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How to Win Back Your Ex-Girlfriend

"How do I get back together with my ex girlfriend?" "How do I get back together with my ex girlfriend?"

A dating question from a reader:

Iestyn wants to win back his ex-girlfriend. She has been starting to get in touch with him again after 5 months, but he’s unsure about how to go about it.

“Hey Alex! I’ve just come across your fantastic blog; all your advice so far has been great! I was wondering if you’ve got any advice for a man who really wants his ex-girlfriend back. We broke up about 5 months ago now, and just recently she’s been getting in touch with me, and I’m not too sure how to handle it, as I don’t want to drive her away again, as I would do anything to have a second chance with her.” Thanks man – Iestyn.

Hey Iestyn, I think what you have here is a very common scenario. Man chases woman, woman flees and woman comes back. Put that on repeat, and I think we’ve got your problem covered.

You need to eliminate one link of the chain. You need to stop “chasing” her. Not meant physically, although it could be, I mean in the way you think about her.

You say that you would “do anything to have a second chance with her”. Why is that?

Don’t be desperate

If you don’t have any choices when it comes to women, it automatically makes you desperate. And I think that this is the real issue. If you had more choices, you wouldn’t worry about your ex-girlfriend from almost half a year ago.

Sure, you would think about her sometimes. Be glad for all the good things you had together. But you would also have moved on with your life, de-attaching yourself.

Ask her out

The way you should handle her getting back in touch should be just like if it was an old friend. Be laidback, you couldn’t care less what she thinks about you! Maybe talk about some good old times, and be genuinely interested in her life.

Set up a “date”, and say that you want to catch up with her. If she’s the one contacting you, I can’t see why she wouldn’t say yes to this.

When on the date, as I always preach, have fun. Lots of fun. Sitting in a restaurant talking about her new job is boring. Going to an amusement park while talking about why Britney Spears cut of all her hair is so much better. Or, well at least you’re not talking about her job.

Since your ex was originally attracted to you, there’s a good chance that you can re-attract her. Just remember what she liked about you when you were together. There’s a good chance that it was because you made her laugh and made her feel good.

Do that again!

The mentality

As I said before, be laidback and confident. You have a new life, and she can be a part of it again. But you don’t need her. Not at all!

If you have this mentality, I can almost guarantee you that she will be crawling back to you.

Few things are less attractive to women than men living their own lives, by their own premises. Keep this in mind.

Good luck Iestyn, and be sure to report back with your results!

Also, I highly encourage you to check out my book called “The Ex-Girlfriend Solution”. It includes everything you ever wanted to know about getting over your ex and moving on with your life. It takes you right from the break-up to your new relationship, and it answers all the questions I get all the time, like “what to do if she wants to be friends”, “how to avoid being distracted by thoughts about her”, “how to fall asleep when I miss her” etc… Read more about it here!

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Get Your Ex Back

154 thoughts on “How to Win Back Your Ex-Girlfriend

  1. Jacky

    Hi again Alex,

    I really need advice.

    My ex got too sad and i mean badly that she broke down
    and got a replacement (another boyfriend)
    of mi when i had to be oversea now i’m back i think she is lost too. she said she happy now but there are times she still show her care on mi because i had been very kind n nice to her in the pass.

    I asked her how was I as a boyfriend?
    she said that as a boyfriend, i’m a very good boyfriend.

    Now that i’m back i love her alot i could even feel her near mi and have a weird feeling that i could feel how happy is she or not.
    I felt her happy but it doesn’t feel like she is fully happy, I need her too,i felt the connection between us
    but i do not know how to win her back from the replacement guy.
    And in desperate for her to come back, i accidently made her quarrel with the replacement guy and she seems to hate mi now.

    Please give mi advice, i love her alot i want her
    to be haapy to the fullest.

    How can i win her heart back?

    Please help me out

  2. buttas

    never give up just find a different path too it. im havin probs too my fiance of 7 months broke up cuz she was sayin she was too stressed from school and her parents and that she wanted to just go out and be her free sprited self for a while. also i wasnt bein the nicest guy eather cause im in the army and things r rough. i was just wondering what i should do cuz she said she’ll give me a second chance when i get out which is how we came to the agreement to be friends. but now shes slowly goin back on her word, and im just curious as to what to do cuz i love her wit all my heart its been like two weeks and i still wanna cry everytime i talk to her. can u help me out Alex?

  3. Chris M

    My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me a week ago. There was nothing wrong with out relationship – we rarely fought, and were both very happy. Then she said that it just changed. She wasn’t ‘in love’ with me anymore.

    We were supposed to move out to another place in three weeks. Now I have three weeks to find somewhere else. It’s also my birthay in a week, and I found out my uncle has cancer yesterday. Has just been the worst week ever.

    We’re trying to be friends – as we were friends well before the relationship started. I feel really good too when we are together being friendly, feels normal and I have no illusion as to getting back together with her – chances are its not going to happen.

    What’s hard is I havent dreamed in the 5 years we were together, and now – even if I sleep for just 20 minutes, I dream of us back together – or of me begging her to take me back. I obviously don’t want to do this, but I’m just waking up really confused – and with everything else going on – she’s the only one I can talk to.

    If it weren’t for the dreams, I think I would be fine. I am still in love with her, but every day that gets better. I know she still loves me as a friend and I am OK with that. Just these dreams are messing me up. I don’t know if I can handle losing my girldriend and my best friend in the same week. Please help!

  4. Jay

    Hey Alex,

    You seem like you have a good idea of what to do and what not to do in terms of winning an ex back and I’m wondering if you can help evaluate my situation for any possible ways to get her back.

    I made all the wrong moves by being needy after my ex broke my heart 3 months ago–we were together for 3 years and she even transferred to a college nearby to be with me. She had just graduated college when this happened and had always talked about moving (we’re from the same city) like it was her primary focus in life. This was the cause of our breakup because I couldn’t move at the time and I didn’t want to believe she would really do it and leave me so I put off the conversation. I had a chance at getting her back this past summer after she had moved to another city nearby and I went to visit her for one weekend. Things went great and we had some fun, I think because she could see that I can still go out and have fun talking to her friends etc (not being needy). Before I left she had told me she wanted to “work it out” but I guess I nagged her too much and ended up driving her further away. I contacted her too much and ruined the mystery. She also told me that she slept with someone else since our breakup (within a week of it actually) and I was constantly bringing that up.

    She now lives on the other side of the country. Our last meeting went poorly and she left on bad terms, which occurred because every time we talked–even if they were going smoothly for a while, I kept on reverting back to the “needy” guy who wanted her back (I know I shouldn’t have). So we hadn’t spoken for over two months until a couple weeks ago when I got the courage to text her on her favorite holiday (halloween) and I kept it casual about how I hoped she enjoyed her weekend and what she was going to dress as. She was friendly and asked me about life. I had hoped that this would lead to an initiated conversation by her, but no luck so far. She had said she wanted to be friends, I obviously just want to win her back, but I figure the friends angle is a good start. Any ideas on what else I can do to get her interested again, even from across the country? How do I keep the lines of communication open and keep myself interesting enough to her that she will want to talk to me? I need bait!

  5. Nick

    I lost my girl 6 days ago and i tried everything. I looked and saw how you guys were saying wait a hile and then contact her jst like an ol friend. shes with another guy and its a LD relationship but we worked for 5 months and it was the happiest of my life. I love her so much and i gave up so much for her. I want her really bad. she is special to me.

  6. Andy

    While I can see the benefits, and in itself working to bring attraction back, of moving on etc, however I wonder if telling people to forget about your ex and do nothing is the correct thing. What if your ex GF is of the same mindset?? Then both of you are doing nothing waiting for the other to make a move. How does that work -No reunification occuring!!

  7. Al

    Hey guys,

    My gf broke up with me month and half ago and since then I’ve been feeling like a complete shit. And I have good reasons for that, I fucked it up, badly. She was my first serious gf, and we were together for 9 months. From the beginning we ‘clicked’ she was/is amazing, different from other girls I know. She loved me, hell, maybe she still does. I just took her for granted and stopped paying attention to her, i thought that I would never loose her. I made her cry 3 times, honestly, over such a stupid bullshit I cant even understand why i did it, but we always patch things up with me saying that I’m sorry and shit but I kept doing it after all. And finally, we went out with my friends and had a blast, went out for a smoke and when I got back she was sitting all by herself, sad, mad who knows. I asked her ‘wat’s up?’ and all that caring stuff you suppose to say. she didn’t say much, and started texting, so finally I told her ‘ok, lets go home’ and she said that her sister or her best friend(he’s a guy and she knows him since middle school, btw, i hate that muthafucka) so i went lil overboard and said ‘why r u doing this to me? and shit went downhill from there, she started crying, I apologized and we went outside, tried talking to her but I got nothing. After 5 min her sis picks her up and she leaves. I went home, pissed at myself cuz I knew I shouldnt have say that. For next couple of days I got the silent treatment, and then finally I got a text ‘hey, we gotta to talk’ I bought flowers and went over to her house, she came out and was crying from the beginning so we sat in my car(we used to just chill in my car, listen to music, drink red bulls or monsters and talk for hours) Well sat there for almost 3 hours, she was crying throughout, shit I admit I shed a tear to cuz I knew something was up. I apologized, told her how I feel about her and all. She didn’t say much. So she gets up and i told her once more ‘i’m sorry’ and went home. I’m pulling in my driveway and I hear my cell buzzing, it was a text from her, before reading I was like shit, we all good:). But after reading that text I felt like I’m about to die, here’s the text msg from her: “hey, I love u and thats way i couldnt say it to ur face, but i dont think this is gonna work out. sorry i need some time” Well that was a shocker to say the least, and i started texting back ‘why” and all that shit you do when that crap sets in, said sorry many times, promised to change and all the stuff you say when you’re about loose something you care about. after couple of days she started texting me back but like she had her mind set up at treating me as her ‘friend’ and that she has moved on. I told her how i feel about her and said that i will make the changes in me that led to this and hopefully she will be able to see that. I really mean this. I got nothing, for past 2 weeks. I see her once/twice a week at college but she acts shy around me. I know she is stubborn as fuck and would have problems admitting how she truly feels, she even said that after the break up. I really don’t know what I want from you guys, advise on winning her back or advise on moving on with my life. I know I acted like a complete schmuck and idiot, and those are the things I cant /don’t know how to deal with. Besides from that I do care about her.

  8. Nick UK

    I was out with this girl for like two months and it was going really well until i do something stupid and she dumped me and hates me for it. I was really surprised by this and have been thinking about her for like a month, and she’s already going out with this other guy, who’s a bit of a twat. What should i do a) if i wanna get back with her or b) if i wanna get over her?

  9. Chris

    So I have been missing my ex a lot recently and I know I am still in love with her. We have been broken up for almost a year now and the funny thing is that I was the one to end it with her. She was my LIFE for 2 whole years and I felt like I was missing out on other girls and fun with friends so I decided to end it. WORST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE! I was good for about 6 months after the break up but then I started missing her uncontrollably. She has since moved to another city but we still keep in touch. And when we talk its like were still together and thats why I think I’m falling for her again. I don’t know! All I know is that I am obsessing over her and what shes doing and who shes with! What do I do? Is it too late to win her back?

  10. Will


    I am in almost the exact same situation. Any luck?

    I think the key is really to just start living your life and if she chooses to contact you again with the possibility of re-entering her life you take her up on it. Obviously she won’t call you up and say just that… but if enough time has passed and she has been thinking about you, she will let you know somehow. Unfortunately I don’t think there is anyway to “bait” her. I have thought often about writing my ex and whenever I do the email always starts looking so sappy and forelorn. I mean to tell her how much she means to me but it just doesn’t come out right, and thankfully I don’t send them. Now she is somewhere on the west coast and I’m doing my best to just leave her be. Should our paths ever cross again I will certainly do my best to not repeat the mistakes of the past. I think this is good advice for you too. Don’t try to impede on her journey, she’ll respect you all the more in the end.

    Good luck, godspeed

  11. col

    I would have to say she sounds remarkably like my ex-girlfriend. My advice would be to walk away before it gets awkward and you get emotionally tied up and she inevitably walks away again saying that she never meant to lead you on. WALK AWAY NOW – trust me from the guy who knows. I was tied up for 8 years in a girl and have only just found out what I should have realised years ago. Dont waste your life like i did, hombre. If she wanted you, and she loved you, it would all be simple – you can’t be friends while you love her and she doesn’t love you. If she loved you, she would say so. Good luck

  12. C

    Hey guys.

    About 1 month and a week ago me and my GF made a mutual agreement to give each other space.This was after I asked her why she seems sad?
    So it was fine for about 2 days and then I really started regretting the decision and missed her like mad.We have been going out for 6 years.So then for 2 weeks we talked like we usually talked with the little pet Names and stuff we use to use in our text messages.
    And then I couldnt bare the pain anymore and I looked for ways to try and Fix this because it felt to me like shes using the contact to let me go slowly until shes completely over me.We had a REALLY good and Solid relationship for roughly 5 years and it has only recently stared deteriorating for the last 3 months.But then I went to visit her 1 week since the breakup and I saw another guys Text on her phone so I was broken and didnt make a big deal out of it just walked off in sadness.
    So then after 2 weeks I started using No Contact cause I want her to miss me so that she could see what I was worth + I dont want to be used until shes over me.
    BUT I do really still want her back and ive been doing everything right…even grinding my teeth for 20 days of NC now.Its really hard but im not sure what the next move is?
    What would you guys suggest I do?Ive been hooking up with some seriously gorgeous woman but they just dont cut it….
    Ive always been a Personality guy anyway soo looks are good but not something that catches my attention.
    I know for a fact I can move on and get other woman BUT I dont want to cause I feel that MY EX and I deserve a second chance so that I can finally return all the little nice favors and things she has done for me all those years and show her that I can be the man she wants.
    I regret not doing certain things for her,I really do and wish I could so them for her sometime.
    Our breakup was literally in whispers.No one shouted and freaked out although we BOTH cried and hugged each other.I even slept there for the last night but didnt have sex.Packed my stuff and then she dropped me off.

  13. Jim

    I was with my ex for 4 years. We have been apart for 4 years now. I tried moving on and met someone else but the entire time I was constantly reminded of my ex. 3 years ago I was able to see her in person (her bf at the time was a real winner and had a tight reign on her) and we got a good deal of stuff off our chests and we both shared the fact we were still in love with each other. She then was out of contact for a few months and then found me again thru a social networking site and maintained constant emailing with me. I had left the woman I was with due to her alcoholism and was single again. My ex was still with the doucher and still keeping in contact with me nightly despite my telling her not to so as to avoid drama. Then she vanished again for a bit. This past summer her bf beat her pretty severely and she finally left him. She immediately called me and we spent an evening together driving and talking. She even agreed to go on a trip with me (which was spoiled by her ex’s brother showing up and keeping her from leaving with me) we still maintained contact thru calls, texts and email. I even bought a ring and proposed to her. Then she stopped contact a month later and moved about an hour away. Two nights ago she re-initiated contact by email. Every time she contacts me, my heart races and I get the sense of dread. I have a feeling she might either be with the guy who beat her or possibly a new guy (I really dont want to know). Should I be thinking she is wanting me back? She isnt one to play games or mess with my head, but it still upsets and confuses me greatly. She knows i have changed from the person i used to be and that all i want is her back by my side for a second and better chance. Might you have any advice you could offer?

  14. Tom :)


    I split with my ex about 4 months a go, we talk every night still. She came back from this christian camp trying to turn me in to one and i couldnt deal with it anymore so i decieded to end it. This decision was rash and i knew i still love her – baring in mind we were going out 13 months she got with someone 2 weeks after we broke up. I was completely devasted as i knew this guy from way back and he kept rubbing it in my face and pretty much stalking my ex everywhere! i was crying every night and became seriously depressed a couple of occasions i tryed to kill myself!

    Well i took my self away from everything for a couple of weeks stopped contact with her and then one evening i decieded i needed to make things better with her because the way i treated her after we broke up wasnt right – i was like some crazy guy!

    Now were talking again getting very close but she keeps saying she wouldnt be able to go out with me because of her friends! how do i talk her round this? as she says she still loves me and its killing her inside to not just say yes and go out with me.

    Thank you very much


  15. arjo

    wow this blog really helped me out alex!
    it`s pretty damn hard to move on after a break up.

    getting over on a girl is like trying to get up after being hit by a car…yeah I know it sucks lol^^

  16. keiss

    Hi guys.

    I broke up with my ex after seven long years of serious relationship. The last three years we lived to gather and two years ago we decided to adopt a cat. Long story short the cat was pregnant and gave birth to five deformed kittens. Three which died and she wanted to keep the other three including mother cat. The last two years I went insane living in 750 sqr apartment with two deformed cats that peed, shit , scratched all over the walls, floor, and sofa. The smell was so bad that couple time’s neighbour complained they smell urine all over the hall ways. Every time I came home after stressful job I sat on sofa and next thing I know I sat on pee. She is a student in depth over $ 100,000 and has no job or no income. She loves the cat and she refuses to get rid of them. We started arguing living in a zoo. It doesn’t feel like home anymore. I can’t live like this. I refused to clean dishes, vacuum, and look after the three cats. Slowly we lost respect for each other and no more communications. She came home every day hurt knowing we will start arguing and she never tried to consider my feeling the way I was suffering living in that place. One day I told her I will move out if you don’t get rid of the sick cats. And eventually to the point I left her and I moved out. Week later she called me and saying how stress she is and her mom is mad for some reason. I was dam enough to say you want me to pick up and talk come to my place we talk? she said okay. When I went to pick up her up my world went upside down. I held her and cried saying baby I don’t like being in this position. I miss you and I want to get back. It has been a month I tried to text, call, email expressing how much I love her and have family with her. She is being a bitch right now. She said she wants to be single and take care of herself. She is not capable giving back anything at this moment. She doesn’t know who she is and doesn’t know what she wants. Three days ago she texted me saying “I still don’t know what I want or what to say” she told me to move on and date other girls to see how I feel and if you ever need anything do hesitate to ask me.
    I told her you are right “I will date other girls and move on.”
    She said she wants me to be happy.
    I texted back “ bye Jen”
    She texted “By for now” I don’t know what she means by BYE FOR NOW? please help.
    I decided to fuck her and move on. She doesn’t deserve the love for her and doesn’t give a shit about 7 long years of relationship.
    I haven’t talk to her since the news years and I am doing pretty great hanging out with friends and dating.
    i still think of getting back to gather and things will be different. But I am not sure what to do anymore. I keep thinking about her. I need some advise please anyone. She was my first love.

  17. luke hannington

    hi, ive recently seperated from my partner of 6 years we have 3 children together and at the start of the relationshipt everything was rosy, but the last 2 years have been a real whirlwind i did some some stupid things i.e slapped her on 2 occasions resulting in me getting arrested for domestic abuse, disgusted yes, ashamed never more so in my whole life, and i think this pushed her over the edge, we are not living togethere any more and i am currently not aloud to speak with her untill next thursday when my bail is over i hope, she has said its over for good but on other days she speaks to her mum and says have i made the right choice and i do miss him, im finding this situation the hardest thing iv ever had to deal with and emotionally i break down everyday thinking about her and what i could of done and should of done, i love this woman so much and do not want any other we have shared so much together and had so much together now i feel like i have nothing and am a lonely wreck, how and what should i do to get back with the love of my life if there is any chance there at all.
    would appreciate your advice, if you feel you dont want to give me advice because of the domestic side of it i will understand even my family have disowned me because of this.
    i just dont no what to do. :(
    please help
    many thanks

    1. Morgan Kattie

      ”I read your special report. I just wanted to thank you for putting that on the internet. I feel better and I know I have a roller coaster ride though hell. I know I will be stronger once I pass hell and turn into a stronger person. Thank you again. You are a good man to help people after what you went through. Maybe one day I can help people like you have helped me…thanking greatzalilu for helping reunite with my family again,i can just forget all that you have done for me.Contact greatzalilu@gmail.com

  18. Adam

    I’m devastated! My girlfriend just broke up with me after 3 amazing years. We’ve been best friends and attached at the hip ever since met. Two weeks before she broke my heart, she told me she loved me. Webwere at a mall together and she smiled and said “they have a tiffany’s here”. She had told me before that if I ever decided to propose, that anything from tiffany’s would suffice. I smiled back and said “I know there is”. I did know. I had a ring and a date picked out. She really had no idea. We had had some problems with communication throughout our relationship. We had trouble dealing with serious issues. It was like we were having too much fun. I also think she was having trouble with some of my own self confidence issues. I’ve had a rough year and had really been depressed. We had tried to take a break on a few occasions, but couldn’t stand to be apart. The break never lasted for more than a week. She finally said that she needed a real break. She said it could be weeks or months. I freaked out. About a week after this happened, I finally sat her down and told her that I had planned to propose. She was super emotional and felt bad. She said that she had to close this door to see what happens, and that she just needed some time. I gave her a month of no contact, and finally called her. I left a message, but haven’t heard back from her. That was four days ago. I also found out that she avoided me at a party. The hostess told me that she felt like her avoiding me was a good sign. Like she had some feelings that she didn’t want to confront yet. Is that plausible? I guess I just feel like I should do something, but my hands are tied. I don’t want to badger with calls or seem desperate. I just miss her like crazy. I don’t understand how you go from best friends to nothing at all. Maybe she just needs more time. What do you think I should do? Is she done? is she just afraid to contact me right now?
    Thanks for your time.

  19. Matthew

    Hi Alex I got a problem with a girl too

    Me and my gf were going out for 1 year and 1 month. It was going okay we did argue a little bit but then she said that she wanted to break up. I was heart broken but she said that she wanted to break up because she felt like I was drifting away from her and that I did not want to be with her.

    4 Weeks later were still friends and still meeting up with each other and we get along really well.

    She said that maybe in the long term future we might see how things go and get back with each other but what should I do?

    Should I keep meeting up with her and play it cool or should I just stop contact and see what happens?

    Both me and her are still not over each other btw.

  20. John

    Hey everybody,
    This at least seems like a good place to vent to say the least. A couple months ago my gf broke up with me. Kinda thought it was my fault but also her fault. Issues with myself, stressed out etc. I was horribly sad and I may have had a chance to get her back about a week later but when the chance came I thought with my emotions a lil too much. Did all the wrong things you are not supposed to do and all that. We did stay friendly for a couple more weeks after that then all of a sudden something something snapped with her and harsh words from her were said(none by me really). Well long story short I haven’t talked or texted or anything in a month and a half or so. I still love her with all my heart and can’t stop thinking about her. I have just texted “hi how u doin” like once or twice but nothin. I’m thinkin of writing a letter but not sure. We weren’t together for quite a year but did know each other for that long. I’m tryin to just live life without her but she’s still on my mind. I won’t give up tryin but maybe not now. Any suggestions would help. Thanks.

  21. mario

    This is, hands down, the best advice on relationship site the web has to offer. Thanks so much, guys. In my humble opinion, however, you never get to the fine distinction between getting someone back and knowing when to leave for good. This leads to a weird dichotomy: if you want a second chance (and shes at least contacted you, albeit with an excuse or just to ask how your move to the new appartment was going or something along those lines), then, sooner or later, you gotta ‘invest’ into her again, one way or another, ie asking her out. Which then, obviously, gets you off the how to get over a break up road, which includes no contact. What do you think?

  22. brandon

    i gotta get this off my chest!

    on monday my girl friend left me because i was talking to other girls over the internet… i realize my mistakes and ive made other mistakes that have upset her.. and i feel so fucking terrible, we went to the movies last night and by the end of the movie she was kinda leaning on me but i didnt read to much into it because she said we were just going as friends . she took me to her plans afterwards and drove me home after. but i feel like i dont know what to do, i love her so fucking much but i can’t see her with another guy because it just fucking hurts so much.. i don’t really know what to do i want her back so fucking bad but i dont want to drive her away.

  23. Gianpaolo

    Hi Alex and all the guys here! Please I need your advise!
    My name is gianpaolo I’m from Italy and I live in Dublin. I’ve been 5 years with my very good girlfriend from bratislava-slovakia, as in every couple we had good and bad times. Unfortunately I went through a loss of self esteem lately that made me see everything negative, always home not living the life, not thinking about myself, being grumpy, jelous, lazyness in sex sometimes, controlling her, etc.. In February she even bought the holidays in Italy to go to Florence and one month later she changed mind and gave the sad sentence that she is breaking up with me and that she still loves and care about me but she is not in love anymore.. She went for a month to see her family and I was supposed to give her time and space but instead I started to bombard her with crazy sms and calls and she got angry even more but I did because I missed her. Now she is back to Dublin in search of a new job, she also moved out from the apt. I met her a few times already, first time about things of the apartment, and the second time we were talking about general things but she saw me needy, nervous and tryng to get her back and at the end of the meeting she said is better if we don’t see each others for a while and when we get over we can maybe meet up. What’s that mean now? Guys believe I’m desperate because i crazy love her and I’d like to get her back but she kept saying that she don’t love me and is finished forever! I even mentioned to her that many couples break up and back up sometimes… Another thing is that she took some of our nice pics together, and the both meeting we had she started to cry… My brother knows her and he said that maybe she wants to see how I’m doing alone as she tought that I’m like immature and not responsible and that my life was depending too much on her shoulder… Guys I’d like suggestions please! I’d like to rekindle the relationship with her if there is a chance… What I have to do in general? Please Alex and all the guys of the blog if you can help me out! I’d like to get back the love of my life even if is very difficult. Hope to hear from you soon. Thanks to everyone. Kind regards, gianpaolo

    Sent from my iPhone

  24. vector

    hey alex,

    i dated this girl who is 11 years younger to me, i am married and have two children, upon her consent i divorced my wife and each of us took custody of 1 child, now when i approached her family seeking her hand in marriage they refused and and she says she loves me but cant go against her family’s wishes, i feel like a bum after 4 years of an infidel marriage and sacrificing everything to be with her she just plainly dumped me, the thing is she can go on with her life as it is always easy for a women to move on in a breakup but we guys freeze and we are not date ready , anyhow i did take advice from your website and after April 24th 2011 when i last met her with her family seeking her hand in marriage i was so desperate that i belittled myself by asking her parents etc but after that i have not called her its going to be 2 months what do you think i should do ? wait for her if so how long ? do i talk to her and try to convince her again or what ? i did date hotter women too but i am really fond of her and i know for a fact that i would never find someone so much to my liking in my given situation

  25. Dylan

    alex im 15 years old im a sophomore in high school. i was in this relationship with this girl fer a year and a half and i am deeply in love with her. i know as an adult you may so oh its not real love your ignorant or inexperienced, but i know this is true love. we have been seperated fer 2 months and it came to a sudden end and she told me to leave her alone and never talk to her again. well just last night she out of the blue messaged on on fb so i talked to her and she said she misses me and loves me so we talked a little bit i didnt really say anything bout the miss and love part. then today she said she wants me back and i want her back but she also told me she had sex with another guy and i was in shock and cried and couldnt stop shaking my heart was like beating outta my chest. we both lost our virginity together after 9 months of dating we wated till we knew we loved each other. btw shes 17 and im 15. we are talking now but idk what to do so whats your advice?????

  26. Luke

    Hi all,
    Me and my gf have dated for 18 months. We were so happy together, everything was wonderful and we had even been thinking of marrying each other in the future. About a month ago, out of nowhere, she said she needed a break to figure out what she really wanted. So for the past month, we saw each other on and off and never truly took a break. Just yesterday, she broke up with me for good. She says we still may get back together one day and I love her like crazy and still dream of marrying her. She said that she still loves me but just is afraid that she can’t give me what I want right now. There is no other guy involved and no other girl for me. She says she is not interested in anybody else right now, just isn’t sure that she wants to be in a relationship.. I know that the best option for me is to move on, and I will try. But, how do I go about trying to get her back down the road, and what is the chance that this could happen?


  27. shaun

    hi alex,

    i think i had the same problem… but mine is kinda different.. and i need your advice. i hope you can help me..

    me and my girlfriend just broke up because i caught her cheating on me, but the thing is the guy that she was dating is already married, and now that guys is gone already, he went back to his wife, and thats the time i caught her.. and now she said that she need some space to fix her self, but i dont want to, for me it really hurts, but im willing to forgive her because i really do love her.. weve been a couple for 5yrs but in the 4yrs that we had, or lets just say that weve been on a long distance relationship. i know its hard but i always make her feel that im always beside her like calling her everyday, chatting everyday, send her some presents stuffs like that.. and now we broke up all i want is to get her back, and how can i do that i mean because were on a long distance relationship.. i already gave her space… but how can i asure that she will go back for me… what should i do.. please i dont wanna loose her i want her back so bad.. 


  28. Lez


    Need help urgently please.

    I had been dumped a nearly two months ago now. I have fallen apart. She said she cares about me but doesnt feel in love with me. Plus has too much going on with herself and doesnt wanna relationship right now. She said can never go back. doesnt feel right anymore.

    I desperatly do want her back but even if i go by what u have said will that work?

    I feel like giving up, I dont want anyone else and is scared she will find someone soon.

    Many friends have told me to give up. She doesnt want you end of. But i still love her and want to keep fighting. But is this a losing battle?

    Please help.
    Many thanks

  29. Edgar


    I recently was dumped by my girlfriend for almost three years and im having trouble trying to move on and be happy…

    We met at our old job and she currently had a boyfriend who was very abusive and just treated her like shit.. She moved in with him before she can found out about any of this… So for two years she had stayed with him cause she moved away from family who stayed six hours away, so technically used him but suffered during it… While working together i had started getting feelings for her and so on.. She ended up cheating on him with me and then she let him go and moved in with me. Im young just turned twenty-one and just couldnt handle the stress at time of having someone depending on you for everything… So life went on and shit happened, We ended up moving to her grandparents house, and this is me leaving my family, friends, and school.. to start all over again. As we got settled in i found a job first and she couldnt.. found out that she wasnt very liked in that small town…..But I loved her and did anything for her… Story cut short.. Five months into the relationship, i start stressing even more and frustration just ruled my mind… so i start looking for some excitement… She had a friend which was attractive and all but never really thought of anything towards that… But one day over facebook we started to talk and it started to get a bit heavy… So i felt really guilty and just couldnt keep it in me so i told my girlfriend.. She flipped… Found out she was always jealous of that friend and it was just a big mess… two months later i got a call for an interview… This was my chance to get out of that town and move back to my home town and bring her with me… At first she was all excited and then she flipped it on me… She left me cause of what i did and that i was selfish and didnt care about her?! this is after her telling me she forgave me and that she loved me for manning up to it…So the thing is im trying to move on but i just feel that i just love her to much to let go… i dont want to give up, but she is stubborn and just so hard headed that, she asked for space and i just couldnt cause of what i was feeling and i justed pushed her away… How do i handle this?… how can i move on?…would she come back to me?.. our relationship was very good, many of our friends and family thought we were perfect for each other, but that can only mean so much cause its all up to us.

    So how can i move on from this and just let her go her own way…. she doesnt communicate with me even though she says she wants to be friends….What do i do in this situation?

  30. akeem

    me and my girlfriend been broken up for three months and that she dont want me nomore and trying to get her back and i been doing the wrong things to get and i think is to late but i really want her back in some help to get her back because she was the only person understand me and i really love her so really need help to get her back in my arms

  31. Michael

    Pleas help…
    Ex and I have been together roughly 3 years… through a lot of things we have been off and on for the last 9 months. I have broken it off at times and so has she. I saw her for the 1st time last week in 3 months… She was all over me. Later that day we fooled around. She went on Holiday and kept texting me. I got on the piss… sent some crazy text messages…

    I left an amazing rose arrangement at her house and she LOVED IT! So with this being said I asked her if she was seeing anyone seriously?? She emphatically said, “NO”!
    Well she is dating a guy. We went out on Tuesday and She was all over me like old times. We had dinner at the same place. She was rubbing my chest. Forwarding me cute pictures of her and saying that she would love to try on her new bikini for me. WE even held my hands and had a passionate good-bye kiss…. Even though I wanted to go to her place like I had 3000 times she was adamant NO! Also, we talked about going on a weekend away… that she wanted to drive my car… and she was free Wednesday and wanted to get together – HER TREAT!

    We texted on Wednesday and she was taking an hour to respond. Usually it was like 2 minutes… SOOO she ended up saying that she needed time and hoped I could respect that.

    I did exactly what I should not have done… Her house is on my way to work… I drove by to drop off coffee for her porch at 5am. Well when I drove by the new guys car is there!

    I have asked her if the ship has sailed and I should move on? I said, “Please just tell me”

    So she says this new guy is just a very casual hookup and would never date him seriously… We have had a text or 2 traded, but very slow and very cold.

    I can’t sleep, eat or keep my mind from racing… I was dating regularly until I saw her.

    Do I just let her go and wait????
    We are painfully honest with each other… usually I know what I need time means… I just either need closure… or next steps.

  32. alex


    i love a girl and she said that she loved me too….we were in a relationship for quite a few months…but she was shy and i didn’t have ny problem with that coz initially i was not so much of interested….then slowly my love for her started growing deep….and suddenly one day she said that she cant be in a relation nymore but can still be friends with me….cos she’s afraid of her parents….that they will not permit us to marry in the future so she broke up…..help me i am just too much broken

  33. Dan

    Guys if there is one piece of advice, keep busy and work on yourself. I broke up with my girl recently for the second time and although it hurts, get to the gym and take up boxing. I also found that it helps to step outside the relationship bubble and look where it went wrong. A lot of the time it’s based around your co dependance. Give her space, and invest your time, don’t spend it. Take up a hobby, keep social and maybe kiss or sleep with a girl or 3. If she gets in contact keep cool and keep it brief. If she wants to meet up ask yourself “have I changed enough and am I back to the confident, invincible man when I met her?” If the answer is no then you’re destined to repeat the cycle. If you shared something special she will get in touch, but you also need to demonstrate that you’ve come a long way. Remember gents a woman is an amazing, vital compliment to your life but she can’t be the sole focus.

  34. Emmanuel

    My gail just has this thing in her that am seeing ontha gail, so she told me that it’s best we go separate ways. Pliz what shuld i do?

  35. Mitchell

    I went out with this girl. Her name is Woodlene. She’s the most down to earth person that I’ve ever met like in my life. It was at my job. We both work there. So anyways, we started talking and she immediately showed interest in me. Mind you, I had no plans in going out with anyone there. So she was like that we should hang out and see a movie. I was like cool let’s do it. On our first date or whatever, we go see a movie. While we was watching the movie at the theater, she was leaning against me and getting comfortable. Which it was fine. Later on, she admits to liking me and I said the same thing. Some time has passed and we were doing really good. She even said that no other guy treated her like I did. She had deep feelings for me. MY feelings for her grew as well. All of a sudden she starts going thru a hard family drama in which she never told me about cause of trust issues that she has. She said she really likes me but can’t take me seriously right now because of her strong family drama. It’s really messed up her mind. She wasn’t the same afterwards. She ended the relationship with me until hopefully in the future it gets better. She says to move on and be happy with other people. I want her back. What can I do? She needs time to herself she says.

  36. Brendan

    Hi guy’s i have had one of the worst breakups ever this person i was ready to be the one with until now. she has emailed me this after we had a long chat things. could you guys please fill me in where i stand in her life still here are the email
    I’m sorry for the way things were left off today. u have to understand that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I listened to everything you said to me and I may have ignored you a bit and may have looked like I don’t care but I do care and I’m sorry for what you have been through. I know people turn their backs to you and your just reaching out for their attention which explains why you seek attention from me. I’m no physcitrist i think the way you were bought up in life is effecting the way you behave today.
    This will be hard and you probably think i’m a cold, heart bitch right now who doesn’t give a shit about u but im not cuz I can’t help wondering if you gonna be ok thats the person I am.
    It was wrong of me to not give u a hug and say hello and ask if your ok but I was very upset with U for what u had did the last couple of days.
    I feel like a piece of me has gone aswell because we did have that closeness and that bond. I am hurting as well and I am going to have a hard time letting go of you now that I know we won’t be in contact. This is what I want and I do think its best for the both of us. I’m leaving it in gods hands for now. If he thinks that I’m the one for you then he will bring us together. For now we go our separate ways and enjoy being single. Find urself, find what you want to do and achieve all those goals in life.
    I wish you all the best and I will always have you in my heart.
    and more…..
    I’m glad your safe. Please do me a favour and keep busy from now on it will help you get through this as i will do the same. You need your friends and family right now.
    Yes i will think about the good times we had and look at the relationship we had as a leaning curb for the future. I can’t predict what is going to happen in the future but I know that someday u will thank me for this.
    Take care

  37. seo

    My partner and I stumbled over here from a different web address and thought I might check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward to looking at your web page for a second time.

  38. JOJO

    The last few days had been a nightmare for me. Me and my girl been together for awhile. I really love her and care about her so much. She is amazing, beautiful, smart and really cool. She have one child from another man. I love her daughter as if it was my own. I was always there for her, I show how much I care about her, I helped her a lots. Now, the problem is really complicated. She had been through rough relationship in the past with her baby daddy. Her baby daddy abused her, mistreated her and all that. Since then she had been scar from that relationship that leads her not to believe in ” I Love You” type of relationship. Which it’s make it really hard for me. But I had been patience with with her and being understandable of her situations. Everything’s between us had been really good after we got back together after almost 7 months. But when we first met each other, it was kinda bad. We had miscommunications, we argues a lots, and thing like that. But After we got back together it had been really amazing, I was happy and so is she. My family loves her and her mother like me a lot. But now, she starting to give me less attentions, she had not been spending time with me. So I went to her house so we can talk. But then I went home and she texted me, “why are you pushing so hard? ” ” You are freaking me out ” ” I’ve been doing me, you know alone time, just me, my daughter and my mom ” So after that I was hurt, and I realized I fucked up by “pushing ” her too hard. I text and calls her too much, I was acting desperate. I knew I made a mistakes. I should’ve leave her alone and give her some space in the beginning. So after that, I deactivated my Facebook since she is on my friend list, I deleted her number and I stopped all communication with her. I decided to concentrate doing my own things with my job, and I’ve also been thinking about getting in shape by going to the gym so I can get that stress off my back. As of right now, I have no ideas what is going to happen between me and her. Am I doing the right thing by leaving her a lone and give her some space until she contacts me or what? Please help, I’ve done so much for her, I don’t want to lose her. I am trying so hard not to be depress since I am a strong guy. Any advice will be appreciated, thanks you for your time.

  39. craig

    hi i was with my ex for 4 years and we have a child together we split up in feb this year and now shes been with sum1 for about 2 months i am still madly in love with her but she says she cant ever see us getting back together what should i do she is the only women for when i txt her asking if shes still got feelings for me at first she said she dont fink so and mow she dnt even reply

  40. Hassan

    hey i’ve been dumped from my girlfriend of 7 months, i loved her 2 bits, obviously we had our up’s and down’s like every other couple but we workied things out, i lied to her twice in the past about my age as she was 5 years younger than me and said i was 23 whereas she was 18, i tild her the truth about my age and at first she was really angry which is understandable but she forgave me and everything was good from there on. Suddenly an ex reappeared and started texting me, one night she text me whilst i was in the shower and my girlfriend read the text, my ex said “hey i hop your okay i miss you” my girlfriend took it the wring way and dumped me, i begged her so much to not end it because i love her so much, she’s my life, i texted her and rang her so many time but she just ignores my calls its been a month now and all i do is think about her, all our good times together and how happy she made me, i can’t live without her and am scared she’ll forget me and move on please help me alex?

  41. jessey carlton

    I am Jessey Carlton i live in live in north Carolina i was actually looking for a loan to set a business i have been to monitory firms but they keep on promising me i and decided to give Yahoo Answers a trial and was scammed twice by some dubious scammed and i saw a testimony concerning DESTINYANTHONYLOANFIRM@GMAIL.COM and i gave it a try and i got my loan($ 46,000usd), if you are looking for a trustworthy,standard,legitimate,reputable loan firm its Mr. Henry’s Firm you can reach the company through its e-mail:destinyanthonyloanfirm@gmail.com.
    please extend my regards when u get to do business with him.

  42. Pingback: how to win back ex girlfriend | My Ex Boyfriend

  43. kmoney

    OK, I need some advice… My ex broke up with me about a month ago, we were best friends for about 7 years, then we started dating, moved in together and it lasted a little over a year…. she works for my father’s business, we started our own promotional and dance group together, and we still have trips planned together… Everything was going really great, until she found out that she had some health problems (a tumor on her uterus) that didnt allow for us to be physical for about a month …then she also found out I had plans of marrying her in a few months, She had a terrible family life and when this happened she really freaked and as she told me, “was just turned off” since then she has started counseling for her own personal issues…and said that she needed to work on herself and her carreer now, and that its just too much to have a bf right now… so we stayed in this half relationship type thing that was causing us to fight a lot, so she ended it offically saying she was doing me a favor, blah blah blah. but we just cancelled the lease on our apartment so we could seperate (as she cant afford to live on her own immediately, im being the nice, caring friend again) in a couple montths…. however, literally everything was amazing up until some strange events occurred… I just dont know if i should start to try and move on, or hold on and see if she comes back around…

  44. Anna

    viewers, i want to use this little of my testimony to tell everybody about how Dr. Moses help me make my home…
    My name is Anna from Australia, to caught it all shot i was having a family problems my husband left me because i was not able to give him a child, i have know othHello er solution than to start sicking for help praying and fasting for God to help me bring back my husband and to have a child of my own, so one day i saw Dr. Moses name on the internet with his email address (thegodsofsolution@gmail.com) when i saw this email address i never loose any hope again, i contacted him for help, to end the story he help me bring back my husband to me under four days and to my greatest surprise he prophesied and said i we have my own child and celebrate with others as a mother, am three months pregnant now and my husband is now with me without any problem, please viewers help me to thank Dr. Moses Iyere for making my home a happy one. Please contact Dr. Moses Iyere at (thegodsofsolution@gmail.com) he is a good man and a prophet, he can help
    you in any kind of problems please don’t pass this email address if you really want your problems to be solved thanks..

  45. jubril

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  47. Morgan Kattie

    ”I read your special report. I just wanted to thank you for putting that on the internet. I feel better and I know I have a roller coaster ride though hell. I know I will be stronger once I pass hell and turn into a stronger person. Thank you again. You are a good man to help people after what you went through. Maybe one day I can help people like you have helped me…thanking greatzalilu for helping reunite with my family again,i can just forget all that you have done for me.Contact greatzalilu@gmail.com

  48. Morgan Kattie

    I read your special report. I just wanted to thank you for putting that on the internet. I feel better and I know I have a roller coaster ride though hell. I know I will be stronger once I pass hell and turn into a stronger person. Thank you again. You are a good man to help people after what you went through. Maybe one day I can help people like you have helped me…thanking greatzalilu for helping reunite with my family again,i can just forget all that you have done for me.Contact greatzalilu@gmail.com

  49. Mark Holt

    Good advice on remembering what your ex liked about you in the past. I think taking note of your past mistakes and trying to change your negative habits a bit is also a must if you are really planning to get back together with her. This way, the new relationship will be much stronger and will not be built on the flawed foundation of the old one. (I say it’s a “flawed foundation” because there was a break-up that occurred.)

    1. zazaza

      hi, i need advice, its been a year my girl friend dumped me and. cant get over her. i cant talk to her like a regular friend cuz its awkward and theres a guge tension. i’ve told her i still loved her, but she didnt. what should i say or do?