Text Messaging – How to Stop Hoping and Waiting For Her Reply
How to avoid sitting around waiting for a text messageIt has been 15 minutes since you sent her a text. You just said that you had a great night last night, and asked when you would see her again. You have read it a couple of times after you sent it – was it any good? Could you have done better?
30 minutes passes. You have been checking your cell phone like a maniac. Why hasn’t she replied?!
45 minutes. Now you get all these wierd thoughts that, maybe she wasn’t that into you? But you vibed pretty well, didn’t you? What went wrong?
You start analyzing the evening for mistakes or clues. Nothing. Just a wait a minute! There was this awkward silence, and…
There is no point in continuing the story. You’re a smart guy, you get the point. I’m pretty sure you have been there, too. I know for sure that I have.
It’s a dark, dark place waiting for a text message reply. It downright sucks.
So what is there to do about it?
It’s about a change in mind
The simplest way to say it is this: Stop caring so much!
I know it can be hard. Really hard. But if you don’t want to walk around your whole life and just wait, it is absolutely crucial to learn it.
There will be hundreds of girls. She was just one of them.
This is the attitude you need to take on when you send a text message:
- I don’t really care if she replies to this message. It’s just a text, I’m just a guy, and she’s just a girl.
- It would be nice if she did reply, though, because I think she’s kind of cute and I would like to get to know her better.
- I have better things to do than sitting around and waiting. I have a life. There will be others.
- Now I’ll just live on and accept whatever the outcome may be.
So maybe she will reply. Maybe she never received the SMS. There are 1000 possibilities.
But in the end, it’s all about the amount of importance you lay on her reply. If it honestly doesn’t mean much to you, what’s the big deal?
Don’t check your phone all the time
Guys, this is huge! Try to really become “outcome independent” of your phone.
No, you don’t need to take it with you everywhere you go, just in case…
No, you didn’t just hear your phone. It was probably something else.
No, you don’t need to check it every 5 minutes. And just in case you actually got a SMS, what difference does it make if you don’t read it right away?
Just chill. That’s the basic lesson for today. Don’t take dating so god damn serious!
When to write again
If, after a day or two she still hasn’t replied, it may be time to send another text, just to give it another shot.
Try to not sound too needy. Something along the lines of this should work:
“Hey (girl/nickname), too busy to reply, are you?… That’s just too bad, since I think you’re cute and would like to see you again! :-)
This is not necessarily an example of a good text message, it is just an example. And it may not be your style at all, always remember to ‘be yourself’.
I know it’s old advice, but to be yourself means to be congruent and authentic. Two really important qualities.
What you want to achieve is just some kind of life signal from her side. Maybe she didn’t receive your first text, and in that case, it was a good idea to send her another one.
Maybe she just forgot about it or actually ignored it. If that’s the case, she may reply to this one.
If she doesn’t, is she really worth spending your time and energy on?
I think not.
Third text
If you want to, and she haven’t replied to your second SMS, you can send a third one after a week or something.
A sample could be this:
“Are you alive?”
If she doesn’t text you back after that message, I would just delete her number.
But that’s just me. It’s your call ;-)
Let us hear your stories on waiting for text messages (or calls, for that matter) in the comments.
Hi “on this website”,
Of course all of it is real, live and human. Not sure if “formulating virtually” my written content was a compliment originally. I go by a if-it-happens-to-me-i’ll-be-honest-about-it policy. All of the content are things that I go over myself time and time again, formulating the arguments and reasonings over and over again. That includes formulating arguments ATTACKING my own line of argument. I believe it helps me answer the conventional rebuttals to some of my unconventional wisdom content effectively and truthfully and hopefully logically, without sounding defensive. That’s probably the reason why I can provide sound (hopefully) explanations with ease, for most of them questions are the same questions I have fretted over and reconciled as best as I can. For new questions, I will try to understand the mindset, though difficult and I always fear belittling what other’s had gone through, and give the most help that I can.
I also believe that we are all here to learn, not to flame one another, belittle each other’s experiences or trying to show superiority of materials over another. We are all hurt people here, there is no need to fight. Over here I hope to instill a certain kind of honesty and frankness, so we can all gain from this.
Well, I do not actually follow a certain “writing technique”, if any, it is writing everything that comes to my mind that might be helpful to the person asking the question. Breaking things down to a very molecular level where people who are confused will have no confusion, and find familiarity through analogies in my written work.
I am glad that you are having no problems in this field and still find some happiness from what we all have written.
John
Darn it! I have this GF of mine and it’s been month that I have been sending her text messages. We both have work but even in lunch break she doesn’t even find a time to send me a simple message like “Lunch time”. I am thinking that she is tired of me. We’ll I am not that perfect. I just want to see her caring for me. If she doesn’t give a damn reply or text within a day then I stop bringing my phone or just change my number. She just text me if she needs something (that’s how I feel).
Hi Kyle,
Like most of the guys who expect texts back from their female friends, we seem to think that when there is no answer, it means a super drastic situation. But this is not true. Men, being men, somehow attach meanings quite on the extreme scale, like a switch, either on or off. But we need to realise that there are nuances to things.
That being said, if a girl is not interested enough to maintain some form of conversation with you, then it is not worth your time trying and trying to get her attention. At the end of the day, you deserve someone who treats you well. She deserves someone like you who treats her good, but she does not see it. Also, an additional point to add, there is no point in telling this to her. What it will do is, make her a better person, but not for you. No matter how “lack” of girls any guy can have, he can still live on and find more. When you look out, you will receive. Get your head stuck with this one, you’ll never see any.
Your call. Your happiness is the most important thing to you.
Regards,
John
Hello John, Thanks for the reply! before the day ends she send me a text message and asked if we could go out. as expected, I go out with her but not the usual happy face. She asked me what my problem is but I am to shy to say it to her it feels for the reason that “when I say it she will think that I am demanding but when I didn’t say it she will say I am secretive and we cannot solve the issue” but good thing that she knows when I have problems. After 15 mins going home I text her and because I can’t stop worrying about her caring for me that way and she said, “Don’t worry so much when I don’t send you text messages because at the end of the day I will always send you a text message. I was just so busy with work and don’t have time to send you a text”. I think that is ok with me so far because this season is the busiest.
I think john, I need to have a self-esteem or something and have a kind of trust that she wouldn’t do such thing. Maybe I was also wrong that she is using me. Such foolishness.
What I have learned is that, talking personal is much better than thinking and expecting something that you are not certain of.
Hi Kyle,
Well, that went better than expected!
I will say that your situation is something I wish I have, that text at the end of the day thing. I really do not mind busy days where there is no time to text, but at least at the end of the day, there is some form of closure instead of leaving me hanging. That, though sounded weak as a man admittedly, serves a purpose for me.
Self-esteem? Yeah, sure! But I also know that when situation strikes, most of the motivational stuff we say to ourselves usually goes out of the window pretty easily so, let it be a challenge to yourself to keep the advice close to yourself when bad things happen!
Talking personal? I think you mean speaking personally to the person, and on that, i agree. I believe in conversing personally. SMS just serves as a cheap and quick tool to stay in touch while exchanging banters when things get busy. It also relieves stress when replies are good.
Good to hear that things went well in the end. Too much worries, huh?
Regards,
John
I think I’m still a lucky guy that at least at the end of the day she can send me a message and I think being paranoid is just all to myself, I think I should include this in my new year resolution and be a better man.
Motivational stuff…. hmmm… What I notice about this is that when we talk and give advice to others it is like we are gurus or something but when the time comes that we need advice we tend to forget everything that we thought others. I think as a man we should keep our own advice and advice from others close to ourselves, no woman I believe that would love a man who lacks strength in solving his own problems most of the time. * Such a shame. Another new year resolution.
Yes, speaking personally is what I meant. Sometimes having phones and this bunch of technology for communication is slowly lowering our communication/sense/trust (can’t find the right term) in the real world. Sometimes, when I think of it, I get envy on how many parents live in the past without phones. :)
I have been thinking that Phones are only good for business but when it comes to relationships it is like a 50-50 either you get mixed emotion with love or you get mixed emotion with doubt and anger.
Hi Kyle,
Although I am in this forum as though I were in a position of giving others advice, I always say, I only know what to say because I am a victim just like everyone. I can relate to stuff more or less accurately and actually cause less doubt from the readers as compared to the doubt we might have for someone who’s already “out of the pit” so to speak.
Sometimes when I am down I look through some of these things everyone has posted about or my own posts even, just to remind myself what I have thought through before. I have had a bunch of advice from others I speak to personally too, and I take what sounds correct and process it. This is because some people say the advice because it is conventional wisdom, like a famous saying and stuff. But i think some of these are over idealistic, and i like to cut them down to size to something that we can agree on, that it is not something only uttered by accomplished people. I mean, of course it is easy to say how to do things when you’re successful, everything “always works”. That’s hindsight stuff. I want to get under the hood and help as many as I can, though it does not always mean I am successful or have to be successful in the end. I am only here because i think I am good at doing things that are wrong, and that i’ll like to point it out to guys who might be thinking of doing the same thing and checked in here.
I agree to your statement about technology and our parents’ generations. Their age is the age where social interactions are real, at least, more real than us. Sincere. Face to face. Paying attention to the person right in front of you on a date/appointment/meeting, instead of down on the phone screen.
Yes, for business, where emotions are not relevant and so it seems like we never feel angry at a business text or the lack of it. But a text from a girl? A total different story eh?
Cool stuff.
Regards,
John
NICE MATTER DUDE..THANK YOU