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Do You Make This Crucial Mistake When Calling a Girl for the First Time?

Neutralizing your ex's power over you Neutralizing your ex's power over you

No. 2 in the series “What everybody ought to know about dating“.

Have you ever wondered at what point you should call a girl after getting her number? Call too soon and you will be seen as desperate and needy,
call too late and she will have lost interest, or forgot you.

I guess that your goal for this call will be to get a date with her, so of course your choice of words, voice, tone etc. will matter more than the timing,
but you know, the devil is in the details. You might as well maximize your chances.

Her level of interest is what determines if she says yes or no to meeting again, and let me tell you one thing: It never stands still. Kind of like stock prices,
her interest always INcreases, or DEcreases. And you want to call her when it’s highest.

So when IS IT highest?

As you might have figured out already, there is no definitive answer to this. As with most things here in life, it depends on the situation.
But not entirely, here’s 5 tips to get it right:

  • As a rule of thumb, never call on the same night as you’ve met her. By this time, you has not really “sunk” into her mind just yet.
    Give her a chance to think about you, it’s at this point your call will have the biggest impact, and is most likely to succeed.
  • Be polite when calling. Ask her if she has the time to chat. If she says yes sure, that’s great. If she says no: Don’t hang up! Just tell her that you will make it quick. This usually works, and it spares you a whole lot of trouble, instead of having to get a hold of her… again!
  • The answering machine is your friend. This is a fantastic opportunity to show of a lot of self-confidence. Just make it short, something like:
    “Hi, this is John from last night. You know, the sexy dark haired guy from the supermarket. I just wanted to say hi, and ask you if you would like to meet again. Get back as soon as possible, that would be great. Bye.”
    Just remember to introduce yourself, and make your point clear. And if you can incorporate humour, your message simple can’t fail.
  • Don’t wait too long. This kind of depends how you got her number, but don’t wait more than 3 days. She might have “lost hope” in you, she might have forgotten you or she may have met a new man. There’s thousands of possibilities.
  • Don’t call her in the middle of the night.
  • And for god’s sake, be sober!

Don’t talk for too long!

This is probably one of the best tips I can give you to maximize your chances for getting a date. Please don’t talk to her for more than a few minutes.

Actually the shorter the better. This is not the time to “getting to know her”. Just drop her the question, want to meet for coffee tomorrow? Or anything you come up with.

Though I am not saying that you shouldn’t say hi, ask her how she is, or just talk general things. Just remember the point of this call; you want to meet her again. Everything else comes second.

With this post, I hope that I have made you aware of some of the problems you might be facing, and / or having when calling a girl (for the first time).

To wrap it up: Don’t call on the same night, be polite, talk to her answering machine if she isn’t there, call at a reasonable time, don’t wait too long, don’t talk for too long and be sober.

Do you have a story about calling a girl, or do you always have the same troubles? Leave ’em in the comments.

Are you nervous about the whole ‘dating game’? Subscribe to our RSS Feed and we will work it out!

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76 thoughts on “Do You Make This Crucial Mistake When Calling a Girl for the First Time?

  1. David

    I met this girl the other night at a party and we went to a park and had sex. We both were in town visiting our families but when we go back to school she lives 2 hours from me. I had to leave town but she is there for another week. How can I talk to her and keep something going until she comes back to school

  2. scanny

    Met this girl 2 weeks last Thursday, and we got together during the night. Ended up getting her number, but never managed to phone her, as was mugged n the way home. To my surprise, met the same girl in the same club last Thursday, and once again managed to get her phone number (had no idea she was going to be there), anyways sent a text last night asking if she was ok, and if she wanted to meet up? At the moment, no reply. Any advice?

  3. John J

    I met a girl at a bar last saturday and got her number. The thing is I can’t remember her name, when I got her number I just called her to have it saved in my call log. Now I can’t think of what is best to say when I do call her. Any advice/ideas?? I guess I gotta make sure I’m not to tuned up while I’m out at the bars… Thanks!


  4. Jason

    Hey, I’m in college, and I just sat down next to a girl who was eating lunch alone by herself yesterday and talked with her. When she left I asked if she wanted to do it again sometime and got her number. I just called her tonight at 9pm and asked her to get some food with me tomorrow at 6, and she paused for a second before replying with a yes. Is this anything but bad? I kept the conversation real short. Just under a minute.

  5. bryan

    dumb question and i know it’s a waste of time. i had this girl who now i’m sure lost interest in me (has not respond back in weeks) but i didn’t look needy, i would text her maybe once a week just to say what’s up or HI. it’s been more then a month since ive seen her. what should i do? i don’t want to give up. should i use the “dark hair” humor when texting her? (just to tease her)i need to try and figure out how to win her heart. i got a huge heart but i’m not very good with women. thanks in advance.

  6. everyoneknowsJo

    Hey, I just came from my cousins wedding last night. Had my eyes looking for someone to dance with besides my aunts as to I could not tell if anyone there besides myself was single. Anywho I asked this one girl to dance and she was the cousin of the groom that doesnt live to far from me. to cut a long story short we only had time to dance and not really talk and this was during the reception. We danced to maybe three songs and I did cut in when she was dancing with I guess a family member of her’s and she started to dance with me. I asked her for her number before I left. It seemed like we had a good vibe dancing with each other but it was not to slow music. I called her today in the afternoon. Now I wasn’t sure if it fell into the 24-48 hr time frame since it wasnt even 24 hours since I met her but her party stayed at the night out by the reception hall while I went back home that night. My question is did i make a mistake by calling and just leaving a message before the 24 time frame?

    I left my number

  7. Mike

    Hey Alex,

    I was hoping you can give me some pointers on this one. So I met this possibly girl of my dreams last night at a club. I do not go club often but when I do I am not one of those creepy guy who tries to pick up girls.

    Anyhow I think we did click abit and I noticed we made alot of eye contacts and we chatted quite abit. Anyways, we figure out that we were both graduated 1 year ago from the same university at berkeley.

    But the thing is that a sleezy white guy was all over her too and he always try to get in between us whenever possible and tries to dance with her. He is really smooth and everything and I’ve seen him before as well few month ago when he tried to pick up on of my friends.

    Anyways he really kept her close and been all arround her, talking to her and even tried making out with her but i intervened and told him to go easy. Anyways, he came back and got next to her and apologized and everything, bascially he is smooth as hell and there isn’t anything i could do without being too weird.

    Anyways, i got her number and she seen to agree that we could meet in the future for a coffee or some fun events. The rest of the night the sleezy guy basically took her away from rest of her friends and i think she might be into him abit then since they were dancing.

    I am wondering when i should call, tonight is sunday night and tomorrow monday she has no work so i am wondering what I should do in this situation or say, because only once in a very long awhile a girl will make my heart skip a beat (seriously).

    hoping to hear from you.

  8. Derek

    Hello Alex,

    I met this girl at a club tonight. She was with her friend and we danced etc and I bought them a couple rounds of drinks. Everything was going well, she stayed dancing with me,and even gave me her number until some guy asked me if I was her boyfriend, I said yes protectively just to hear him out but she heard and she and her friend begun giving me serious unfriendly attitude. At the end, I played the embarrassed guy and asked if I could call her the next day. She said sure but I have a feeling she might not answer or something.

    How do I get back into the place I was dazzling her with my wit and conversation?

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  10. pierre

    Hi everyone,

    I need to ask you a question because I am not used to it :)

    I used to date a girl for 3 years but I did not have to ask her out or anything, it just came naturally.

    I am a musician and last Sunday I played some music in a bar. And I sat down somewhere and saw a pretty girl. And well, it went pretty naturally and I asked her if she was going to play, and then the conversation came up. I think that it went pretty well.

    At the end, I asked her number so that we can hang out. She gave me her number, and told me to send her a text to give her mine.

    I didn’t want to seem too eager, so I sent her a text message saying that it was nice to meet her, and here is the number as promised ***…

    On Tuesday, she replied “hey hey”. I did not reply, I wanted to but I thought that it would be better if I wait a couple more days and call her. I plan to call her tomorrow (Thursday)

    I have some questions..

    1) I plan to ask her out for a breakfast or something… It is gonna be in a sort of café… cool place. Is it a good idea?

    2) This weekend, I am gonna play in a concert for valentines’ day. I have a free ticket. Should I ask her to come over?

    Damn it I freak out, I don’t know why! I just don’t wanna blow off my chance.

    Thank you, any advice from guys/girls would be helpful!!!

  11. Gary

    A girl came up to me in a bar last week and asked me if I was ok as I was sitting alone, she led me over to where she and who I now know to be one of the staff (I thought he was her bf at first) were chatting. She danced with me for a few moments, getting close, then asked me a bunch of questions before chatting to the guy again. I never got round to asking her name and felt it would be rude to ask her number. She then asked me if I smoked (I don’t) then went outside, urging me to stay as she would be back. However time ran out and the bar closed so as I exited I looked to speak to her but she was chatting with her friends (making it difficult to engage about her name) so I just said “Thanks” and “cya”, she said “take care, you be careful love”. I left.
    I see her on the bus sometimes (usually Tuesdays, but can be infrequent, and she is less approachable there), but that is not really a good place to speak. If I keep going to the bar each week (she was not there this week) I should eventually see her again, right?

  12. Joshua

    I meet this girl on vaccation at a farewell party for the first tiem we hangout the whole night and then we kiss
    she lives close and she gamme her number and told me to text her
    she is also older than me but shes gorgeous
    should i call one time or somthing fast please help i met her 4 days ago and i text her everyday

  13. David

    Just met a girl at a club. She decided to make the “post club night meeting” contact (text message, asked for instant messaging info) on the 2nd day. Weird, I didn’t have to do anything, and there I was reading this and planning to call during my lunchtime on the 3rd day. Should I call her anyways?

  14. Trey

    So I met this girl on friday. She’s a friend of my sister’s. So all 3 of us went out, clubbed, and got a little drunk. Afterwards, we crashed at my sisters place. We cuddled and even got into the oral scene. No actual sex but it got pretty close. The next day she had to work and left before I woke up. I didn’t get her number, so I had my sister hand it over. I sent her a text the following night saying, “hey its Trey, I got ur digits from my sis…maybe we could grab dinner or a movie sometime.” Obviously it wasnt an open ended text. Its been 2 days should I call her or just wait for her to text back? Maybe it was a one nighter? HELP!

  15. MacDre

    Hey, I am in high school (senior) and I went to a dance party at this club which only happens a few times a year. I started dancing with this girl who was surprisingly hot and we hooked up, just kissing. When she had to leave I got her number. I get really nervous around attractive girls and there is usually awkward silence, should I text her or call, and when?

    I have never really been in a relationship because I always find it hard to get to know a girl

  16. julian

    theres a girl i like in our church. the first time i saw her, i cant forget her anymore. So i tried and accompany her to her house one day. And then i get her number and call her two days after. and then on text i told her what my feelings for her, then she said im a good man and she cant repay that, like she is rejecting me. I said if its okay to be friends or ill wait. she said ok.. Whats your opinion on that?


    hi alex! there is this pretty girl i have chasing for some time now.she recently told me her name and about a week later gave me her number.i want to know if I did the right thing in the sense that, she gave me her number at about 5pm yesterday and I did not call her until this morning and when I called her I did nt spend more than a minute talking to her.she told me she have been expecting my call.what do you think ?

  18. dP

    Had a tank of a night out on monday, got some smokin hot chick’s number after flirting and close dancing/kissing. Got her number off her, ended up phoning her 2 days after, closed a date as of last night. Awesome date man, couldn’t have gone better. We’re pretty close now, wouldn’t have happened without me reading this beforehand, kudos to this site bruv.

  19. kisitu sharif

    hav a chic that blives jst next door to my jhostel bt hav no idea how to approch her coz she dem lookin’ gud.We only say hi to eachother when we by pass by the stair cases.anyhelp

  20. Love

    Thanks for your help, I’ve just called a girl that i met online but i got scared while talking to her and i just shorten the call pretending that i have to leave her unfortunately to drop some people… who came to visit me… When can i call her again?

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