Written on Sunday 11 May by Alex Kay
Why Bad Boys get all the Hot Women, and Nice Guys don’t even get close
A bad boy is sexy. There’s something about that sly smile; that look in his eyes. He just turns women on wherever he looks.
He moves like an alpha male in the animal kingdom: Relaxed and confident. Almost too relaxed. Almost too confident.
So what exactly defines a bad boy?
In its most simple definition, a bad boy is someone who works outside the norms of society. He doesn’t follow rules, he f**king makes them himself!
It’s really all about the mindset; the attitude. He just doesn’t give a damn.
A bad boy is also incredibly unpredictable. One moment he might be your best friend; the next you’re outside getting your ass kicked. For no reason at all.
His looks witness his personality; adventurous, unpredictable, raw. Exactly what he wears doesn’t matter - it’s the way he wears it that counts.
Typical bad boy traits:
- He always put himself first.
- Does what he wants, whenever he wants.
- He’s extremely arrogant.
- Abuse the people around him.
- He’s really dominant
- Create a lot of drama.
- Has high masculinty.
- Has very high sexual confidence, and he knows how to please a woman.
- He’s dangerous, and you never really know where you have him.
- Lead an exciting life.
- Gets a lot of girls.
And it’s that last trait that’s interesting. Bad boys generally get lots of girls. And even though they treat them like sh*t, they keep coming back… Because the sex is so exciting. And not only the sex:
Everything about the bad boy is exciting. Being with one is like riding a giant roller coaster for a woman; there are incredible emotional highs, and there are incredible emotional lows.
Wussies and nice guys
Wussies on the other hand, are almost the exact opposite. In “pick up glossary”, a wussy can also be called an “AFC” - an Average Frustrated Chump. You could also call him a needy guy, or a nice guy, whatever works for you.
Nice guys generally don’t get girls. And when most nice guys do get laid, they often refer to it as “getting lucky”.
Typical nice guy traits:
- He’s available all the time.
- dresses “nice”.
- Only talks about “death topics” (family, politics, economy etc.)
- Calls 27 times a day, and leaves “cute messages” in her voicemail.
- Compliments her all day long (mostly on her looks)
- His bodylanguage is “stiff” (center of gravity in the middle, arms hanging pointlessly at the sides)
- Never takes risks.
- He is dependable, and she always knows exactly where she haves him.
- Always shows up 10 minutes early.
- Live a boring, predictable life.
- Doesn’t get a lot of girls. Few to none actually.
- And when he does, she usually ends it with the “let’s just be friends” phrase.
Said in simpler words, a wussy is boring as hell.
And who wants boring? I know for sure that I don’t. My life is too short for boring.
What women really want
A lot of girls feel the same. They want entertainment, someone to have fun with, someone to excite them. They want drama, someone to make them feel!
Most guys don’t make women feel anything else than plain boredom.
If she feels like she’s in complete control over the situation, if there’s no element of excitement, no surprises and if you’re so predictable, she actually knows what you’re going to do before you do it, you become boring. Booooring I tell you.
Don’t let that happen!
So now we have the definitions of both a bad boy and a wussy (or a nice guy).
My guess is that, since you’re reading this, you’re interested in having more success with women.
You know from your own life that lots of the bad guys often get the good girls. Now you have more of an idea why that is.
But you don’t want to turn into an abusive jerk just to get good with women, right? That probably wouldn’t work anyway.
So we have to find a better solution…
What about taking all the good stuff from the bad boys, and ditching all the negative?
Wouldn’t that create the perfect man? I certainly think so.
Because there usually are a lot of negative things to say about the typical bad boy.
He’s usually very paranoid. He is over-protective, controlling, jealous, and basically wants to keep her for himself. These are very negative traits, since trust and respect are the building stones for every successful relationship.
He’s mentally unstable. He’s inconsiderable, selfish and abusive. And once again, the list could go on and on.
Then what IS so sexy about the bad boy?
Most women become addicted. Addicted to the drama, addicted to the amazing sex, addicted to his masculinity and confidence.
For high self-esteem women, one day she can’t take it anymore. She decides to leave, the drama has become too much.
For low self-esteem women on the other hand, they often stick to him like flies stick to flypaper. A lot of women end up getting married to bad boys.
Enough about the bad boys…
Let’s focus on making you better.
The first step is to realize your “bad” nice guy traits, and why they just don’t cut it.
For this to happen, you have to gain some knowledge on female psychology. (There should be a lot of info on this site… Also check out the book review of “double your dating”, where David spends a great deal of time talking about just that.)
The next step is to eliminate your bad traits. This is easier said than done. If you have been a wussy all your life, knocking him out of you easily can take some time, and it needs a lot of self-realization.
At the third step it’s time to pick up some new traits.
The balance between bad boy and nice guy looks something like this:
- You are dominant without being domineering.
- You are masculine without being macho.
- You are forthright and trustworthy.
- You are considerate without being placating.
- You are strong yet gentle.
- You are mysterious without being deceiving.
- You are exciting without being reckless.
- You are sexually exciting in the bedroom and a gentleman in the living room.
-David Shade.
I think this explains my point pretty damn good.
Work on creating a more exciting life and personality, work on your confidence, work on your skills… That’s a pretty good start.
Being “the man” is all about being yourself, about being the best you.
Learn from the bad boys, but be careful not picking up their negative traits on the way. That’s the lesson from today guys.
This is a topic I will be writing more about in the future, so stay tuned. And please don’t hesitate to ask in the comments if you have any questions.
To your success with women,
Alex Kay
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Great post, you really wrapped it up nicely at the end there. I think I can see what you’re saying in alot of ways. I went through the wuss/nice guy phase for a while there when I liked a girl too much once, and the other confident guy who was in many way what you described… he ended up getting her even though I put in way more effort (hence the problem). I hated that guy, and learned an important lesson. Well said.
Well thanks Jason ;)
Yeah. Guess it turned out for the best anyway then.
I also have quite a few of those stories… Funny to think about how clueless I was at the time!
Another great read Alex.
I believe that girls feel secure. I the bad boy has money then I think they see it as a bonus and makes them feel even more secure and stable. Many of the bad boys I have come across in my time have been pretty horrible to some REALY nice girls.
It upset me and I feel I have alot more to offer in terms of just being nice, kind and maybe show them some love, but that doesnt make them feel secure.
Jay, just want to be sure: Do you think that bad boys are attractive because they make girls feel secure? That sounds counter-intuitive to me. Please elaborate :)
Hi Alex,
I always know this fact but do not know the reason behind it.
Thanks for showing it to me :)
I love this article very much.
All the my bad boy friends and neighbors are now either in prison or got HIV and in bed or working low level jobs to meet ends.
Being a bad boy may got a lot of girls, but it may cause your whole life sinking down the drain in long run.
Oh, wait… most of the bad boys die in their mid 20 any way so they don’t need to worry about life.
And, you are not bad boy if you worry about your future. :-P
Raymond, always glad to teach a thing or two. Thanks for your kind words my friend :)
KM, haha! Yeah…
But this article is not about being a bad boy per se, it’s more about taking the positive and attractive traits that many bad boys do have.
Hi Alex…
u pointed my weakness straight to the point :( be a good guy not a nice guy. That’s what I need to learn! Thanks for the tips!
Btw, when you talk about being mysterious. Is it the same as being cool?
Robert
Robert,
be a good guy, not a nice guy… That’s quite true. It’s great to be gentle and polite, but it’s just important not to become boring.
To answer your question: Being mysterious is one of the things you could say it takes to be “cool”.
But cool is pretty hard to define.
Cool just means cold, and cold people are often pretty mysterious, because they are so “cool” that they do not let anybody “in”.
Being mysterious is pretty attractive if done the right way. Being mysterious is to not reveal everything about yourself (at least not right away).
Hope this helps.
Rock hard! :)
Hi im 18, and for the most part I honestly want to get done what I need to get done rather than worry about women. Just a waste of time on my part, and my penis usually keeps me happy. Be yourself and try to be more focused on whats going to happen in your future rather than being paranoid all the time about women. Money can get you anything you want, and if you have an education, your better off being someone rather than being a nobody. I look at it this way. You walk around like a dumbass you will be a looked at as a dumbass. And any girl is dumb enough to be with you, you’re dumb enough to be with her. Know what I mean?
Taking on the principles of this article, the main point is to actually not worry about women.
But I don’t think it’s a waste of time.
And sure, money can buy you things, but it can not make you happy. Happiness comes from within.
And of course, walking around like a dumbass is a dumb idea. I know what you mean Carlo, but I don’t understand why you’re saying it in reply to this article.
Alex
Alex - The bad boys where I live drive nice cars and have allot of money. They often seem like tough guys who can handle themselves. The girls they have are very pretty, (I know looks are not everything) but that what bad boys generally go for.
So with the money and a tough, bad ass guy I feel that maybe the reason why the girls feel very secure.
This is just my opinion, hope I have elaborated enough and not repeated myself :P
Jay
Really great post. I’m a moderate so I always look for a way to win both sides and you’ve done it perfectly.
Jay, I see what you mean now. Thanks for elaborating! :)
Zack, appreciate the words man. I see myself as a moderate, too. Balance is usually the best choice.
We women may love to catch and date bad boys. But women with self-esteem will dump a bad boy for a good guy 8 days of the week when it comes time for relationships and marriage.
We find drama fun in small doses, but in everyday life, we want predictable. Predictable means security because we know what to expect and that we can count on the good man we married. We also want that good man to know he can count on us.
We want a good father for our kids and a good man wants a good mother for his kids.
Bad boys may seem like the thing to chase, but the good guy, just like you describe him (and how to become him) is a good woman’s key to life-long happiness.
Great article, Alex!
Sherri
Just as I thought, Sherri. I love it when I am right ;)
Funny how the women mind works…
Thanks for your insightful words, comments from women are always highly appreciated.
When I met that balanced guy - I straight married him. I miss him very much and I’ll tell you what
I thought that he was such a find because it feels like either *most* guys are on the super nice guy thing (I have nothing against nice guys though.. I’ve dated them) and the polar opposite bad*ss thing.
Of course a bad*ss can be unreasonably attractive but I do keep my distance because getting crushed isn’t my idea of a great time in life. I found it pleasantly interesting to read that you thought women with self esteem manage to do this.. its so true. When I was younger.. more unsure (or whenever I have a short stint of being insecure) approval from the bad boy would feel like my whole world.
*shudders*
the drama IS too much for lil ole me
That balance is so.. great to me. And with the right guy? Well its JEMi heaven! If I ever find it again I’m jumping on that boat and am not getting off.
JEMi -
You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.
Like you… when I find the right girl
I wont be jumping off the boat.
I see JEMi… Must have been hard.
Yeah, a lot of guys are kind of extreme. It’s that balance that’s the real find.
Always glad to have some of my “theories” approved by a woman. Thank you!
I hope that you’ll soon find a guy that’ll take you to JEMi heaven! ;)
Jay,
Just remember that from every experience there is something to be learned. And when you learn, you do not fail. You move on!
Take care both of you :)
[…] I see very clearly what was wrong. I was a complete and total wuss. Read up on the post Why Bad Boys get all the Hot Women, and Nice Guys don’t even get close for a definition of what that is. I was the nice guy of nice […]
Really learn somethings here and realized that female phsychology is essential.
I am just trying to get those good thing from bad guys and finally I can thanks to Alex
Wish for me!
(edited a few spelling mistakes - Alex)
I am *so* glad I somehow stumbled upon your blog, Alex. You’re spot on here - exactly what I’ve been telling my guy friends for years.
Somewhere the between the bad boy and the nice guy is the ideal guy - balance is key, just like it is with everything else in life. :)
I love the way you ended this entry, btw!
SabbIR, I wish for you man :)
Chanel, you mean the list?
Thanks for the words, always glad to know I am right ;)
You sound like an intelligent woman!
Crap. all crap. want to be successful at dating?
-dress like you live in the present and look in the mirror before you leave and can say, “i look cool.”
-have a life of your own/don’t make me the center of your universe. at least not until we’ve been together for a good long time.
Alexandra, all good advice…
But that doesn’t help men actually meet you. Sure, you might say “he just have to go up and talk to me”… But I think we both know that’s not entirely true.
There are a lot of factors playing in when meeting and dating women.
“Looking cool” and living a life of your own definitely helps, though.
Alex
That’s good post, goddamn :)