The True Secret To Long Lasting Happiness No Self-Improvement Guru Wants You To Know
Note from Alex: Hey Guys, this is a guest post from Alex Strandberg over at Inner Game Reframe, and a pretty good one indeed. Read it, and go check his site out! Alex, they’re all yours…
Hello Just Keep The Change readers! Thanks for stopping by, and thank you Alex for lending me some writing space over here. Let’s get down to business, shall we?
This post is basically about how to go about this whole self-improvement thing. It is about some of the same issues as the last post here, so you might want to also check that one out.
Self-improvement is about improvement, and deep down, happiness. Many people set goals, and that’s great. But…
Know your goals and forget them along the way
Far too often we set goals only to end up feeling worse off than we were before. We read an article or a book and get over excited about making critical changes in ourselves but some times we get too excited.
Passion to reach a goal is an amazing thing to have but attachment to the goal is not. When we create attachment to reaching the end point we are met with frustration and anguish.
Attachment to building the perfect body or sleeping with x number of girls makes people very future oriented. It’s never about enjoying the present moment but more about waiting in anticipation for what is to come.
Are you there yet?
It’s similar to when you were a kid going on a long trip to your grand mother’s house. It was unbearable sitting in the back seat and the only words to come out of your mouth were “are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
Future oriented people are never satisfied until they reach their goal. They will never feel happy until they reach the top or achieve what they set out to accomplish.
Over time a future oriented person will become addicted to self improvement. Always trying to improve but never satisfied with themselves.
There will always be things that can be improved
The problem with this is that there will always be things you can improve on. Your life with end with a list of achievements but your mind will still be focused on what you never accomplished.
Being happy and enjoying your life is at the core of self improvement. You aren’t satisfied with your current situation so you set out to do something about it in order to feel happy about yourself and your life.
The key to being happy about your improvement is to look at how far you have come instead of how far you have to go. Focus on the gap between where you are now and who you used to be.
Know your goal but let go of it. Trust yourself enough to know that you will get there when you are ready for it. Never utter the words “but I should be here” or “I should be at this point in my life.” If you were meant to be there than you would already be there.
Accept yourself, and delete the word ‘should’ completely!
Should is one of the most detrimental words in your vocabulary to your development. Eliminate that word completely and you will find greater satisfaction in your path.
Replace the phrase “I should” with the phrase “I am where I am.” “I am where I am” will allow greater acceptance of where you are on your journey to improving. It doesn’t mean that you stop growing; it simply means that you accept where you are at in this current moment.
Never lose yourself along the way
Unfortunately many people decide to become someone completely new when they realize they need to make changes. They believe because some parts of them is “damaged” that their entire system is broken and needs to be replaced.
Self improvement should be looked at like a tune-up, not a complete overhaul of who you are. Adjust what you don’t want and keep what you do like.
In order to decide what to keep and what to improve on you need to know what you like about yourself. Underneath the issues, what is it that makes you truly you? What do you love about you?
Be consistent in your goals
Why did you get into improving yourself with women in the first place? Was it become more confident? Or get a girlfriend? Or sleep with a 1,000 women?
It has been my experience that many men want to learn how to become better with women in order to find a girlfriend. They want to find someone that they get along with well enough to have a relationship with.
Follow your own path
Your dating “guru” of choice might not share the same goals as you but don’t change them just because he doesn’t believes it’s the way to go.
Take what you want to learn from him but don’t become him. Stay true to who you are and adopt some of his teachings that are helpful.
This applies to everyone that you learn from. Often the guru, whether it is fitness or self improvement, believes that his way is the only way to happiness and success. The problem is that everyone is different and has different goals.
Take what works and leave the rest.
Alex Kay here again. Thank you Alex Strandberg for sharing your thoughts! If you want to read more by him, go on and check out his blog: Inner Game Reframe.
Before you go, do share your thoughts on the subject in the comments. Goals? Happiness? Gurus?! I’m looking forward to hearing from you all…
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