either way saying she wanted to start settling down. I am now thinking of going traveling again which feels good but then at times i still cant accept its over! I was a very confident outgoing person until all of this but it has knocked my confidence somewhat. Sorry for such a long post, just wanted to know what you guys think (if you can be bothered to read it all) as reading some of your posts lastnight really helped me. Cheers guys
DJD -
I know exactly what you are going through. I was with her for six and a half years.
I found out my ex girlfriend had a new guy from the wonderful world of Facebook. I also asked her about it and she lied to me, not knowing what I had seen. I had never felt pain like it. So like you I found myself reading all her friends pages and seeing if she was on the net. I believe that I may have developed some sort of obsession.
I think you taking some time out to visit friends will be a brilliant idea! If only I had friends to visit! Keeping busy is the key and you never know, you may meet somebody new.
Jay
Cheers Jay, sorry to hear of your pain mate. Hope things are getting better for you now.
A lot of good comes from the internet but alot of bad too.
Saying that im so glad i found this site, its helped alot.
Going to recharge my batterys on holiday, get a tan etc. Then come back and try to show her that my life is better without
her even if that aint the case.
DJD
DJD -
Just hang in there, things will get better. Things are starting to get better for me even though at first I thought I would never get over it.
As long as you know you’re not the only one going through this.
DJD,
Mate she seems to be flirting with other guys, my ex did this, she even arranged to go out for drinks with some guy who just asked for her number at work, now they’re shagging, but she ‘doesn’t want to be in a relationship with him because she’s not ready’ (she phoned me just to tell me this!) and it does hurt a lot at first, imagining your ex doing stuff with others guys, but you can move on and it does take time, but eventually you’ll feel so much better without her.
Whilst you’re on holiday, just chat to other girls, there are bound to be plenty who you get on with even better than her (i though there was no one, but i was so wrong!) Being with your mates will be awesome too as you can finally do whatever you want with no questions asked, and no regrets.
Trust me, things get so much better, and this site helps more than anything (cheers alex!)
DJD,
I read your post and I couldn’t believe how similar your situation is to mine. It is tough. I broke up with my girlfriend two months ago and I still feel down and depressed at times. However, I am MUCH better than I was two months ago. This site does really help and all the posts from different people are a great source for recovery. I’m really trying to be strong mentally. I truly believe that things happen for a reason. My relationship with my ex was very stressful but I loved her. Now, I’m stress free and I could focus on other things. There is one problem. My ex calls me from time to time. She wants to remain friends but I can’t do that. My feelings for her are too strong and one day she might meet someone and I don’t think I will be able to handle that. I do so much better when I don’t hear from her because I don’t know what she’s doing or who she’s with but then she calls and tells me about her going out and I get down all over again. I think I’m going to tell her to not call me again. Or maybe I just won’t pick up. I guess I’m just kind of venting. Things will get better.
yea girls tend to that, call to let u know that they’re goin out and having a great time, but think about it for a second, why would she be calling u just to tell u that, if she’s having a blast then u should be the last person she cares to call….. I’m telling u man, girls like to play mind games, I don’t wana say this cause then ill b giving u hope, but she probably wants u back!! now that doesn’t mean u should go running to her like a little boy!! hold ur ground!! next time she calls explain to her that ur not interested in hearing about her social lifestyle, make it clear and don’t argue…. she’s probably gonna lay off for a few days then she’s gonna call, don’t pick up her phone call in the beggining, trust me shell call back!! shell call back a lot more times after seeing u meant what u said…. payback is a bitch!! lol, now from there u got the ball in ur court and if u wana get back wit her then just play ur cards right, if not then ur in the right path of moving on… remember that u should always demonstrate that ur in a peace state of mind, that’s what drives them crazy… that’s why they play these mind games so that u can go crazy!! that’s why she’s calling u to share her new lifestyle…. goodluck dude
A quick update, had to go and get the rest of my stuff from the house yesterday, so she text me to ask what time i would be coming, so i said around 5 pm. She text back and said she probably wont be in then but would leave a key for me to get in hidden, she said she may be back before i had finished unless i didnt want to see her. I text her back to say i wasnt bothered if i saw her or not, makes no difference to me. So i left it until half 5, when i got there she was still there, i just said hi and started to move my stuff, she kept asking me how i was. I put on a really good act as if nothing was bothering me, told her i was fine etc She kept staring at me, looking sad, i just ignored this. So today she text me twice some pointless shit about clearing stuff from the garage, i kept the act up, just being polite but straight to the point. I dont know if i am reading into things too much and dont wanna get my hopes up, because all this has only happened in the last 24 hours and i know how quickly things can change, but i do feel a little confused now.
Thanks for all your comments guys, they are really helping and thanks to Alex for all the good work.
ur doin a great job djd!! if only we were all diciplined like u…. remember being in a peacefull state of mind we can exceed all expectation…its a win win situation. ur in cause if u wana work things out then by u acting soo cool she’s gona practcally be begging to come back… or if it wasn’t meant tobe then atleast ur last impression was of a real man not letting ur real feelings show, women don’t like men acting like little bitches!! this is why I’m telling you all to try to handle ur break up in a cool and professional way!!! this will drive the girls crazy unless ofcourse she wants notin to do with u but if that’s the case then aleast ur last impression is of a real man!!! do ya understand me??
Thanks Leon, i am hardly disciplined though, spent weeks crying and begging her. I think it may have pushed her to far away.
Time will tell i guess though. You are right, its the right way to handle things, just wish i had done it this way from the start.
Cheers man.
Hi All,
Many thanks for all your candid responses about your feelings on this site, its not often us guys can do that and reading all this is really helping. Just to explain I split up from my girlfriend of 5 months about 3 days ago, it was really wierd as before that had been in a 5 year relationship and when that ended I wasn’t too bothered to be honest but it was such an intense 5 months with this girl that when we broke up i seemed to take it really badly. I wanted to cry but for some reason the tears just couldn’t come out, even today 4 days on I haven’t eaten anything other than a bowl of soup. Think the whole thing boiled down to the fact I was really attracted to this girl and when we first got together she was so forward about her feelings towards me that i totally fell for her as hadn’t ever felt that loved so early on by someone before, she kept telling me how perfect I was and how much everyone else thought so too so I really bought into the trap. Having said that a couple of months in I started to notice her blowing hot and cold on me all the time but by that time it was too late for me as had already moved 200 miles away to live near her, when my dad asked me how I really felt about her i said to him “i really like her but i’m not totally sure i can trust her with my heart” she talked about marriage and kids and all the stuff which would normally turn me off but for some reason with this lady it just made me want her more. Then about 10 days ago she just stopped hugging me as much and was only affectionate when heavily drinking (she drinks every night just some more heavily than others) and we went from having sex every day for 5 months to having it once that week. She then told me she felt like it had all been too much too soon but she was the one who was soo keen for me to move closer to her and left me with no friends just round the corner etc so she wanted to call it off. This leaves me in a very lonely space in a place where I have no real friends and so today I made the cardinal mistake of giving her a call and saying “maybe we could just start from the beginning again and see how things go” meaning going out on a date every couple of weeks she agreed. All my friends who I have spoken to on the phone think this is a terrible idea and if I am honest with myself I think it is too as it will just make things harder for me in the long term and it would seem that I am completely her bitch to do whatever she wants with. I really wish I hadn’t made the call and I could have been stronger but in the short term it has made me feel a little better even though I know I am letting myself in for more pain in the longer term. Thanks for reading this thread and giving me the opportunity to vent, if anyone has any suggestions as to how I can sort this situation out with my pride and self respect still in tact then I would love to hear from you.
DJD -
Good work! I think you done the right thing. Let her chase you if she wants you back, then see how you feel.
KLO -
I don’t know if you have read any of my previous comments, like you stopped eating for a week, was sick many times and generally felt ill.
Some tips…
1. Keeping busy - Go out with friends, go out with family.
2. Whatever you do don’t sit on your own and sulk.
3. In time u will look back and think “what the hell was I doing”.
4. Closure - You will always have feelings for her, that can’t be helped but what you have to do is find closure within. My closure was meeting a new girl.
5. Read Alex’s blogs, they have some really good advice.
Jay ;)
Hey guys…
Well me and my ex broke up about two weeks ago, and had some talks the week following our break up. however, she quickly found someone and her attitude completely changed towards me and she began to ignore me and push me out of her life. For the seven months we were together, it was almost like everything was perfect and she fit everything i look for into a girl. Thats the person i can’t let go and to this day it truly hurts to think about all of the good times me and her had together. Also, it seems as if everything reminds me of her; music, places i go, just random stuff… its hard to get my mind off of her, no matter what i do, however things are geting a little bit better..we still talk a little bit, i’m wondering if i should just end all contact with her for now???. any advice guys??? :(
Gary -
If she has found a new guy then I think you need to move on. The worst thing you can do is hang around and wait for her to call you. You need closure.
Read some the previous comments if you haven’t already, they contain a lot of help.
Gary,
I’m finding out the hard way that it’s best to end all contact. It’s been two months since the break up and she’s the one who calls still. I don’t call her but I do pick up the phone and she’ll either ask for a favor or just call to see what I’m up too. I’m so good when I don’t hear from her but then she calls and I’m back at square one. I can’t seem to get over her and if the contact continues, I never will. It’s hard but it’s something that I have to do and so do you. I’ve tried a couple times asking her not to call me but she gets mad and says she’s going to call anyway. So the only thing left to do is not pick up. It’s going to be really tough but that’s the only way she’ll know I’m serious.
Yeh just end all contact, its the best way and allows you to move on without her having her hooks in you. It will be hard but its definately worth it.
Jay,
Thanks mate, i think i done the right thing. Althogh I am worried that she will meet up with one of these guys she been talking to on the net but nothing i can do about that so if she does will just have to worry about that when it happens. At least it will give me complete closure i suppose.
Thanks once again for all your comments., have read all your problems and i feel for you all, just not the right person to be giving advice at the moment!
I found this site today and some of the stuff I’ve read here I can relate to perfectly. My girfriend of 2 years dumped me a little over a week ago. It was hard, because she threw that at me all of a sudden. There was no forewarning that anything like that would happen. Worst of all, I hadn’t seen her for a few days and she dumped me on AIM. I can’t believe that she didn’t have the courage to explain to me in person what she was feeling and that she didn’t want to be in the relationship anymore. So, ever since I’ve been thinking about how that whole thing happened. I’ve tried hanging out with friends and I joined the gym and have started going, but something still seems to be missing. I realized that I don’t really have many female friends, and I was just trying to think of some ways to go about meeting girls. I have been out of the “game” for a little over a couple of years now, so I don’t even know where to start.
Andrew -
I feel for you. The way she handled the break-up was not the best! I think Alex needs to do a blog for women on how to end a relationship. It seems to me that have no tact.
I think you are doing the right things by keeping busy and joining a gym. I am considering joining the gym.
I am 21 and have been out the “game” for 6 1/2 years I don’t know what to do on dates or how to chat a girl up. Thanks where Alex and the guys here help by answering questions and giving great advice.
Sergio and Eagle-
yeah i have been reading through many of the comments left on this topic, and its amazing how i am able to relate to all of you guys, and the advice i am getting is really helpful im not going to lie. I am starting to feel better now, i finally have an appetite, and have finally started getting sleep again, so i guess thats a step forward in the right direction. I’m going to tell the ex that i don’t want to talk anymore, i hope that will also help the healing process… thanks again for your help guys!
Wow, you guys have no idea how much just reading these posts have helped. I broke up with my first serious girl friend of 2 years about 2 weeks ago. I definitely agree with:
1. Not calling her… I did so two times, and I have regretted both times.
2. Working out, running, etc
3. Friends/Life/the works
However, I am in a touchy situation… you see she has my prison break season 1 season 2 (amazing show)… and I’m not quite sure how to handle getting them back. Initially, along with my dream of winning back my x, I envisioned using these dvds as a way/excuse to see her… but now I don’t want to risk all of the “recovery” that I have gone through these last few weeks by seeing her and maybe re-opening wounds. At the same time, I don’t want to be rude for my last time seeing her, so I really don’t know how to handle this.
Thanks so much
scott, i would forget about the DVD mate, is it really worth causing yourself all that confusion and heartache for something you just go and buy again? I think not. I have to go and clear the garage out from my ex place on friday and i am dreading it to be honest. Just going to try and make out like everything is peachy in my life to her again, see how that goes.
Scott -
Dont get the DVD’s. It pain will start over again.
DJD -
Can’t you go clear the garage when she is out? That would be a better idea. Even tell her you would rather go round when she is out.
Yeah, I would forget about the DVD’s too. My ex has a few of my belongings and I have no intention on asking for them. She called me yesterday and like a fool I picked up. I don’t know why but I asked her if she ever thought about getting back with me…big mistake. She said she just needed to be on her own right now and finish school. She said she had too many things on her plate. I’ll be honest, it hurt to hear that but it was completely my fault. I will ignore her phone calls for now.
Jay, i was thinking of doing that, would still have to pick the key up off her. I was hoping to just act cool again, thought it may work in my favour. ? Also she dont know i am going on holiday in 9 days, didnt know weather to send her a text from the airport just something like hi, going on holiday for a couple weeks, maybe see you when i get home. Or weather to just leave it and see if one of our mutual friends tells her. What do you lot reckon?!
Alex,
Thanks a million for the article, it was almost instantently therapeutic.
Carl from March,
Your post reaches out and slaps me across the face. Thanks for the wakeup call.
To the rest of postees,
Anybody who says the World Wide Web does more bad than good is full of shit (except Facebook and Myspace which are nothing but problems waiting to happen).
I thought I should share my story since so many other people’s story has helped me.
I use to work with this girl who crossed my path several times, years later at college. Once at a bar, then a year later I saw her on Yahoo personals and almost bought the gay subscription to talk to her. Several weeks later, I ran into her at the college library and we hit it off. Seemed like a matchmade perfect. We went on our first date on Wednesday and went camping the same weekend. We dated for almost a year and went on several trips togather. Times were almost always grand until we did the long distance relationship in which I cheated on her (its hard to go from sex everyday to sex once a week). Due to a huge concience, I came clean and told her. After many weeks, things began to get back to normal. Then I moved into this really cool house when I got back in town, I dumped her to enjoy my senior college year. We remained friends and kept having the great sex. While we were both seeing other people, she met a so-called ex-professional sport player (no record exist of the one game) who like to brag about his meesly $400,000 bank account. Even graduating in the top five in my engineering program and pulling one of the highest starting salaries of my class. I was and am so depressed I almost ruined graduation and my job. I began drinking profusely and smoking large quanities of marijuana. After graduation I moved home and got even more depressed since my best friend has been at boot camp and training since this stuff started. Yesturday, I finally hit rock bottom calling her like a F##Kn pyscho and leaving her some really nasty messages. I even called the dude to try to ruin what they had, but I only left him a message to call me (in-which he did later that evening). I think that was mostly the alcohol talking. I wish I would have found this site earlier, I could have been enjoying life. All I needed was a little closure so I can move on and make double what that deutsch makes at YMCA (the world needs P.E teachers).
Alcohol and Pot are the WORST ways to handle the matter. Stay away especially if it was a past time you shared togather!
Guys,
I’m so tired of feeling this way and I’m tired of thinking of her. It feels like we just broke up yesterday. Just the thought of her being with someone else kills me. My ex is a beautiful girl and she gets hit on all the time. However, I’m feeling like this because I know what she’s up too and I still talk to her. I know I shouldn’t answer her phone calls but I just feel bad and I think about what if she has a flat tire or is in some kind of trouble..I just don’t know..I need some positive feedback.
Sergio-
I know exactly how you feel. Shortly after i found out my ex was talking to a new guy, i was feeling like complete shit, all of the time. But i realized that by trying to keep tabs on her and the guy and whatever she is up to, it just made my hurt much worse and prolonged it. A few days ago i wrote a post asking whether or not i should end all contact with my ex. I listened to advice given and trust me, i already am feeling better. I told her i didn’t want to talk to her anymore, and deleted her off my friends list on facebook (i know, it sounds pathetic but it helps)… when ever i would look at her facebook or talk to her, it just brought all of the hurt back at once… About a week ago i felt more depressed than i ever have in my entire life because of the break-up with my ex. But just by reading the posts on here and Alex’s article, it really helps to relate what I am going through to what others are or have went through. So just hang in there Sergio, and try your best to end contact with her, its going to hurt like hell at first, but you will start feeling much better soon thereafter. Trust me, about a week ago i was going through exactly what you are, and i am now starting to feel better, thanks much to this website…
thanks guys… these are 2 full seasons though… worth about $100 which is a s*** load (I’m a poor college kid)… i might pull the d*** move and just have one of my friends who happens to be a girl pick them up for me.
I do see your point. Thanks for the speedy and honest reply. This is a very active blog.
To: J
I definitely identify with you. Pot and alcohol are probably the worst ways to deal with this. Plus… its not fun knowing that you (or in my case me) just blew 150$ on those two items… only to get find a week later that it still hurts.
To: Sergio
My gf dumped me for another guy… who she had been seeing one on one (b*****) for about half of the time we were dating. When i would get jealous she would tell me that there was nothing to be jealous about. Then about 2-3 weeks before we broke up she said “you know you’re right i shouldn’t hang out with him anymore.” Then the breakup. Then i made the worst mistake of “catching up” with her after 2 weeks of not talking. She told me that she was friends +more with him again. This btw is me not only venting but also saying that i relate to you.
So my advice for you is to realize that both you and her are moving on to other people. Keeping tabs on her only makes you realize the painful truth that she is also moving on. The best solution to help with this pain is to not contact her. I actually changed her phone number contact name to www.justkeepthechange.com so i remember that it just is simply to painful to try to catch up.
About the flat tire comment, I wouldn’t be to concerned about not answering her phone call if she is in need. Hopefully she has other friends who can help her, and if it is really an emergency, she would leave message and you would be able to listen to it and see if it was absolutely necessary to contact her.
To: DJD (double post cause by helping people I help myself… yes i am a selfish bas**rd )
I can only imagine all of the pain you have gone through, I’ve been struggling a lot with breaking up with a 2yr gf, your 7 yr gf must be absolute torture for you.
DJD I think that you need to realize that you are going to end up torturing yourself if you don’t seek certainty or closure. Going back and forth between: well she is flirting with me so there is a chance and well its time to get over her will drive you insane. While its way easier said then done you need to confront her and say something like:
“you are giving me mixed messages. I need to know whether or not to move on. I can not tolerate you toying with my emotions by giving me false hopes. Do you still want to date or do you not?”
Say you are giving her only 1 day to think about it and that you will call her at a given time. Then pick up your stuff from the garage and leave.
If she says yes she still will date you, thats great. If not, then there are no more mixed messages, you don’t have to worry about texting her at the airport. With time you might even be able to go back to being friends… but just keep the mindset what happens happens, and don’t be afraid to move on.
DJD I hope this helps. Like I said before, if this was as easy to do as it was to say then chances are that I wouldn’t also be asking for help as well on this blog.
:D gl
P.S. if you or anyone else her wants to talk more I will gladly give out myspace/facebook. Honestly, I love helping people.
Just don’t be pervs or psychos
Well, I feel a whole lot better today. You guys will be happy to know that I have written a letter to my ex and left it in her mailbox stating to not contact me anymore. I feel pretty good about it. She hasn’t tried calling but if she does I will ignore it. Thanks guys.
She’s called twice today and I didn’t pick up. I feel kind of bad but I know it’s the right thing to do.
thats good to hear man… im glad you’re starting to feel better.. trust me with every day you will start to feel better as you distance yourself from her
Oh and Scott… that is a brilliant idea of switching the name of your ex to justkeepthechange.com, so i followed suit and did the same thing haha
J -
As you have found out it’s a bad move to make contact. I hope you find your closure soon, you will feel 100000000 times better (As long as you stay away from facebook!).
Sergio -
I think you have done the right thing. Speaking to her will only screw you up even more. Damn sometimes I wish she would ring me but it will bring all the emotions back.
Scott -
Sending another girl round to get the DVDs may look to be petty. The last thing you want it to burn bridges.
I am going to change her contact name to www.KeepTheChange.com. I really like that idea! I keep seeing her name on my mobile/cell phone and that distracts me as i start thinking about her. If you want you can add me to Facebook, only thing is not too keen giving out my personal information that everyone can see.
Gary -
Do you look back and think ‘What the hell was i doing getting so upset’? I do every day (Except to day)
On a personal note -
I have felt pretty bad today. I went to a local Theme Park with friends. As soon as I got to the theme park it reminded me of a time when I stayed in the local hotel and went to the theme park. It was one out best times together! It brought back all the memories so all I could think about was her and the good times we had.
I wish I could just go to her home right now and give her a big hug kiss and we will get back together, but I have to move on.
Good point with the DVD’s J
J or anyone else if you want to talk just email me at this throw away account, and I will give you my facebook or real account.
ilackcreativitysostfu@yahoo.com
Jay-
yeah i do look back at the times that i was beyond upset and wonder how i could let myself get so down, and im much happier now than i was now that i have pushed her completely out of my life… Also, I know exactly how you feel with the Theme Park thing, I’ve been to a few places since the break up and i just get completely upset and sad, and the same thing happens when i hear music of her favorite bands, it just triggers all of the good memories i had with her. I know how it feels and it sucks.
Scott -
I have e-mailed you my name, add me on facebook and MSN messenger!
I asked a girl out on a date (I finnaly grew a pair of balls) i was thinking of taking her the local zoo. I thought it would be a good place tog o as we could talk and have a bit of fun. What do you guys think?
I haven’t talked to my ex in three days. She called a couple times but I didn’t answer. I’m not going to lie, I do miss her and I’m starting to think about her again but mentally I’m stronger now and I’m not going to give in.
Jay- the zoo sounds like a cool place to take her. Make sure it’s not too hot though. Women and heat don’t mix well.
Sergio -
give it a week, might be the longest ever week but you will get over her(again). U just gota keep your cool and don’t give in to any temptations!
I havent asked her if thats ok, i shall ask her tomorrow.
My gf and I just broke up two days ago and I think it’s for real this time, 2 years :? :( … but she was a virgin before me and the thought of another guy having sex with her kills me :( she never cheated on me and I loved her, but I don’t know how to get over her and how to deal with it when i find out shes sleeping with another guy… please help :( :( i’m depressed over this stupid love stuff
Bryan,
I know the feeling (the thought of her sleeping with someone else) all too well. That was my biggest obstacle. I finally just had to accept it and realize that one day she will/might be with someone else but… YOU will too. Sex is just physical. It’s the emotional part that matters. Right now, just try not to think about it and don’t let those thoughts come in your head. You have to learn to just accept it. There are thousands of girls out there waiting to meet you. Alex said it best “she is JUST a girl”.
Sergio, thanks… Now I’m stuck in another predicament… AHH!! i don’t know how to handle all of this… Ok, so we broke up last week, but we were supposed to be going to Europe together in 2 weeks for my graduation with my family… the breakup was rough and at first the thought of Europe was gone… but now she is still going, and I’m glad she is because we have both been looking forward to it for about 8 months… but I still love this girl, and I would love to continue a relationship, but all she wants is to be friends… also, I know i shouldnt have done this, but i got into her myspace and read a message she had with another guy last week while we were together, and she sent him a picture of her ass.. now I consider that cheating, but I don’t want to confront her for it because I snuck onto her myspace to find out…. I know i know, i’m really messed up…. i am so lost :(
Bryan you should just de-invite her. Read every reply here, all 90ish of them. They help.
Please realize that your girlfriend probably does not want to get back with you if she is showing her ass online to another guy and that you should not feel obligated to take her to Europe. All that this would do is make your graduation “shittier” and not bring you closure
My story relates a lot to yours. My ex broke up with me a week before Prom. She had even bought a $500 dress for it. I told her that I wasn’t taking her to Prom, simply because it would not be fun and would not bring us closure. We were both looking forward to Prom, but… shit happens.
I would leave her in the dust, sending a picture of her ass to another guy days after you guys broke up? No offense but she is not worth the pain.
P.S.
Every guy hates to think of their ex sleeping with another person.
Why are you guys still talking with your exes when thats clearly stopping you from getting closure and moving on?
Observe the NO CONTACT RULE and stop letting them f**k with your heads.
i was listening to No Woman, No Cry by bob marley today and i thought it was pretty fitting to what i have been going through and what some of you other guys are going through, so you guys should listen to it, it helps me lol
Hi guys, my ex told me about 4 weeks ago after we had a bit of a fight that she didnt think she was happy anymore and she was confused and didnt know what she wanted anymore and she didnt even know if it was me that it was her, i got really mixed up by this, she wanted to meet later that nite so i went to hers and was as nice as i could be, i told her i was sorry for being grumpy with her etc, anyway it ended up with tears and she said that she thought it may be best to end it, i pleaded with her to rethink it and said we could work it out, she told me she would sleep on it, and contact me the next day! like a fool the next morning I wrote her a letter telling her my feelings for her and a plead for another chance, i then sent her 24 red roses and 2 concert tickets for her and 1 of her female friends, she sent me a txt to thank me for the gifts etc and seemed really nice to me, she said she still didnt know what she wanted at the moment and she just want a few days to think, a few days later she called over to my house to talk, it was as though she was just a friend when she came over she said again that she still didnt know what to do and wasnt my fault, i said to her lets go out some evening and have fun cause we hadnt been out in a while with her exams etc so she gave in to me and the next week we met up went to crazy golf and went bowling it was fun we laughed and played about, at the end of the evening she said that it seemed like we had gone out as friends and it hadnt helped her make up her mind we talked more, i mentiond moving to a different county and she started to cry and said it seemed like i was wanting her out of the picture, i was confused cause she was breaking up with me, after that nite, the next day we txt and she told me that she cared for me but needed time and space for her, i had an operation planed before the split, that hurt me that she would bring this all up before i surgery, i went in anyway i was sitin in the hospital after the operation and i had no pain from the wound i wasnt even thinking about it all i could thnk about was my girl, a couple of days later she txt me and said she was coming to see me in the hospital to see i was ok but under no circumstance to get my hopes up, when she arrived she looked great she seemed to have put more efort it than usual, she told me how she was havin a good week and was goin to some party, how good things where for her, this time i played it cool and said i was glad things where goin well and her exams etc, just talked like friends, when she was leaving she said she would hear from me at some stage, i sent her a txt that nite to thank her for the visit she ignored it, over a week went past and i got out of hospital but she never contacted me not even to see if i was ok as far as she knew i was still in hospital, i gave in to temptation and txt her the next day she replyed to say she was fine, hoped i was feelng better and that she knew now for sure she had made the rite choice ending the relationship, i began to hurt as bad as i did when she 1st mentioned the break up, this last 4 weeks has been torture for me not knowing if it was over or not, giving myself false hope then getin knocked back down, i cant get her out of my mind i miss her so bad i went on her bebo page and saw she is going out with friends etc and i wasnt part of it i have been moved from her top frinds list to like he 37th friend, i keep thinking of all the time we had together, all the places we went, xmas new year, birthdays, valintines, etc, she was such a sweetheart my family loved her to we had lots in common, nice looks and great personality, we even had a similer circle of friends who ive also lost, i thought she was the one,i pictured us having a future together, i have never met a girl as caring and sweet as her before, she stood by me at times when other people didnt, and i dont know if there could posably be another girl like that out there, i just am tearing myself to pieces at the moment over her, i only think of the good things/times i cant even think about the times she pissed me off, all i can think that my girl is not with me anymore, i miss her shes probably having fun without me and i dont think she really cares whether im hurt or not, its as though i dnt exist to her, great blog sorry for being so long!
Well im never going to stay loyal to another girl again its just a waste they’re all just going to end up braking your heart in the end anyway so no more mr.loyal man for me im just goin to go out and FUCK all the girls i can and never get in a serious relationship again cuz its not worth it.
Chris,
You gotta let her go and give her some space. I know it hurts and the situation sucks but I know what I’m telling you. I’ve been there. I begged and pleaded and still ended up losing her.
Mike,
I understand how you could feel this way, I felt like that at one point. However, there ARE nice girls out there that are worth it.
Lads, seriously make sure you dont have any free time, ive had a lot recently and i went back to as if everythings just finished, i couldn’t stop thinking of her and wishing how i could have done things differently, and thinking that we were the the best thing ever. I was right back to basics, even though i knew i was over her. Its weird how a first love can break you all the way back down, all the hard yards i’d managed to make after her had turned to a pile of shit and i wanted her back although she is completely wrong for me!
It really really helps to remember the bad times, get rid of everything that reminded you of her (i admit i made that mistake and didn’t, i clung on to a few photos)
Just re-reading this post helps so bloody much, and stick to what it says, especially no love songs you shared (that plus the photos reduced me to a crying wreck!)
Chris, its going to be seriously hard for you mate, she is acting like a complete bitch, and she seems not to care for you despite everything, and just wants the pathetic self confidence that someone wants her, so really really follow the tips Alex gave and move on, they have been the best advice anyone has given, but make sure you follow them completely, or you’ll have a relapse like i had today, and it is seriously shite!
Im wrote this as my feelings came, so just to say im no longer emotionally all over the shop, im more focussed on getting over her forever as i said in an earlier post, she doesn’t fucking care about it, and i dont want to give her the satisfaction of her knowing she has some control over me.
The best thing i have learnt from all this is that there is ALWAYS someone out there better for you than she was, you just have to find her!
Also Brian, your ex WILL sleep with other people, and it hurts so much to think of, it still haunts me and gives me nighmares, but remember, you also will also sleep with other people, it may take time, but shagging another girl will help so much, its very cliched but rebounds help more than anything, so get involved with another bird (dont jump into another relationship!)and it will completely take your mind off her.
Good luck mate.
Sorry to post yet again, but listen to sell out, by reel big fish, it gives you a great mentality, not quite so sure about by the no woman no cry by bob marley, but any song that helps is awesome!
Hi guys,
I have been reading your posts and really get some comfort by reading them. Im not alone with my feelings and you all give me the vision about being more happy than ever once I work myself through this break up.
I am a creative and very social guy. I usually give my gf alot of love and have no problem with get as much as I give into it.
But… I got depressed, you know that thing that happens after 2-3yrs in a relationship. You stop solving problems and give each other love. Your partner is just there for comfort but you cant really feel the love thingy besides the need for close contact.
In my case it got my girlfriend angry, cranky and irritated over all I did. Instead of complimate my efforts she saw what I didnt do and told me that.
It broke me down. I lost my confidence and no matter how much I tried we could not get it right.
I know a big part of the problem in these cases are that we dont communicate the right way about our needs and expectations but it is so hard to change that once you are in that down going spiral.
Well, my stress level rised and I started to give up on her and me making us happy (typical man thingy to think he should make the couple happy). I started to play wow (fuck that shit) and disconnect from the problems in the real world.
It went so far that I broke up with my gf. She cried and screamed for a week but that week I just felt the pressure flow away and my ambitions and dreams come back.
When I was back on my feet with what i wanted from life and myself she was gone mentally.
I tried to explain my behavior and reasons why. I have tried to show how I WILL change into that attractive person I know I am and she once fell in love with. But she cant trust me after watching me on the way down.
Right now im on the way back. I have asked my ex (see :), I referr to her as an ex) if she will give us one more chance two times now. The answer is dual.
She dont want to take the risk or jump into something, and I dont blame her.
To me it doesnt matter all the world, she is a terrific girl and possible-future-wife but so is the next girl.
But now I want to show myself and her that I can change and be that man once again.
We said that we will try to be friends and thats ok with me. She cant remember our good times atm which makes me sad but I remember us laughing and being relaxed with each other. Maybe our relationship wasnt meant for love at all since we havent had the best sex or incredible passion. But I think we can be very good friends.
1st week i was relieved
early 2nd week i was in panic and lonely
late 2nd week i was thinking and solving
3rd week I am going confident and determined
My worst nightmare is not that she will see someone new or have sex. My nightmare is to loose her as friend.
I hope that she will open up and enjoy spending time with me.
And btw, we still live together and do stuff, cry and talk. Someone lecture me about not closing up and disconnect pls.
When we move out I will feel sad again but hopefully we are friends by then.
About that down going spiral. Since I dont want to be there again I have read alot of forums and a book about why it happens and how to break it. And I KNOW that I will make it work next time.
Next time is for marriage and kids for me :).
(And btw, i have ditched my computer wich I played wow on)
A tip for you that feel like shit now. Read this and other forums. Over and over again. You will finally believe that you are just in that phase atm. Best thing is that you will see what will come next.
My best tip is to write down what you want to improve. Learn it and commit to it for your own personal benefit and no one elses. Make it a goal with your life and DO IT.
Right now I am getting more fit and more social for each day. Halleluja!!
One more thing, DO NOT LET YOUR EX PLAY TRICKS ON YOU. Whatever she did earlier to make you feel guilty or small she did for the reason that it worked for a short time. She got stuck into it as much as you. That crazed voodoo power has vanished now and look at it as just a pathetic try to control you.
Write a forum and show yourself that you go from panic/loneliness to one determined bad ass.
Tomorrow I will take full control of all my base!
hf/
David
Thanks all you guys that read my (long) blog, your comments really do help, I am feeling abit better about things, i went out today and got myself some good close etc, it is best to try and feel as good about yourself as you can, ive found myself wearing my most stylish cloths, my best aftershave etc going out in public and talking to everyone you can, i find this helps, at the start i found myself siting in my house in my pj’s growing a beard and feeling sorry for myself, that was bad. the problem is that alough i think she is out of my system she keeps sliping back in tomy mind usually in the morning or at nite, but even when i drive by some place we went together, a song on the radio, a band she liked, a tv program we watched together, everything brings back the memories, I do tend to forget about the bad memories though, like we had been plannig to go on holiday in sept but she canceled on me to go with her friend instead, She was the first girl i have ever been in love with, she was my first long term relationship and it was the same for her she had only dated a guy for a couple of weeks before me, she told me how much she loved me rite up to a couple of weeks before the break up, but told when she broke it off with me that she was putting on a brave face the last month of our relationship, this also hurt bad as during this time we had seemed to get on so good, I just keep wondering what shes doing or if shes going out or how her family are keeping, i just have to keep repeating to my self that its none of my business anymore, i should probably just go out and have fun with other girs as i am still young and didnt have the chance when i was with my ex as she was my first proper girlfrind, but its so lonely at the moment we where in contact everyday before this, she was not only my girlfriend and lover but she was also my best friend!!! I have just lost faith that there could be another girl as good as she was out there, this maybe makes me sound like a pussy but i went out today to try and interact with other girls but ive become really nervous around them now i have no idea how to even interact with girls anymore, ive forgoten how to get in the game, ive i could get back in the game this may help me to get her off my mind!
Chris mate, i can really relate to your story, ive felt the same as you, its hard to forget as there is a big gap where she used to be and nothing seems to fill it, and you find yourself always thinking of her during this time when you have nothing else to do.
Good for you for going out and meeting people, get a new interest it will help a lot, and just try and keep as busy as you can, go to the gym, go drinking with mates and just enjoy yourself, your game will come back to you!
You’ll soon learn there ARE other girls who are just as good, if not even better!
Stay strong.
Hey guys,
I have dated this girl for 2 years and have been on and off for 2 additional years. She was my first love and I was her first love. In the beginning, things were great, we loved each others company. I was knew to relationships so I admit that I used to mess up a lot. Like never pick up my phone, always late in picking her up from work,etc. We began to argue about small and petty things like that. One day she made out with her co-worker when she was drunk. And she told me about this. The one thing this girl did, was tell me everything even though it was bad. So we broke up but were still REALLY close. She started talking to this guy she knew in high school, and told me that they were just friends. She ended making out with him too and tells me about it. Me being so naive, I say its ok hoping that it would work out in the future between us. It doesnt stop there guys.
A year ago, were still in the same situation, off and on. And she starts talking to this other guy. This time she tells me that she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. She breaks up with me, and Im really sad. Within a week her and this other guy have sex, and he ends up just using her. He had a girlfriend which he just cheated on with my “ex.” And my “ex” knew he had a girlfriend too. So she starts calling me and telling me what happend all sad and stuff. And what do I do? I say that im there for you, and I’ll comfort you hoping in a way she will take me back.
So the beginning of this year, we agree “split up” for good, date other people and then come back. However, this never worked out because we were too close to each other. Recently she met this other guy and has been talking to him late hours of the night, almost every night. And again she says he’s just a friend.
Im at the point where i constantly check her phone, and i ask her but she gives a answer like “that was just a friendly conversation or text message.” We argue almost every week and its getting mind numbing to the point where I cant concentrate on my school work. I constantly think about what shes doing, who is she talking to, why hasnt she called me. Even though we are not a official couple but still pretty damn close
Honestly, I treat this girl like shes a queen. I do whatever she asks me to do. Im there for her whenever she needs me. All her friends see that I really care about her. My friends dont think she’s right for me and neither does some of my family members. Even some of her family members ask why do I put up with her shit. She honestly doesn’t respect me to the point where she should.
She keeps telling me how she loves me, and how were meant for each other, and how were both going to get married. And I fall for those lines, while she does what she is doing to me.
Honestly, it hurts me to think for her to be with another guy. Im not that big of a guy, shes the same height as me. She told me once that if she dates another guy, he will have to be tall, she doesn’t want to date another short guy.
I dunno what to do anymore, I think about her ALL the time. Its even harder because we go to the same college and in the same major, so we see each other a lot.
I keep hoping things will change and we’ll be happy again. Am I wrong to?
Sean, your in a very tricky situation, your emotions must be all over the place and i really feel for you.
As a general rule, your first love never lasts forever.
She is saying all this stuff, im sure most people here have heard it before, and it does make you much more emotionally bound to her… but if she keeps speaking to ‘friends’ as much as she does, and she keeps doing it although you’ve said that you really dont like it and it makes you feel uncomfortable about it then, although it will hurt big time, id try to move on, although your circumstances will obviously make this difficult.
To me it seems as she is taking you for granted, as someone who she can see when she likes and will always be there and is her ’safety net’ option - she will always have you to fall back on when something ‘better’ doesn’t work. Her behavious makes her seem a bit insecure - she needs someone in her life. Most importantly, its getting you down, which is not good for you. You need to put yourself first mate.
I did the same as she is doing to you to my ex, i cheated on her a couple of times, im greatly embarrassed and ashamed of this and wish i could turn back time, but ultimately it wouldnt work after i had done this as all the trust had gone, and you cant have a good solid relationship without trust.
She knows you love her unconditionally, which means she will be more inclined to do it again as she knows you will always get back together. The fact that you’re still together after all this shows that its strong, but it will never be the same, and my mum (!) and a lot of her friends who have all been through messy divorces have said that if you are really right for someone then cheating wont happen, so i really recommend ending it, it will save you a whole lot of pain in the future, and you wont wont fuck up your life because of her, and lates face it, its definately not worth screwing yourself up over one girl.
As for the her having sex with other people, for me this was one of the hardest things to overcome, im still not completely there, but as cliched as it sounds time is the greatest healer and you will meet someone better.
Good luck.
I agree with you totally Eagle, couldn’t have said it better myself.
Sean I empathize with you, I felt like my ex took me for granted too. Its painful, she “moved on” after 1 week… pisses me off, but I have to let go.
I don’t know you, but just from how obvious it is that you care for her I know that you are a good guy and deserve someone better.
My advice is to see her, talk to her, and think of her less every day. That puts you in a tough pickle with your major/college. I would try to just say a polite hi and get away.
Which is way harder to do then it is to say. One idea is to find a new hobby or just something to take your mind off of her. Something that I started doing was blogging to help other people though a break up.
http://relationshipshurt.blogspot.com/
if you care to look.
Sean,
I have one reflection that might help. It seems that she is giving you a bad confidence.
She tells you that you are not enough and that the next guy will be different from you. How crushing isnt that?
Does she complain about what you dont do?
She tells you that she wishes that you would be something else?
Do you feel that she comp