Why Gifts and Flowers don’t work for Creating Attraction – Only for Amplifying it
10 years ago, if someone asked me “should I bring flowers on the first date?” I would have said “yes!” without hesitation. Today I discourage it.
I thought that by giving a woman gifts, and by complimenting her on her looks, I would make her like me.
Oh boy, was I wrong. I just didn’t get it at the time. Date after date, I made the same mistakes over and over again.
I would show up early, waiting for her, and when she finally came, I would be over-excited. I would give her flowers, compliment her all night long, buy her dinner, and in every possible way kiss up to her.
But somehow, the dates didn’t lead very far. If I was lucky all I got was a kiss at the end of the night! It makes me cringe just to think about it…
Now I see very clearly what was wrong. I was a complete and total wuss. Read up on the post Why Bad Boys get all the Hot Women, and Nice Guys don’t even get close for a definition of what that is. I was the nice guy of nice guys.
My biggest problem was that I didn’t understand attraction. The word simply didn’t exist in my dating dictionary.
I had no knowledge of female psychology. I had low self-esteem. The list goes on.
Flowers and gifts
Using the knowledge I have now, I know that I freaked the girls out. It was *too much*. It was *too early*.
And that’s where the gifts and flowers step in.
See, I thought that by giving a woman gifts, she would like me more. She would think that I was generous, sweet, and all these words that I linked to gaining a woman’s love.
But instead, the complete opposite happened. On the outside, she would become happy. She would hug me, smile, and say thanks.
On the inside, she was hugely disappointed. I killed the attraction. All women basically wants to be attracted to you. They want to fall in love. They want to have amazing relationships.
Your job is to let that happen. Don’t give her an excuse for not liking you. (Such as showing you’re a wussy in such a way as bringing her flowers to a first date.)
Look at it this way: All women in the world are attracted to you before you go talk to them. When you start talking, she will try to find all kinds of reasons why you’re not right. If she can’t find any, she’s almost automatically going to “like you”.
Of course there’s more to making a woman like you, but basically you just have to not give her any reasons to not.
Common attraction killers
- Bringing flowers on a first date.
- Killing “the chase” by calling her or texting her too much.
- Complimenting her on her looks before you know her personality. A sincere compliment can be hugely attractive, but only in the right context.
- Being too available. (Thus killing “the chase”).
- Being predictable and boring.
What I mean by “the chase” is that a woman wants to chase you. She highly enjoys it, but you have to let her do it. Don’t ever stand in the way of letting a woman chase you.
It’s often called “Two steps forward, one step back“, and it’s one of the most important things you must learn to have great success with women.
Going two steps forward, and one step back shows that you understand female psychology. It shows that you are pre-selected. It shows that you are confident. It shows all the right things in the right way. It’s a little like Cocky and Funny.
So what I want you to do now is to reflect on your last three dates. What went wrong, and why? Don’t get all sad about it, see it as a learning experience.
If you can, get back to me with your results, and we can talk about how to fix it before your next date.
In one of the following posts, I want to talk about amplifying attraction, which is amazingly effective if done right.
That wraps it up for today. Show some love in the comments. Feedback and Discussion are HIGHLY encouraged; it’s what makes this blog alive! :)
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Take care guys!