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How to Use Your Voice to Project More Confidence

Learn how to speak with confidence Learn how to speak with confidence

OK, so we all know that guys with booming, dark, sexy masculine voices are highly attractive to women.

But what about you? Do you have an attractive voice?

You may have. And if so – that’s great. If not, I suggest that you read on.

You don’t have to be born with a sexy voice to get one. It can be developed – trained. And I’ll show you how.

Apart from just your voice, we’ll also work on different aspects of your tonality. Your voice itself is only one of many weapons you use while you speak.

Let’s get some theory down before we begin

Speak with confidence

The easiest way to sound confident is to actually be confident.

When you know what you are talking about, and you know that you are right in the matter, you will automatically sound and be more confident. This is attractive.

Only say something when you have something to say
Over time this will raise your authority, since you always know what to say and when.

Speak slow

This is a big one. Speaking slowly projects confidence and builds intrigue.

Why? Take this example.

Average Adam walks in and gets the attention of a group. He starts speaking. But because he is afraid that they won’t listen to him for long, he starts speaking faster to keep their attention. This is a bad approach.

Now, on the other hand we have Confident Carl. He knows that the group wants to listen to him because he says a lot of interesting stuff, and generally is an interesting person. He speaks slow, so everyone can hear every word perfectly.

Now who do you think is most attractive to women, Average Adam or Confident Carl? Well, if you haven’t figured that out… It’s Carl. Big surprise ;-)

The moral? Speak slow. And…

Blurry Voice

Pronounce every word

This is also really important.

And not only should you pronounce every word, you should also pronounce every word accurately.

Mumbling is unattractive for the simple reason that it’s hard to understand what you say.

And then it doesn’t matter if you have a deep voice.

If people can’t hear you, or don’t understand you, you are going to have quite a hard time socializing.

And that’s not what we want!

Pause… And talk.

Add pauses when you talk. Simple, really. Just pause once in a while and look people in their eyes, it will add suspense and make it more interesting to listen to you. Don’t be a radio jockey!

Use hand gestures

Use your hands while you talk. At first you might be a bit self-concious about it, but soon it will become a habit. Start now!

Stand straight

This is a as much a body language thing as it is a sound thing.

When you stand straight and good – you know, like a soldier, you speak better and project more confidence.

Having a good posture is just generally healthy, too.

Practice by raising your chest. When you raise your chest, you also drop your shoulders down a little. And you straighten your neck.

Just don’t slouch! Also…

Talk louder

This is actually harder than it sounds, but getting used to speaking louder is really rewarding, especially if you enjoy the bar and club scene.

I don’t have any specific exercises or anything, just try it out in your every day life.

Don’t become obnoxious in any way, you should just speak so loud that the listener has no problem hearing what you have to say.

Having people asking you to repeat yourself because you spoke too quiet destroys the natural rhythm of a conversation, and is, on top of that really annoying.

So just speak up a little.

Married Couple

Be a better breather

I have a whole post on good breathing here: Start Breathing When It Matters The Most and Get More.

It’s all about breathing deep. Get the air all the way into your belly.

Just place your hand on your stomach, and breathe in. Get it to expand. Breathe out and repeat.

Getting used to breathe “belly breathing” will absolutely give you better voice control.

(There are lots of other benefits, too.)

Get a deeper, more masculine voice

Mmmmmhh… Barry White. Chicks dig him ’cause of his voice, so why shouldn’t they dig you too?

Simple exercises to get a deeper voice

  • Say “ooooohhmmm” as deep as you possibly can. Try to hold it and really feel the resonating feeling in your stomach. This is the feeling you want when you speak.
  • Saying “aaaaaahhh” also works to some extend. Experiment!
  • Blow out candles.  Try to use short breaths while at it.
  • Yawn. Perfect for relaxing the muscles so you won’t sound so uptight.
  • Speak from your belly.
  • Practice that breathing!

Relax

Relaxing is key. And this is where all the ends get tied up – fully relaxing is easy if you’re confident in the environment.

If you’re not, you’re most likely going to be a little uptight. Try not to.

Start breathing instead!

Conclusion

So guys I hope you could use these tips.

Generally, just try to know what you’re talking about. Stand straight while at it and don’t forget to breathe. Talk a little louder and a little deeper than you’re used to. And use hand movements to add to your points.

Good luck. And I’ll see you in the comments!

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First image by luza. Second one by puja. Last one be millzero. Thanks, they are beautiful!

46 thoughts on “How to Use Your Voice to Project More Confidence

  1. Brian

    Good post. I just wanted to add that the best way I ever found to improve my voice was to listen to recordings of it. Of course who has time to do this?

    So the best trick is to listen to the voicemails that you leave people. Hit # after leaving a message and it will often give you an option to listen and re-record. You will be AMAZED how bad you sound, and you didn’t even know it. I got in the habit of this and would often record messages 2-3 times per call, several times per day for a few months. It got better much faster.

    What you sound like in your head is not at all what you sound like to other people so I think recording it is key. Thanks!

    Brian

    Reply
  2. Alex

    Brian,

    Good advice!

    Listening to yourself can be scary at first, but being comfortable with your own voice is important to improving it.

    Thank YOU! :-)

    Reply
  3. Raymond Chua

    I am easily annoyed by those who speak softly too. Asking them to repeat themselves really turns me off and I’m always looking forward to get out of the conversation. :)

    Thanks for sharing the exercise. I should try that more often.

    Reply
  4. Alex

    Pj, yeah, I think that too! It’s all about the looove, baby :-)

    Raymond, that’s understandable! And you’re welcome.

    Alex

    Reply
  5. Neil

    Good post! I found it with stumbleupon. I regularly visit http://www.approachanxiety.com and really value his dating insight, as well.

    I find that I’m most able to be confident and strong with my voice when I’m doing things that make me feel really good about myself. Working out, backpacking, helping others, pushing yourself out of your comfort zone, etc… anything that is hard will earn you a smile when you face the mirror. That smile pays off big around everyone, ladies included.

    Reply
  6. Alex

    Neil, that’s a good site! Thanks. And so true about actually sounding more confident when you ARE more confident… Not so strange, really ;-)

    Reply
  7. Donald B. MacGowan

    Quote: “Speaking slow projects confidence and builds intrigue.” This is very, very true and an often overlooked point–most people do not realize that it’s critical to effective speaking. Another critical aspect of speaking, or writing, effectively is to use proper grammar.

    For instance, the above quote should read “Speaking slowLY projects confidence and builds intrigue.” ‘Slow’ is an adjective; adjectives modify nouns and pronouns. In this sentence the word being modified is “speaking”, a verb. This modification requires an adverb not an adjective. Adverbs, as a general rule (and certainly in this case), take an “-ly” ending.

    “Speaking slowly” is what you meant to say.

    Gentlemen, I enjoin each and every one of you to embark upon a positive campaign of saving the adverb in everyday American speech…else you risk sounding like a backwoods buffoon–or Sarah (god forbid) Palin.

    Thank you.

    Reply
  8. Bonnie

    Great advice. I think relaxing and centering yourself before you speak really helps and of course, practice, practice, practice before any public speaking.

    Reply
  9. Alex

    Donald, lesson taken. Thank you!

    Bonnie, (perfect) practice is always key. Relaxing and centering yourself as you say, are also great ways to speak better. You’re an intelligent woman ;-)

    Thanks for both of your comments!

    Reply
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  11. Sebastyne

    I never forget a voice. I may forget the face, easily, but I never forget the voice. I tell twins apart by their voice, for example. Voice to me is very important, and a guy with a good voice sends shivers down my spine – the good kind.

    As a singer, I have practised some of these things myself, like getting that Barry White, or in my case Tina Turner -resonance in the voice and breathing in with the whole lung. It becomes a habit in a short time.

    Reply
  12. Alex

    Sebastyne,

    Awesome! I too tell twins apart by their voices. And you’re right – the voice sticks around for much longer than the face.

    Thanks for your comment :-)

    Reply
  13. Mark

    Awesme post Alex! Wa to go! I loved the part about breathing. I always find myself breathing harder and faster when I see a beautiful woman, or think about approaching her. But now I’m aware that I unconsciously do this and have a better handle on it. Now I seem like the calmest guy in the room because I’m not breathing like a crank caller. Go basso!

    Reply
  14. Jill Florio

    This is very interesting. I’ve never really seen an article so specific about how to speak in a way that appeals to people. I am printing this out to put on my bulletin board for practice. Thanks! :)

    Reply
  15. Sean

    You know I never thought how significant one’s voice is til after reading this. The sound of our voice is the basis of how one interprets communication from us. A stuttering, mumbling, weak voice will just get mowed over, while a deep, confident projection will demand respect!

    Very good tips here Alex! Slowing down, and actually pronouncing words accurately will certainly make for a much more eloquent, yet confident form of speaking. Also I agree, standing up straight, and using good posture will naturally help.

    There’s nothing worst than a man hunched over, looking at the ground, mumbling his words. That just won’t work! A man should be confident, standing up straight, looking women in the eyes, and command respect with his words, all the while projecting an attractive image.

    Good post here brother, and I’ll be sure to remember, and practice this tips!

    Reply
  16. Miss Gisele B.

    Alex,

    These are really great tips for guys when it comes to dating!

    As a girl, I’d have to say that “speak with confidence” resonates the most because in my book, confidence is one of the sexiest traits a man can have!

    Confidence (not cockiness) trumps EVERYTHING!

    Miss Gisele B.

    Reply
  17. kathleen schuitema

    Very good tips indeed Alex. I agree it’s all about the way you stand/sit & the way you speak, controlling the way you breathe too, practice makes perfection.

    Reply
  18. Pranay Prusti

    Hi Alex,
    well very nice article. My problem is that i speak very fast. and this has been constantly pointed out by parents, siblings and friends. This is also affecting me professionally. i think i got this habit during my college days. In a recent appraisal interview had told my Team Lead told me that I speak very fast and thats the only drawback i have. well thanks for this article. I hope this would help many people like me who speak very fast. Great Work !!

    Reply
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  21. Jim Jones

    Hi Alex, I’m a 40 year old straight married man. I’ve always had a sort of higher pitched feminine voice, with a slight southern accent. Now it doesn’t sound like a girl’s voice, it just doesn’t sound very masculine at all. I can’t stand to hear recorded messages I’ve left, so I can see why so many people poorly recieve me in person. I’m a really nice guy, maybe too nice, but most folks probably assume I’m gay due to the sound of my voice. I’m rather nice looking and have been working on my posture and toned up my body considerably. I dress very conservative, short hair, not flamboyant at all in apperance. I just have this terrible, sligthly high pitched, feminine voice and it’s very hard to be confident or think confident when you don’t believe it yourself. I’ve tried everything from smoking to vocal excercises to lower my tone, but it’s so unnatural that I can’t keep it up for long. I can do a slightly deeper “phone” voice when I focus on breathing and speaking from the belly but it requires so much effort that I often tire of it in mid conversation and revert to my normal voice which probably really creeps people out :). I wish I could find a personal vocal coach to help me speak more masculine but folks don’t seem to advertise this service. Any other tips on what I could do get that deeper tone and more masculine voice without putting on a total act?

    Reply
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  24. Jay Ortega

    GREAT article!!! I used to have a little problem communicating with people… And I learned about how to develop confidence through speech years ago….

    Ever since then, I’ve had no problems getting my voice and/or ideas across…

    Just reading this article refreshed whats important and necessary for confidence delivery…

    Again, great info..

    Jay Ortega

    Reply
  25. Warren

    Good article, takes me back to my radio days. Speaking clearly, slowly, and projecting well is the key to being understood. As for adverbs, adjectives, nouns, pronouns, etc being used in the correct place and correct use of written pronunciation ie. “its” and “it’s”? The new generation growing up doesn’t care about that any longer, so long as the person listening or reading understands the point you are trying to put across. Another point is to breathe deeply. Many people shallow breath and talk from the back of their throat. This is often referred to as being mono tone or nasal, usually the later. Block your nose with your fingers and say the vowels, A E I O U. (When saying the vowels the tip of your tongue should be tucked in behind and touching your lower teeth). If it sounds as though you are talking through your nose then you have a nasal problem. This is often caused by being lazy in your speech, not necessarily a medical problem. Sounds that begin with M and N should have a slight nasal sound to them. Another tip for good speech is when you are pronouncing a word ending with “ng”, say running for example, make sure the back of your tongue touches the soft palate (roof) of your mouth. Some tremendous ideas in your column.Keep up the good work.

    Reply
  26. Metro

    Thanks, one of the big problems I have is that I talk to fast, but that’s just because I have so much to say =)

    I will really try now to speak slower and pronounce the words I want to formulate more clearly.

    Reply
  27. Mark

    There is something to be said about those who just want to live some superficial act. The more people project their voice at me, smile give me fake gestures that they wouldn’t normally do makes me despise them. People need to look deeper than a fucking voice. It just a voice it does not show intelligence it does not show confidence. It just shows you’re an idiot who buys gimmicks. I know some of the worst speaking people and they are highly intelligent and some barely speak at all because their mind is focused around the work. Look through history Albert Einstein didn’t even speak for a long time till something was out of place. Stop trying to sell bullshit. Learn to accept people for who they are. If they are naturally someone who speaks loudly than they will. If they’re naturally someone who has a soft voice that doesn’t project well it simply means just that. Has nothing to do with confidence.

    Reply
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