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Dreaming About Your Ex-Girlfriend – What Does it Mean?

Does dreaming about your ex mean anything? Does dreaming about your ex mean anything?

I guess that most of us have tried to dream about an ex-girlfriend once, twice or even several times in our lives. I just dreamt about one of mine this night.

It was a beautiful dream. It was a summer day, and we were enjoying an ice cream in the park. We were smiling and laughing, and we ended up kissing in the grass. This carries striking resemblance with an experience I had with just this girl once – only it was on the beach and not the park, that’s the only difference.

I have been over this girl for months, but when a dream like that pops up, you have to ask yourself: what does it mean?

What does it mean?

If you had asked me four years ago, I would probably have answered that I might still like this girl. A lot of crazy thoughts would start showing up – thoughts about the break-up, if it was the right thing to do, if I were as good a man with her as I could have been, if we really were meant to be together, etc.

A single dream can spur a lot of thoughts, and one thing leads to another. Most of all, it can lead to a lot of insecurity – which is something we don’t want too much of!

But a lot have changed in the last four years, and today, my thoughts about the dream have been radically different than what I might have thought back then.

First of all, I woke up smiling. Re-living beautiful memories is one of life’s greatest joys, and I appreciate the mere fact that I even dream. I guess we all do, but I think it’s amazing when I can actually remember parts of my dream(s).

Four years ago, when my knowledge was not the same as it is now, I would probably have woken up a little nervous with a lot of questions on my mind. I would probably wander around all day pondering them from time to time, stressing me out unconsciously.

girl dreaming

What to do

If you’re like I was about four years ago – having insecure thoughts about stuff like dreaming about an ex-girlfriend, read on.

I must admit that when I first woke up, I did imagine being with this girl again. I thought about some more good memories from when we were together. But after daydreaming for a few minutes, I catched myself doing this, and with a few good inhalations of nice, cool air, it was gone.

I know that me and this girl are over. We’re history. We are history that I am proud of – because I know that at the time, I made nothing but right decisions.

I cherish the time that we were happy, but I have moved on.

man thinking

My theory on dreams

I have been reading a lot about dreams and what they really mean. There is not a single answer, but a lot of theories point to dreams being a way for us humans to cope with all the thoughts we are having every single day.

In short, dreams are a way for us to categorize experiences, and letting go of things that are, or are not, useful to us anymore. They help us sort out the confusion our minds go through on a day to day basis.

Therefore, dreaming a dream like the one I dreamt tonight probably just means that I am letting some thoughts about this girl fly away into the universe.

I think it’s a pleasant thought that dreams are a way for us to let go of things. It’s the same thing if you are dreaming about your granny who passed away a few years ago.

Even though the conscious you may have gotten over things, the unconscious you may not. Your dream world is a deep dive into the unconscious. If you ask me, this is very exciting stuff.

What to take away from all of this

My conclusion is pretty simple: dreams in their own form mean nothing more than what you want them to mean. They are basically your unconscious mind showing its face at the surface of your conscious mind.

If you dream about something that might trouble you a bit – like an ex lover, it probably just means that you are closer to letting go of her for good.

It doesn’t mean that you should hook up with her again. It doesn’t mean that you made the wrong decision. It doesn’t mean anything.

It’s just a dream. Nothing more! Learn to enjoy it.

Images by Eric Nelsøn, Onkel Wart and Vigil Photography.

42 thoughts on “Dreaming About Your Ex-Girlfriend – What Does it Mean?

  1. JCZ

    Ahhh, sweet dreams about (former) loves… How I love them! Recently, I had this very strong dream about a girl I didn’t know, who was to be my one true love. I was very mad and disappointed for having to wake up, because by that, she’d been taken from me.

    Most of my dreams about girls don’t feature that much drama, though. ;)

    By the way, your post just inspired me to have another shot at lucid dreaming, which I think is THE most exciting form of dreaming!

    Cheers,

    JCZ

    Reply
  2. Robert

    Great article!
    Happy to see you are still updating!!!

    I actually just ended a relationship…. Though no ex-girlfriend dreams for me -yet?- i’m having a hard time completely letting go :-\
    However, i’ve read some of your other pieces about ex-girlfriends and they have really helped!!!

    Thanks a bunch! Keep the excellent work coming :-D

    Reply
  3. Will

    Yes excellent post.

    Just had one of these myself a little while ago. Was pretty awful actually, involved me somehow finding my way into my ex’s new house and slowly realizing she did not live alone… and that her new boyfriend was obviously a very interesting and unique person based on the things in their house. It culminated in me returning to my pad only to have my roommate tell me that the ex was marrying this new guy, and everyone knew but me but nobody wanted to tell me…

    I feel like that day will come someday, word that she is getting married. I can only hope I will be in a better place a la Alex once it does.

    Yea no fun at all, those ex-girlfriend dreams.

    Reply
  4. Single and Happy

    Nice post,

    Beautifully written. There are many of us, who dream about our ex’s. But the best we can do is just think about good times, smile and let it go. If it hurts and doesnt allow you get over it, just have one thought. Ofcourse you deserved better, a better and amazing girl is waiting for you out there. This hurt will be there only till you meet this new amazing girl.

    I am sorry Will, I have been there buddy. It hurts, you whole life come to stand still. That’s why they say never be friends or cross paths with ex’s. Its very ironic that guys take lots of time to get over a relationship and move on. Girls take not more than a week. sometime, girl break up becoz there is already someone. Its such a bitter truth….but its life.

    I hope we all will find our special someone, who is actually meant for us…or Just enjoy every girl like they enjoy us and leave LOL

    Cheers guys….

    Reply
  5. Jono

    Sweet article. Dreams can be a real puzzler of a topic. Good timing considering Inception just came out.

    Reply
  6. Al

    This is such an interesting subject. I always dream about the positive moments I have with my ex and the negative moments with my current girl. Is that normal or should that tell me something? Great writing!

    Reply
  7. JCZ

    By the way, what about dreaming about girls you don’t know? Seems lately I dream about girls I absolutely don’t know about quite often! All dreams end very well too, which obviously enhances the fun. ;)

    Reply
  8. John

    I had a crazy dream a couple weeks ago and ALL of my exes were in it. I was a waiter for a restaurant and one of my exes came in with her family. We got to talking and she invited me to a party. When the scene in my dream changed I was at the party but I was a caterer and all of my exes were in wedding dresses in some kind of mass wedding. Save one, who was sitting in the audience waiting for me (not in a wedding dress, and not the same one that invited me to the “party” to begin with)… Very strange.. Definitely got my mind rolling the next day.

    Reply
  9. greg

    wow good stuff,
    i just had one of these dreams, but in my dream me and my ex werent together we where just talking and having a good time at some play, even tho iv never gone to a play with her at all when we went out … very weird ,

    Reply
  10. J

    Thanks Alex I just had a attack of the x in my dream ,Googled it an your article came up . It made the after thoughts go away .

    Reply
  11. Daniel

    I think the mind will keep churning over something even if it is obviously bothering you.

    I’ve had dreams about ex girlfriend long after I have gotten over them… But I definately had the most vivid dreams in that time right after breaking up.

    Reply
  12. Derek

    Thank you for posting this…I just had a conversation with my father about this!

    Almost three months out of a relationship and I just started having dreams about her…not the sweet and endearing kind either. On the mornings I wake up when I had a dream about her the night before, I wake up in a funk…question my decision to have left her…was it good or bad?

    This makes me feel better, it is what it is…I stand by my decision, and although I hope I am haunting her dreams as well, Im excited to never see her in mine again haha

    Thanks again!

    Reply
  13. #Sharrod

    Well,i fall in that category as well.However lucid it is,was,it was wayyy better than the times we spent back then,i guess with more detail.These things seem real,but i wake up shaking my head,yeah right.Not my first,seems like it wont be my last.Do i have a problem?

    Reply
  14. Rick

    I had just woke up and googled answers to my dream! It has been 3yrs since I was with my ex. An things ended when there was the why, what ifs involved! Took a long time to heal an today we are still frieds on smaller non everyday level! I had choose to stay single for that time an now dateing a beautiful lady for 5months today! I woke up beside her teary eyed an confused. At times I feel that sub consiously I was not completely healed! At first I thought maybe it wasn’t done but in real its over. So this has helped me realize (specially today) that I found a great women beside me an an falling deeper with this amazing girl everyday an just reminded me of the pain of falling in love. But I also realize that it means when u have something this good to not mess it up! I’m lucky man today:) thank you for the advice from this an Happy 5 months baby :) (Thanks)

    Reply
  15. Texas

    I had this dream last night woke up googled the ex girlfriend tragic dream haha…. this is what i got and im damn glad bc its a good post. im glad i didnt get a negative explanation or someone telling me i need to go reconsider things. i am thankful their are people like you that write things on the level that you do. i haven’t found much admiration within me for other people’s work here lately. This post really struck me in a crucial way, not only because it says exactly what i think a person wants to hear when their over someone they dream about, but bc the material contained within was very exhilarating to say the least. Thank you for your amazing work and i hope the next dream i remember i can google it and get one of your posts as well. My hats off you my friend, very well done.

    Reply
  16. corygson

    My dream followed suit with our relationship. I had hoped for a second, when I woke up that she he had the same dream. The same dream where she randomly bumps into me and I would tell her I loved her, and she would say it back… and as soon as we kissed… she was gone… the dream would start over, with me by myself. I can’t say she was my ex, because since I’ve known her, she’s always had a bf. As greedy as I am, I had hoped she would always leave him. Even back then, I knew better… so I stopped talking to her. Lucky for me occasionally I would bump into her at college, or a coffee shop. And every single time we would see each other, it would jus start over, like we never stopped talking, like she didn’t have a man. I always tried to play a bigger role, by letting go, but its hard to let go when they say its you that they want but yet never leave the other…. to me that always gave me the finall answer but it seems that my dreams, disagree.

    Reply
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  18. Anthony

    I had a dream about a girl i don’t no, but i must admit it was amazing, we were just hanging out and then i switched dreams and something horrible happened, and then i was walking up to a bedroom and she was laying down recovering from what happen, so then we kissed and was talking for a while, but then i woke up ,

    Reply
  19. Brad

    I dream of my ex all the time, it was 15 years ago that we broke up & only the last few years these dreams have been more frequent & more clear with the things they point out that I didnt notice at the time, facepalm! some of my dreams revolve completely around my ex & sometimes I have a real bizarre dream where I don’t see her at all but am constantly reminded to contact her????

    now 15 years later we found each other again through the net & have started chatting again & it turns out my ex is dreaming the same thing about me as I am dreaming about her????

    Reply
  20. John

    I know this response is a little late but last night I dreamt of an intimate moment with my ex I broke up with 2 months ago. We were hugging, kissing on a bed, it felt amazing, I could smell, taste and feel her as if I was there. When I woke up I was upset and confused, as I had been over her for sometime and that feeling I had in the dream came rushing back. The mind is a complex, strange and often confusing thing to have. It’s taken me all day to get myself together, I believe you are right about the brain storing memories, most of mine are good memories which is also a bad thing, to me it’s letting me know that I have to be strong and realise that the real world is so much better.i have a new gf and she’s real and I’d rather have that than a dream anyway :)

    Reply
  21. Mike

    Dreamed last night of my ex from about 10 years ago. We were h.s. sweethearts for about 3 years. She was bi-polar and we had extreme highs and extreme lows.

    The lows were bad but the highs were so full of passion and excitement that it was intoxicating. We never had sex even though we were very close. We hung out hours every day. In the end, I think the bi-polar destroyed the relationship more than anything else.

    Since we both fell away from each others lives as a result of the disease, I’ve always been left longing for her and wondering “what could have been”.

    I’m married now to a wonderful, faithful woman for just over 3 years and she means everything to me. It doesn’t stop the occasional dream from slipping in. I’ve learned to just let them go, but I can’t deny that every time she comes back into my dreams, it’s like a scab has been ripped off of my heart and the wound feels fresh again.

    Reply
    1. James

      Mike, i know how you feel, i dated this one girl about two years ago and when we started dating we were on and off for about a year and a half. The last time we dated it lasted for about a year and 4 months and that was 2 years ago. she was the first girl i actually loved. ever since we broke up i’ve played the field a lot and still have not found a girl i liked/love as much as i did her. i loved her with all my heart but like you said about your ex, mine was also bi-polar. well not exactly bi-polar she just had a control/jealousy problems. we too had extreme highs and lows in our relationship. the lows in our relationship were getting so bad i ended it with her. now this present day, going on a little more than 2 years broken up, i keep having reaccuring dreams about me getting to talk to her and work thing out and fall in love again. i tried to talk to her in the past about dreams i’ve had like this and she just shoots me down and wants to have nothing to do with me. when i think about her after the dreams for some reason i still love her deep inside of me and i wish i never ended our relationship. what im trying to say is, i dont know what to do, i want to talk to her so bad but if i did she would just tell me to go to hell or something along them lines. life sucks. ):

      Reply
  22. Nick

    See I agree but then I don’t because I have had dreams about girls that came true, for example: I dreamt a dream about a friend I had on Facebook that I never met. (Mutual friendship) we had never talked and I had an intimate dream about her and about a week later she started randomly talking out of no where and it ended up that 2 weeks after, the intimate dream I had came true exactly how it happened.

    This isn’t the first time my dreams have come true and alot dreams that just never made sense. I recently just had a dream about my ex gf that I was in love with but because of how things progressed over our 2 year relationship we ended it together due to lack of maturing on her side.

    Now to this day, it’s been a year since we’ve talked or seen each other. Right after this dream, I woke up and had full feelings for her. Like we were still together in love because the dream had so much meaning inside of it. I’m trying to figure out what it means. I want to reach out and say hi and maybe get coffee to just catch up, but I don’t know if its right. It’s really hard to decipher the meaning behind how my brain is processing this dream.

    Reply
  23. Holly

    Last night I had a dream about my ex boyfriend, he was my first true love and we were together for two years. He ended up breaking it off with me because I was far to clingy and insecure, it ruined us. When we met we fell hard, really hard… Sometimes I couldn’t even handle what I felt for him and I knew he felt the same. Last night I dreamt that we were in a large stone paved square in the middle of somewhere like London, we dressed the same as we used too, but looked older as we do now, he was holding me tight and pleading with me to tell him that we would be together forever, at that moment I knew that we didn’t make it, almost like I knew what the future held but he did not. I didn’t answer him I just kissed him passionately with a pained expression on my face and told myself to just enjoy the moment and that this was for him as we’ll. The amount of pain this person put me through when we ended was unimaginable, he was cold and cruel and shattered my heart into a million pieces, I think this was his way of both getting over me and ensuring I got over him. This dream symbolised not only the pure love in my heart but also that I do not for one second regret him. I will always love what we once shared.

    Reply
    1. Brido

      I was with a girl 17 years ago and the relationship ended because of my drinking an crazy behaviour I sorted myself out but have terrible regrets about losing this girl, I have just dremed about her 3 nights in a row, we not been in contact for most of time and it bothers me she doesn’t know I turned out well and don’t touch the drink

      Reply
  24. Karen

    This made me feel so much better. Me and my ex has been broken up for somewhile now and Ive been having dreams about him for months now sometimes once a month somestimes twice sometimes 2 maybe even four times a month. And for the first couple of times it has happened I have been doing research on what it means. It just happened again lastnight and for the second time this month and I now feel relief that it doesn’t mean anything actually. But every single time when I wake up I think “What does this mean? Is he having dreams about me or thinking about me” But now I know it doesnt mean a thing and that I’m okay. Although, that relationship sometimes brought the bad and unrecognizable me…I would like to talk to him. Sometimes I think…what is he doing or does he think of me? I dont have any feeling for him…but thanks for this.
    I for sure know it doesnt mean anything (:
    Thanks xoxo

    Reply
  25. Mysterious

    So i just woke up from a dream…its about the 2nd one this week, and i really cant make sense of my dreams.. so in this dream i went to this kinda fashion show with a friend who was a girl, it just so hPpened that when i walked in i saw the sign in board and the first thing i saw was my ex girlfriends name at that point i did not know what to do… as we walked up to the seats her and the new guy was sitting next to us..after a couple of moments a guy i had problems with got into a argument one thing led to another and i ened up beating him up in front of everyone. when it was all over and finished i stood up.. i told everyone i had to leave and talk to god cause what i done was not right and needed to repent, after that without thinking i walked out and as soon as i walked out of that place i woke up.

    Reply
  26. Manas Kale

    I dreamt about my ex today, that we got back together, we dated about a year ago, i know that i still love her, and i keep dreaming about her, atleast once a week for sure. I keep dreaming and i cant let go!

    Reply
  27. King

    I just dreamt of my ex coming back…..we were together for 2 years and she recently left me(its been about 6 weeks)saying she didn’t want love etc etc…..so my dream was we were just going to grab something to eat in my car it was raining and there was an accident of some sort that left us stuck in traffic on the freeway….we began to talk about us what happened where we went wrong n she started hugging n crying on my shoulder I told her I missed n still loved her n never wanted us to end the way we did….she admitted she felt the same….so I asked her to be my girl again n she immediately said yes….we began to cry together followed by a passionate kiss and I looked her in the eye n said thus time will be diffrent I promise and she said don’t change yourself you were fine the way you were it was her that was confused n now she knows she wants me….before it ended we were laughing n talking n I told her I want her so bad I need to find a spot off the freeway to have sex with her and she emphatically agreed….then I woke up….what does this mean???? I want to be with her n she knows this but Idk if she feels the same or not…..Please help me out I’m more confused than ever i want her back but Idk how she feels or if it’s right…..i want to talk with her but I told her I’d give her space to sort things out within herself….any insight is appreciated

    Reply
  28. tom

    Thanks for the article. I keep having dreams of my ex that ened six years ago. It was a long relationship. But latley she comes in my dreams more often. I know its over and long gone. I guess i am finally accpeting that she is gone. They are great dreams of sex and being with each other. Love these dreams Lol miss her still in a way. But life goes on. Thanks for the article gave some insight to why iI’m having these dreams. Thanks!

    Reply
  29. SlickD

    OUT OF NOWHERE i had a dream about my first ex last night! holy mackeral, it felt more real than life itself. wow! so, anyways, i don’t remember much of the dream, but it replayed several times, kinda dejavu all over again whilst dreaming. so i woke up like “WTF!” and back to a sad reality of my life as it is. she was just as amazing as always in my dream, so i really did have someone special in my life! i even spooned her!LOOOOL

    Reply
  30. hydrexo

    I can see no one has entered anything since May 2014 so my turn lol. I was looking into this because of the fact that I have been dreaming on and on about my ex girlfriend. Sadly we work at the same place (how we met in the first place) Although I am on night shift I do see her twice a week when she is leaving work and getting into her boyfriends car (who also knows me and works at the same place -_-) She never looks at me, she never says hi, she looks past me even though I’ve on many occasions did look her way and smile to be friendly she would look away fast. She doesn’t even have the courtesy to say “excuse me” in the hall when Im looking at the schedule for the week, she just shoves by quickly. It was good times back in 2012 and I was newly sober from alcohol when we met, had no thoughts on dating anyone because I was messed up from withdrawals. But we spoke in the lunchroom and than came to dating her two months later, she was around my first year of sobriety and she even attended my aa meetings to support me and even heard me speak once in front of everyone and she cried and I cried in joy afterwards. She was really amazing and sadly I was still a very insecure guy still trying to figure my life out sober. I didn’t trust her and I allowed my love for her to blind me in so many ways that I was simply pushing her away from me. She gave me many chances when I would get stubborn and not talk to her for days. I pushed too hard till she gave up one day, heart broken and said she was done dealing with this. Ever since than I’ve been dreaming about us being back together and me learning my lesson and being able to trust. We did so many romantic things together in real life that it repeated itself in my dreams. I too would wake up smiling only to end up crying (within the first couple of months being apart) because it was truly beautiful and I lost it for good. Now I’m not saying I dream of her every night but damn it that I think of her. Tonights dream was different because this time she wasn’t with me and she was dating another guy where we work so that came as a shock lol. But he and my ex would display themselves in front of me by making out and him grabbing her ass while he looked at me and her frenching him while looking my way. it was torment. I really needed to read this tonight and reading a whole bunch more material because I miss what I had. I know I’m not the only one whose alone though in this world. But I honestly pray that the one whose going to run into me next is out there still unaware of me still and me likewise. But I can only foolishly think of this idea of a beautiful girl out there who will blow my mind and having learned my mistakes and using the tools given to me I will make sure I don’t hurt her like my last girl. Im sorry for the long message but being on night shift if really hard when I have no one to talk to physically or in person I should say. So I like to type out my thoughts in hopes someone out there knows how I feel and she/he agrees and finds comfort in my words… you are not alone who ever is reading this. Same goes for me.. some day some one special will cross our path, its destiny.

    Reply
    1. genjutsu asia

      I tell you my story , today is August 4 2014, I was with my ex in a dream, we went to the mall and the weird thing here in my dream is, she knows that we already broke up in reality but in dream world we are dating, even though it was 2010 the day we broke up our relationship for 8 years since college days, I am from manila by the way… So we went to diff rent places places you will only see in a dream full of strange blurred people inside a mall, like we used to have, suddenly encountered strange people who cornered me in a grocer y , this guys wants trouble , I knew I have insecurities in real life so those guys figured they wanna hit me and get my money but they saw my ex , I told them my ex have a husband bigger and stronger than them and explained if they try to hurt her , the hubby will get them quickly, unfortunately for me, insecurity strikes me while explaining it to the bad guys , she saw me and got disappointed and mad at me, the bad guys just went away but I chased her while she jumps into a renting vehicle, a public jeep and seats at the front , I tried to follow her to sit right next to her and then cut, I saw her face so clearly mad and then I woke up, but this wasn’t the only time I dreamt of her, since I live a mediocre life, still have no girl friend even i dated a few girls in a meaning less sex, few years after our break up, I still thought about her now and then, I seriously need a new one, it’s just that, today is not yet the right time, but I know myself , through inner thoughts, to articles on the internet , I realize, I just missed the feeling of being so in love with her, hoping to find someday that I will never mess up my relationship again and move on , I haven’t found the best person yet, and prove myself to be with another woman who I will be for the rest of my life. Lucky for her she got married and had a baby , I was hurt deep inside but I was happy for her that I let her go to be happy with some one else that I love d her so much I freed her from my chains of our old times. .end.,. Hey i f u wanna contact me, add ayame canary on fb . u will see a girl but alias , I am a guy I just hide my identity. Just pm me first if u read this stupid ex gf story shit I just typed here

      Reply
      1. hydrexo

        uh no i wont add you on fb. Im very tight about personal identity myself. I only add people who I know in person. I have no use for a stranger to know who the masserman is in real life. I am a Jedi. I am everywhere. it is futile to convince me to :message” my arch rival

        Reply
  31. ?????????

    I had a dream of my ex, she was my second gf. My dream was that my class was at my house for some cleaning thing (lol) and each kid had a color, my ex was red. I had all the colors on my ipad and it said where they are in my house. And whenever my ex girlfriends color turned to a “R.I.P” sign, I secretly spied on her talking on my porch. And I didn’t want her to see me so I randomly floated in the air. Then I floated over to the window that my ex was at so I can what she’s saying. I think she was talking about me! And when I woke up I was like ” wait, THAT WAS A DREAM, I wonder if I can still float in the air” so I Tryed floating but I couldn’t. Then I punched my bed so hard that I forgot to get breakfast!!!!

    Reply