Why Confidence Can Not Be Faked, and What to Do About It
Confidence is a strange thing. Some people seem to have it, and some do not. In one moment, you can feel like the most confident man on the planet; in the next, you can feel so low that you don’t even want to get out of bed the next morning.
But why? What is this confidence, and why does it have such a huge impact on our lives? How can we use it to our advantage? These are some of the questions that I will be answering with my next 1000 words. Read on.
Over the years, I have heard hundreds of definitions on what confidence really is, but I do not think that any of them really gets it. Let me explain.
Lots of definitions talk about confidence as a tangible object; as something that can be “achieved”.
I do not think that confidence is measurable. I think that just like love, or hope, confidence just is what it is. It can be explained in a thousand ways, but you won’t ever know what it is before you have experienced it first hand.
I know that all of you have felt confident on many occasions in your life. Think back, when was the last time?
Most likely, it was after an achievement of something. It didn’t even have to be you – it could just be that your favourite football team won an important match.
Just like love or hope, you are always going to have some confidence. Sometimes, it can just be hard to find it. Or even worse: hard to find when you actually need it!
Trust yourself and other people will too
But what is confidence good for, anyway? The word confidence comes from Latin and means “to put one’s trust in someone”, and in this case, it’s yourself. So it’s all about trusting yourself. And here comes the interesting part: people can not trust you, if you do not trust yourself!
So in other words, you got to be confident for people to really trust you. In normal every day settings like going shopping, talking over the phone or doing business, confidence is usually not alpha-omega to “close the deal” and having people trust your word. The interaction is so short that the people you interact with won’t get to know you anyway.
But when it comes to girls…
Confidence means everything
For a girl to really fall in love with you, she has to trust that you will be able catch her! See where this is going?
A girl can not surrender to you if you don’t rest in your own presence. And that’s actually what I think confidence, real confidence, is all about. Resting in your own presence.
Sure, confidence can be faked. But you will know that it’s not real. In the end, you can not fool yourself.
Real confidence comes from the inside
I think that for real confidence, you only need these two things:
Honesty and Acceptance.
If I was to give an explanation of confidence and what it does for a man, I would probably say that confidence is knowing that, whatever happens, everything will be allright. Good, even. Confidence will open all the doors necessary for a man to take all the chances he needs to take. Mix this in with knowing yourself, your limits and being honest about it all, and you have a confident man.
The most confident man in the room is usually not the man yelling the loudest; no, he’s the man that listens and makes people listen. His very presence demands respect. A real and confident man will bring the best out in his peers. He does not only trust himself – he also trusts the abilities of others.
Unfortunately, or fortunately if you want to look at it that way, there is no “10 step program to real confidence”. Sure, you can probably find a way to ‘feel’ confident, but remember; feeling confident is not the same thing as ‘being’ confident.
For you to ‘be’ confident, you have to start your quest right now. Yes, in this very moment. It’s actually quite simple, and there’s only one sentence, three words, you need to live by.
Be your best
No one demands more from you than that. Be your best.
It’s all it takes. Your real confidence will build slowly with the growth, but it’s not the “level” it’s at that matters – the only thing that matters is that you are growing.
A growing man is what we all should aspire to be. Grow every single day (by being the best you can be), and it’s impossible to say where you are tomorrow. Or, actually, not impossible… You are going to be farther down the road, both wiser and better.
If you always strive for your best, growth is inevitable.
This is not to say that you should push yourself all the time – not at all.
This is about getting to know yourself. It’s about getting to know your capabilities and your limits, and nudge ’em in the right direction, day by day.
What to do
First of all, you are going to have to be patient with yourself. These things take time – or at least, I think that they should. Read my article Don’t go too fast with change for an explanation.
To be a better and more confident man tomorrow, you are going to have to behave like you want to be, right now.
So the next time that you are facing a challenge – physical or mental – do your best. Fight it. Hold out. Be strong.
I can’t tell you exactly what to do, only you know that. But do what you think you should have done yesterday – talk to that girl, get that job done, go to the gym, whatever.
Confidence really only comes from doing. I know that it’s boring, but it’s the damn truth. Rome wasn’t built in one day, and neither was Arnold Schwarzenegger’s body.
And once again, take your time. Real growth happens when you’re just outside your comfort zone, so the next time you get a chance, push yourself just a little.
Trust me, that’s how real confidence is built ;-)
Wonderful images by H.Koppdelaney.
Tell me in the comments how you think that real confidence is built. I’m eager to know your opinion!