Comments on: Why You Can’t Be Friends with Your Ex after the Break Up – And the No Contact Rule http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule Dating Advice for Men Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:41:56 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: jean numan http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-3#comment-95447 jean numan Mon, 06 Feb 2012 07:00:51 +0000 http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule#comment-95447 I will never have been alive today if not for the help of this great spell caster who help me with a voodoo that help get my boyfriend back to my life. really appreciate the spell uda spell temple you can contact the spell caster on udatemple2011@gmail.com spell casting is real and it really work to get an ex back. I will never have been alive today if not for the help of this great spell caster who help me with a voodoo that help get my boyfriend back to my life. really appreciate the spell uda spell temple you can contact the spell caster on udatemple2011@gmail.com spell casting is real and it really work to get an ex back.

]]> By: Liv34ever87 http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-3#comment-94334 Liv34ever87 Wed, 18 Jan 2012 08:22:03 +0000 http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule#comment-94334 I'm going through a tough ball right now, I've been reading a lot about brake ups. We are rational women are not, they are emotional. We can't fight them back using logic. We gotta fight them back with emotion as well. After the brake up, they want to be friends, ignore you, play games, push and pull drama and other stupid and nonce sense techniques just to boost their ego, so you know what fellas, let her know you are ok thought about it and you have realized this is the best, it was nice to meeting you but I can't continue being your friend, lover, or whatever your connection is... most likely you get something back, IGNORE IT, if you don't get nothing back BE HAPPY CAUSE YOUR MESSAGE GOT ACROSS AND SHE IS EXPECTING ANOTHER TEXT FROM YOU TRYING TO MAYBE PERSUADE HER ABOUT CHANGING HER MIND. Whatever the situation is after you send that last text, be committed, and spend full time on yourself to make improvements in every single way, do what you have to do to move on and let time do its work and you'll see. YOU'LL BE THE ONE WITH THE MAGIC STICK ON YOUR HANDS. I’m going through a tough ball right now, I’ve been reading a lot about brake ups. We are rational women are not, they are emotional. We can’t fight them back using logic. We gotta fight them back with emotion as well. After the brake up, they want to be friends, ignore you, play games, push and pull drama and other stupid and nonce sense techniques just to boost their ego, so you know what fellas, let her know you are ok thought about it and you have realized this is the best, it was nice to meeting you but I can’t continue being your friend, lover, or whatever your connection is… most likely you get something back, IGNORE IT, if you don’t get nothing back BE HAPPY CAUSE YOUR MESSAGE GOT ACROSS AND SHE IS EXPECTING ANOTHER TEXT FROM YOU TRYING TO MAYBE PERSUADE HER ABOUT CHANGING HER MIND. Whatever the situation is after you send that last text, be committed, and spend full time on yourself to make improvements in every single way, do what you have to do to move on and let time do its work and you’ll see. YOU’LL BE THE ONE WITH THE MAGIC STICK ON YOUR HANDS.

]]> By: Will http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-3#comment-93740 Will Tue, 10 Jan 2012 16:58:09 +0000 http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule#comment-93740 The girl of my dreams broke up with me ,and broke my heart this past Friday(1/6/12). We'd been together 13 months. I'd been in long (6 year, 2 year,etc) and short (6 mos, afew dates, etc) relationships before and never once fell for someone the way I did the very first time I laid eyes on Tiffany. I mean the very first time. I always thought love at first sight was a lame cliche but honestly, it exists. I was there through her mother passing away and her father surviving a massive heart attack and quintuple bypass. I was always madly in love with her and doing/giving her anything I could or desired. However thoughout the relationship she would casually mention how I need "time for myself" and I realized after our breakup I did lose myself. I slowly got comfortable and started being less and less clean (allowed my apartment to get so bad she wouldn't come over) and I went from training for a professional muay thai fight to almost no exercise. I could tell she still cares about me and isn't so superficial as to hate my physique. Her reasoning is that she says she doesn't love me anymore, "not like that anyway" and she said that she cant care for someone who doesn't care about themselves. She initiated NC the first day, and I've broken it twice, before I read the helpful things I'd seen online. Both times she seemed happy to see me, sad, and admitted to being lonely at times. However, each instance was followed with a harsh email re-iterating the no contact rule. She's also sent all of my items from her house to me through a mutual friend, obvioulsy trying to drive home the fact we're broken up. I've decided to just go with it, it's probably what she needs and I'm trying to get my life back on track. She's always been a very strong and independent person, healthy, fit, and standing on her own. She's been skiddish from the start but I attribute much of that to her mother dying and her father nearly doing so. From what I've seen and what weve been through,(she even cried when breaking up w/ me) is that she still has some deep caring for me left in there and I feel like its not too late to get her back, however I've made a few of the top 10 DONT DO mistakes after a breakup, but I'm trying to resolve that. What I'm wondering is, if any ladies or very in-tune men out there could answer just two quesitons for me: 1) Why does she feel she needs this space? What is she doing in this time of no contact that is helping her? How will her time away make her realize she does (or doesn't) miss/love me? Why does it take her so long? I feel like not knowing is the hardest part about letting the no contact happen and 2) What do women look for to recognize that a man "takes care of himself" ? Obviously appearance, healthy lifestyle like eating and exercise come to mind, but I feel like every woman I've talked to has a hard time explaining exactly what it means... so if anyone out there could elucidate this..id appreciate it. Heartbreaks are so hard, especially when you're on the receiving end, but all you can do is pick up your pieces and move forward. Reading this forum has really helped me find a little solice in such a dark time. Hope to get some replies. Thanks, Will The girl of my dreams broke up with me ,and broke my heart this past Friday(1/6/12). We’d been together 13 months.
I’d been in long (6 year, 2 year,etc) and short (6 mos, afew dates, etc) relationships before and never once fell for someone the way I did the very first time I laid eyes on Tiffany. I mean the very first time. I always thought love at first sight was a lame cliche but honestly, it exists.

I was there through her mother passing away and her father surviving a massive heart attack and quintuple bypass. I was always madly in love with her and doing/giving her anything I could or desired. However thoughout the relationship she would casually mention how I need “time for myself” and I realized after our breakup I did lose myself. I slowly got comfortable and started being less and less clean (allowed my apartment to get so bad she wouldn’t come over) and I went from training for a professional muay thai fight to almost no exercise. I could tell she still cares about me and isn’t so superficial as to hate my physique. Her reasoning is that she says she doesn’t love me anymore, “not like that anyway” and she said that she cant care for someone who doesn’t care about themselves.

She initiated NC the first day, and I’ve broken it twice, before I read the helpful things I’d seen online. Both times she seemed happy to see me, sad, and admitted to being lonely at times. However, each instance was followed with a harsh email re-iterating the no contact rule. She’s also sent all of my items from her house to me through a mutual friend, obvioulsy trying to drive home the fact we’re broken up. I’ve decided to just go with it, it’s probably what she needs and I’m trying to get my life back
on track.

She’s always been a very strong and independent person, healthy, fit, and standing on her own. She’s been skiddish from the start but I attribute much of that to her mother dying and her father nearly doing so.

From what I’ve seen and what weve been through,(she even cried when breaking up w/ me) is that she still has some deep caring for me left in there and I feel like its not too late to get her back, however I’ve made a few of the top 10 DONT DO mistakes after a breakup, but I’m trying to resolve that.

What I’m wondering is, if any ladies or very in-tune men out there could answer just two quesitons for me:

1) Why does she feel she needs this space? What is she doing in this time of no contact that is helping her? How will her time away make her realize she does (or doesn’t) miss/love me? Why does it take her so long? I feel like not knowing is the hardest part about letting the no contact happen

and 2) What do women look for to recognize that a man “takes care of himself” ? Obviously appearance, healthy lifestyle like eating and exercise come to mind, but I feel like every woman I’ve talked to has a hard time explaining exactly what it means… so if anyone out there could elucidate this..id appreciate it.

Heartbreaks are so hard, especially when you’re on the receiving end, but all you can do is pick up your pieces and move forward. Reading this forum has really helped me find a little solice in such a dark time. Hope to get some replies.

Thanks,
Will

]]> By: Kirk Monroe http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-3#comment-93190 Kirk Monroe Wed, 04 Jan 2012 19:47:06 +0000 http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule#comment-93190 Great article. Just broke up with my gf after only dating 3 months. Although, this break-up really wasn't that bad, your advice was still very helpful. I wish that I had gotten this advice about past relationships; would've saved some heartache and pain. Great article. Just broke up with my gf after only dating 3 months. Although, this break-up really wasn’t that bad, your advice was still very helpful. I wish that I had gotten this advice about past relationships; would’ve saved some heartache and pain.

]]> By: paul http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-3#comment-92455 paul Tue, 27 Dec 2011 15:47:57 +0000 http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule#comment-92455 I'm currently going out with an old ex of mine (4 years ago) we decided to give it another shot but honestly only after 2 months of being back together im starting to think she's thinking of ending it. this girl scares very easily but problem is she is such a nice girl and is afraid of falling inlove or getting close to anyone. sure ive always loved her, for ohh for as long as i can remember. im ready to settle down and have kids and everything. i just dont want to waste my time in dead end relationships anymore. maybe things will work out but honestly i know i should follow my senses and yes its over already i just gotta suck it up and face the tunes. sucks ass but i cant carry on like this. I’m currently going out with an old ex of mine (4 years ago) we decided to give it another shot but honestly only after 2 months of being back together im starting to think she’s thinking of ending it. this girl scares very easily but problem is she is such a nice girl and is afraid of falling inlove or getting close to anyone. sure ive always loved her, for ohh for as long as i can remember. im ready to settle down and have kids and everything. i just dont want to waste my time in dead end relationships anymore. maybe things will work out but honestly i know i should follow my senses and yes its over already i just gotta suck it up and face the tunes. sucks ass but i cant carry on like this.

]]> By: John http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-3#comment-92364 John Mon, 26 Dec 2011 14:20:54 +0000 http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule#comment-92364 ok there are a lot of comments on this site so i don't think anyone will get round to reading my few lines, i just tried reading the first ten thousand pages of self pity from all these wonderful people treated like crap by all those evil dumpers. i see now that the world is made up of good people and bad people. but hang on, if thats the case why do all the good people fall in love with all those bad people who don't love them. there is at thins given time perhaps a billion relationship going on around the world and most of them will come to an end unless you live in one of those countries with pre-arranged marrieges of course and we all know how happy they must be.put it this way, would you expect to meet a girl when you 8 years old and expect to live the rest of your life with her,even the idea of everyong in the world only ever having one relationship is silly. so how about this, maybe all those bad dumpers are maybe not that bad after all, maybe its the dumped that have the problems, these being its easier to feel sorry for yourself then it is to move on and go look for the right person for you, because if you think your ex is, they sure as hell don't, so why waste another minuet of your time on someone who don't feel crap about you and go find that special someone who is waiting in that place called life ok there are a lot of comments on this site so i don’t think anyone will get round to reading my few lines, i just tried reading the first ten thousand pages of self pity from all these wonderful people treated like crap by all those evil dumpers. i see now that the world is made up of good people and bad people. but hang on, if thats the case why do all the good people fall in love with all those bad people who don’t love them. there is at thins given time perhaps a billion relationship going on around the world and most of them will come to an end unless you live in one of those countries with pre-arranged marrieges of course and we all know how happy they must be.put it this way, would you expect to meet a girl when you 8 years old and expect to live the rest of your life with her,even the idea of everyong in the world only ever having one relationship is silly. so how about this, maybe all those bad dumpers are maybe not that bad after all, maybe its the dumped that have the problems, these being its easier to feel sorry for yourself then it is to move on and go look for the right person for you, because if you think your ex is, they sure as hell don’t, so why waste another minuet of your time on someone who don’t feel crap about you and go find that special someone who is waiting in that place called life

]]> By: ANTONIO BYARS http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-3#comment-92003 ANTONIO BYARS Wed, 21 Dec 2011 10:32:15 +0000 http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule#comment-92003 HI HOW U DOING IDK WHAT TO DO BECAUSE SHES THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO ME WELL WE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A YEAR AND SEVEN MONTHS EVERYTHING WAS GOOD AND SUNDAY SHE CALLED ME AND TOLD ME WE SHOULD TAKE A BREAK AND I WAS LIKE WHY SHE WAS LIKE I WAS TO PERFECT AND SHE WAS BITTER AND IT WASNT FAIR ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPEN IN THE PAST WITH USE LIKE ITS FAIR TO BREAK MY HEART AND I GUESS IT WAS MY FAULT AND SHE NOT HAPPY WITH ME SO IDK I TRYED TO DELETE HER BUT I CANT I JUST CANT AND SHE HIT ME WITH THE FRIEND LINE IAM LIKE WTF I FELT LIKE MY WORLD ENDED SERIOUSLY STILL FILLJUST THAT WAY AND I STILL TXT HER TO GET A UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT HAPPEN BUT I MEAN SHE STILL LOVES ME AND EVERYTHING I JUST DONT THINK I CAN BE FRIENDS WITH THE WOMEN WHO BROKE MY HEART I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO SAY NOOOOOO I WOULD LOVE TO BE WITH HER AGAIN I JUST DONT KNOW HOW I CAN SHES HAS NEVER CHEATED AND SHES REALLY JUST INTO ME AND I WANT HER BK I DO BUT EITHER SHE CAN BE WITH ME OR BE WITHOUT ME HOW CAN I TELL HER THIS WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE A DICK IDK WHAT TO DO SOME ONE HELP ME :/ HI HOW U DOING IDK WHAT TO DO BECAUSE SHES THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO ME WELL WE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A YEAR AND SEVEN MONTHS EVERYTHING WAS GOOD AND SUNDAY SHE CALLED ME AND TOLD ME WE SHOULD TAKE A BREAK AND I WAS LIKE WHY SHE WAS LIKE I WAS TO PERFECT AND SHE WAS BITTER AND IT WASNT FAIR ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPEN IN THE PAST WITH USE LIKE ITS FAIR TO BREAK MY HEART AND I GUESS IT WAS MY FAULT AND SHE NOT HAPPY WITH ME SO IDK I TRYED TO DELETE HER BUT I CANT I JUST CANT AND SHE HIT ME WITH THE FRIEND LINE IAM LIKE WTF I FELT LIKE MY WORLD ENDED SERIOUSLY STILL FILLJUST THAT WAY AND I STILL TXT HER TO GET A UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT HAPPEN BUT I MEAN SHE STILL LOVES ME AND EVERYTHING I JUST DONT THINK I CAN BE FRIENDS WITH THE WOMEN WHO BROKE MY HEART I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO SAY NOOOOOO I WOULD LOVE TO BE WITH HER AGAIN I JUST DONT KNOW HOW I CAN SHES HAS NEVER CHEATED AND SHES REALLY JUST INTO ME AND I WANT HER BK I DO BUT EITHER SHE CAN BE WITH ME OR BE WITHOUT ME HOW CAN I TELL HER THIS WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE A DICK IDK WHAT TO DO SOME ONE HELP ME :/

]]> By: tb http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-3#comment-91304 tb Tue, 13 Dec 2011 05:35:19 +0000 http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule#comment-91304 my gf dumped me when she went to college but asked if we could still be friends. i said FUCK no. "friends to lovers forever, lover to friends, never." my gf dumped me when she went to college but asked if we could still be friends. i said FUCK no. “friends to lovers forever, lover to friends, never.”

]]> By: Angelesgymrat http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-3#comment-88864 Angelesgymrat Mon, 28 Nov 2011 22:02:33 +0000 http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule#comment-88864 By the time things have cooled down, and I am no longer heartbroken or suffering from depression--in other words, once I've gotten over someone and feel indifferent--then it doesn't matter anymore whether there is a friendship or not. I worry about a possible future friendship only during the initial shock and grieving phase, when it's unbearable to think of the person as really gone. It is a comfort to know that I could, if I chose, reach out to them if I really wanted to, while realizing of course that no contact is best. Most people aren't sincere when they say something like, "I'd hate to lose you as a friend." They must get that phrase from TV. After my most recent foray into the dangerous romance arena, i was told "I still wanna be your friend" etc but it WAS sincere in this case, because from the start, the relationship was more about friendship than anything else. I still said no, and now that I'm over it I don't really care enough to worry about any future as friends. By the time things have cooled down, and I am no longer heartbroken or suffering from depression–in other words, once I’ve gotten over someone and feel indifferent–then it doesn’t matter anymore whether there is a friendship or not. I worry about a possible future friendship only during the initial shock and grieving phase, when it’s unbearable to think of the person as really gone. It is a comfort to know that I could, if I chose, reach out to them if I really wanted to, while realizing of course that no contact is best. Most people aren’t sincere when they say something like, “I’d hate to lose you as a friend.” They must get that phrase from TV. After my most recent foray into the dangerous romance arena, i was told “I still wanna be your friend” etc but it WAS sincere in this case, because from the start, the relationship was more about friendship than anything else. I still said no, and now that I’m over it I don’t really care enough to worry about any future as friends.

]]> By: leon chotcowski http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule/comment-page-3#comment-86209 leon chotcowski Sat, 19 Nov 2011 00:50:01 +0000 http://www.justkeepthechange.com/why-you-cant-be-friends-with-your-ex-after-the-break-up-and-the-no-contact-rule#comment-86209 i was with a girl for 4 years. in that time we were on and off. but when we were off it was always my doing. she never broke up with me once. one morning i was siting on my bed and she looked at me and just knew wat i was thinking. she packed up her stuff and left. this time she broke up with me. things suck. i cant seem to stop texting her and calling her. and i honestly want to b with this girl, but most of all b happy with her. i feel like she would make the perfect mother and we talked about a future together all the time. she wants to stay friends and she wont get back with me. and ive been trying everything to get her back. its a month and 18 days later. everyone tells me to just leave her alone and focus on myself. and if she really is the one...after u have done the no contact thing. she will start teting u and calling u. who knows. i just want to get her back before shes fucking someone else. that would kill me and if i did find out she was with someone i would start to hate her. i was with a girl for 4 years. in that time we were on and off. but when we were off it was always my doing. she never broke up with me once. one morning i was siting on my bed and she looked at me and just knew wat i was thinking. she packed up her stuff and left. this time she broke up with me. things suck. i cant seem to stop texting her and calling her. and i honestly want to b with this girl, but most of all b happy with her. i feel like she would make the perfect mother and we talked about a future together all the time. she wants to stay friends and she wont get back with me. and ive been trying everything to get her back. its a month and 18 days later. everyone tells me to just leave her alone and focus on myself. and if she really is the one…after u have done the no contact thing. she will start teting u and calling u. who knows. i just want to get her back before shes fucking someone else. that would kill me and if i did find out she was with someone i would start to hate her.

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