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Start Being Brutally Honest with Yourself and Others

Being honest is unconformtable... At first Being honest is unconformtable... At first

Do you know what all women are looking for? Of course you do. You just don’t believe them when they say that they want a “genuine and confident man” and that “looks doesn’t matter”.

Most guys just dismiss it by saying something like “Yeah yeah, whatever. I know those bi*ches just want a good looking guy with a lot of money”.

If you’re one of those guys, I’m sorry to tell you this, but they’re talking the truth. You just don’t get it. Looks and money really aren’t that important.

What women are really saying is that they want a strong man, who is honest with himself and others. There is more to it than this, but it’s the basic idea.

Honesty is sexy

Honesty is one of the most attractive qualities you can possess.

You can also call it “living from the heart”. Being brutally honest is incredibly hard.

There are exceptions to every rule, even when it comes to being honest.

But straight forward lying is almost never a good idea. Maybe if you only think of the short-term consequences lying is great. But in the long run, it doesn’t work.

It’s almost impossible to really be in and enjoy the moment if you’re a liar. You always have to think about what you have said, you always have to remember your stories.

Lying is a sure-fire way to get unhappy.

But before being honest bears any fruit, you also have to be proud of the things you have done.

If you’re a thief that steals stuff all day long, and you say to yourself that you will start to tell everyone about it and being really honest, you won’t get too many positive replies from people. Sorry!

But if you start living a great life where you give love unconditionally, you can be proud of your achievements. And this is where it’s fucking great to be honest.

Just say everything exactly as it is, without directly hurting anyone.

Telling some random fat guy that he is fat is not going to save the world. Please, don’t do that. He needs to realize it himself. You can help him with that, though. But be very careful.

Giving without taking

It’s really all about the giving.

Don’t try to take things from people. Love, respect, anything. Give instead. You don’t have anything to lose; you’re ability to love is never ending.

For years, I held my emotions hidden to my parents. I could come home, lock my door, and just sit in my room crying over something. If my mother knocked on the door and asked if something was wrong, I would lie. I would say that everything was fine.

I got into a really bad cycle of keeping things inside.

But when I realized the importance of opening my heart, I started being honest with my mom. She has also started to open up to me, and this has created one of the best relationships I have ever had with anyone.

Same thing about my friends. For years, I would lie to them and tell them things were fine etc., but now, I know I can tell them anything.

When you start being honest with everyone, you also find out who your real friends are.

And most important, you get to know yourself. You don’t have all these layers of crap inside you. Being honest is a perfect excuse for cleaning up inside.

Try it, and let me know how it goes!

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Image by code poet.

19 thoughts on “Start Being Brutally Honest with Yourself and Others

  1. Justin

    Good article, certainly makes ya think!Its amazing how much people lie and dont even realize or think twice about it….and of course there are long term consequences for our actions that most never take into consideration. I will most definitly take all this info. to heart thanks for the wisdom!

    Reply
  2. Alex

    Always love to spark some thoughts, Justin. Yes, it really is amazing how many concequences just a little lie can have.

    Great to hear you’ll give it a shot!

    Reply
  3. Carver

    Great article. Really slams the idea into peoples heads. And it’s so true too! I really have found that men and women both like it when you are honest, even if it is a bit hurtful. Especially if it’s something that will get them off their ass and do something. Great write Alex.

    Reply
  4. Alex

    Thanks for the words Carver!

    In the end, being honest is almost always the right choice.

    Getting people off their asses is amazing. Watching people bloom like flowers because of something you have helped them to do is incredibly rewarding.

    Stay cool!

    Reply
  5. Sebastyne

    The greatest compliment I have ever heard is along the lines that “the thing I love about you is that you truly are what you seem to be.” That doesn’t mean I’m perfect, but just that I hide nothing. Except from my mom. I tried the honesty thing with her, and it just won’t fly. :D

    Another thing that aroused my thoughts about this is the “do things you’re proud of so you don’t have to lie.” That is so true, and for some amazing reason there are a lot of people who just don’t get it. They want to show a descent person, but it would be so much easier to just be decent and be honest about it. And another thing that makes people lie about who they are, is that they think that they are the only ones with some thoughts or feelings. That is of course not true, because what ever you’re going through there’s most likely someone out there going through the same thing, and you will never know it if you don’t come out with it in some form or another. Writing an anonymous blog for example is a great way of trying out the honesty thing. :p

    Reply
  6. Alex

    Sebastyne,

    A true compliment like that can really warm up your whole body. It’s fantastic!

    And yes, it’s strange that so few people really get it. Being honest and straight forward is always easier in the long run.

    It’s so important to communicate your feelings right. What’s the best way to do this? To be honest.

    Thanks for your comment, lots of insight right there.

    Reply
  7. Robert A. Henru

    Hey, you got a new picture, seems like longer hair now.
    And “honesty is sexy” first time I heard, honesty is indeed needed in relationships.
    Thanks Alex, this article encouraged me to stay true to myself and others!
    Robert

    Reply
  8. Alex

    Yes, especially in relationships Robert. And longer hair? Haha :) Yeah, that’s right. Actually my hair doesn’t look anything like that on my picture at the moment, but thanks for noticing…

    Always stay true! Great to hear my friend.

    Reply
  9. Jacob

    Alex,

    Great piece man. You’re exactly right. Being honest with yourself, and being confident is all about knowing who you are and knowing that you’re not perfect, but you keep striving to be better. I’ve read a lot of your posts and the one I keep coming back to is the one about getting over a lost girlfriend.

    Mostly I read peoples stories that they posted and damn if some of them weren’t gut wrenchingly sad.

    I’ve gone through it too. To make a long story…well, long…when I went through a terrible breakup, I completely lost my shit. I ended up having to move in with my parents two states away, give up my dogs, my apartment, life as it knew it….everything. It was all gone like that. I was jobless, broke, and all I had were a few clothes and a car payment I couldn’t make. My girl of three years started dating a doctor less than a month after I left. I had zero closure. We initially agreed to work things out, to fight for it, but I have come to find out that that was just a reason to get me out of the door. She lied, cheated, and it almost killed me.

    I was so messed up and depressed, the words I use to describe it don’t really don’t do it justice. After a while I had decided enough was enough. I had read every blog and book about how to get your girlfriend back and getting over her. None of it worked. I couldn’t understand why I just couldn’t forget about a girl who was obviously not the person I thought she was. After doing some further research I found out that I have what’s known as Abandonment Disorder. It is real, and it can be really dangerous if not addressed. I think that’s what many guys (and girls) who can’t seem to get over a lost love. I would bet that a lot of the guys who commented after your “Getting over her” post have it too. Much of it has to do with never addressing the feelings that you’ve bottled up inside you for so long. Many people experience some sort of profound loss when they were a child and they kept it inside them. When you experience a loss as an adult, such as getting dumped by someone you love, all the fears and feelings you’ve hidden all you life come back all at once and knock you on your ass. It is ugly and no person should ever have to bear the grief and pain associated with abandonment, but unfortunately, many of us do.

    It is important to be honest with yourself and express your feelings. People who are confident can do this. People who are insecure cannot. Only you can take ownership of your feelings and decisions, no one can do it for you. And, if you do that, it will help you out immensely through this thing called life. If you need to, buy a self help book, talk to friends, or even get professional help. A lot of people keep stuff bottled up inside them for way too long and have no idea why they feel bad and do things to self-sabotage themselves.

    Sorry for the long comment Alex, had to write it.

    Reply
  10. Alex

    Jacob,

    Thanks for sharing your story man!

    There is just too much stuff in there for me to address it all – I can just say yeah! I agree with every bit.

    And that abandment disorder seems to be really fucking things up for a lot of people. Can I ask you, how did you get through it?

    I guess you followed your own advice: Talk to SOMEONE. GET IT OUT!

    Thank you for your comment Jacob. Really valuable stuff.

    All the best and lots of love,
    Alex

    Reply
  11. Carver

    Wow Jacob. Just wow.

    That’s extremely insightful. Makes my situation seem like it’s nothing. I’m happy to see you came to realize all that. I feel like I really do need to literally yell to somehow how I feel about me and my ex. Maybe I’ll find someone to let me do that soon. :)

    I’m sure I can speak for Alex when I say you’re on the right track. And everyone should be there with you.

    Reply
  12. TKT

    Thank god honesty is one thing I have always possessed. Every one in my family were always honest and loyal and so am I. I never lie. If I really don’t want to tell the truth, I just don’t answer. Loyality is very important not only for girls but for everyone. In business this is VERY important. Often loyality is more important than experience or skill, because you need a business partner who will never overthrow you.

    Reply
  13. Alex

    Carver, you sure can!

    Thanks Tuplad.

    TKT, that’s fantastic. If everybody in the world realized this, I think everything would look quite different. Good job.

    Thanks for your comments guys (and stay honest!)

    Reply
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  16. fred

    women don’t want brutal honesty because if a woman asks “dose this outfit make my look fat” and the guy replies “no you being fat makes you look fat” that will not go over well so if you want honesty stop asking questions that you will be offended if we tell the truth and never ask do you love me because when we feel it we will say it because god forbid if he doesn’t and said well i find you irritating at times but i like you and i really enjoy sleeping with you and if you tell me you would prefer us that honest i know this for a fact and when people are brutally honest that means they don’t care if it hurts the other person

    Reply
  17. Bellaisa

    If you don’t have honesty and proper communication in your relationships then your relationship is not as strong and healthy as it could be – hands down…

    Reply
  18. David

    I grew up in abusive environment where speaking honestly about things would result in drama and sometimes violence. Now I I struggle severely with being honest about tough situations and avoid the tough conversations all together if at all possible. I am about to turn 44 years old and constantly feel depressed most of the time and don’t have very many close relationships to include family. Thanks for the article but not sure how to even begin to live an honest life!!

    Reply