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How to Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend

"How do I get over my ex girlfriend?" "How do I get over my ex girlfriend?"

This is the number one question I get asked most of the time – right after the question on how to win her back.

And it’s difficult to answer. How do you get over your ex girlfriend?

I guess that we have all been there at some point in our lives.

Relationship starts. Everything’s good. Suddenly, everything isn’t so good. And you break up. That’s life!

I have had my share of it, so I speak from experience here.

You have probably shared lots of good times, and now it’s gone.

No more holding hands, no more crawling in close when it’s cold outside, no more kisses under the moonlight, no more anything.

For some it’s easier to accept than others. But I don’t think anyone like breaking up.

For the first few days, after realizing the truth, you feel pretty awful. This is definitely the worst part of a break up, and also the part that defines your emotions for the next couple of weeks.

love through fence

So how do you go about handling a break up?

As thoughts are really hard to control, I’ll give you a “timeline” for your emotions.

I know it might sound a little strange, but it’s how I personally handle the break up, and for that reason, I figure it might be useful for some people.

Here we go:

The first few days I cry my heart out. I let out all of my negative feelings, and do almost nothing more all day than to “think about her”. Whenever I try to slip in a positive thought, I’ll disregard it right away. It’s my privelege to be sad just a few days a year, I’ll explain why later on.

What’s really important in this phase is that you don’t talk to anyone about the break up. At least not more than something like “we’re not together anymore”.

Another really important thing to do is to stop listening to love songs. Because it’s like drinking viagra tablets and not having sex. At this point, you will most likely identify with them, and I know from experience that this can really f**k up your emotions later on.

So just let yourself be as sad as you can, without talking to anyone, and without getting feelings from anyone else than yourself.

Afterwards, if you have followed my advice, you should almost be sick thinking about her. 3 days might not be a long time in a calendar, but in your head, it will almost feel like it’s ages ago you broke up.

You will start realizing that she wasn’t “the one” for you, and that you have your whole life waiting, along with millions of cute girls.

Over the next few weeks, you might have some reoccurring thoughts about her. That’s fine. As long as you realize how bad she was for you, and that you’re not going to get back together.

I think this is the part most guys do wrong. They keep thinking they can get back together, and this makes it incredibly hard to move on.

For a couple of days, try to just “get on with it”. Don’t spend time thinking about her, just live your life like you always have.

After a week or two, you’ll see that you do fantastic without her. You might not be completely “over her”, but you’re definitely on the right path to getting so.

Personally, after about 2-3 weeks, I completely stop thinking about her. Well, not completely, she’s still “my ex”, but I’m by no means sad about the fact that we’re not together anymore.

Soon, I’ll meet another girl, twice as nice, and it’s all uphill from here with happiness. Until we break up.

Life’s strange isn’t it?

walking alone

General tips on handling the break up

  • Stop stroking the banana fantasizing about her. It’s just wrong… AND it tightens your emotional bonds to her. Not good man!
  • You’d be amazed what kissing a new girl can do. Start meeting new people as soon as possible.
  • Accept that she wasn’t the one. She was just a girl, whatever your brain might tell you. You have a “her” hole in your stomach right now, and you probably think that only she can fill it. But what the hole really is is just a woman shaped hole, and any women can fill it.
  • Take control of the situation. Don’t let her define your feelings, only you can do that.
  • Start living again. After feeling down for a few days, a week, or maybe more, start living again. If you have always wanted to start playing tennis, now is the time to do it. Or start playing guitar, or start painting. Anything will work, just gain some kind of new passion, or relive an old one.

Why it’s important to be sad at first

This might not work for everyone, but I can only conclude stuff from my own experience, so that’s what I’m going to do.

The reason I choose to be sad at first, is to take control. It’s my choice to cry, she has nothing to do with it. Not directly, anyway.

In my opinion it’s really bad to try to run from your feelings, because you will feel sad. Best just to admit it and let it out.

After those few days, you will also realize that someone that made you so sad, wasn’t right for you. This is also important.

So now to wrap it up, I would like to know one thing.

How do you get over an ex girlfriend / handle a break up?

Let’s start a discussion here!

UPDATE: There are A LOT of comments on this post. A lot of them includes fantastic tips for getting over your girl. I highly recommend reading as many as you can to get a general feel.

Something that has helped a lot of guys here is to simple get on with your life. START HERE. Download the EBOOK REVIEWED HERE.

I highly encourage you to check out my book called “The Ex-Girlfriend Solution”. It includes everything you ever wanted to know about getting over your ex and moving on with your life. It takes you right from the break-up to your new relationship, and it answers all the questions I get all the time like “what to do if she wants to be friends”, “how to avoid being distracted by thoughts about her”, “how to fall asleep when I miss her” etc… Read more about it here!

Interested in more tips on dating and relationships? Subscribe for free to my RSS Feed to get them before your neightbour!

Lovely images by lizzie vengeance.

Get Your Ex Back

5,988 thoughts on “How to Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend

  1. Brian

    I dont get it…. its been 2 years since my ex and i broke up, we have a daughter together and i guess that makes it more difficult cause i have to see her. I fell apart after the split but she is doing great, having fun, doesnt even bother her. I lost my desire for sex just seems like work. I went about 8 months without seeing her, had a family member help with child exchange on pickups. Just saw her today and im not sure if i actually miss or just want some answers. Theres no sense of asking her cause i think she would tell me what i want to hear vs. the truth. Having a hard time moving on…seriously feel pathetic

    1. Scott

      I’m the same Brian. We have been split now for 3 months and I’m still gutted. We have a son and I have to see her when I pick him up and it fucking kills me. I’m on anti depressants over it and the stress made my hair fall out. She moved on very quickly and is a party girl with her younger friends. It’s going to be a long hard road for me.

      1. Jerald ecenrode

        Scott we need to work and help each other I feel if we talk exspress our feeling we can get thru this we can’t let women run our lives even tho I let her we need to show them who’s boss I try ever day it’s a struggle I hope things get better i can’t take it anymore

        1. ROBERT


    2. Jerald ecenrode

      Brian this is a very hard thing for you I think you just need to worry about your child don’t give into her games you sound a lot like me just very unlucky with love prove to her you can get someone hotter better then her don’t give her the time or day speaking for myself I feel your pain I’m not doing so hot either right now I’m stuck don’t know what to do

  2. Jerald ecenrode

    This is very hard for me because we had 11 year relationship I still feel she’s love me but said she needs time to figure out what she wants in life it hurts bad I’m so in love with her she’s the only girl I want I haven’t been to lucky with love all I do is get hurt every time and she seems to deal with this a lot better then me and all ready has a guy friend that. She’s having sex with I had sex to with different women but all I do is think of her it’s just sex not enjoying it at all I text her all the time bother her she’s so annoyed by it just I miss her so much it’s been a love hate relationship she’s wants to be my friend doesn’t want to loose me she keeps pic of us still up not understanding I’m very close to her family known for along time there is a age difference of 11 years I’m 37 she’s 26 when I met her she was very young we where just friends I waited to get involed with her when she was 18 I’ve been there for her thru everything and is a big part of my life even almost had a child with her but she lost the baby spent 10 grand on rings she called of the wedding 3 months before we where going to get married said she wasn’t ready I need help give me some advice on what to do I seem to not be able to live life on my own very heart broken I don’t enjoy anything anymore please need help

    1. marky mark

      wait so you were 26 banging a 15 year old?! kinda gross man. but yea situation sucks but as dumb as this may sound try to turn the tables and make her jealous, make her WANT to think feel about you. however you may do it whether its another girl or a good job just make her think damn and then reach out. this might lead to coffee dates little friend kind of things but it well feel the same and it gets better and if shes anything like a girl i know shes gonna get fucking weird out of nowhere and be mean for no reason making you feel like a low piece of shit… everything goes good and BAM! out of nowhere blahblahblah. and then i stop and go why should i care about this shit!??!? its pointless. i ended up dating a good friend of hers, she realized how horrible of a person this bitch was. she was so jealous it was ridiculous. tried playing it off but she would always tweet and text me about it… so after realizing all the horrible shit she did i decided to TURN THE TABLES. i let her come back to me after breaking her and her current bf at the time up. i just made her like me more. then i fucked all her friends and sent videos to her. this ripped her apart and then she sent me a vid of her and another guy. it hurt for the first 10 minutes and then i just thought… wow!! great idea. i took the video and made 500 copies, sent them all in a package to all her family members, teachers in high school and put them on almost every website imaginable. All saying it was sent from her explaining that she thought theyd want to see this… sent them to her boss (she was making 37.00 an hour at a helicopter place) and got her fired. i feel great now

      1. Nid

        Omg what a horrible relationship and life , you both like each others immature and don’t know what u want from life, I suggest to focus on yourself and your morals to get better relationships. And stop being like an animal think about those girls u have been with just to make this girl jealous and she as well using a guy for a crazy person like you. Well you both made together the life you are going through now.

  3. jessica

    Dear Master spencer

    I just want to take a few moments to personally thank you for helping me bring back my husband to me and his family. About eight months ago, I discovered that my husband of 11 years was having an affair with my next door neighbor and so called friend of five years.
    When I found out about this affair, I approached him and he did confessed that he and She was having an affair and that he loved her and wanted to end our marriage and be with her.I was so devastated that I had to be hospitalized for a nervous breakdown. When I got better, I decided to go online and look for someone very good to help me. for a surprised! I was ripped off by many so called Psychics and Voodoo workers who all they did was to take my money with no results.Then one day, I saw your coment and was impressed by what you said ,but I was more impressed with the news reporter who was impressed by you and the fact he pointed out how many of your rivals were so jealous of you and spreading lies about you.
    You just responded by simply saying, poof is in the tasting. That was when I made up my mind to contact you and I am so glad I did. After 21 days my husband had a big nasty fight with that woman and he called me from jail to get him out.
    He told me that he was sorry and to please take him back. After having a few days of seriously talking we are now a happy family. I thank God for you each day for you and my family.
    I want you to put this letter on your website, because I am shocked at the lies these other so called Psychics are doing to other people.
    I want who ever reads this letter on your website to know that I do not work for you, you have not paid me and I am a very real person.iam swearing to God that all I have written to you is the honest truth!
    That news man was right, you are very good and I can see why so many conning people hate you and hid behind phony names and websites.
    Just like you said on your coment, the proof is in the tasting! And I have tasted your work and you are the best! so please contact him via spencermiller522@gmail.com

    Your client for life


  4. Hannah Stensgaard

    A lot of that made sense. Part of the healing process after a breakup I guess is to take stock of the situation. To no longer focus on you and your ex but to focus on just you. Going out, meeting new people, finding new interests. Who knows what great things can happen after!

  5. Jared

    I just wanted to say how happy I am this blog is still up. It’s helped me out a lot throughout the years. I always can come back to it when I am feeling down. I was recently dating a girl for 3 months, I knew she wasn’t “the one” but I dragged it on, until she couldn’t take me not being 100% in anymore. It’s funny how when it ends your brain just throws all logic out the door and you start to miss that person like crazy. Just gotta stay strong, do my lone-wolf thing for a little and I will bounce back.

  6. Anthony

    Jared, I use this blog for exactly the same reasons, reading all the messages is like seeing a roadmap to recovery. Its amazing how we stay in a relationship when he ‘know’ she isn’t the one and when it ends you suffer and miss them like crazy and you even think you might have been wrong about them being ‘the one’, it drives you nuts.
    The important thing to remember is that the doubts you had during the relationship will return after a few weeks of being back together. The reasons she isn’t the one wont magically go away. Remember how you felt DURING the relationship and not after it ended because the brain has a tendency to enhance memories and edit out the bad things. Also the good news is, the heart dates up not down meaning the next girl that comes along beit 18 months, 2 or 3 years down the road will be better than the last, you just have to have faith and the strength to move forwards and not go back.

  7. Mike

    I’ve been here before.. about 4 years ago. This site saved me , and just want to say thank you to each and every one of you who contributed , your advice and stories changed who I am as a person and has given me a lot of strength in some pretty dark times. I was a little sad to see this form has died off ..

    The ex and I split about 8 months ago. We had been together for 3 1/3 years – living together for 2.5 of them. Beautiful and sweet girl , also very attractive and very sexual, it was close to perfect…. The idea of marriage had crossed my mind a few times in the relationship and remember sometimes picturing her as the mother of my children and how gorgeous she would look as a pregnant woman and holding our child.. I think for a while there we both truly and deeply loved each other..

    Anyway I need to get that out of my head. I just try to focus on how I felt while in the relationship and why I wanted out of it .. Its the only thing I can do. Things weren’t good for a long time before this and there were a few incidents (over time) where the relationship suffered huge blows . The combination of a few of these blows , caused us to fall apart.

    My mind continues to haunt me as did I do the right thing ? Did I do enough ? Do any of these pressures in life really matter if we love each other ? (Money, job, lifestyle, etc..) Why can others love each other and seem to all be getting married and live these happy lives ? What’s wrong with me ?

    I remembered all the advice from here, NC, gym, new people, new experiences. I was doing alright I guess . Saw a lot of old friends, got to do some cool things, had a little summer fling, focused on myself and tried to be grateful for everything I have . Good family, good job, not too ugly lol , etc …

    But today .. (this is my fault.. I think subconsciously knew this was coming) , she posted (not on FB – that’s blocked) a picture of her kissing her new boyfriend . Boom . I’m still in a shock I think , this just happened 2 hours ago. I had to go for a long run after I saw it just to think and process the information.. It just fucking sucks to see , waves of emotion right now and its like a tornado is ripping up my heart .

    I’m a little shook up right now and just trying to keep as level headed about this as possible, but ouch does this hurt… I just haven’t felt good about much these days .. Or its the big highs followed by the big lows.. I’m tired of feeling like this . I’ve been trying to work on myself , it just doesn’t seem like I’m doing the right things or not trying hard enough ?

    Anyway , I don’t even know if anyone will even read this . I just needed to get something out …