Ok, so basically, you’ve met some girl after ending it with your ex who was apparently a cheat.

The new girl, a mother (unless i got mistaken somewhere), i have to tell you, is a ticking time bomb for trouble. All of the complications it can bring is not worth all the “love” you have for her, unless you’re really that willing to take the “hardship”. A woman who has a history of this sort will haunt you. Also furthermore, i’d like to point out to you that all that can be avoided by looking for someone who is at the very least, not already a parent, if you know what i mean.

But if you REALLY want me to give my take on how to handle your problem…

So one day she was somehow drunk and went to your place, and you “found out” that she missed you, the other guy is a dick and all. Yep, i know that sounds like you’re on, but i think it really is a sugar-coated message. Why else would she then say that she’s not ready for a relationship with you? She’s got loose ends to tie up? Why should you be waiting for someone you know is trouble, and have no obligation to wait for and yet holds no promise that you both will end up happy and together? It’s all risk (and i mean the bad kind, not the same kind of risk when guys attempt propose a relationship) and you deserve better.

So she stopped messaging you for 24 hours and you are meeting her on “friday”. And so the problem is? Slow messaging is only a problem if you cannot establish contact with the other person. And, if it “fails” like you say, just like, go. Go find another.

Conclusion: You’re wading in the snake pit by getting involved with a woman who has a son. Nobody is going to tell you “hey that’s great news, you’re on the right track bro”. That’s for sure.

Second, don’t fall for sugar-coated stuff she says to you and lead you to believe that you have her. It’s not yours till its yours. All that talk should be taken with a pinch of salt. It’s not about trust issues. It’s the way of getting too attached to what things seem and really, most of the times, we only see the things we want to see, and hear the stuff we want to hear.

Last, don’t worry about the texts if you will be meeting her. Frequent texts is a no-no. And don’t get too hung up with the lack of text replies. The whole point is not to appear needy. If you two are really that “close”, let her find you for once. If you’re always the one who starts a convo, there’s really no point. It’s like playing tennis against a wall. It’s a lot of fun, but its not how the game is played. You want a partner to return the favour too.

Regards,
John

introductions, my name is what it says above and as you might guess I am a boy, and my reason for coming to this site is:

see it kind of is a really long story but I need some real help here.

I saaw this picture of this girl at my work, and decided there and then I wanted to meet that girl, to my surprise three weeks later I meet this girl at a work party in eastren office of the company i work for. after having worked for hours, I finally get the chance to talk to her, I decide to play it slow and ask her to dance, and we dance laugh and have a great time. I add her on facebook, and we end up talking I ask her number and we begin texting back and forth, I had to leave for a week to to east europe, and so I met her before, we had a great time I so think she said she did, so I believe her in that. but i had the feeling at the end of it all she wasn’t that interested in me, I really tried my best to prove to her I am romancit and totally into her, I totd her I liked her, was a little white lie, because I do believe in love at first sight, and I believe I fell, but the damn thing is she makes me be… different without actually asking for it… it’s still me and i do what I usually do when I am with her but, I overthink every step twice. and that is “fun” but I would rather much avoid it, but than again I am in love and I can’t stop thinking about this girl.
now here my problem, after our second date at my place where we cooked together and watched movies, and played a video game. (20 btw me) I wanted to ask her out, never really got the chance, really bussy week, and we were going to meet at another work party, and so we did, even though I had a lot to do that day, I tried my best to see her, and really put my back into it… but at the end of the evening, I was sober, and way to jealous to see her dance with other guys… I am a dancer and i know how dancing can become all passionatem, but hey it sucks to see it when somebody you’re falling for is dancing with another guy like that, while dancing with me on the safety rode….

now after that I hit my hand and left. the day after I took a step back from her, and got the morning after a text and we conversed about the day before, then after I made effort to get past that bumb in the road she DIDN’T see, (left telling her i had to go. was furious but kept my cool) we were supposed to go do something the weekend after, but she cancelled, in consideration to that we made plans for a wednesday but she cancelled because she had a friend she wanted to talk to about dance she had on friday, now it might just be me, but we have thursdays for some reason right… but nevertheless i looked past it. from then on she began texting me less, my phone was broken and she didn’t have time for me on facebook, because she’s always been bussy (just little side note, when we met she told me she was a shy girl doesn’t talk easy to people and doesn’t have many friends… yet she has a very bussy scedule and spends her days with single friends and sometimes with multiple, I don’t really care for her scedule. just trying to fit in once a week.) well after I assumed she had lost interest and she didn’t care to be with me anymore, so I did what any person would do, seek another to spend my time with, of course I took someone from the office, being that it was easy and she was really cool. I personally thought at the first thought to have found a new best friend with the new girl, but a possibility was there. (I did all this while still talking to the other girl, making plans to see each other, thinking maybe hoping she still likes me.)
the other to put names to them to make it clear.
Girl I am in love with: Cassi
Girl I thought a possibility of: Alyson.
(not the real names)

cassie read some of the messahes I send to alyson, and got mad, slightly jealous I thought.
we got in a fight, and alyson and I didn’t but we agreed to meet this sunday 5th february.
alyson seems to be cool with everything and I think she knows, but at some point I think she’s playing me for passing on my bad points to cassie.
and cassie and I argued and I told her I was sorry, wanted to ask her on VD to go exclusive, but she told me she was bussy on valentine’s day so I said I couldn’t anymore, and made my conclusion then and there that she had no interest… but not giving up hope telling myself that I would fix it. but to come back to my point, she got mad and gave me the feeling like we were exclusive but we aren’t so now I rushed things, and kind of looked back on how everything went, I think she didn’t put effort into me, as much as I did into her. and I tried my best, but she gave me the ultimatum of beign friends and start over and see where it goes. I said no and told her almost everything I just told you how I saw it from my perspective and that I’m in love with her, and that I don’t want to start over, I don’t want to fix what is broken, I want to leave of where I left of. and now I did tell her she could take her time to reply but, I do think two days, is a bit much… and I am starting to doubt what to do…. btw we haven’t talked life ever since that time we went out, it’s been almost only facebook messaging back and forth. I am in love with this girl, and I would feel devastated if I couldn’t see her anymore. but I also think she should make an effort, and have put my mind to if she doens’t agree I will not be her friend (being that it will hurt me more) and probably just disappear from he rlife, a bit dramatic but that’s me. now what I would like to know is, should I sent her a message to tell her I would like a reply, or something in that order… or say something about what I said before, or just close all connections to her?

(i did post above but i think simon jumped in and i got missed lol)

Im curious, i see your help above and can agree and relate to a lot of it, fantastic direction mate :)

Right, now some back story lol.

A year ago i was unhappy, living with my ex who had cheated on me twice, i was 20 stone (yes, 20 stone lol) and i was smoking weed everyday to hide from my failing relationshp and my horrible 70 hour a week job, suddenly, i grew some balls, i ended it with her, moved out of our rented house back home and thought things were getting better. in the next few weeks my aunt died and i got made redundant.

I decided to loose weight and started running, withing 6 months i had dropped to 13.7stone and was looking a lot better, feeling a lot better and then my adventours began.

I always had gfs, but never one night stands, in the next 3 months i racked up six, even with telling them that its sex nothing else, my charm and this new figure seemed to just attract them, if i had the money to go out every weekend it would have been more lol.

Then i met this girl (uh oh lol) and foudn that she was three weeks out of a horrible relationship, but she was amazing, i mean gorgoues, funny, geeky lol, everything that i wanted, so i carried on texting for a few weeks and we met up, house on fire from there, except she was caught up on her ex cause of a lot of bad shit that happened. well we come to new year, she had practically lived with me while her son was at her dads for a few days, and she stops the whole thing, on the night shes going to a party which her ex would be attending. now she was going with her fmaily and there wasnt a chance they would let anything happen, but she was so messed up she said it was unfair to me.

so i had a terrible new years, she was everywhere i looked, but not there at all. until 1 oclock when she turns up drunk and stays at mine, to promtly kill again the next day saying she needed time.

well i gave her a week and she came back, tellingme she had missed me like mad and decided that this guys was a dick and i was awesome and thogh she isnt ready for a relationship, she didnt want to loose what we had (we had never been offical, even though we acted like it).

So now im letting her drive, she texts me, she leads, some days she cant stop, today its been nealry 24 hours and nothing, yeah it drives me a bit mad, cause honestly im head of heels for this girl, but i am feeling myself put up walls now, im getting ready incase it fails, though i know shes stopping at mine friday.

i think if this was a year on and her head was straight, we could be amazing, i know shes been through a ton of shit and i probably should run, but the end of the day its easy to sleep with people you dont care about and then break it off, this however, is very real and after 5 serious realtionships i know that, hanging in is a bitch lol.

Just wondering what you take from that and if im nuts or not lol

cheers

c

If you’ve already made it as her boyfriend, like she agreed to it and stuff, then i guess texting isn’t really your main issue, nor should it be your main arsenal of things you should do with her. Not that it should be a main thing while the pursuit.

The truth about texting is that it is a soft approach to talking to a girl. It somehow has a shielding effect for guys who use it because the trouble of stuttering and loss for words is taken away. But no one ever said that you should keep texting because it will come across as needy and also irritating. The key words are “keep texting”, which is something we should all not do, and texting should be done in moderation.

It is just but a tool, a means to reaching out. Of course if you are comfortable with calling up and other more “manly” approaches, go ahead. In this case, since you’re already her boyfriend, that shouldn’t be the issue. Face to face interaction should be the key thing, not online chatting.

About your question about “does this mean she isn’t your girlfriend just because she doesn’t text back when obviously she has her phone with her”, well, there are many reasons for that, in which one of them could be too frequent texting which causes her to take you for granted. And irritation. But i think it shouldn’t result in a drastic consequence like a break up unless there are dishonesty issues involved or extreme irritation. Parents too. A lot of reasons. You could check if you can’t live with the uncertainty, or you could just wait a few days, and like, ask her out or something. If things return back to normal, you may let it slide. Not everyone replies to every single text. Applies to you too, doesn’t it?

P.s. I totally dig what you said and how you feel when you know she has her phone with her, she’s got the time and all but didn’t text you back. It’s not a great feeling. I know that. She doesn’t.

Regards,
John

First off, i’ll like to say that on many counts you said the right things about being a man and “take the plunge & dive in”. Although with that agreement, it doesn’t mean what I said was completely wrong.

There were places that you probably misunderstood and it looks like you’ve read something from me and distorted it, hence making it sound totally ridiculous. That is a straw man argument attempt and it is a fallacy you’ve committed. By your first accusation, i’m saying that you can’t have high hopes on someone who already has a boyfriend. Come on, it is a lower chance than someone who isn’t attached. You can’t get away with that. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t talk to her. These two events are not mutually exclusive. And of course, there is no need for that extra noun “idiot”, especially if you’re in a civilized exchange of ideas. And there is a chance that you might have misunderstood and that noun would end up pointing at you.

About all women saying the complete opposite of what they mean… Well, i’ve heard that one before. What i’m saying is that, that is conventional wisdom. But it is to be taken with a pinch of salt. Who’s going to believe a sweeping statement anyways? I’d rather keep that idea in mind, while keeping myself clear of what i’m hearing from women. If everything they say are complete opposites, wouldn’t that be so convenient? At this part, i would still agree with you about being brave and being seen by her friends and people, that’s one sure way and manly way of doing stuff, no problem with that. Up till now, nothing you’ve said has direct contradictions with what i’ve mentioned so far.

Over here, again, there is no need for the noun “fool”. If you think i’m wrong, you have your opinion. You could advise these guys over here otherwise. If what you said works for them, then it’s cool.

Then being a puppy dog and stuff about being wimpy, well, at least i’ve never told anyone to be a helpless wimpy wuss to the girl and hoping that the girl would like them. So there is no conflict yet..

All in all, Simon, what’s with the “sad old wreck like me” thing? You mean to say that after knowing all these stuff, you’re as you said “a sad old wreck”? If you ask me, it’s your attitude. Just look at how you’ve brought across your points. With CAPS here and there, now THAT’S something everyone will identify with to mean shouting and generally, that is rude behaviour. That would be writing etiquette. Yes, that would be rather universal, at least for countries that use English as their spoken and written language, more universal that your “opposites theory”. It is very good to be a man to these woman out there, but being nasty with words like “idiot” and “fool”, i ask, which woman would want you? Being a leader, being a man, being a brave and manly figure is very different from being someone who uses derogatory terms to describe someone whom you think might have the wrong idea about something you think you have a good knowledge of. I think these guys over here have a very good idea who to listen to.

Remember, we’re just here to share and help guys who might have problems with women. Flaming someone to get your point across isn’t a great way. If you think you can help, share your ideas properly so we can all learn. If sharing to help isn’t your purpose, then why visit this page?

To all guys who visit this page: If there’s anything that i’ve said that you feel is contradictory, please point it out nicely, i may have a good explanation to what i mean. If i am genuinely mistaken, i’ll try to reconcile the discrepancy. If any guys have better material to share, feel free to share it. If the help material is targeted at someone, then address it nicely. A help page isn’t a help page if the helper is rude, right?

Hear from you guys soon,
John

Im curious, i see your help above and can agree and relate to a lot of it, fantastic direction mate :)

Right, now some back story lol.

A year ago i was unhappy, living with my ex who had cheated on me twice, i was 20 stone (yes, 20 stone lol) and i was smoking weed everyday to hide from my failing relationshp and my horrible 70 hour a week job, suddenly, i grew some balls, i ended it with her, moved out of our rented house back home and thought things were getting better. in the next few weeks my aunt died and i got made redundant.

I decided to loose weight and started running, withing 6 months i had dropped to 13.7stone and was looking a lot better, feeling a lot better and then my adventours began.

I always had gfs, but never one night stands, in the next 3 months i racked up six, even with telling them that its sex nothing else, my charm and this new figure seemed to just attract them, if i had the money to go out every weekend it would have been more lol.

Then i met this girl (uh oh lol) and foudn that she was three weeks out of a horrible relationship, but she was amazing, i mean gorgoues, funny, geeky lol, everything that i wanted, so i carried on texting for a few weeks and we met up, house on fire from there, except she was caught up on her ex cause of a lot of bad shit that happened. well we come to new year, she had practically lived with me while her son was at her dads for a few days, and she stops the whole thing, on the night shes going to a party which her ex would be attending. now she was going with her fmaily and there wasnt a chance they would let anything happen, but she was so messed up she said it was unfair to me.

so i had a terrible new years, she was everywhere i looked, but not there at all. until 1 oclock when she turns up drunk and stays at mine, to promtly kill again the next day saying she needed time.

well i gave her a week and she came back, tellingme she had missed me like mad and decided that this guys was a dick and i was awesome and thogh she isnt ready for a relationship, she didnt want to loose what we had (we had never been offical, even though we acted like it).

So now im letting her drive, she texts me, she leads, some days she cant stop, today its been nealry 24 hours and nothing, yeah it drives me a bit mad, cause honestly im head of heels for this girl, but i am feeling myself put up walls now, im getting ready incase it fails, though i know shes stopping at mine friday.

i think if this was a year on and her head was straight, we could be amazing, i know shes been through a ton of shit and i probably should run, but the end of the day its easy to sleep with people you dont care about and then break it off, this however, is very real and after 5 serious realtionships i know that, hanging in is a bitch lol.

Just wondering what you take from that and if im nuts or not lol

cheers

c

Anyway – ALL women ALWAYS tell you the COMPLETE opposite to how/what they REALLY want from you – EVERYone knows that & whose to say? That your current (would be) Beau’s BF Josh? Didn’t TAKE her from someone else so? If you ask me? Do this. BE masculine – BE a man – TAKE the initiative – Go out, be SEEN with OTHER women BY her or her friends (trust me – Word WILL get back to her soon enough – Then? You’ll see if she’s REALLY interested in you). DON’T follow her around or text her like a puppy dog – Wait for HER to text YOU, Then? Reply at YOUR leisure – Look at like THIS? She is LUCKY to have a CHANCE of pulling YOU rather than the opposite being true mate.

In short my friend Josh? Ignore EVERYTHING that utter FOOL John said – TAKE your courage in BOTH hands – MAKE Yourself noticeable among & around women? And above all? Make Absolutely SURE She finds out ALL about it AND stay in contact with her during all this but? Remember – Do it ALL on YOUR terms. IF she likes you (and if she doesn’t BEFORE doing all this? She soon WILL)? She’ll SOON come running & you’ll NEVER lose her after. Above ALL else though Josh? Do NOT act like a puppy dog, wounded/just good friends manner – THAT? Will push her AWAY & ruin ANY chance you have with her. Go on my friend – Go out there & DO it now. The WORLD is your oyster – Remember Positivity, Confidence & BE a Man. Women LOVE men who TAKE the lead – MAKE them follow & DON’T leave time for arguments. They’re hardwired that way WhatEVER they might say. Play on that. And even if you DON’T get your Lady Love (or so you hope?) You’ll end up with A woman which is better than a sad old wreck like me. Best of Luck & if you’ve got ANY sense? It’s now here goes nothing – Take the plunge & dive in – You KNOW it makes sense…………….