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What to Do When an Ex Contacts You

A Guide to What to Do When Your Ex Contacts You A Guide to what to do when your ex contacts you

It’s inevitable that it will raise some questions inside your mind whenever an ex contacts you. And by far the most common one, and most trouble-some-one, is “Why?”

“Why now? What did she want?”

And that leads to you thinking about all sorts of possibilities, like if she wants to get back together with you.

Before you continue thinking these thoughts, I urge you to take a step back and assess the situation. I’ll hold your hand the whole way, so don’t worry ;)

Before you do anything

Before you do anything, you have to be absolutely clear on a crucial thing, which is the big question on what you want.

It may be cliché by now, but it’s still the one thing that you will benefit the most from knowing the answer to.

Without that, you will have no clue what so ever to what to reply or how to handle the situation on your ex contacting you again.

So, how do you figure out what you want?

Before we travel further down this path, you have to be clear on one thing: It’s not easy.

But it doesn’t have to be difficult either. The best results will always come from an effort that feels natural to you

Even though the answer to what you want in relation to your ex-girlfriend stems from your your answer to what you want in life – we won’t dig that deep today.

Today we’ll just focus on what you want purely love- and relationship-wise.

The first step to obtaining wisdom

Take a moment and close your eyes. Take a deep breath through your nose and dive into your realm inside your head.

When you think about your ex, what do you see? Which kind of colors and feelings does it bring to your consciousness? Is it feelings of warmth and love? Despair and sadness?

Whatever you feel, try to stay with that feeling. Don’t let it slip away, even though it may feel uncomfortable at first.

Now use that feeling to determine how you actually feel about her. Do you miss her? And if so, why?

Continue to follow the patterns of thought that pops up and be open to whatever kind of thoughts or feelings that might occur.

At some point, you will gain some useful insight that can help you determine whether it would be best for you to be together, or to be separated.

It’s not easy, but something you can ask yourself is this: Does she make you a better man? And do you make her a better woman? Do you complete each other – or do you tear each other down? Do you magnify love – or hate?

Once you know that, you will know which direction to go.

Use the following as a rough guide

If you DON’T want her back and you’re in a new relationship…

It shouldn’t be too difficult.

If you have met a new girl and you’re doing just great, there’s no reason why a call from your ex should disrupt that. You have nothing to be confused about since you can peacefully let your ex go and continue on with your new girl.

If you are with a new girl and you aren’t doing so well, you still don’t have anything to worry about.

If you know that it wouldn’t be good for you to be with your ex, you can just focus on your present relationship by either making it better, or by acknowledging that it isn’t going to work and moving on.

Either way, you can be very relaxed if your ex girl ever calls you or contacts you in any way. In other words: You have absolutely nothing to worry about.

If you’re in a new relationship but DO want your ex back…

You have to do some serious soul-searching.

First of all, it’s not fair to your new girl. If you miss your ex, you’re usually won’t be ready for a new relationship, and you should have waited until you were over her…

Or if you really wanted your ex back, you should have done everything in your power to do so until you either got her back or were forced to give up.

If you’re single, but DON’T want her back…

As long as you don’t want her back, you’re good to go. Enjoy your life, date around and have fun. Respond casually to however she contacts you. Be polite, of course, but be careful to send signals that might make her think that you feel lonely or anything of that sort.

Even though you know what you want, you have to make sure that she knows, too.

But if you DO want her back…

As I said before, if you do want your ex girlfriend back, you have to really try and make that happen.

You have to put in everything you’ve got and really give it a shot if you honestly believe that it would be best for both of you.

How to do that is a topic for another day, but I’ll get into how to win your ex girlfriend back very soon here on the blog, so stay tuned!

3 thoughts on “What to Do When an Ex Contacts You

  1. Christoffer Peterson

    What you said about making each other better really rings true. If you don’t make her better or vice versa, the relationship can end peacefully. But if you do, you have to see if you can make it work.. I like that.

    Reply
  2. shey

    my ex and i broke up late august 2012 she moved back to ny but she kept her cell number and carrier the same..now she tells me that she should be getting another piece of mail before the month is over! is she being friendly so i return her mail back? or is she using an excuxe to keep contact because she sttill have feelings for me? or what?

    Reply
    1. Joe

      Honestly…I bet she just wanted that last piece of mail.
      It’s to be truthful with ourselves…if someone leaves us – what are the odds they will come back.

      Reply