A dating question from a reader:
Iestyn wants to win back his ex-girlfriend. She has been starting to get in touch with him again after 5 months, but he’s unsure about how to go about it.
“Hey Alex! I’ve just come across your fantastic blog; all your advice so far has been great! I was wondering if you’ve got any advice for a man who really wants his ex-girlfriend back. We broke up about 5 months ago now, and just recently she’s been getting in touch with me, and I’m not too sure how to handle it, as I don’t want to drive her away again, as I would do anything to have a second chance with her.” Thanks man – Iestyn.
Hey Iestyn, I think what you have here is a very common scenario. Man chases woman, woman flees and woman comes back. Put that on repeat, and I think we’ve got your problem covered.
You need to eliminate one link of the chain. You need to stop “chasing” her. Not meant physically, although it could be, I mean in the way you think about her.
You say that you would “do anything to have a second chance with her”. Why is that?
Don’t be desperate
If you don’t have any choices when it comes to women, it automatically makes you desperate. And I think that this is the real issue. If you had more choices, you wouldn’t worry about your ex-girlfriend from almost half a year ago.
Sure, you would think about her sometimes. Be glad for all the good things you had together. But you would also have moved on with your life, de-attaching yourself.
Ask her out
The way you should handle her getting back in touch should be just like if it was an old friend. Be laidback, you couldn’t care less what she thinks about you! Maybe talk about some good old times, and be genuinely interested in her life.
Set up a “date”, and say that you want to catch up with her. If she’s the one contacting you, I can’t see why she wouldn’t say yes to this.
When on the date, as I always preach, have fun. Lots of fun. Sitting in a restaurant talking about her new job is boring. Going to an amusement park while talking about why Britney Spears cut of all her hair is so much better. Or, well at least you’re not talking about her job.
Since your ex was originally attracted to you, there’s a good chance that you can re-attract her. Just remember what she liked about you when you were together. There’s a good chance that it was because you made her laugh and made her feel good.
Do that again!
The mentality
As I said before, be laidback and confident. You have a new life, and she can be a part of it again. But you don’t need her. Not at all!
If you have this mentality, I can almost guarantee you that she will be crawling back to you.
Few things are less attractive to women than men living their own lives, by their own premises. Keep this in mind.
Good luck Iestyn, and be sure to report back with your results!
Image by petecarr
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This is good advice. Cool, calm and confident is the way to be.
Christian
Hey Alex! Thanks a lot for your awesome quick response man! It’s much appreciated!
We were together for nearly 5 years, so naturally she was a huge part in my life, there wasn’t a lot of things that we didn’t do together, she was my best friend, and one of my biggest inspires in life, and it all came to a very very sudden end, and I think that’s one of the reasons that I took it so hard as I did.
I just miss her a lot you know, she’s gone back to University now, so I don’t see her at all – but pretty much every night for the past 2 weeks she’s just been on msn chatting to me a little, and it’s such a great thing – I’ll take on board all your advice, and just play it calm – and I’m not letting her know that I’d do anything to get her back. I’ll keep you posted Alex, and I’ll reply a more in depth reply when I can!
Again, thanks a lot man!
great advice
Christian and sir jorge: Thanks. And yeah, funny enough, I agree :)
Iestyn: I’m really glad that I could be of assistance. 5 years you say? That’s a lot!
I see why it took so hard on you, I’m really sorry to hear that. But once again, there’s only one thing to do, and that’s moving forward.
You are very very welcome, I am always happy to help. And I certainly look forward to your next reply!
Take care man,
Alex
Hey,
I would definitely agree with Alex’s advice.
Get out there and date a few more women and do the things that make your heart sing/make you happy/are your mission in life.
In this area I am pretty much speaking from experience. If you go out and live a much better life than during the time you dated and date women more beautiful-or even have more beautiful women attracted to you-that’s the best thing for you because it will give you a new ‘abundance’ vantage point from where you can re-evaluate your relationship and your ex.
It’s also best for her because it will probably send her attraction for you through the roof and ultimately women love to be with men they are attracted to.
The Master card advertisement was right; the look on your exes face when you are living a better life……priceless.
I hope this has served and you find love before this life wraps up.
Hi Alex,
Thanks for the great tips.
My ex and I broke up 5 years ago and she is now blessed with 2 lovely children.
I don’t think I want to get her back and spoil the happiness of her family. :)
I think it’s better for me to bless her and her family.
Thank you for your advices.
Great advice Mwangi, you’re so right. Thanks for your valuable comment :)
And Raymond, I think that you have taken the right decision in this case. Way to go man! And you’re very welcome.
I feel as though I have pushed my ex-girlfriend into another mans arms. I feel as though she is at the point of no return. Cant sleep,eat find peace within or happiness really bummed out.
Hey Tom,
Well if she is at “the point of no return”, why can’t you find peace?
The only thing to do is to meet someone new.
Nothing to feel sad about, really, just get on with it :)
Hi Alex! I’ve been with my ex-girlfriend for 3 years and now im still living with her. Its really hard because she is talking on the net with a guy that lives really far away and she talking about going there. It’s been 2 months and she hasn’t took her decision yet. I lost her because i’ve took her for granted and i was too lazy. But now i realised i can’t live without her and i love her more than anything in the world. So i decided to really change my way of acting. I’m attentioned to her, make her breakfast, do some cleaning, do some cooking, all sorts of things for her. She seems to appreciate it but she tell me that she don’t believe i will stay like this for more than 2 months and that i will take her for granted again. What should i do to prove her that i’ve really changed? I can’t just tell her. I must prove it to her to make her think of going back with me instead of leaving the country for a men she knows only on the net. Thanks in advance for your advice! John.
Hello John,
thanks for your comment.
I think I see where you are coming from, but I am not sure you have it all right. She’s not thinking about leaving you, because you “take her for granted”. This is very unlikely. She is thinking about leaving you, because she doesn’t feel “it” about you anymore. All the breakfast in the world doesn’t change this. A really emotional talk (from your side), or a new approach to life (with her) is what you need. You need to get back to what she originally was attracted to you. Invite her out, have picnic on the roof, kiss her like you have never kissed her before under the stars. This kind of stuff.
Alex
Thanx for your anwser but i think i didnt explain well my problem. She is stuck on this game named World of Warcraft. The guy she met is on that fu***** game too, we live in Canada and he lives in California… So asking her out is really hard cuz she always have something that seems more important on that game. Even if i try to talk to her about it, she become aggressive and tell me that she do what she wants and that i dont any lessons to give.. it really seems like a sickness. I’m the only person in real life she talks too beside her parents and they live far from here so they dont realise that she have a problem with that. So who will tell her that she really have a problem? All of her friends not call her anymore and she doesn’t call them neither. Its really hard for me to be more important than the game, nearly impossible. I also tried to talk to her about my feelings and she tell me that she needs some air.. so i stopped asking her to do things with me but i’m still doing stuff for her without asking anything in return. that’s what i’ve done and she’s still stuck in front of her computer talking to addicted ppl. I really love her and I want her back to real life, even if she don’t want to be back with me. It makes me sick :( So i tried the things i told you yesterday to make her realise that there is people that care more about her than a stupid game. It’s really an addictive game. I really need help with this. Thank you Alex!
get a RSS FEED dude!
Hey Alex,
I split up with my girlfriend in October 2007, we started talking again in December and I had then decided that I want her back, I never realised how much she meant to me until she had gone. Of course I did the typical male thing and turned into a very weak, and pathetic individual, yeah thats right I cried down the phone the full works. I can honestly say I knew I was pushing her away with that. Shes told me she needs time to just be herself for a while, obviously because of the stress I caused her in my states of emotion. I know she still loves me somewhere inside of her (i know a massive presumption). In this time to herself I have left her alone it feels like a long time but it’s only been like 5 days of no contact and It’s killing me not talking to her. I think about her alot, I feel like something is missing from my life because she isn’t here anymore. I know the best thing to do is move on which I am trying to do, go out more, meet new people.
How long should I not talk to her for, some people say wait for her to get in touch with you, others say talk to her, some people say fight for her? Is there a chance I can get her back? I know its going to take time, but I am willing.
Cheers
Danny
Hey John,
That’s a really interesting story… Unfortunately, I have next to NONE experience with this kind of thing. Personally, I would move on, or give her some time. But to be frank, if she would rather play a computer game than being with her BOYFRIEND or her FRIENDS? Something is really wrong with her. I’m really sorry John, but I don’t think that I’m the right one to help you out in this case. The only thing that I can recommend is meeting new women to “make her jealous”, or to REALLY talk to her. Sorry dude, hope it works out!
Ashley: I already have one? Right here.
Daniel: It’s very important at this point to realize that you DO NOT “need” her, because if you don’t, the following months are going to be really tough for you. If I were you, I would just continue living, maybe writing some of your thoughts and feelings down on paper, and then wait a few weeks to take contact. But try to be TOO BUSY LIVING to think about her, I think that for everyone, that’s the best way.
Best of luck to both you guys!
Alex
Hey just an update really. Im making sure I’m too busy living etc and it seems to be going ok, shes emailed me and text me how should I act?
Cheers Danny
Hey Danny!
Glad you’re holding up, you’re truly doing so much better than many guys out there :)
I would rather say how NOT TO act. Don’t be clingy. Or needy. Look up those words if you don’t know what they mean. It’s really important.
Otherwise, just try and read the post again, I think it’ll help.
Good luck man!
Hey Alex, great site! My ex girlfriend broke up with me in Nov 2007. I really took a chance with this one. I knew her as a casual friend for years. She was married for 18 yrs and seperated in Sept 2006, then i come along and bump into her in Dec 2006. Was just going to be friends…. we you can guess what happened. It evolved into a relationship. Wonderful girl 38 yrs old, but self esteem destroyed. She was doing the chasing. We went out weekends because she was busy with her 2 kids during the week. anyway, out of nowhere in Nov 2007, she called me and asked we go back to friends as “she was not ready for a relationship” and she doesn’t want to get hurt again or what she wants. States she needs to find herself and enjoy the freedom she never had. I tried staying as friends and up until 3 weeks ago, it was friends with benefits. I had to stop that. I really felt like i loved this girl. anyway, just today i told her it would be best if we not contact each other as i need to move on and hearing from her every other day was more difficult than i thought. I guess it gave me false hopes. now that i cut off the communication, do you think she will still call me down the road. i guess there is a part of me that knows she needs to go and enjoy her experience, but concerned i won’t get over her and really would want her to come back.
I recently ws see my ex but was wrongly diagnosed with cancer. It turned out to be Paget diseaase. I never told her because I was going to the Mayo clinic because They really wernt sure. Well it ended up being Pagets and I finlly told her. She was very simpathetic BUT she started going out with someone else. because i withdrew because I was very scared before my appointment. The reason I didnt tell her right away is because it was so early in our relationship that I couldnt dump that on anyone. Please A little word of advise, or how I can repare what I broke.
Hey Kenneth,
I understand what you’re going through, it can’t be easy.
But I am not really a relationship expert, and to be frank, this is a little over my head.
But yes, I think there’s definately a chance that she’ll call you down the road. Without knowing any of you particularly well though, it’s hard to say.
If I were you, I would contact her and invite her for a simple cup of coffee sometimes. Just talk like old friends, but with a sparkle in your eyes. Keep the flirting on a subtle level, and do the things that originally attracted her to you.
Let me know how it goes mate :)
Michael: None of you made a mistake, just some choices that seemed right at the time. No one to blame.
My advice is that you get over her, and get on with your life. Follow the advice I gave to Kenneth about talking over a cup of coffee sometimes in the future, that’s what usually works for me. At least, it gives some kind of “closure” to the relationship, and I really like that.
Thanks for your comments guys, and good luck to you both!
Dear sir
I love one girl and she also loved me a lot
one day she got my cell umber busy
and she asked me with whom you were talking i told a girls name
and she started firing and crying
i rusted u so much and all stuff.
and just to impress her and and show how much i love her i cut my hand.
later she again cried why you did all this and all stuff.
and after 4 days she met me and said i cant marry you because you are
a muslim and i am a hindu and i played with ur feelings. i am really
sorry
my parents wont allow me to marry you.
and i am playing with ur feelings
now i want to make up with her and be with her as long she marry some
one and now now how to take her again for a date.
Please please Advice some thing
your earlyer advice really worked a lot
please advice me something this time also
thank you for sparing your precious time to read my e mail.
thanking you
Sameer
Hey Alex, I have kind of a weird question. I was going out with this girl for 2 months, right 2 months is nothing, right? Well I fell for her pretty hard, but we had a fight and broke up about 2 months ago. Anyway, we were still having sex for a while after we broke up, and I think she still had feelings for me, but I did not ask her to come back into a relationship yet. I think I failed to get to her in time.
Well anyway, now it is 2 months past, and I had asked her and had a heart to heart talk with her about getting back together with me. I made a mistake and did something really stupid, I’m not going to get into it here, but it was really bad. Like she didn’t want to talk to me at all that night. I apologized and everything and eventually she forgave me. But anyway, I told her to think about us again, she said she did and decided that she doesn’t want to date me anymore about a week after that. But guess what, a week later, we slept together again. She initiated it while we were watching a movie. Now she said that she wanted to reassure myself and herself that she did not have feelings for me afterwards. This just happened 2 weeks ago, is this normal? Do you think that she might have feelings for me still?
And here’s the mind boggler. When we began the relationship, I told her that I found preppy girls attractive and stuff. Now my ex is a very attractive girl, and I told her that, but she still got upset. And I told her that she looks really hot with straightened hair and other things.
Well after we broke up, guess what she did? She started dressing preppy, she started to straighten her hair more, and all of the stuff I told her I found attractive. She says she doesn’t have feelings for me now at all, but there are so many mixed signals, I don’t know what to believe. Lately, I have been upbeat, and showed her that I am feeling good about life and enjoying it in the past couple of weeks. She is contacting me less and less though, we talked on instant messenger for a while for one night, but that was it within those 2 weeks after we had sex. So I’m wondering if maybe she’s tricking herself that she doesn’t have feelings for me? Or maybe she actually doesn’t have feelings for me? Any advice on how I can get her back if there’s a chance? I still am deeply in love with her.
And great blog by the way, Thanks for your time. :)
-Josh
Hi Alex,
I would appreciate some advice.
I was dating a woman for 5 months before she broke up with me. We never argued and we always seemed to get along great when we were together. Initially, she went out of her way to show me how much she liked me, and I was kind of hestitant but slowly I fell in love with her. I was really impressed by her, and I tried to talk to her everyday (either by phone or via email/IM). We were limited to seeing eachother once a week because of my schedule and our living arrangements (both living with our parents).
The circumstances of our breakup are haunting me. The night that she dumped was the same day I landed a great new position professionally. So I was quite shocked when she broke the news to me at the end of a date – it came totally out of left field to me. In fact, we had just ordered desert!. Her stated reasons for ending the relationship were that I did not spend enough time with her, wasn’t attentive enough, etc. That maybe our ideas of what a relationship is were too different. I was shocked. She had never mentioned any of this before. I was floored, so I asked her to take me out for a drive, so we could talk this out. Well, I cried on her shoulder, and we had one last kiss…I was overwhelmed with emotions and let her know that I didn’t want to lose her as a friend … she said she would always be my friend.
I probably said too much, but I was just trying to accept the reality of the situation and salvage something.
Now I want her back. Should I even try?
hi alex,
i split up with my girlfriend in january after she cheated on me with another guy.we were together 3 months, which isnt that long, but we both fell for each other alot and we were in love.when she told me she cheated on me i was shocked cos we were going so well, she did say it was a drunken mistake, but that it made her think that she doesnt really want a relationship. i took it hard and as a lot of guys do,turned into a pathetic prat trying to get her back even though she treated me this way.we did see each other alot in night clubs and we still texted each other after we broke up but when we saw each other we argued and we were nasty to each other in texts,so 3 weeks after breaking up i decided i needed to move on,so i stopped going to nightclubs that i knew she may be in, and i said to her i dont want anything to do with you.then just last week, 2 months after the break up, after no contact she text me asking if she left her rings she wears all the time at mine, which i thought was weird that she just noticed them missing now, but i said ill look for them, i just carried on not thinking much about her.then she text me again 5 days later asking about the rings, i said i forgot to look but when im home next i will look(cos i live about 50 miles from my parents house where she left them).we got texting that night alot which she started, by saying she had been thinking about me which made me curious, she asked about a girl she knew i was seeing, i said i broke up with her which is true and i asked how things were with her boyfriend,she said crap and that shes says she wants what we had and i said so do i,but she said can she text me tomorrow cos she needs to think, but she wants us so much but doesnt want us to get hurt again.i said thats cool and i understand just take as much time as you need (hinting at if you havent made up ur mind by tomorrow then take longer to decide,trying not to rush her), and that i wouldnt hurt her again.up until now i havent really thought about her, and i thought my feelings for her had gone,but now shes said all that my love for her has re-surfaced.its been 5 days and no contact from her, i did say i was going away though on saturday and didnt mention when i was getting back, maybe shes waiting on me.im not sure if shes just playing me or what,i think she is still with this guy, but im not too sure, maybe she has broken up with him i cant be certain. these past 5 days have gone so slowly but i dont want to rush her like i did before,but at the same time, i want her to know im here for her. my mates dont like her cos she hurt me alot,and they say i can do better, but the 3 months we were together were honestly the best of my life and i would go through it all again even if i knew the outcome was the same as before.what shall i do, shall i text her now cos im back home, or wait til she texts me.i still havent looked for the rings she asked about so maybe i should text her saying im going to my parents house to look for them in a few days.what do you reckon?please, i need your help,sorry if its complicated and long.
cheers
james m
hey Alex
i have been talking to this girl who lives in Florida and i live in Virginia. we were boyfriend and girlfriend. she said that she is in love with me and she wants to marry me. and i said i do too. but this morning she said the distance is killing her and she wants to keep “talking” but not carry the bf gf titles because it is hard to commit in a long distance relationship. then she says but i am in love with you and she promises me that. She says she still wants to be with me like living with me and be more than bf gf. she also says lets just talk like bestest friends. she says for us not to tell each other that we love each other. she says she still wants to talk to me everyday. then she says she wants to be a family. then she told me that if i want to try meeting other girls that i can. she told me not to get attached but i am really attached. i want to be with her 24/7 and she does too. then she says Mrs. my name. you know like Mrs. John Smith. then later in the day she says she wishes she was laying next to me with her leg over me and my arm around her. then she says we will be together.
I am really confused. I am deeply in love with her and she is too. We made each other really happy.
Hey Alex i was just in a relationship with this girl and she broke up with me alittle over a week ago she said didnt want a relationship right now and that i wanted something more serious than she did. However the thing that gets me is that she believes the “L” word is a very serious word, she wont say it unless she means it and she doesnt say it often. About 3 weeks ago she said i love you and then about 1 week ago she started acting distant and i tried to find out whats wrong and she gave me all these reasons but i still felt that she wasnt being fully honest with me and so i kept picking and then about 5 days later after all the issue seemed to arise she broke up with me. I am not gonna lie i was crushed i took it bad cause there was so much i didnt understand it was my frist really serious relationship she was the first person i let in like that. Then about 3 days ago i had to talk to her i had to find out answers for me to have closure and move on cause not knowing was eating from the inside. During that conversation she started jumping for strings why she broke up with me. Everyone of her answers contradicted the previous one. Like i am aware i was clingy i felt i was losing her and paniced and yea so i became clingy i know that now but i also know i feel empty now. Like i feel she still does have feelings for me. She was into me for over a year before anything between us ever happened and i feel i can get her back if i just live my life and go back to the person i used to be before her. I used to not care what went on and i was fun. I made her happy and she loved being around me at one point and then i think i lost that when she knew she became the center of my universe. I know now that making her the center of my universe and not living my own life anymore was the wrong thing to do. I just want to know your opion on this and i have been trying to live a life like i used to but i never really did all that much before hand so its wierd just not having her there with me. Oh and i also have to work with her so being distant is all that easy. However i have been doing my best to look happy at work as if its not bothering me.
Hey Alex! This site is great. Anyway my ex and I broke up a week ago after 7 months of being together. Things for the most part were great. Talking about what are kids would look like, what kind of ring she wants, how much she loves me and all that stuff. Last week, we got in a big fight on St. Patricks day and I was a Zombie for five days. Couldnt eat, sleep, anything. Finally talked to her on sunday and she said she didnt want to talk. I asked her if she was done for good…that she would never date me again. Now i have had two exes do this and they wanted me back but i didnt want them back. This one is different. We are perfect for each other, i know she still loves me but is mad at my actions when i drink (nothing violent but say stuff i dont mean) I wised up and havnt called her but I really miss her. Usually I just move on to the next and dont sweat it. Do you she can still want me back after saying never again? I have already accepted moving on, lining up a couple dates but it just does not feel right at all. What do you think?
Hi Alex,
I would appreciate if you can give me some advise, My girlfriend broke up with me because of trust issues, basically it was a long distance relationship and we were dating for almost 11 months but i haven’t seen her in 6 months. We were in love and she was moving back to where i live and obviously start a life with me, but recently we were having a lot of arguments and taking each other for granted and ended up breaking up. First i broke up with her and then i tried to get back with her but she refused and said its not going to work and she doesn’t feel the same for me. But i told her that i am sorry i was wrong and i understand why this is happening and willing to change myself but she didn’t listen so i told her take your time and think about it but she called me back after 2 days.
When she called to break up with me i acted completely cool and agreed with her decision to break up with me and i was calm. Whilst on the phone breaking up with me she said this to me:
1. Dont call me.
2. It’s going to be hard but i want you to be strong.
3. We can’t be friends.
4. I am never coming back to where you live.
5. You are a good person.
6. I will always remember you.
7. Thank you for everything you did for me. And i might realize later !!!
Remember she is the same woman who wanted to spend the whole life with me and i was everything to her.
Anyway i have cut all the contacts with her since our break up 14thmarch08 and i have also done some analysis, I wanna give her space and make her miss me. And now i am concentrating on myself and trying to move on. But i still love her and have strong feeling for her and obviously its hard. I am a good looking guy and i get tons of attention from other woman too. But i am just stuck on my ex and not making any efforts with women, maybe i dont want a rebound relationship or my heart is not healed yet.
I just want you to tell me what should be my next strategy to win her heart back and be with her for the rest of our lives.
Regards Ali.
Hey Alex,
I emailed my ex girlfriend yesterday and said this:
Just wanted to write a short email to let you know that i am totally okay with your decision to split up with me.
Saw it happening for a while.
You must have felt so unloved, hurt and frustrated with me.
I felt so insecure in our relationship and under pressure as a provider that i kept testing you and it was totally disrespectful to you.
I know there are no words that can make up for the pain I caused to you. I am truly sorry.
You are an amazing woman. But you are not yet ready for a relationship. My mistake was in thinking that you were…its fine though.
You won’t believe what happened to me the other day. Very cool and I am so excited. I really need to tell you about it some time.
But for now…I want to give you time to yourself.
Maybe at some point in the future we can at least be friends again.
Ali
as you can see this message is totally contradictory, and look what she replied back to me next day.
Hi Ali,
I’m glad that you understand me,my feelings… to be honest!
Hope you are ok and wanna tell you…Yea,maybe one fine day we could be friends…but not now,it’s too difficult for me!i’ve got so many things to think about…and to do as well.
Thats what she wrote me back,
As you can see from her email she is glad that i understand her on that level, and now she i willing to be my friend in the near future.
I am not going to reply to her and cut off all the communication with her for another 2 or 3 weeks. So what do you think any advice what should i do next ?
Cheers.
And one more thing, looking at her email it suggests that she is still confused about what to do?
Well i leave the rest for you to analysis Alex.
Hey Alex, I have to say I think I should have taken your advice under “how to get over your ex” column a long time ago. My ex and I broke up just over a year ago and I’ve tried just about everything to get back on track with her…emails, texts, flowers…not really phone calls though. She lives about an hour away now so I never see her. Her and I were together for just over 5 years, broke up once and got back together and now here I am and last I heard she was seeing someone but she made a point to say it wasn’t serious…she’s a rebounder. There’s a really big part of me that would love to get back together with her but I’m at a loss right about now on how to do that. Lately she hasn’t been returning any emails…but that’s not really anything new with her. When we first broke up the first time I’d email her and not hear from her for at least a week. Now I just don’t hear from her and it’s been about a month since we last talked. I’ve gone out on plenty of dates over the last year, but no one seems to peak my interest like she did. Any thoughts?
thanks alex, and all of you guys, as you could probably guess i’m going through the same as most of you, i’d like to say that it’s been a real relief and help to know that there are so many of us out there and that i’m not alone in this, your advices and shared experiences have come in really handy and yeah, i concluded by myself that the only REAL solution is moving on, there’s no point in clinging to a sinking relationship, i found my ex was dating somebody barely 2 weeks after we broke up, that tells you what kind of person she is and well, i definitely wouldn’t want to be with someone like her :) to all of you grieving guys: nothing lasts forever, not even this pain you’re feeling right now, trust me -mike
Hi im 20 , me and my ex broke up 5 months ago, i found it really hard to get over her, and i know im not. i miss her so much, shes tried ringing me few weeks back but i dint answer. really wanna see her again. but i cant handle being just friends with her. i thought she may be seeing someone else, am i too late?? I wnt to move on but what we had was so good, and i have changed in so many ways. I have been going out alot recently, i know she still thinks about me..but what shall i do, just wait untill she contacts me, then arranged to meet her n feel like shit again when i find were just friends and shes with anuva fella. or leave it … but i dont want to !! i want her again, i suppose i got to leave it n hope she will come back. but the longer im not in contavt with her. the less chance i have of getting her back – true?? please give me some advice i was with her for 2 years she means loads to me just didnt show it when i was with her – you dot know what you got till its gone!!
alex,my girlfriend of almost 4 years just broke out with me, she says she doesnt have those love feelings anymore. Shes been very frustrated over the last year trying to fix things and talk about it, and i did nothing. i feel so bad for the things that i did to her and its killing me. i did all those things to hurt her without wanting too of course, i was careless and emotionless, and now the shi.. hit the fan, u know what i mean. we keek seeing each other and have sex and cry, but she keeps telling me that she want to me happy and needs to find her self, what should do man? giver her a break, be supportive? she doesnt wanna losse me as a friend/person whatever that means! thanx
Hi Alex, my girlfried broke up with me last week. She told me that her feeling is not the same as before, She cannot decide for her career if im with her. She wants to do things that she never did before and she can’t do it if I’m with her. I ask what’s really the problem then she told me that the problem is with her and I can’t her to solve it. She told me that she’s still have a feeling with someone she loved before but the guy never became her boyfriend. Right now im still confused, I really love my girlfriend and don’t want to let her go like that. I don’t know if we will still be able to get back together. Everywhere I go she’s always in my mind and I never had a good sleep since our break up. I really want her back, please give me some advice.
alex or anyone who wants to help,
(i apologize ahead of time for my grammer)
i don’t know alot about girls but i know how to make my ex happy, this is just over my head…so i’ll try to keep this as short as possible
we broke up in dec of last year. at first it was killer. i simply couldn’t function. i truly love her and i know i’ll never get tired of her. we were together almost 2 years but it felt like a small eternity. she left me because she says i’m lazy, i know thats not really why but because i talk to her/our friends all the time and they side with me. its been like 4 months and its been rough. shes with another guy now but hes not right for her, she sees it too. i know cuz i talk to her all the time and shes always said i’ve been able to read her. its her eyes that give her away. honestly when she visits me it feels like we’re back together.i hold her all the time, she jumps on me and wraps around me, it feels great to have her back in my arms. i can put her to sleep in less then a minute with facial/neck/shoulder massage because i know exactly what she likes and i know her body inside and out. shes says she misses me and for me to never abandon her yet she wont get back with me. i have everything her bf has and so much more but i lack confidence. i’m working on it and its helping but i still occasionally hint in a subtle way i need her. she says i give the best hugs and kisses shes ever had, i know thats a plus although i dont know how to use it. she even slipped and said she misses our sex. she acts almost automatic when we’re together, almost EXACTLY like it was before. shes even slipped kisses on my neck. so we know i make her world light up and she misses me greatly and her current relationship isn’t working yet she wont come back. shes moving to go to college soon and i’m thinking about following her. i tell her of course it was my plan anyway and i need to get out of this town but i think she knows the real reason. i suspect if i do follow her it wont be long before we’re back together again. my question is … how do i make her take that vital step. i’ve done everything i can but its like shes scared, i cant’ do anything else, i’m out of options. and should i move?
help and opinions would be greatly appreciated
dave
Hi alex,
as most of you guys know, i’m having girl trouble.
I’ve been broken up with my ex for about 9 months now and I am truly crushed.
Stil in HS, it was difficult for us to be always be together. Our parents could not find out, and stress and pressure from everyone to do SATs and get into good colleges really made it extremely difficult for us to just be together. We broke up for what i think is a terrible reason =(
I tried dating other women, but my feelings for my ex have not gone away. I miss her helluva lot.
i’m about to graduate and go off to college, and my ex-gf has decided to go out of state for college.
about 3 or 4 weeks ago i texted to see if she just wanted to go and get a cup of coffee, but she responded by saying
‘i don’t want to sound mean, i’m totally fine hanging out with you but i think its weird for us to hang out alone now..don’t you think?”
i told her that sure, it’d be weird, even for me, but i just wanted to talk to her and hang out for a while.
Later on, she chatted with me on fb how she didn’t want to come off mean and kept on asking why she wanted us to hang out alone.
I was pretty much caught in a corner, and told her how much i missed her, pretty much told her about dating a few other women and realizing how much it was HER that i missed.
She was a little shocked and told me that she thought
‘anything between us probably won’t happen again’ cos she just doesn’t feel the same anymore. she thinks of me a friend now.
She acknowledge how she could tell i was being genuine, and completely honest and it was killing her but she ‘ can’t just go out with me again cos she thinks she’s getting flattered. And double-thinking about me makes her uneasy and shows off warning signals. And besides, she’s going out of state, pretty far away.’
she’s still up for a cup of coffee, though, but doesn’t want to lead me on.
I told her lets at least start hanging out again and she was cautiously ok with it.
She’s a stubborn girl, but she has made me feel something i’ve never experienced before. I feel like i can’t just give up on soemthing that was amazing and potentially brilliant.
please help me!
thanks,
Sam
in connection to the last mail..
i was my ex’s first kiss and first bf.
she has not seen or been interested in another guy.
hope that helps for some more information.
Alex, I just went through a breakup with a girl that I absolutely do not want to lose. I was searching google for some sort of method of winning her back, and I came across your site. Man, I’m pretty impressed. I think you have a great resource here, and this article has given me a lot of hope.
I would like a little advice, though. This breakup happened less than two weeks ago. It happened when I found the following message in my facebook inbox:
“Eric
I don’t mean to try and save face in writing this, and I don’t mean to be cruel or harsh but I need to talk to you about something and I don’t speak as well as I write so here goes.
Eric you are so great to me, so great, and I really don’t deserve all of the care and laughter you have brought to my life, you have never once made me doubt why you were a good person.
But I’m beginning to feel like you and I are on two different paths in life. I mean you have your band and music and while I love that you have such passion, my passions in life won’t be able to coincide with that.
I really like you Eric, you have been such a good boyfriend to me, but more than that, you’ve been such a good friend, but I just don’t feel the same way I did anymore. And it would be unfair of me to lead you on.
I don’t mean to sound stereotypical in saying this, but I still really want you in my life, just as a friend though.
Please write me back when you can, I understand if you’re angry and upset with me, I don’t blame you, but I still really hope you and I can be okay as friends. You can feel free to call me whenever Eric, and I hope you do at some point.
Kimi”
This, naturally, confused the hell out of me. So, I talked to her. And she said that she’s been feeling like this for a few weeks and thought that if she just gave it more time, it would get better.
Now, I spent the next week and a half pretty desperate and upset. I did go and talk to her face to face, and she said that perhaps in a few months we could try again, when she’s less busy with life, but no promises.
A few days later, I sent her a message telling her exactly how I felt. How I was already in the process of changing what it was she said she had an issue with. How I didn’t want to lose her. And I got her to agree to go out for pizza and talk about this.
I had everything I was going to say and do planned out, but after I read this article, I realize that it would not work.
Now, here’s a few things that, after I regained my ability to think clearly, I realized. First, I am pretty sure she was hesitant about doing this. Second, she didn’t even try to talk to me about her issues, and instead just left them alone, which, as we pretty much all know, never works out. She got to the point where she was so stressed out about everything that she figured the only way to fix things would be to end our relationship.
So what I think I want to do is just be the same guy that I was back when we first met. I think I want to make sure we both have a good time eating pizza. But when it comes time to talk, I just don’t know what to do.
I know this article is a bit old, but any advice you could give, I would very much appreciate. I absolutely do not want to lose her. I want to get her back as quickly as possible.
Thanks.
~Eric
Hi:
My ex has somehow turned into my best friend, and she says we have changed so much physically and as who we are, that she is concerned with getting to know me, and truth is… I wish I could marry her!
She’s amazing, with a kind heart, and a beautiful look all her own. When she walks into the room, it lights up, and everyone see’s her with her tan skin and dark hair.
I see her heart… I know it HAS NOT changed. She’s still soft, and taken by small things. I sometimes try.. but she puts up a wall and blocks all of them from hitting her. I love her with all my heart, and I’m determined to win her back.
More then anything, I just want to hold her again, and let her feel my heart against hers.
Sounds corny I know, but I’m kind of a sap in the first place.
She’s HUGE Christian, and she is so sure God will find each to their own, but I think he has found me mine, and I wish she would see I’m serious, and that I need her back to make my life amazing again… because ever since she’s been gone it’s been rock hard.
Help me.. I’m so scared I could push her to far away and lose her forever. I love her to much.
:(
Steve.
What Eric said too… That’s what I need. I met my girl when she worked at a Pizza place, and we’ve been broken up for almost 9 monthes now… and we only lasted 9 in the first place. Please help.. before it’s to late for me or Eric.
Guys, guys…
There are no “quick fixes” on a relationship.
My advice:
Get over her. Start living a new and more exciting life.
Who knows, maybe you’ll meet her someday and she’ll be attracted to you again.
Right now, you have a odds against you.
Read my post titled How To Get over Your Ex Girlfriend, and start gaining a new perspective on things by reading Double Your Dating.
Best of luck to all of you,
and if you really need help,
contact me personally.
Alex
need help!
i have been with my fiancie for 2 and a half years andin this time i have cancelled the wedding messed around on
the interenet sending a couple peopleemails i should not have and latly i have gone away to work for 3months leaving her behind so i have basicly let her down and hurt her big time, but being away has made me realise what is important to me and that is her so i came home we had two great days then she said she wanted a break to see if she still wanted to be together, in the last 2 half years she has always said i am her one true love her soul mate and she could never live without me, i fet the same but never told her. now after a week she has said thats it she no longer wants to be with me, but also said “she still wants me in her life and who knows maybe one day we may get back together or just be friends but she does not want to loose out of her life” make of that what you will i know it confussed me.
she has taken off her engagment ring but is wearing it around her neck on the necklace i bought her for xmas, she takes it off every night and puts it back on every morning? why this cofusses me aswell? i have done the wrong thing by txting, emailing wrighting letters this week to her so even thi she wanted space she never really had it and she also taken to partying alot with old and new found male friends, i truly need your help your advice your guideness
on what to do next, this coming week she is away for a week for work and will be alone no friends around and when she gets back all my stuff will be gone from her mothers house were we lived as she asked, she knows i truly want to marry her as i have told her and given her all the stuff i had arranged for the wedding she will take this with her to read and also a dvd i gave her, will she been thinking about us this week? will it still be a shock to the system when she gets back and finds all my stuff gone even tho she knew it would be? if she does ( did ) love me as much as she has said she did for the last 2 half years will she seriously think about getting back together? i know she nevber wants to get hurt again so how can i make her see that i would never hurt her again or let her down and that i want to spend the rest of my life loving her as much as she loved me
my girlfriend left me in 2004 and now she got married but i want her back and i want that she thinks 24×7 about me, tell me the tips please i will be very greatful to you
I need help! I dated a girl for 3 years and she just broke up with me on Sunday (yesterday). Here’s the entire deal. We were dating for 4 months when I found out that 1 month into our relationship, while upset with me, she’d posted a Yahoo Personal advertisement for 1 day only. She met a guy from that advertisement and they went out for coffee. He asked her to his place the next day for dinner and she agreed. She ended up making out and he started to have sex with her but she stopped him. She ended up having a sexual relationship behind my back for 3 months. When I discovered it we spent a week arguing about what to do and eventually I agreed to take her back. We went another 3 months when she finally admitted to me that she had gone back and cheated on me again with the same guy. She said it was all about sex (and I believe her) and her own psychological issues. She told me that she was out of that situation because she had realized that she loved ME and wanted to be with JUST ME. She begged me to let her show me that she could and had changed. Upon me hearing this I decided to give her another chance because of how deeply I loved her. This girl did amazing things and went to therapy to deal with issues that caused her to cheat. She treated me right. However, anytime we had sex during the first 18 months after that incident, I would picture the other guy and it would cause an argument. During the arguments I’d end up saying mean and hurtful things out of anger (big mistake). Well, last Wednesday we got in an argument because she hurt my feelings. I told her my feelings were hurt and she took it entirely the wrong way. She told me she needed some time to think. I gave it to her. I also did alot of thinking. I realized that my ways towards her had to change. I came up with a long list of changes I needed to make in order to respect myself AND her. On saturday we talked on the phone and I told her what I had learned. She seemed impressed, but on Sunday we met and she told me she was “done” with me. She said she’d like to remain friends, but that the things I’d said to her were just too hurtful and she didn’t want to endure that again. Being desperate to get her to change her mind, I mentioned how I had given her a third chance when she cheated on me and that it had worked out. I asked her to give me 1 week to show her that I was serious about changing things and treating her better. I even pointed out that when I took her back after cheating I had no real way to know if she was or was not cheating again, but in our case, she’d know right away if I was treating her right. I felt it was only fair to give me that chance to prove myself to her. She still said no. Well, today I hung out with her for about an hour. She mentioned something about her cousin’s relationship and what she thought. It related to our situation, so I again brought up my concept that she should really be fair and take a risk just for a week and see where it goes. This time she still said no, but she said “Look, if you stop pushing, maybe next week or the week after I will change my mind and give you that chance, no promises, just saying that I am thinking about it.” So what do I do now? I love this girl so much. I can’t stop thinking about her and our time together. I miss everything about her. My main question: how do I approach this situation? She wants to be friends and hang out and do stuff. I think I could get her back if I could just show her the changes I’m making. Maybe that’s what she’s looking for? Help! I’m so heart broken!
Mike,
I’m sorry to hear about what happend. Just a few things; don’t go chasing after her. If she wants to be with you, she will. If you keep trying to convince her, it will only push you away. It makes you seem desperate. Women want a confident man. I can’t believe you took her back after her cheating on you the first time. Love can do that to you. I know you love her and I know you feel like you can’t live your life without her being in it. Trust me, I know the feeling. But like Alex said, you can’t let her control how you feel. You definitley cannot be friends with her. That does not work. You will only keep getting hurt. Just leave her alone and let her do her thing and I promise she will start calling you and wondering what you’re up too. You have to make her feel like you don’t need her. In actuality you don’t. It will hurt and you will probably feel like shit for the next couple weeks or so but don’t let her know how you are feeling. It’s her loss and she doesn’t deserve that. Good luck!
Sergio,
Thanks for your response. I know you are right about chasing her and that I am not going to do. I know I have changes to make and so I’m going to make them. I just wish I had been given the same opportunity as she was given. She asked for a chance, I gave it to her and she did a great job of making good on her promise to change her behavior. I am currently doing the same thing–changing the way I behave. Normally I’d be irate and upset at her, but I am blaming myself for all of this that has happened. I can see where I went wrong and I know it doesn’t do any good to blame her for things, so I’m not doing that. I will try to stay away from her entirely. It is going to hurt like crazy. My heart is already about to explode just thinking about it. I hurt so badly right now. I love this girl so much. For me, she is THAT person. She’s my best friend and she was my lover. Now I feel like I’ve lost a giant piece of my life.
Hi, Lots of great info on here. I just got in touch with my x-girl 3 days ago. I am curently with another woman now. She is with another man. we are both 30. Our spouses are in the high 40’s.. I have not stoped thinking about here since the day we broke up. How we broke up I’m not clear. But when I talk to her I catch her looking me up and down and I do the same to her. Or I will be smileing at her and she smiles back, then stops smileing if her boy friend sees. Anyone been in a situation like this. I want to get her alone witch is VERY hard and talk to her about my feelings for her. Is that a good idea or what? I don’t know what to do but I will end up freaking out and kissing her in front of everyone if I don’t do something soon.
Sorry I forgot to add I havent seen her for 4 years and we were together 7 years ago.. Every time we run into each other we laugh and have the best time.
A small update: Now she has been in contact with me. She says she’s not ready to give me a second chance, but she’s not completely opposed to the idea either. She says that right now she needs time to forgive me for my verbal assaults on her and she needs time to feel better about herself. She came to me about this on Thursday after the breakup. She said that if I don’t pressure her for a second chance (something I’m not doing) she could see a possibility of things working out. She basically said “We shall see what happens.” She says that she really likes the changes I’ve been making in the way I handle her. She says that if I had done this just a little bit sooner we would not be in this situation right now. What am I doing? Everytime we are talking, if she upsets me, instead of getting mad, I immediately replace the negative thought with a positive one. If I’m thinking “Damn, I can’t believe she just said THAT to ME!” I replace it with “She’s really beautiful and I love her smile” (mind you both the negative and positive thoughts are internal, not verbalized). It manages to change my attitude right away. I have not yelled at her for an entire week (a record). We have not fought for an entire week (another record). I told her today that I think the breakup was a good idea on her part. I said that it has probably saved both of us. I mentioned that IF we were to ever get back together again (and stressed that I might not even be open to that if and when the time came), I was certain that her actions in taking a stand and breaking up with me for how I was treating her would actually make the possibility of a successful relationship much more likely. She told me that she agreed with me 100%. My current plan is just to continue to treat her right, stay in contact as often as she actually contacts me, keeping my own contacting of her to a minimum and just waiting to see whether she comes around or not. What do you think of that plan?
Mike,
That plan sounds perfect. Keep the contact to a minimum, be confident and and like you don’t need her (even though you feel like you do). She’ll come crawling back. However, if an oppurtunity arises, you take it. Don’t hold back and don’t put your life on hold during this time. Be yourself and be open to meeting other people during this time. If she calls wanting you back, the ball will be in your court and you’ll have options.
My fiancee of 5 years has a son with me. We broke up about 4 days ago and she moved in with her mom. I was verbally abusive, but I’m not anymore, it was just stupid stuff I did, I took her for granted, and was a real jerk. People change, and I have. I think she is interested in some guy at work, but I know she hasn’t done anything with him, cause I know people who know him. I’m worried she will, and I’ve already made the mistake of saying if she does stuff with this guy, I will never take her back. That was a lie of course, we have a child, 18 months. I’m supposed to see her this tuesday for a “outing” with my son…she’ll be there too…the whole thing was my idea and she went along with it. She says “I’m not in love with you anymore” and things like “I dont know if we will get back together, but at this point I dont think we will”. Shes not playing games, cause she bought me a fathers day present, and she even put grocceries in the fridge to hold me over till payday (we both work part time, i need full time now). I can tell that she DOES want to be my friend…for herself or our son, I’m not sure. I really want her back, and my mind races. I tried to go out, and that works, but once I’m back home in this lonely apartment, my mind plays tricks on me, and I picture her with some guy, I assume the worse. Please give me some advice. I’m going to just focus 100% on my son when we meet, since the break up is fresh, not ask about her private life, or talk about mine, and wait for her to start a conversation. if she doesn’t, I will just focus on my son, and keep it sweet. what you think?
Michael,
I think it’s a good idea that you keep the “outing” simple and just about your son. Don’t ask her anything about her love life or about your relationship with her. Be confident and make the situation pleasant.
sounds good. any tips on how i can really shine without making it look obvious?
Sergio, even further update on my situation. After a few days of handling things the way I was handling them, she told me that it was very difficult being around me because she could see inside of me how sad I am. She said that she had vowed after the cheating to never hurt me like that again and she can see that she HAS hurt me like that again. She says that she needs “space” to figure out who she is and “reclaim” herself. At first she said that we could have “1 phone call a week and contact via email”. I told her that at this point I thought no contact at all was a better choice. It has now been 48 hours of no contact. I’m going crazy. As I’ve said, she’s my best friend. I’m used to knowing what is going on with her life and being able to tell her the stresses I’m facing in my own life and that’s gone right now. I keep hoping she will call or text. I feel worse now than I did the day she broke up with me. How do you cope with those feelings?
One other thing…I definitely know she cares. She’s told me several times that she loves me, but that she needs this space right now. I would guess that she will be back, but my own fears are getting the best of me. I’m working out and doing other things but I keep thinking about her.
Mike,
How can she lay down “rules” in regards to contact? That’s ridiculous. I’m telling you from experience, do not text her or call her. Call your buddies instead or someone else. I know it’s hard. TRUST ME!! It’s been four months for me since the break up and I’m doing much better. Why? because I don’t call her. Take it an hour at a time if you have to. Seriously, the best thing to do is spend time with friends and family. Keep busy brother and stay positive.
Sergio,
It has been 6 days now of no contact. While I don’t feel any better, I do feel like she is missing me. Someone that knows the both of us says that she has mentioned several times that she is thinking about calling me. I say that I need to stick with the no contact until she contacts me. I have faith that she WILL contact me, but that remains to be seen. Women are stubborn creatures.
I am going to take your advice and continue to not contact her. Thank you for your advice and your support and understanding.
Just an update: I miss her alot. I’ve been keeping busy and doing things, but I keep hoping she will call. When does that feeling finally go away?
Mike
Goin through the same thing mate. It will get better. Sergio sum’d it up perfectly. Keep your options open. Go out meet new people. When the time is right she will call. Just try not thinking about what she is doing. By not contacting her your emotional behaviour is becoming stronger. Thinking about what she is doing puts you back to square one. Its hard I know. My ex broke up with me 1 month ago. I would love to get her back but I realise the only way I can get her back is showing her I can live my own life. Just rememeber if you meet new people, you will feel better and this will make her realise. Woman do not find guys mopping around after a break up attractive. Youll be fine mate!
Stick in there
Mike,
I agree with Andy. You have to be mentally strong. To be honest, that feeling will go away when you start meeting new girls. Even if they’re just friends. When you start talking and hanging out with new girls, you will start to feel more confident and then you won’t think so much of her calling you. Keep hanging out with your buddies. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about my ex. It is very hard not to call her but I’ve done it for a while and I’m just used to it. Stay strong..
Hey guys….
I’ve been posting on the other page (how to get over…), but I just gotta admit, plain and simple, I want her back. Even after 4.5 months, even after all the embarrassing behavior…I miss her. I love her. And I’m not contacting her. But it is a daily struggle. Still waiting for it to get easier. When????
Steve,
I recognize your name from the other post. I totally know how you feel but you HAVE to be strong. You cannot force anything to happen. I miss my ex everyday but I can’t make her change and I can’t make her “see the light”. There is nothing I can do. If she wants to be with you, she will. Stay strong with the no contact. I had to text my ex yesterday and ask her to not call me anymore (again). It hurt me but I have to take care of myself first. What I don’t know, won’t hurt me. It’s been about five months since my break up and it’s a little easier even though I recently found out she’s talking to someone.
Hey Sergio….good to see your name over here too.
Thanks for the words. You are right, and I know it. I have been fairly good at staying strong and not breaking the NC rule. Sometimes it’s really, REALLY tough.
I have tried so many times to, as you say, “make her see the light”…and it obviously ain’t happening. It’s very difficult to accept.
Of course there are those times I start to imagine her with someone else, and of course it’s maddening. I have been lucky….she doesn’t have any membership on MySpace or Facebook and I find myself trying to find her online a lot. Thankfully she isn’t there. (Except the one time I found her picture on her friend’s Facebook page and it really upset me just to SEE her. I can’t imagine her calling me or me knowing she’s seeing someone else!!)
I’ve started on an online dating service, and have been in contact with a few women, but….MY HEART AIN’T IN IT. And I find myself almost wanting to talk about my ex with these women, which of course is ridiculous on my part, and not fair to them.
I think I just keep wanting to “get over this” and not giving myself the time (who knows how much???) it takes to get thru it.
I must admit, there are also times I feel pretty good about everything, and I do think of her occasionally and I don’t get all upset. So that’s progress.
Thanks again, Sergio.
[...] This is the number one question I get asked most of the time – right after the question on how to win her back. [...]
Hey Alex,
Good work on having this kind of advice available for people, it is a great service you are doing for many people.
I write to get your opinion on my situation. I had been seeing a girl for about 18 months when I decided to return to my home country for a few months to sort out some things in my life. She came back with me as a holiday and then returned home a few weeks later. We had been trying to maintain a long distance relationship but it has been too hard for her and she recently broke up with me because she feels she has to sort her own life out without depending on me to go back and make her happy. She is not a person to make a decision lightly and is very forthright. We had an amazing relationship that made both really happy.
I still love her and see a future with her. The advice you have given is fantastic and well heeded. But since we are on opposite sides of the earth I wonder if i can make the advice you give work for me?
Alex,
as reading your blogI’m 39 and was in a realationship for 11 years. Recently we split up. I helped raise 3 girls hers and 1 boy mine. I worked she stayed at home. It’s hard, no it sucks trying to move forward.
My girlfriend of 16 months just broke up with me the day before she left for a University 1,000 miles away. We had always planned to do the long distance thing, and what makes this breakup so hard is that we both know we still love each other.
She just said she wasn’t ready for the seriousness our relationship was approaching (she is 18 and i’m 20). She also said that since we had some trust issues she would always wonder if I was going to cheat on her while she was gone. (I had an ongoing issue a girl that was a part of my life for a long time; i cheated with her on my girlfriend once but told my girlfriend as soon as I could. Near the end of the relationship I was also talking about trying an open relationship because I wanted to meet other people but not lose the love we had.(We both agreed it was true love and that if we had met 10 years in the future we would have married) However, as you guys can see, I do understand where I am at fault.
Her problem was that she always internalized her problems and didn’t communicate well enough. The day before she left and broke up with me she wanted to still be physical and was talking about our long distance relationship, but I started crying profusely and broke down for hours. I think at that point I pushed her away with all the other stress she had going on in her life as she was going to a new college and leaving her old life behind.
I guess I’m doing my best to move on and understand what parts we both played to reaching this end, but I will continue to hope that at winter break we will get back together. She said there is no chance this semester; so that leaves me with some hope of time after.
The break up was a week ago and only recently have I realized that by constantly badgering her it will ruin my chances of a future with her. From this point on, I will wait for her to contact me I think.
Regardless, very great site. It has been very helpful to me.
Heres my predicament. Me and my ex had been going out for 14 and at the beginning of june she said we werent right together anymore. but the whole summer we were kind of in a funny state where we were together but not boyfriend girlfriend.
Then she went on a missions trip for 11 days and that changed everything. she came back saying we shouldnt be together. she also started hanging out with a lot of other boys. I asked if she had feelings for one of them and she told me not at all.
About a week later we were taking about it again and she said she kind of liked him. needless to say i felt that i had kind of been forgotten when the whole summer all i had done was try to show her that i would be there for her and i could be a good boyfriend.
Just today i found out that she made out with him about 3 weeks ago and i dont know what to do. i am still deeply in love with her and i want her back because making her happy made me happy. she says she still loves me she just isnt IN love with me anymore.
Do i give her space and let her move on and continue to show her that im here for her and i want to try again. or do i start getting over it now. i dont want to give her the impression im just her lap dog that will always be there if there isnt hope. but i also dont want to just abandon her and completely close the door. Please help?
Dear Alex,
From what I’ve read here, you seem like a guy who knows what he’s doing. So I’ll ask for your help.
I’m in a very sticky situation with my ex. We broke up roughly a year ago, and she started dating another guy. She’s living with him now. The problem is that she’s still really attracted to me and has cheated on him with me. I don’t really condone of it, but since I still love her and I want to be with her, I let it continue.
I’ve already realized that I don’t really need her, that I can live my life without her. But I’ve decided that I do want to live my life with her. But she’s still with the other guy, primarily because she’s confused and doesn’t want to break the other guy’s heart. I also believe that she might be afraid of how he’d react if he knew the truth.
The chemistry is still there, and I’m currently working on it. I’ve made progress. I got her to go from saying “Absolutely not” to “maybe” to “confused.” I hate to see her like this, but it tells me that she still wants to be with me.
Basically, I want her to realize what her heart has been telling her. I know she still loves me. I just don’t know how to help her realize it.
I’m taking the cool, calm and laid back approach right now. And I think that everyday I’m getting closer and closer to my goal.
So what is your take on all this? I’ve already decided that this is the woman for me. I want to marry her. I’m not worried about her cheating on me if we get back together because sex isn’t that important to her. And she looks to me for support and guidance anyway, so she wouldn’t go to another man for that.
As I’ve said, I’ve made progress in how she feels about me. I just want her love me and only me. Could you help?
An update: I’ve confessed to her everything I feel, and it’s made a positve effect. She’s all but proven to me that will be together again. I don’t think I need anyone’s advice anymore.
I truly love her, and she knows that now. Now it’s only a matter of time.
I Really Love Mayra(M&M) we had ours up and downs. but i really feel that we are going to break up over a misunderstanding(both of us talking to each other, but we are not listening to each other)but we feel we were made for each other. Please advise me as to what I need to do?….thnxs
Any Responses to my ?,,i am hurting here….thnxs
I just wanted to say that this is a great website. I am in the same situation as many others that have posted here. 2 weeks ago, my fiancée broke up with me. I had become very depressed, due to problems in the relationship, and issues of my own that had nothing to do with the relationship. It is unfortunate that it that takes something like a break up for us to open our eyes and clearly see the downward spiral that leads to the end. I can now clearly see that simply spending time together isn’t the answer; you have to be present, not just there. For me over time, due to problems in the relationship, we lost the intimacy. For example, instead of sitting on the couch watching a movie or TV cuddling up, we would sit on different ends, just being there, but not together.
I too found this website, for one reason, I want her back. While I know that we had our problems, I still love her, and I know that if we can get past this we can have a great life together. I had already come to the conclusion that Alex has been saying to nearly everyone here. If I want her back, I need to a) give her time, and b) get on with my life and let her live hers. We started out that we were going to stay friends, and still chatting over the computer, but I made it clear that I wanted her back, too soon without giving her time to think. Now, I have not heard a word from her in a few days. And I am leaving it that way. When she is ready to talk, or see me, she will come to me.
Trying to hold on only makes her push away. After a breakup, words mean nothing, nor do they really before a break up. You have to show her you are happy, with or without her. So I will follow Alex’s advice, and move on. There are only 2 possible outcomes, either we get back together, or we don’t. Either way, the same action must be taken. Move on with my life. This way too, should we not get back together, I have already gotten on with my life and not getting back together will not hurt nearly as much as it would if I didn’t move on.
In the end, in these situations, we cannot live in the past, in order to have a future, we have to look to the future. Repairing a relationship that has broken up will not happen overnight, so don’t rush anything. We have to take our time. And it will take longer to win her back then it did to win her in the first place. Remember at first, we had no history with our girls, now we do. And bad history can be hard to over come.
Bryan….you seem to have your head on straight so far. Take it from me and the many, many others who have come here (see the sister thread, How To Get Over Your Ex-Girlfriend…I’m a regular visitor over there), take the time and give each other space. This notion of No Contact is highly, HIGHLY important. It’s mandatory. It gives you time to think about things, plus….and this is a BIG plus….it shows you have the strength to live without her.
I’ve done considerably more damage to my own relationship POST-BREAKUP, than before it actually happened. A lot of angst and begging and lashing out and it’s been very destructive.
I may be wrong, but had I just played it cool, given things space, let her think about things……who knows.
Stay strong, Bryan. Thanks for posting.
Thanks Steve.
Saw her for a bit today. We are trying the stay friends thing. I know, normally doesn’t work out, but gotta give it a try. One of the realizations I had, I miss her a lot, but right now, I miss her more as a friend. Basicly, like I said in my last post, if I want her back, it has to be the same action as if I don’t, do nothing. If we can stay friends, and I don’t get one of those days and start to beg, who knows. But it won’t be for a long time. The only thing I am afraid of is how I might react when the time comes that she finds someone new, if it is before I do. At this point, I just want to see her happy, even if it does mean without me. I did tell here today take the past 4 days sucked cause I missed my best friend. And I did mean it. Yeah, I might want her back, but gotta do it this way, and say a damn thing about wanting her back. Now we are talking again. Chatted with her a bit over the computer, and we are trying to make plans to get together, just her work schedule is crazy right now. That happens when you decide to work two jobs. But she is happy, so I am happy… well, not happy that she is happy without me, but it was a great short time I spent with her today. Even got a hug and a kiss on the check. But that was more of a joke. She wanted me to do something for her and I kept doing the ‘What will I get?’… ‘And what else?’ It was nice to just talk only as friends. I am coming to realize that the relationship was not heathly, and if there is ever going to be a chance, we both need to be truly happy. So now, it is only a matter of see what the future has in store.
So anyone else here. Take it from me, the don’t push things can work. As I pointed out in me last post, I tried the ‘I don’t want it to end.’ ‘I want to try to work it out.’ And she just pushed away with zero contact for a few days. It was hard not to get in touch with her, but I did it. Then I tried, ‘Yeah I miss you as a friend.’ And we are now talking.
Ming:
Since no one replied to you yet I will. I don’t know the whole story, but from what you said, I want you to think about a couple things. One, Eventhou she said that she things you are meant to be, DON’T get hung up on that. She could only be saying that to try and spare your feelings. She may mean it now, but she might not later. Two, My relationship was full of misunderstandings, and hearing, but not listening. Trust me I know it is hard, but you have to give her some space, give her time. And think the worst. That it is over. Think of it this was, if you do, you are preparing yourself for the worst, and if it isn’t truly over, thing how happy you will be when you do get back together. But as everyone here has realized, give her the space and time she needs. And if you can, just be happy with being friends. If you can’t be together as a couple, at least this way she will still be a part of your life, and still remember, being friends after a break up isn’t easy either.
I did this a few times to and it help a little for me. Write her a letter, telling her how you feel. Get your feelings out and thoughts out. And when you are done that letter, rip it up and throw it out. It is never meant to be a letter that she sees.
Sorry, My last post is a little hard to follow. I was typing too fast for my own good.
http://www.mrschatterbox.com/introspection-on-how-to-keep-your-girlfriend-happy/entertainment/2008/09/
Here is a link above to my story. Spent a year, almost every day, making it feel like 5 years with the most wonderful woman in the world. I treated her bad, she left, cut off ALL contact.
I havent talked to her in 3 weeks now and I’m sure some of you can imagine what i’m going through (even as a grown man!)
I dont like the idea of just “moving forward” and moving on. This girl had been my best friend and my life is now very incomplete without her.
I’m amazed with the net being as big as it is, i haven’t found one truly great resource on steps you can take that are 99% effective to at least getting a response from an ex, and being their friend.
This is such a good article. Really refreshing and spot on regarding the need to not be desperate, to move on, and to have fun. Fun is key. Too much introspection does not make for a healthy relationship.
Are you saying my introspection is not healthy? LOL … I had taken the time to look at things clearly, instead of biased and in my favor.
First off great site.
Here’s my problem, i been with my girlfriend/ex now for over 4 years, we live together still and have a 2 yr old daughter together, as well as my son from a previous relationship and she has a son as well.
About a month or 2 ago, she broke up with me because i was a typical guy, im not the hold your hand tell you your beautiful type, she thought i didnt care.I love this woman with everything i got and the kids as well, it kills me to be in the same house together but not together you know?
I want to fix this relationship for our sake and the kids, i dont want to have to walk out on my family.I asked her to marry me back in september and she needed time to think about it, finally she said she’d give me til the new year to prove to her i’ve changed and im not going to go back to the old me before she gave me an answer.
Well i seen the errors in my ways and i’ve changed, i know where i was wrong, now its all about her and the kids, i bring her flowers home out of the blue, do everything for her, problem is she see’s this as “butt kissing” how can i prove to her its real and from the heart and not just a ploy to get her back. I know i hurt her and cant take back the past but i want a future with this woman, i want to be a family.
Another thing is i work midnights i’m not home alot and found out recently she slept with some guy off myspace when we first broke up, she said it was my fault it happened and she admits it was wrong but when it happened she had no intent on being with me nor did she know i was going to propose to her.
How can i save this relationship? i can forgive her for cheating, i love her enough to let the past be the past because tommorrows a new day, how can i make her realize this is the real me, the one she fell in love with and how can i get this relationship back, its hard fighting for it when everything i do is seen as “kissing her butt”
I got to much to lose and so does she, though she doesnt realize that yet, it hurts to know i may have to move out soon and become a “weekend daddy” like i said she gave me til the new year…guess its a good think she didnt say no right off the bat to my proposal. Im hurting bad and its effecting my job and everything else….please give me some good advice.Thanks
hey…i dated my roomate for 2 months as soon as i moved in this shared student house… the first month was amazing even though we hooked up without really knowing eachother ….the second month she was kind of bitchy we got into a fight well we were drinking didnt talk for a few days …..but i went out a few times an continued to drink …so she thinks im an alcholic even though im not…. she ended up breaking up with me saying she really likes me but she is not ready for a serious relationship…
so im trying to be friends with her even though i want her an i live with her …wat do i do??????????
Tee…
Congratulations on changing your ways. You should be proud, but ultimately, you have to change for yourself, not someone else.
The more you give off the vibe of “I’ve changed, and this is who I want to be, whether we’re together or not”, the more she’ll be attracted to the new you. Otherwise, you guys are bound to fall back into the same patterns, and end up splitting apart. Again.
This is about your integrity. Who do you want to be? Think about it, decide on it. Stick to it. And if she’s seeing this new person you’re becoming, and is
The last thing you should do is beg. And try and prove anything to her. Show her by your actions. But if there’s one thing I know, women are different creatures. Take a look around this blog, and the “how to get over…” page. Women don’t think like men. The more you try and convince her, the more she’ll move away from you emotionally.
Yes, treat her well. But be a strong man. Be kind, be respectful….be a great father. Be these things for yourself and your child. And if she chooses to stay with you, never forget yourself. And treat her well.
Any woman would be drawn to a man like that.
Let us know.
Steve
My name is Adam Palmiter, you can find me at http://www.myspace.com/cookiep
My girlfriend and I have been going out for 14 months. We were good friend before we started dating and live in the same town. We had an amazing time together, a great sex life (aside from both living at home which dampered it some), and trust each other without fail. She broke up with me on Sept. 18th of this year. Over the course of our relationship, we had great times and no problems. Small bouts here and there but only trivial stuff.
Unfortunately, about 3 weeks after we started dating, her family discovered that her Father had been cheating on her Mom and had a 6 month old child. Their family was the picture of perfection until this crucial moment. Since then, her parents have divorced, both have started dating other people, and she had to live at home with her Mom after graduating from college.
She broke up with me because she said she just couldn’t deal with a relationship but loved me more than anything. She didn’t feel it was fair to me because she didn’t want me to have to wait for her to be ready and she didn’t want the added pressure of me waiting. In the past month she has been seeing a counselor finally, moved into an apartment, and we have started talking consistently again. She has been trying to push away the relationship to make it easier on herself, but it is hard on me as she was exactly what I wanted. I want her to want me and do not want to pressure her, so I am waiting while still trying to move ahead.
We are in a small town and have the same friends, so we inevitably see each other. There isn’t tension, but I am afraid of just being a friend or making her indifferent as you said is my enemy. What do you feel I should do?
I can elaborate on anything.
Thank you so, so much for any advice.
Sincerely,
Adam
P.S. Here is some further info if you are interested…
I am 27 and she is almost 24. I am very successful as a Realtor and love the peaceful area in VT where we live. I used to be a 42 inch waist in high school so I work out consistently to stay very fit.
Her family loves me and she loves mine.
She is my first long term girlfriend, but partially because I have dated and never been as interested. I do not lead girls on if I don’t feel a vibe. We have both only had sex with a couple other people and due to that and being great friends, we have had an amazing level of trust.
When we broke up, she did say she needed to work her things out without always leaning on me, that she wanted to be independent and feel significant, that she was afraid she couldn’t love me like her Dad did to her Mom, and that she was afraid to try and work on things and hurt me more down the line.
Hey, my ex dumped me on Oct 19th 08 just over a week ago currently. She said her feelings for me just kinda went away and had a fling with her 1st bf ever this past Friday b/c she was apparently in the mood and he is apparently very sensitive to her feeling from what she has told me. She said sex with me was more or less mediocre, and sex with him is steamy and hot and romantic…… I think she feels that b/c she and him have only had sex 2 times and they dated like 6 yrs ago when she was 13 and he was 19 and he never did anything inappropriate to her even when she tried to do it to him b/c he knew she was jail bait at the time and he comes and goes very randomly like every other 6 months and he only stays for like max a week. I still love her and want to be with her, and yes I know I am a fool for that but she and I have been friends for 3.5 years and have dated for just under 5 months…… is there anything I can do in hopes of the feelings coming back to her? Her parents still want her and I to date and they trusted me the most with her even just as friends but very much so as bf and gf…….. Any advice for me please?
I dont’ know if If my advice is helping but yoiu need to act like you don’t want her…move on…you might not have in your mind but let her know you’ve…any my ex’s parents and whole family loved me and she is doing some puss from her work…its sick I know…but grow a pair…..you’re the man if she is not with you f it…Also, what 19year old would date a 13 year old..that is weird…she will be back begging for you in no time.
Is there a way to edit comments? I didn’t mean to put my last name in there.
I have a similar problem. It was a girl I dated a little over four years ago. We developed very strong feelings for each other. After we officially broke up we didn’t speak at all except on rare occasions. Every time I saw her, no more than 3 or 4 times a year, it was awkward. It left me feeling terrible. I thought I’d never be able to have any sort of healthy relationship with her again. After almost four years we ended up at the same College. At first it was a little uncomfortable. But we’ve become great friends over time. Actually I’ve learned that it was her that I missed all of that time, not being in a romantic relationship with her. The point is. I’ve developed feelings for her again. Not only of physical attraction, but a sincere and honest attraction to her. I need to move on. I just can’t stop feeling this way for her. Feeling this way for her has a strong potential of ruining our friendship. What can I do?
@Philip I think your ex is lucky. Even if she already had a fling and said all those things you still want to get your ex girlfriend back. My suggestion is that you need to romance her. You need to make her laugh. You need to remind you of why she fell in love with you in the first place. Make her feel that she’s never going to find another man who will love her the way you do. Make her realize that no one else will make her laugh the way you do or do those special things that only you do to her.
Alright i need some advise here. ok about 3 months ago my girlfriend and I broke up after 2 years of being really close. She actually broke it off a couple of days before my birthday and then moved an hour and 45 min north. haven’t seen her since. after she moved in with her sister and brother in law her whole personality changed and she stopped talking to me. oh yeah and before she left she pretty much lead me on by telling me she loved me so much and really wanted us to work out in the future blaw blaw blaw. anyways i dont know the whole story of why she left but a couple reasons are that i the last few months of our relationship i didn’t show that i cared anymore and the church is a big thing in her life but i am in active. A week after she moved she got a boyfriend. At this time it sucked i hated that feeling but i got over it. She would never talk to me but she would text my little sister and mom and tell them she missed them and asked how everyone was doing but she never talked to me. Ever since she left i’ve felt like a piece of me is missing, i think about her 24/7 and when i finally get her outa my head i have a dream about her and then i start thinkin about her all over again. A bad part of this is i could have a pretty awesome girlfriend thats trusting and just fun to be around but when im with her or any other girl all i can think about is my ex. A week ago i got an e-mail from her askin how i was and all that. I figured her boyfriend broke up with her and thats y she started talking to me again. After three months of not talking we have been talking for the last week. She says she has been considering gettin back together and all that but then shes always throwing my imperfections in my face. She told me she wanted to be friends and hangout when she comes down to visit her parents and she wants to hangout this christmas eve and watch a movie i said that would be okay. I think i screwed up by workin on gettin back with her and all that. she knows i want her back but her excuse all my imperfections and that she wouldn’t make me happy and she really is confused and doesn’t know what she wants and just a bunch of excuses but yet she says she misses me and is really considering coming back. This whole mess is a long story with many more things thats happened. My question is what can i do to get her back? i’ve tried to say ta hell with her and just move on but i can’t no matter what i do. What should i do? thanks for the help…
Ok so i need some advice. I dated this chick for awhile it didn’t work out. We didn’t really talk for awhile which was a good thing. About 5 months latter she contacted me again and we hung out a few times and almost got back together but did not. We had a huge fight and again did not talk for a few months. Well she started dating another guy but kept contacting me. She would always tell me how much she missed me, sent me song lyrics and all this stuff. This lasted for a few months until we again had a big blow up ( I told her i didn’t want to talk to her anymore because it was getting in the way of both of our relationships) and didn’t talk for a few months. This lasted for about three months when she contacted me again and again began telling me how much she missed me, that she thought about me all the time, that she wanted to see me but did not trust her self with me, even that she was not over me. However, through all of this she still has her boyfriend, she even lives with him now. She has called me when shes on vacation with him, or virtually any other time hes not around. So my question is do I keep talking to her, or do I say enough is enough. I mean i still care a lot for this girl. Does she want to be with me or does she just want the attention…
I’m kinda dealing with a similar situation with a twist. My wife and I were having serious martial problems and we seperated. I began dating this woman for a few months and it was amazing for both of us. Her big thing was I couldn’t leave my wife for her, I had to be leaving for me. I was leaving my marriage because it was miserable. After a couple months I hear that my girlfriend was seeing other people. I had no rights to her, I was still married but living apart from my wife. So I pulled back from my girlfriend for about a month or so. I began trying to patch things up with my girlfriend but the damage had been done. According to her I broke her heart and as recently as christmas met someone but still txt’s me on a fairly regular basis.
What really sucks is I really love this woman and she says she loves me too. But she “wants to see where this new relationship goes”. My wife and I had a friendship marriage and the divorce will be done in about 30 days. I know I need to embrace the NO CONTACT rule but it is so hard. She has said she wants to be freinds and isn’t ruling out a relationship in the future with me.
I guess I’m posting here for the same reason as everyone else. I found someone I truely love and I blew it. To try and get over her I keep telling myself if she really loved you a new relationship wouldn’t matter; she’d be
with me.
I need to forget her but I can’t. So as of today I told myself no more answering txt messeages or emails. I’m going to do my dammedist to not look at her facebook anymore. I need to get strong again and this is killing me.
I just lost my girlfriend 4days ago and i dont even know what happend everything was going fine she even said she loved me but 4days ago she just got really mad and said we dont work i dont know where that came from. the only thing i can think of is that she is always busy and i always wont to spend time with her i dont know but how do i get her back fast beacuse she is realy hot and i dont wont to lose her to someone else
hi there alex my girlfriend and i had broken up last week, thursday she told me that she doesn’t like and love me anymore, i didn’t spend too much time on her, narrow minded and childish and now she’s in the arms of somebody else do i still have the chance to get her back thanx a lot
Situation: Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 2 and a half years. Over the last few months things have gotten strained between us. Just recently we had a small talk about our problems. It came down to her telling me that she loves be but doesn’t feel “in” love anymore. We both agreed that we don’t want this relationship to end. She said she just needs some time. She wants us to just be friends for a few months and then start dating again. During the “break” we both agreed not to date other people, and to still tell people that we are a couple. So, I was just wondering, is that a good sign? The fact that she’s willing to try again in a few months? I really love this girl, and don’t want to lose her. I know that I’m the one who screwed things up and I know how to fix them. Do you think she will ever fall back in love with me?
Alex,
Do you think it’s childish to send a girl a letter after she broke up with you?
I mean, the letter is not all lovey dovey stuff, it’s more of telling her how she did me wrong coupled with the feelings I had for her (Notice I mention “had” not have for her)
This disappoints me, I thought you were all about moving on Alex? I swear by your “getting over the ex” post :/
Hey Alex,
You seem to be right on the money with your advice giving, and been following your advice without reading this before. But I have a similar situation, but the time with the Girl is only different. We dated for about 2 months. But she has been the girl I’ve been looking for, and don’t get me wrong…I’ve had my fair share of women…ex player if you will. But I’m growing up and want something serious. So I met her and WOW, blew my hair back and got excited…too excited. Its like when you find that person you want everything right away, Mistake #1. I know I should have taken things slower, but she was right there with me with the excitement, even talked about becoming more serious. After that conversation she got a little freaked out, and to be honest…so did I. so we decided to put it on the breaks and still see each other, which was cool. But then a bomb went off. I recently got a new roommate, that my other roommate found. Biggest scum bag ever. Lied for no reason type of deal. So he was putting me on high distress, which started to make me a little needy (which is unlike me, and eventually pushed her away), then the A-Hole didn’t pay rent, so in turn got me evicted. That’s when I got really clingy cause my life was becoming unstable, and wanted stability with her. Then she just stopped talking to me. A weeks goes by, and I was like “eff it” but couldn’t get her out of my mind, then purposely set something up where I “accidently ran into her” (so I didn’t look like a stalker lol) and she said that it was all too overwhelming and apologized for just stopping the communication, and I in turn apologized for being needy like that, and said that wasn’t me. So we hugged and agreed to be friends. But I still have these VERY VERY strong feelings for her. We occasionally talk, but nothing serious…I’m just trying to keep my presence so I won’t be forgotten, but not be overwhelming. She is also 4 years younger than me, and was in a long relationship a few years back and haven’t really had the “fun” I have had. So now I want her to go have her fun (as much as it kills me, but better now than if we did get back together).
She always said I was truly amazing and treated her just right. So it was her birthday recently and she wasn’t too excited for it. So I sent her flowers and chocolates to her work as a nice little surprise, since she was blah about her B Day. She texted me thanking me for the flowers, but also said “I shouldn’t have done that!” Don’t know how to read that. Am I doing the right steps? I am trying to see other women, but I’m thinking of her when I’m with them, which isn’t fair too them. So I’m putting my dating life on hold, for a bit, getting back in my social scene, going back to that “Amazing, Confident, Funny, outgoing” guy she originally fell for. So yeah! Any tips or pat on the backs would be greatly appreciated.
Hey Alex.
I broke up with my girlfriend about a month ago. When she told me she just wanted to be friends, it left me in quite a sad state which pushed her even further away from me. However I have recently been showing signs of my old self again, being laid back and generally doing the things which attracted her to me in the first place. She has started talking to me again quite often, except I get the impression that she thinks im over the whole thing which is definitely not true. I loved her and I still care for her very much and if she thinks im over the whole thing wont that just make her think i want to be friends? Where do I go from here? How do I show her that I still care for her? How do I rekindle our relationship?
Hi alex,
I need advice,i feel lost and pains in my heart.
Let me know how i can tell you my problem and how you can help mie out asap.
Please help me
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I don’t feel to post my problem is there other ways?
Hi again Alex,
I really need advice.
My ex got too sad and i mean badly that she broke down
and got a replacement (another boyfriend)
of mi when i had to be oversea now i’m back i think she is lost too. she said she happy now but there are times she still show her care on mi because i had been very kind n nice to her in the pass.
I asked her how was I as a boyfriend?
she said that as a boyfriend, i’m a very good boyfriend.
Now that i’m back i love her alot i could even feel her near mi and have a weird feeling that i could feel how happy is she or not.
I felt her happy but it doesn’t feel like she is fully happy, I need her too,i felt the connection between us
but i do not know how to win her back from the replacement guy.
And in desperate for her to come back, i accidently made her quarrel with the replacement guy and she seems to hate mi now.
Please give mi advice, i love her alot i want her
to be haapy to the fullest.
How can i win her heart back?
Please help me out
should i give up?
never give up just find a different path too it. im havin probs too my fiance of 7 months broke up cuz she was sayin she was too stressed from school and her parents and that she wanted to just go out and be her free sprited self for a while. also i wasnt bein the nicest guy eather cause im in the army and things r rough. i was just wondering what i should do cuz she said she’ll give me a second chance when i get out which is how we came to the agreement to be friends. but now shes slowly goin back on her word, and im just curious as to what to do cuz i love her wit all my heart its been like two weeks and i still wanna cry everytime i talk to her. can u help me out Alex?
My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me a week ago. There was nothing wrong with out relationship – we rarely fought, and were both very happy. Then she said that it just changed. She wasn’t ‘in love’ with me anymore.
We were supposed to move out to another place in three weeks. Now I have three weeks to find somewhere else. It’s also my birthay in a week, and I found out my uncle has cancer yesterday. Has just been the worst week ever.
We’re trying to be friends – as we were friends well before the relationship started. I feel really good too when we are together being friendly, feels normal and I have no illusion as to getting back together with her – chances are its not going to happen.
What’s hard is I havent dreamed in the 5 years we were together, and now – even if I sleep for just 20 minutes, I dream of us back together – or of me begging her to take me back. I obviously don’t want to do this, but I’m just waking up really confused – and with everything else going on – she’s the only one I can talk to.
If it weren’t for the dreams, I think I would be fine. I am still in love with her, but every day that gets better. I know she still loves me as a friend and I am OK with that. Just these dreams are messing me up. I don’t know if I can handle losing my girldriend and my best friend in the same week. Please help!
Hey Alex,
You seem like you have a good idea of what to do and what not to do in terms of winning an ex back and I’m wondering if you can help evaluate my situation for any possible ways to get her back.
I made all the wrong moves by being needy after my ex broke my heart 3 months ago–we were together for 3 years and she even transferred to a college nearby to be with me. She had just graduated college when this happened and had always talked about moving (we’re from the same city) like it was her primary focus in life. This was the cause of our breakup because I couldn’t move at the time and I didn’t want to believe she would really do it and leave me so I put off the conversation. I had a chance at getting her back this past summer after she had moved to another city nearby and I went to visit her for one weekend. Things went great and we had some fun, I think because she could see that I can still go out and have fun talking to her friends etc (not being needy). Before I left she had told me she wanted to “work it out” but I guess I nagged her too much and ended up driving her further away. I contacted her too much and ruined the mystery. She also told me that she slept with someone else since our breakup (within a week of it actually) and I was constantly bringing that up.
She now lives on the other side of the country. Our last meeting went poorly and she left on bad terms, which occurred because every time we talked–even if they were going smoothly for a while, I kept on reverting back to the “needy” guy who wanted her back (I know I shouldn’t have). So we hadn’t spoken for over two months until a couple weeks ago when I got the courage to text her on her favorite holiday (halloween) and I kept it casual about how I hoped she enjoyed her weekend and what she was going to dress as. She was friendly and asked me about life. I had hoped that this would lead to an initiated conversation by her, but no luck so far. She had said she wanted to be friends, I obviously just want to win her back, but I figure the friends angle is a good start. Any ideas on what else I can do to get her interested again, even from across the country? How do I keep the lines of communication open and keep myself interesting enough to her that she will want to talk to me? I need bait!
I lost my girl 6 days ago and i tried everything. I looked and saw how you guys were saying wait a hile and then contact her jst like an ol friend. shes with another guy and its a LD relationship but we worked for 5 months and it was the happiest of my life. I love her so much and i gave up so much for her. I want her really bad. she is special to me.
While I can see the benefits, and in itself working to bring attraction back, of moving on etc, however I wonder if telling people to forget about your ex and do nothing is the correct thing. What if your ex GF is of the same mindset?? Then both of you are doing nothing waiting for the other to make a move. How does that work -No reunification occuring!!
Hey guys,
My gf broke up with me month and half ago and since then I’ve been feeling like a complete shit. And I have good reasons for that, I fucked it up, badly. She was my first serious gf, and we were together for 9 months. From the beginning we ‘clicked’ she was/is amazing, different from other girls I know. She loved me, hell, maybe she still does. I just took her for granted and stopped paying attention to her, i thought that I would never loose her. I made her cry 3 times, honestly, over such a stupid bullshit I cant even understand why i did it, but we always patch things up with me saying that I’m sorry and shit but I kept doing it after all. And finally, we went out with my friends and had a blast, went out for a smoke and when I got back she was sitting all by herself, sad, mad who knows. I asked her ‘wat’s up?’ and all that caring stuff you suppose to say. she didn’t say much, and started texting, so finally I told her ‘ok, lets go home’ and she said that her sister or her best friend(he’s a guy and she knows him since middle school, btw, i hate that muthafucka) so i went lil overboard and said ‘why r u doing this to me? and shit went downhill from there, she started crying, I apologized and we went outside, tried talking to her but I got nothing. After 5 min her sis picks her up and she leaves. I went home, pissed at myself cuz I knew I shouldnt have say that. For next couple of days I got the silent treatment, and then finally I got a text ‘hey, we gotta to talk’ I bought flowers and went over to her house, she came out and was crying from the beginning so we sat in my car(we used to just chill in my car, listen to music, drink red bulls or monsters and talk for hours) Well sat there for almost 3 hours, she was crying throughout, shit I admit I shed a tear to cuz I knew something was up. I apologized, told her how I feel about her and all. She didn’t say much. So she gets up and i told her once more ‘i’m sorry’ and went home. I’m pulling in my driveway and I hear my cell buzzing, it was a text from her, before reading I was like shit, we all good:). But after reading that text I felt like I’m about to die, here’s the text msg from her: “hey, I love u and thats way i couldnt say it to ur face, but i dont think this is gonna work out. sorry i need some time” Well that was a shocker to say the least, and i started texting back ‘why” and all that shit you do when that crap sets in, said sorry many times, promised to change and all the stuff you say when you’re about loose something you care about. after couple of days she started texting me back but like she had her mind set up at treating me as her ‘friend’ and that she has moved on. I told her how i feel about her and said that i will make the changes in me that led to this and hopefully she will be able to see that. I really mean this. I got nothing, for past 2 weeks. I see her once/twice a week at college but she acts shy around me. I know she is stubborn as fuck and would have problems admitting how she truly feels, she even said that after the break up. I really don’t know what I want from you guys, advise on winning her back or advise on moving on with my life. I know I acted like a complete schmuck and idiot, and those are the things I cant /don’t know how to deal with. Besides from that I do care about her.
I was out with this girl for like two months and it was going really well until i do something stupid and she dumped me and hates me for it. I was really surprised by this and have been thinking about her for like a month, and she’s already going out with this other guy, who’s a bit of a twat. What should i do a) if i wanna get back with her or b) if i wanna get over her?
So I have been missing my ex a lot recently and I know I am still in love with her. We have been broken up for almost a year now and the funny thing is that I was the one to end it with her. She was my LIFE for 2 whole years and I felt like I was missing out on other girls and fun with friends so I decided to end it. WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE! I was good for about 6 months after the break up but then I started missing her uncontrollably. She has since moved to another city but we still keep in touch. And when we talk its like were still together and thats why I think I’m falling for her again. I don’t know! All I know is that I am obsessing over her and what shes doing and who shes with! What do I do? Is it too late to win her back?
Jay…
I am in almost the exact same situation. Any luck?
I think the key is really to just start living your life and if she chooses to contact you again with the possibility of re-entering her life you take her up on it. Obviously she won’t call you up and say just that… but if enough time has passed and she has been thinking about you, she will let you know somehow. Unfortunately I don’t think there is anyway to “bait” her. I have thought often about writing my ex and whenever I do the email always starts looking so sappy and forelorn. I mean to tell her how much she means to me but it just doesn’t come out right, and thankfully I don’t send them. Now she is somewhere on the west coast and I’m doing my best to just leave her be. Should our paths ever cross again I will certainly do my best to not repeat the mistakes of the past. I think this is good advice for you too. Don’t try to impede on her journey, she’ll respect you all the more in the end.
Good luck, godspeed