To be a just keep the change man, you have to practice living with an open heart, even if it hurts.
Living with an open heart means that you experience all experiences fully without denying anything. It is like looking fear in the eye – you stand up for yourself and take up the fight.
The weak man
The weak man will always try to deny his pain. Whether it’s emotional or physical, he will always try to think of anything but the pain.
When running, he will distract himself when it starts to hurt. When faced with criticism, he will try to move on, move around it, forget it or deny it. When a weak man loses something, or someone, he will suppress his feelings; his pain. He will look the other way and distract himself.
On the surface, this approach might look beneficial. Pain is bad, so it must be good not to feel it, no? If just it was so simple…
See, pain is a part of life. And when you reject pain, suppress it, deny it, you also reject, suppress and deny life. And on top of that, pain only grows in denial. So when you reject your pain, all you are actually doing is that you make it grow. And it will grow, grow until it eats you up.
A man living with a closed heart will die bit by bit, every single day.
What to do instead
The honest, courageous man, on the other hand, will face his pain. He will see it for what it is, and do with it what needs to be done: live with it.
He will be open to the world and to the people that love him, and his mind and spirit will be strong.
So try this the next time you are faced with something “bad”, like criticism: stand up for yourself. Breathe at all times to open up the front of your body. And listen.
The same thing applies to loss, whether its in love, death or anything that’s in between: take responsibility. Face the pain. Remain open. Whatever you do, you must remain open.
When you practice openness like this, you will start to see that pain and hurt is just as much a part of life as love and light.. You won’t ever get rid of your pain by denying it, so why not learn to live with it?
The funny thing is that there comes a time, where you will realize that the pain, your pain, is gone. It is just like fear: you won’t ever get rid of it before you face it and fight it.
The way to fight fear is to do what you are afraid of.
The way to fight pain is to live with it, with an open heart.
Always.
What do you think?
What’s your point of view when it comes to pain – is it best to just see it for what it is, or do you believe in denying or suppressing it? Is there a middle road? Let me know what you think in the comments.
By the way, I’m going to Sweden in an hour, I’ll be back in a few days. Take care guys!
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I find I really bottle things up, not just pain but all my emotions really.
I’ve always sort of felt like keeping my worries and sadness to myself was the best way of doing things, the manly way, not to worry anyone else.
but I’m starting to learn that letting people know how you feel really does reap benefits, not least a little sympathy from the female population!
That’s right Adam ;-)
It’s a typical thing to do as a man, and I also think it’s one of the reasons men deal with emotional problems related to (ex) giflfriends at a much higher degree than women do.
Alex Kay….legend. End of :)
I love this one!
Thanks guys,
maybe some elaboration till’ next time? ;-)
I know personally that every time I have accepted my sadness of the moment, that I came through it feeling much better than if I had ignored it by watching tv shows online (which I do too much). I actually felt really good when I had lost my internet connection for a few days, as I had nothing to distract me from what I was feeling at the moment and I had to face it all. The next day, I felt like a new man. Just something to think about :)
Yes Victor, that sure is something to think about…
Thanks for your comment!
Hey Alex,
in my opinion you mix up some of the truths with falsehood.
On the one hand there’s the denial part of which taking responsibility is definately a progress. It’s when you see yourself no longer as a victim, but recognize your inner strength and actually see that you can have a smart proactive solution for your stimulus response. That’s COUARAGE. And then as your inner strength grows you recognize that all the fear, pride, anger etc is not coming from you, but rather is a reflection of your own ego in others.
You see, an open heart is not about “stand[ing] up for yourself and tak[ing] up the fight” and “to fight fear is to do what you are afraid of”, but you will rather not be afraid anymore and there will be no need for BRAVERY. Because you ARE fearless.
But anyway nice article it was just the definition that bothered me a bit. It’s right backing up and facing the pain is the first thing someone has to learn, or it will criple his life ;-)
Hey Frank,
I think I get what you’re saying here. You’re right, it’s just some of the definitions… But we’re generally saying the same thing.
Thanks for pointing (and straightening) it out. Interesting blog, by the way.
[...] But it’s time to let them in. It’s time to let her in. Open up and welcome the pain. Live with an open heart, even if it hurts! [...]
I am one of those guys who close myself off and don’t open up to anyone. I’m trying to change it, but it’s not easy after being closed for so many years. Any advice on how to just be more open with people?
If you have been closed off for years, just take it slowly. Read some of the articles on here, and apply what you learn.
Just stumbled on your website and thought i would check this article out.
i just got dumped by a young lady cuz she just wanted to be “friends”. ok so im pretty heart broken right now. so ya .. pain.
i really miss her and i want to call her or write her and tell her that.. but when i feel the urge to, something inside says “no…she dumped you, let her go, be a man, leave her alone”…. do you think that is running from my pain?… or is that facing it?… my mind is thinkin about so many things right now.
I feel you Brian, I really do… The friend thing is a b*tch!
I also think that you follow your instinct by not calling her. Stay strong man.