I guess that most of us have tried to dream about an ex-girlfriend once, twice or even several times in our lives. I just dreamt about one of mine this night.
It was a beautiful dream. It was a summer day, and we were enjoying an ice cream in the park. We were smiling and laughing, and we ended up kissing in the grass. This carries striking resemblance with an experience I had with just this girl once – only it was on the beach and not the park, that’s the only difference.
I have been over this girl for months, but when a dream like that pops up, you have to ask yourself: what does it mean?
What does it mean?
If you had asked me four years ago, I would probably have answered that I might still like this girl. A lot of crazy thoughts would start showing up – thoughts about the break-up, if it was the right thing to do, if I were as good a man with her as I could have been, if we really were meant to be together, etc.
A single dream can spur a lot of thoughts, and one thing leads to another. Most of all, it can lead to a lot of insecurity – which is something we don’t want too much of!
But a lot have changed in the last four years, and today, my thoughts about the dream have been radically different than what I might have thought back then.
First of all, I woke up smiling. Re-living beautiful memories is one of life’s greatest joys, and I appreciate the mere fact that I even dream. I guess we all do, but I think it’s amazing when I can actually remember parts of my dream(s).
Four years ago, when my knowledge was not the same as it is now, I would probably have woken up a little nervous with a lot of questions on my mind. I would probably wander around all day pondering them from time to time, stressing me out unconsciously.
What to do
If you’re like I was about four years ago – having insecure thoughts about stuff like dreaming about an ex-girlfriend, read on.
I must admit that when I first woke up, I did imagine being with this girl again. I thought about some more good memories from when we were together. But after daydreaming for a few minutes, I catched myself doing this, and with a few good inhalations of nice, cool air, it was gone.
I know that me and this girl are over. We’re history. We are history that I am proud of – because I know that at the time, I made nothing but right decisions.
I cherish the time that we were happy, but I have moved on.
My theory on dreams
I have been reading a lot about dreams and what they really mean. There is not a single answer, but a lot of theories point to dreams being a way for us humans to cope with all the thoughts we are having every single day.
In short, dreams are a way for us to categorize experiences, and letting go of things that are, or are not, useful to us anymore. They help us sort out the confusion our minds go through on a day to day basis.
Therefore, dreaming a dream like the one I dreamt tonight probably just means that I am letting some thoughts about this girl fly away into the universe.
I think it’s a pleasant thought that dreams are a way for us to let go of things. It’s the same thing if you are dreaming about your granny who passed away a few years ago.
Even though the conscious you may have gotten over things, the unconscious you may not. Your dream world is a deep dive into the unconscious. If you ask me, this is very exciting stuff.
What to take away from all of this
My conclusion is pretty simple: dreams in their own form mean nothing more than what you want them to mean. They are basically your unconscious mind showing its face at the surface of your conscious mind.
If you dream about something that might trouble you a bit – like an ex lover, it probably just means that you are closer to letting go of her for good.
It doesn’t mean that you should hook up with her again. It doesn’t mean that you made the wrong decision. It doesn’t mean anything.
It’s just a dream. Nothing more! Learn to enjoy it.
Images by Eric Nelsøn, Onkel Wart and Vigil Photography.
The Ex-Girlfriend Solution
Based on my own experiences, and the experiences of all the men that I have been teaching over the years, “The Ex-Girlfriend Solution” is founded on solid advice that works for everybody. Designed to eliminate the hassle of a break-up, it cuts right to the chase and gives you the absolute best advice available.
So act now and click here!
Free Dating Newsletter
* You can unsubscribe at any time.
Why you should Subscribe
Subscribe now and get unique, in-depth articles on dating, manliness and sex delivered straight to your inbox once or twice a week. One of the first articles you'll get is a must-read on the subject of kissing, so don't hesitate to subscribe. You will also get a virtual hug from me. Promise! :-)
Ahhh, sweet dreams about (former) loves… How I love them! Recently, I had this very strong dream about a girl I didn’t know, who was to be my one true love. I was very mad and disappointed for having to wake up, because by that, she’d been taken from me.
Most of my dreams about girls don’t feature that much drama, though. ;)
By the way, your post just inspired me to have another shot at lucid dreaming, which I think is THE most exciting form of dreaming!
Cheers,
JCZ
Great article!
Happy to see you are still updating!!!
I actually just ended a relationship…. Though no ex-girlfriend dreams for me -yet?- i’m having a hard time completely letting go :-\
However, i’ve read some of your other pieces about ex-girlfriends and they have really helped!!!
Thanks a bunch! Keep the excellent work coming :-D
Yes excellent post.
Just had one of these myself a little while ago. Was pretty awful actually, involved me somehow finding my way into my ex’s new house and slowly realizing she did not live alone… and that her new boyfriend was obviously a very interesting and unique person based on the things in their house. It culminated in me returning to my pad only to have my roommate tell me that the ex was marrying this new guy, and everyone knew but me but nobody wanted to tell me…
I feel like that day will come someday, word that she is getting married. I can only hope I will be in a better place a la Alex once it does.
Yea no fun at all, those ex-girlfriend dreams.
Nice post,
Beautifully written. There are many of us, who dream about our ex’s. But the best we can do is just think about good times, smile and let it go. If it hurts and doesnt allow you get over it, just have one thought. Ofcourse you deserved better, a better and amazing girl is waiting for you out there. This hurt will be there only till you meet this new amazing girl.
I am sorry Will, I have been there buddy. It hurts, you whole life come to stand still. That’s why they say never be friends or cross paths with ex’s. Its very ironic that guys take lots of time to get over a relationship and move on. Girls take not more than a week. sometime, girl break up becoz there is already someone. Its such a bitter truth….but its life.
I hope we all will find our special someone, who is actually meant for us…or Just enjoy every girl like they enjoy us and leave LOL
Cheers guys….
PS: who is the girl in the pic…she is hot lol…
Watch this chaps – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB43N0v7Eh4&feature=player_embedded
If you can appreciate this sort of mind set, getting over a girlfriend is no problemo!
Sweet article. Dreams can be a real puzzler of a topic. Good timing considering Inception just came out.
This is such an interesting subject. I always dream about the positive moments I have with my ex and the negative moments with my current girl. Is that normal or should that tell me something? Great writing!
By the way, what about dreaming about girls you don’t know? Seems lately I dream about girls I absolutely don’t know about quite often! All dreams end very well too, which obviously enhances the fun. ;)
I had a crazy dream a couple weeks ago and ALL of my exes were in it. I was a waiter for a restaurant and one of my exes came in with her family. We got to talking and she invited me to a party. When the scene in my dream changed I was at the party but I was a caterer and all of my exes were in wedding dresses in some kind of mass wedding. Save one, who was sitting in the audience waiting for me (not in a wedding dress, and not the same one that invited me to the “party” to begin with)… Very strange.. Definitely got my mind rolling the next day.
wow good stuff,
i just had one of these dreams, but in my dream me and my ex werent together we where just talking and having a good time at some play, even tho iv never gone to a play with her at all when we went out … very weird ,
Thanks Alex I just had a attack of the x in my dream ,Googled it an your article came up . It made the after thoughts go away .
I think the mind will keep churning over something even if it is obviously bothering you.
I’ve had dreams about ex girlfriend long after I have gotten over them… But I definately had the most vivid dreams in that time right after breaking up.
Thank you for posting this…I just had a conversation with my father about this!
Almost three months out of a relationship and I just started having dreams about her…not the sweet and endearing kind either. On the mornings I wake up when I had a dream about her the night before, I wake up in a funk…question my decision to have left her…was it good or bad?
This makes me feel better, it is what it is…I stand by my decision, and although I hope I am haunting her dreams as well, Im excited to never see her in mine again haha
Thanks again!
Well,i fall in that category as well.However lucid it is,was,it was wayyy better than the times we spent back then,i guess with more detail.These things seem real,but i wake up shaking my head,yeah right.Not my first,seems like it wont be my last.Do i have a problem?
I had just woke up and googled answers to my dream! It has been 3yrs since I was with my ex. An things ended when there was the why, what ifs involved! Took a long time to heal an today we are still frieds on smaller non everyday level! I had choose to stay single for that time an now dateing a beautiful lady for 5months today! I woke up beside her teary eyed an confused. At times I feel that sub consiously I was not completely healed! At first I thought maybe it wasn’t done but in real its over. So this has helped me realize (specially today) that I found a great women beside me an an falling deeper with this amazing girl everyday an just reminded me of the pain of falling in love. But I also realize that it means when u have something this good to not mess it up! I’m lucky man today:) thank you for the advice from this an Happy 5 months baby :) (Thanks)
I had this dream last night woke up googled the ex girlfriend tragic dream haha…. this is what i got and im damn glad bc its a good post. im glad i didnt get a negative explanation or someone telling me i need to go reconsider things. i am thankful their are people like you that write things on the level that you do. i haven’t found much admiration within me for other people’s work here lately. This post really struck me in a crucial way, not only because it says exactly what i think a person wants to hear when their over someone they dream about, but bc the material contained within was very exhilarating to say the least. Thank you for your amazing work and i hope the next dream i remember i can google it and get one of your posts as well. My hats off you my friend, very well done.
My dream followed suit with our relationship. I had hoped for a second, when I woke up that she he had the same dream. The same dream where she randomly bumps into me and I would tell her I loved her, and she would say it back… and as soon as we kissed… she was gone… the dream would start over, with me by myself. I can’t say she was my ex, because since I’ve known her, she’s always had a bf. As greedy as I am, I had hoped she would always leave him. Even back then, I knew better… so I stopped talking to her. Lucky for me occasionally I would bump into her at college, or a coffee shop. And every single time we would see each other, it would jus start over, like we never stopped talking, like she didn’t have a man. I always tried to play a bigger role, by letting go, but its hard to let go when they say its you that they want but yet never leave the other…. to me that always gave me the finall answer but it seems that my dreams, disagree.