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Why You Should Move On Instead of Wanting Her Back

Get your ex girlfriend back? Or move on? Get her back? Or move on?

Note from Alex: This is taken from my ebook The Ex-Girlfrend Solution. It helps to lay the foundation for the rest of my teachings by discussing how getting over an ex before getting back together with her can actually be very beneficial to both you and her.

It is almost impossible for me to count the amount of guys I have spoken to about their ex-girlfriends over the years, but it sure is a lot. If I should do a recap, the theme that has occurred the most is this:

Girl dumps Guy, Guy is confused, Girl is equally confused so she keeps calling him, Guy misinterprets the calls and wants her back, Girl finds someone new and Guy is hurt all over again.

This happens very often, and it is a terrible situation. The situation has many variations, but it usually ends the same way. And the worst part of it all is that the man in this has absolutely no power and no control. The girl is in charge, and the man is left to be her marionette puppet.

Don’t make the same mistakes

The reason that I am telling you this is because I don’t want you to make the same mistake as so many have done before you. If you’re in a break-up right now, I don’t want you to sit around the phone, waiting for her call, focusing your every thought on her for the next few weeks or even months.

Instead, I want you to enjoy your life and tackle this situation as smoothly as you can. I want you to feel hurt if you’re hurt, I want you to be sad if you’re sad, but I also want to help you move forward and become a better man in the end.

You have to put in the work

That process will only become drawn out if you don’t work hard right from the beginning on getting over her. Let me elaborate:

The number one reason that most guys want their ex-girlfriends back is because they are scared of the unknown territory that they are getting into if they are left lonely. Most guys are terrified that they won’t find someone as good as her again, or that they are not good enough to get a new girlfriend.

Not everybody knows this about themselves, but when you dig deep enough, that’s usually the underlying reason.

The only reason for wanting to get back together with your ex that I can truly accept is this: You have to be better for each other when you are together than when you are apart. But to come to that realization takes a lot of soul-searching.

It’s not easy. And the best way to do find out for sure is to actually, even though it may sound counterproductive, get over her first.

If you can eliminate the emotional factor in the decision, you will stand a much better chance to look at it in an objective way.

And on top of that, if you decide in the end that you were better together and you decide to give it another try, you will have grown considerably from the process and maybe even got rid of the behaviour that landed you in this situation in the first place.

A break-up is not neccessarily a bad thing

So, even though it may be a twisted thought-chain, I actually think that you can view your break-up as something beneficial and beautiful. You can see it as a chance for you to figure out what you really want, and a chance for you to grow, both as a man and as a person.

If you are able to get over her, yet still manage to fall in love with her again, your relationship will be stronger and healthier than ever.

The break-up gives you the chance to see that she may not be the woman of your dreams. You get to look through the fog and see her (and yourself, for that matter!) for who she really is.

Note from Alex: If you liked this chapter from my ebook, I am sure that you will also find the other chapters at least as useful. Go check out The Ex-Girlfriend-Solution now!

Image by Celeste

10 thoughts on “Why You Should Move On Instead of Wanting Her Back

  1. Marty

    Youre right! It doesnt have to be a bad thing at all!

    I found that out one year ago when I was in a bad break up. I took a long travel for myself backpacking the world, and in the end, I realized that I had nothing to be sad about because it wasnt meant to be her and me.

    Marty

    Reply
  2. Dayton

    Great read, thanks for the awesome blog!!!

    I have found that if you can’t truly get over a girl, your next relationship suffers a lot from it. You can never give the new partner your full love, affection, attention, or heart for that matter if you are still hung up on an EX. Learning to let go of your past relationships and growing from them will help you grow as a person, as well as help future relationships grow. I feel you always need to remember what the reason was why you broke up or your past relationships ended, no matter how petty or serious the reason was, how can one learn and grow if they simply forget what it is that caused them to grow? But yeah another topic for an other time, great read and thanks for all the great advice and articles!!!

    Thanks,
    Dayton

    Reply
  3. John

    “Instead, I want you to enjoy your life and tackle this situation as smoothly as you can.”

    I’ve heard this phrased many different ways in many different places. It’s good advice, but here’s the thing; for some of us it’s been too painful to enjoy anything. I mean, if I was able to enjoy ANYTHING I don’t think I would still be pining away for my ex. I suffered with depression for years, so add a breakup into the mix and it completely wrecks me. I know that I need to enjoy life but it’s been virtually impossible for me.
    I’ve been broken up with my ex for a while now, and been in a couple of relationships since. And it does scare me that I’m not going to find what I had with my ex because as of today I still haven’t. Dating isn’t getting any easier with age, so it is a scary thought that I am never going to feel what I once did.

    Reply
  4. Tim

    “Most guys are terrified that they won’t find someone as good as her again, or that they are not good enough to get a new girlfriend.”

    Truer words were never spoken. I feel like this every time things between me and a girl go south. And I’m trying to stop, because it’s completely irrational: better girls DO come along, and you’re still good enough, nay, BETTER for having the experience and learning more about yourself and what you want in a relationship. It’s not always easy to convince yourself of this, but deep down, it’s the truth.

    Reply
  5. Gwyn

    Wow people, I’m a woman who is getting over a man who left me one week ago and it is not fair. In a strange way this website makes me feel better because it gives me the idea that maybe men are not always as cold as mine was.
    Anyway, if anyone is in the New Orleans area right now then maybe we could go for a drink- coffee etc… and talk about our feelings or anything else?

    Reply
  6. Marcos

    It’s been about a year since she left me and I still can’t eat, sleep or even approach other women. This was a bad break up with her telling me I’m not man enough or strong enough to be with her. Just because I was crazy in love and couldn’t leave her alone even when she had said her new man was more man than I ever could be. This hurt coming from her yet I’m still infatuated with what we had. I’ll never love again, honest!

    Genuinely in love, Marcos

    Reply
  7. Socialkenny

    Why get back with an ex in the forst place?Guys should be assure to move on instead,opposed to pining over their exes.Whether they’re over the ex or not,most likely,the LTR will be just as bad as the first time around,unless the one responsible for the break up comes to terms with being wrong.

    Reply
  8. bad doy

    well guys my situation is way different i fell in love with this girl and guess what she used me for everything
    yeah everything sex and the works.i seriously dont understand some woman they really dont have a heart and the worst part is that they feel nothing about it . i am a guy that is strong and beleive everything happens for a reason and that god as a plan and perpose for every one and therefore lead us to be in this situation so that we can find ourself and prove to our ex’s that they were the ones that lead us to be a better person by opening our eyes to see the negitve in them and not making the same mistake twice. fair enough your ex will find some but remember that they will never treat them the way you planned on treating them. give it a few yrs and you will meet them in the corner and exchange conversations you will see that one of the words that will come out is that i am a single parent and that’s when you dont ask why.

    Reply
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