It’s Friday night, and you’re going out with your friends.
Where are you most likely going to go? If you answered a bar (or pub), you answered correct.
You can get beer, there’s music, and there are girls. Perfect evening right?
Then why is it, that 9/10 times you go out, you don’t leave the bar with nothing but an empty feeling in your stomach? Sure, drinking with your buddies is great, but let’s admit it.
The #1 reason guys go out is to meet girls. And nothing wrong with that!
But why is it so hard to meet girls at bars?
The first and foremost reason is the competetion. For every girl at most bars, there are at least 3 guys. That’s a 3 to 1 ratio. Bad odds right from the beginning.
And what does this mean? It means that all the girls have already been “hit on” long before you get your chance.
Sure, I know you’re a great guy. Intelligent, funny and charming. But most guys are creeps, and women know this.
And that’s the second reason it’s so hard to meet girls at bars.
They already have their defenses up long before you get to speak a word. It’s like they shoot you down from a mile away.
And I totally get it. Seriously, wouldn’t you get tired of having guys hitting on you all night?
Why women go out
A lot of women don’t go out to meet guys. They go out to have fun with their girlfriends, dancing, getting a drink or two, and showing off in their new fancy shoes.
This is something that you have to understand:
Girls dress up to impress girls, not to impress guys!
Of course, I can’t speak in absolute truths like this. But the biggest reason that a woman spends so much time in front of the mirror before going out, is to feel great about herself. Some women spend 3+ hours before leaving.
This may sound “sick” to most men, but I know from experience that this is the truth. And don’t we appreciate it? Of course we do. We all love girls who looks stunning.
This brings me back to the topic again. Women go out to have fun. Their mindset is very different from the majority of men.
Difference in goals
They don’t want to call their girlfriends the following day, saying they went home with some drunk guy who bought her drinks.
A lot of guys want this, however. (Reverse roles of course) And women know about this. Drunk, horny men are something women encounters first in their teenage years, and it’s something they have to cope with for most of their life.
Seeking the “prince on the white horse” is something most women do all their life too.
The story they want to tell the next day is much more like this:
“Hey, I met this cute guy last night. He wasn’t at all like all the other drunk creeps in there. He introduced himself politely but in a kind of charming way, and we ended up having a really fun conversation about why most guys have such a hard time picking up women. Suddenly he took my hand and kissed me… And boy, what a kiss! He said he had to leave, but I got his number before he left. I think I’ll call him later… How was your night?”
See the difference?
My point is this:
You have to have excellent game to meet women at bars (and take it further). You have to really stand out from the crowd, and have the skills to get under her “shield”.
This is why most guys fail.
The new mindset
It’s great going to a bar with your friends. But don’t have any expectations when it comes to women.
Just grab some beers and make some new friends. That’s all.
Reserve “scoring” for all the other days in the week. And when you get really good at picking up women in the daytime, you start to “automatically” get the skills you need to pick up women in the night scene too.
So what have we learned?
- Competetion at bars is fierce.
- Women don’t necessarily go out to meet men, but instead just to have fun dancing with their girlfriends.
- And so should you! Have fun going out, have no expectations.
- Pick-up women in daytime untill you get the skills.
If you remember just one of these things the next time you go out, (and apply it correctly), you’re already miles ahead of most other guys.
Good luck,
Alex
I write about women and dating all the time. Subscribe to our RSS Feed to get new content delivered straight to your inbox.
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I’d like to vouch for the accuracy of Alex’s statements –
As a woman- skeezy, pushy with the salesmen edge, “try-everyone-tonight” sort of guy has absolutely no chance.
A confident, friendly guy just may score some convo
Some guys try to talk to women with no game and plenty of expectations which makes it very easy to wave them off as “typical”.
great post :)
Hey JEMi:
I think it’s great when women can identify with my advice like this… Shows that I’m “on the right path”.
Glad you liked the post, and thanks for your vouch :)
Really great post Alex! Thanks a lot for sharing!
Thank you Iestyn,
appreciated :)
Hi Alex,
I enjoy your post very much.
Now we know what NOT to do.
So, what’s the things that we must do?
:)
Hey Raymond,
Thanks! You’re right… I didn’t tell you. I’ll write more about that soon, I promise ;)
Hey Alex,
Interesting post and I do agree it’s pretty difficult to pick up women at the bars. Have you mentioned yet where the best place is to pick up women? I’ll have to check your archives.
Another endorsement from the ladies for this one, Alex. I’m in a committed relationship, but have no problem having a conversation with a man who is *genuinely interested* in what I have to say. If I get a vibe of “I’m just here to pick up a hot chick,” I don’t have the time of day for that dude.
Great article! Another vote from one of the ladies. You’re right.
Women are generally interested (ultimately) in future husband and father material if they’re looking, and they know not to look for such men in bars. Women generally seek mates through mutual friends, church, social activities and clubs (like a running or bicycle club) and much more neutral environments than bars.
“Girls dress up to impress girls, not to impress guys!”
I’m constantly amazed at how well you ‘get it’ Alex.
Hey Colby, no, I haven’t talked about just that too much. I’ll write something on the subject soon though. Hang on :)
Never the same river twice: Interesting, thanks for your comment!
Sherri: Nice point, I see where you’re coming from. This also has to do with age, though.
Karen: Awww, thank you ;)
Great article… very cute and right on!!
Hey Vancity Girl,
thanks :)
Only one thing that I have to disagree on. I don’t call guys – they call me. I know that there are plenty of women that feel more comfortable getting numbers rather than giving theirs out, but there are still those of us that want things done the old-fashioned way.
To Jillista: I personally use the ‘give my number’ method just so I don’t appear to pushy…if the girl doesn’t care to talk to me again, than by all means don’t call. I’d rather just say: ‘hey, I enjoyed talking to you tonight, perhaps we can continue our conversation some other time?’ (giving her my number at this time), than to get her phone number only to find it is fake or that you call her and get that ‘omg i can’t believe i gave THIS guy my number’ vibe. I personally agree on Alex’s no expectation rule, and this method kinda goes hand in hand with that mindset i think.
I’m a bartender and i know how it goes most of the times, and i agree MOST of the times its not the best place to meet women.
But, its great for a date! No akward silences and such :]
About the meeting, well seeing as i’m single, what would you have me do?
I guess i can’t do anything besides going out with my drinking buddies until that someone comes along.
But what if i don’t want to wait? How can i make something happen from nowhere? I’m not in any clubs or activities or anything, im 20, good looking guy, no problems with interaction though i get the feeling there’s nothing good to be found in a bar, so where do i go?
Regards,
A concerned bartender =)
Jack,
if you’re a bartender, why don’t you just meet the girls while working? Bartenders usually have pretty high “value” in the club / bar environment, and if you’re also good looking and in your best age, you shouldn’t have too much of a problem meeting cute girls.
Just ask them about their night so far etc. (usual small talk), and say that you have to get back to work, but would love to talk again under more normal circumstances. Take her number. Bam.
Please do write me back if you have any questions :-)
Good luck!
Since bars are NOT the best place, then where would be the best places to go?
For what? Have a purpose in mind.
To meet cute girls, I’d say go the places you love and would hang out on alone. Concerts, maybe?
Only your imagination sets the limit. Good luck Bill.
Alex good post. I would also say dont discriminate when you go out. What I mean is talk to everyone, and if you are lucky enough to have a girl come up and talk to you- be nice. Everyone is watching. If the pretty girls see you being a gentleman, and talking to everyone equally you will be viewed favorably. And if you get into a group with both guys & girls, introduce yourself to the guys. Even if they dont like you at least you tried.
Jason, that is a really good point. Everyone are equals, pretty or not, so treat them that way, also! But of course, if you are attracted to somebody, let it show… Because you can not be attracted to everybody. Or well, in principle you can ;-)
I like your approach, it is so much easier (and fun!) not just talking to the “cute” girls. Sometimes the not so cute girls seem to be much more interesting when actually talking to them, so give them all a chance. Also the guys, you know, a stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet!
Thanks for commenting, Jason.
Sincerely,
Alex
your posts is very true. I’m surprised most guys don’t know all of that. I always thought it was basic knowledge to me, I figured it out all on my own. It wasn’t hard either. I kinda thought it was common sense.
However, I’d like to mention girls go to bars for the free drinks they know guys will buy them!
This is mostly true. Women go to the bar to be with their girlfriends and don’t really care about guys. If you are not already in their group of friends that night, you have absolutely no chance at meeting the woman that you are interested in. Its a social game that I dont understand, but just know that they aren’t there to meet somebody like you.
why is it so hard to meet women?
learn english. jackass.
It’s hard to meet women in bars because some men try too hard. Just be yourself and have fun with them. If you are looking for love and it’s not working in the bar, the problem may that you are trying to force in a situation that’s difficult to make an intimate connection. Try the dog park or join a social club instead.
I can’t believe men havent figured this out already way way long ago.common dont u get it guys??
bars and clubs are a place for Sex and usually a place also for womens to play with theyre powers of attraction.Most womens in there know that most men in there are usually horny and stupid and will do evrything to get laid and that includes making a fool of themselves and giving attention to evry womens in there in the hopes to get something.Most men in bars are dumb as heck and cant get the hint when a women is not interested in them.all they do is contribute to making most womens ego bigger than they already are.If a man wants to get a women in a bar he should at least wait till he gets a sign that a women is interested in him.And that doesnt include just a smile or something.Usually actions tells it all.
what alex is talking about here is nothing new at all.
any guy with a brain knows this already its common sense.
a person just needs to learn to read between the lines thats all.
first of all u need to know that in a bar womens are usually either just looking to have fun(dancing and drink) thats all and if theyre looking for more (meaning sex) they will usually look for the sexiest guy around and chances are there is lots other choices than u she might want to pick so dont expect anything to happen.If shes only looking for sex there will always be a guy that looks like vin diesel in the bar that she can choose other than u so then your screwed and thats life.lol
thats just the way things work
This is not true. I am a woman and often I go out and no guys talk to me. It really blows. Last time I went out this guy came over to the bar and just stared and stared and didn’t say anything at all. Other times guys will gloss over you and just talk to the hottest girl in the bar, and not bother with anyone else.
The ones that do talk to me tend to screw it up by being overly pushy. For example, the other day i went to a bar, was having small talk with some friends and laughing. A really cute guy comes up to me.
To be honest, he was so sexy that I wouldn’t have minded going on a date with him, not to mention more. But he was so pushy. It was like he wanted sex right then and there, he seemed so desperate to get it right away. Then when i gave into a kiss he actually pushed me against the wall. I think he thought he was being sexy but I ended up almost punching him. Regardless I left without his phone number because he was just so aggressive.
Had he just politely asked to exchange numbers it would have been fine. Seriously, I would have thrown myself at this guy had he not acted like an asshole. I thought he was hot.
Most people just don’t even know basic manners. And then they wonder why things don’t work out.
bars are not a good place to meet women. it seems wherever i go i meet all the nasty women today. women today play hard to get and i am not into games.i was married twice and i was a very good man to both of them at the time.now that i am in my mid fifties it is very hard to meet them today. there are a lot more women today that are lesbians which adds to the problem as well. i see it happening to other men as well. i never thought that i would have to compete with women today to find a good normal woman. how disgusting is that? where do you go to find a good woman today.
Hi.
Nice article accompanied by equal comments.
I am 40, and had been married most of my younger years. Now single since December last year I have entered back into the pickup scene. I will agree it’s tough out there, and have learned a few things. I feel I’m average looks with above average build 6ft1 195 lbs athletic build. What I have learned in the past 6 months is it doesn’t matter even if your an attractive man. It’s how you are perceived. You can spend more time trying with no results why? I’ve noticed in any avenue (I’ve tried them all) online dating, bars, just out at the park, through friends.. bla bla the list goes on the one thing that turns women away fast is being overly persistent, and arrogant. Now wait.. you’ve seen, and heard these guys pick up women constantly so that makes my statement false right? No. It’s just an oxymoron that has had me confused for quite some time. I’ll try to explain out of my trials, and errors. You have to have some arrogance to be persistent, and both will score if done enough. It’s real strait forward. Do it enough and you will score eventually. Now on to the oxymoron. This also turns many women away. Actually more than you could have scored with. Like many have said previously women are usually out to have fun. They get hit on so much, and so often that it is repulsive. Making bars not such a good place to meet a woman in my books. So with that said just showing an intrest through quick meaningful small talk, and moving on works wonders. They noticed you, and your non pushiness set you apart from the rest of the repulsive guys. Did you score right away? Probably not. Could you at a later date, with the same woman? More often than if you were a pushy jerk. Takes time which most uf us guys can’t understand. It took me forever to figure this out. Frequent the same place be nice, respectful, talk to everyone, have a good time yourself, and girls will notice you. Small talk with them and eventually the opportunity will arise where you can ask them out on a real date. Women have their minds made up way before they went out. Hence the saying “getting lucky”.
meeting women for me is very hard too. i go to these clubs on the weekends and the women out there like to play games. i meet all the nasty ones. they play hard to get. and what makes it even worse they go with the ugliest guys. i know for a fact not to brag but i am a lot better looking than the guys that i see that have the women. these women seem to like ugly guys today. it is also true that there are a lot of lesbians out there which adds to the problem as well. where can us men go to meet a good woman today? if i could find the right one for me it would be like winning the lottery.
as a straight man, the way to meet a good woman is to be introduce to them. it is very hard meeting them on my own when i go out, and i seem to meet the very nasty ones as well.their attitude towards us men have changed badly. you would think going to the book store would be an easy place to meet them, but it is not. if i see a woman that i like i will try to start a conversation with her, but she will walk away from me. i see it happening to other men as well. i do not have that many friends that could introduce me to the women that they know because the ones they know are not worth meeting. i noticed that there are a lot more women out there that are gay, which kind of adds to the problem.are there any good women out there today?