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Why Self Limiting Beliefs are your Worst Enemy when it comes to Approaching Girls

Approach women without fear Approach women without fear

“I am not good looking enough to be with her”. “I am too fat”. “I’m not funny enough”.

Self limiting beliefs – your worst enemy when it comes to dating.

Ever experienced one of the above thoughts yourself? I know you have.

In some way, at some point, I know you have limited yourself. And I’m no exception myself. Actually most of us do it all the time.

Just before you approach a girl, there’s a good chance you see a lot of frightening images.

Her slapping you down, and then just standing there laughing at you. You actually feel humiliated before you even talk to her.

And then what happens? You decide it’s better to not approach her. You walk away.

You beat yourself up over it later. You find 100’s of things you could have said, but didn’t.

This is what used to happen for me.

Now I just go over and say hi

I have realized that I have nothing to lose. I know for sure that she’s not going to slap me or anything like that.

If she’s not interested (which in that case would be her loss…) I simply walk away myself. Fair enough, I gave it a shot.

You can also think of it this way:

What’s the chance of you hooking up with her if you don’t approach her? Near zero.

What’s the chance if you do? For beginners, I’d say about 15-20%. Maybe more or less, it comes down to a lot of things.

But the point is, you actually have a pretty decent chance of getting laid in the future if you just approach a few girls.

And getting laid is better than not getting laid, right?

It’s almost just math. Some girls will not be into you. That’s life.

But some will, and it’s here the real “opportunity” arises. If you just approach a few girls each day, you have a very good chance of meeting someone great once in a while.

And if you don’t fuck it up, you might end up getting a quality girlfriend. Someone to come home to, to hold tight, to kiss, to please.

Or to do whatever you want, that’s out of my scope. But having one (or more) quality girls in your life is fantastic.

It’s a lot of hard work, especially at first, but I can assure you that it’s worth it.

The feeling that you have (almost) total control over your dating life is really incredible. And it’s just a positive spiral.

Getting rid of self limiting beliefs

  • Identify the self limiting belief. One of the most common is that you’re in some way not attractive enough to be with really good looking women.
  • Find out why you have it. This is important. Usually it’s because of something that happened years ago. It may have been your father yelling at you saying that you’re “too dumb”, or some girl saying you need to lose a few kilos. Not important. You just have to realize that “looking back makes you fall over what’s in front of you“.
  • Eliminate the problem. If you think you’re too fat; you have two options. Either you lose weight, or you decide with yourself that it’s not important when it comes to dating. It’s easier to fix the root of the problem than fixing the “branches”. If you think you’re not attractive enough, do what you can to look good, and then decide that you’re the best looking man in the world.
  • Stick to your new belief. Whenever you try to say to yourself that you’re too fat, or you’re not “hot” enough, change it. Say that you’re almost too hot. Say that you’re dangerously ripped. Anything else than your old belief.

So I just wanted this to be a short motivational post, and I hope it can help you decide that you are good enough, and that it’s only a matter of approaching her to get to know her. It’s really quite simple.

If you need help with these sort of things, I highly recommend you to subscribe to my RSS feed. I bring fresh dating tips here every week.

And before you leave, make sure to leave a comment with your views on self limiting beliefs and approaching girls in the comments section below.

Thanks and see you soon,

Image by nebe.

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11 thoughts on “Why Self Limiting Beliefs are your Worst Enemy when it comes to Approaching Girls

  1. Tommy

    Hey Alex,

    Nice post! Self limiting beliefs are something I have been struggling with for a long time.

    I used to think I was too “ugly” and “dumb” for everything.

    But then one day, I really sat down and got this part of my life handled.

    Now I couldn’t be happier.

    Hope guys will take some of your advice, it’s great.

  2. PapaSeanski

    Self limiting beliefs are actually selfish beliefs, because you make everything about yourself. Insecurities are just an excuse not to share yourself with the world, and keep everything inside.

    It’s not that you are nervous around pretty women, it’s that you are selfish around pretty women. You refuse to let them get to know you. Drop the ego. The more you give, the more you get.

  3. Alex

    Thanks Tommy!

    Good to hear that you’re over that phase now.

    PapaSeanski, you’re right, it actually is pretty selfish. The more you give, the more you get. That’s great.

    If you don’t give *anything*, you will never get anything.

    If you give a lot, you will maybe not get as much back as you gave… But it’s still better than nothing.

    Thanks for your comments guys!

  4. Jason

    Perception is the reality. That’s why alot of guys without any good looks still get good looking girls. Women can smell confidence. As you point out, not approaching her will almost certainly get you nowhere 100% of the time.

  5. Alex


    Definately agree on “perception is the reality”, at least when it comes to dating.

    I know for sure that I have never gotten a girl if I didn’t approach her.

    Allright, maybe I have been approached a few times in bars etc., but that’s also because women can, as you say, smell confidence.

    Always appreciated J. :)

  6. Alex

    I agree on identifying the limiting believe is good but not with replacing it. Every time you have a positive affirmation like “I’m too hot” the mind automatically gives you a counter statement “no you are not”

    The mind is duality machine giving you two opposite views to every statement you make. The solution is to realize that its just the mind/ego and ignore the mind. Whenever a “not enough” issue comes to the surface just notice it and chose to not identify with it. Realize its just the ego(who doubts everything to cause you pain) and keep doing what you are doing.

  7. Everett Bonds

    I was getting to know a really good looking woman. She is hot! I never said those things about myself, she did. I was too old, I was too fat, I was too married. Believe me, I explained to her my marriage was over years ago. We no longe live together. But, she couldn’t get over that. I guess any excuse would do, because I still wear my ring. Not even wife wear hers. Shit. I really like this woman a lot. She means a lot to me. What do I do? Just forget her? I just can’t do that. I will always want her. ev.

  8. Al

    Thanks for this – This highlights exactly why I hate, loathe and despise the phrase ‘she’s outta my/your/our/his league’ because it is untrue. Why shouldn’t you or I attract the best girls? (And I mean those beautiful on BOTH the outside and inside rather than one or the other.) What justifiable reason is there? Because if you can find someone like that then why not? If she has a boyfriend already, so what? You may be able to offer her more than she does, because at the end of the day it’s her choice, you’re not forcing her to go off with you.

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