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How to Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend

"How do I get over my ex girlfriend?" "How do I get over my ex girlfriend?"

This is the number one question I get asked most of the time – right after the question on how to win her back.

And it’s difficult to answer. How do you get over your ex girlfriend?

I guess that we have all been there at some point in our lives.

Relationship starts. Everything’s good. Suddenly, everything isn’t so good. And you break up. That’s life!

I have had my share of it, so I speak from experience here.

You have probably shared lots of good times, and now it’s gone.

No more holding hands, no more crawling in close when it’s cold outside, no more kisses under the moonlight, no more anything.

For some it’s easier to accept than others. But I don’t think anyone like breaking up.

For the first few days, after realizing the truth, you feel pretty awful. This is definitely the worst part of a break up, and also the part that defines your emotions for the next couple of weeks.

love through fence

So how do you go about handling a break up?

As thoughts are really hard to control, I’ll give you a “timeline” for your emotions.

I know it might sound a little strange, but it’s how I personally handle the break up, and for that reason, I figure it might be useful for some people.

Here we go:

The first few days I cry my heart out. I let out all of my negative feelings, and do almost nothing more all day than to “think about her”. Whenever I try to slip in a positive thought, I’ll disregard it right away. It’s my privelege to be sad just a few days a year, I’ll explain why later on.

What’s really important in this phase is that you don’t talk to anyone about the break up. At least not more than something like “we’re not together anymore”.

Another really important thing to do is to stop listening to love songs. At this point, you will most likely identify with them, and I know from experience that this can really f**k up your emotions later on.

So just let yourself be as sad as you can, without talking to anyone, and without getting feelings from anyone else than yourself.

Afterwards, if you have followed my advice, you should almost be sick thinking about her. 3 days might not be a long time in a calendar, but in your head, it will almost feel like it’s ages ago you broke up.

You will start realizing that she wasn’t “the one” for you, and that you have your whole life waiting, along with millions of cute girls.

Over the next few weeks, you might have some reoccurring thoughts about her. That’s fine. As long as you realize how bad she was for you, and that you’re not going to get back together.

I think this is the part most guys do wrong. They keep thinking they can get back together, and this makes it incredibly hard to move on.

For a couple of days, try to just “get on with it”. Don’t spend time thinking about her, just live your life like you always have.

After a week or two, you’ll see that you do fantastic without her. You might not be completely “over her”, but you’re definitely on the right path to getting so.

Personally, after about 2-3 weeks, I completely stop thinking about her. Well, not completely, she’s still “my ex”, but I’m by no means sad about the fact that we’re not together anymore.

Soon, I’ll meet another girl, twice as nice, and it’s all uphill from here with happiness. Until we break up.

Life’s strange isn’t it?

walking alone

General tips on handling the break up

  • Stop stroking the banana fantasizing about her. It’s just wrong… AND it tightens your emotional bonds to her. Not good man!
  • You’d be amazed what kissing a new girl can do. Start meeting new people as soon as possible.
  • Accept that she wasn’t the one. She was just a girl, whatever your brain might tell you. You have a “her” hole in your stomach right now, and you probably think that only she can fill it. But what the hole really is is just a woman shaped hole, and any women can fill it.
  • Take control of the situation. Don’t let her define your feelings, only you can do that.
  • Start living again. After feeling down for a few days, a week, or maybe more, start living again. If you have always wanted to start playing tennis, now is the time to do it. Or start playing guitar, or start painting. Anything will work, just gain some kind of new passion, or relive an old one.

Why it’s important to be sad at first

This might not work for everyone, but I can only conclude stuff from my own experience, so that’s what I’m going to do.

The reason I choose to be sad at first, is to take control. It’s my choice to cry, she has nothing to do with it. Not directly, anyway.

In my opinion it’s really bad to try to run from your feelings, because you will feel sad. Best just to admit it and let it out.

After those few days, you will also realize that someone that made you so sad, wasn’t right for you. This is also important.

So now to wrap it up, I would like to know one thing.

How do you get over an ex girlfriend / handle a break up?

Let’s start a discussion here!

UPDATE: There are A LOT of comments on this post. A lot of them includes fantastic tips for getting over your girl. I highly recommend reading as many as you can to get a general feel.

Something that has helped a lot of guys here is to simple get on with your life. START HERE. Download the EBOOK REVIEWED HERE.

I highly encourage you to check out my book called “The Ex-Girlfriend Solution”. It includes everything you ever wanted to know about getting over your ex and moving on with your life. It takes you right from the break-up to your new relationship, and it answers all the questions I get all the time like “what to do if she wants to be friends”, “how to avoid being distracted by thoughts about her”, “how to fall asleep when I miss her” etc… Read more about it here!

Interested in more tips on dating and relationships? Subscribe for free to my RSS Feed to get them before your neightbour!

Lovely images by lizzie vengeance.

5,988 thoughts on “How to Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend

  1. dude

    Art, see the other girls. Get your mind off things. Who knows, if you spend some time with them you might see something in them that interests you.

    Reply
    1. LW94

      NO CONTACT is the number 1 rule! Trust me and all the other guys who have said it! It really works.

      2 things will happen if you keep to this rule.

      1-she will end up getting in contact with you and you will feel a sense of justice because she will realise that she has fucked up.
      2-she won’t contact you. BUT she will 100% know that you are getting over the whole thing and have ALOT of will power and self respect and are becoming a stronger person!

      Things will get better for all you guys! Thing positive! Thing future! Don’t dwell on the past because you could end up spending your whole life wondering ‘WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN’.

      Make the change yourself! Make yourself a better and stronger person because of these hard times!

      Goodluck men!

      Reply
      1. Peter

        I love this posting….
        It is so true….No Contact is the only way….
        Or else you’ll just go back to step1….stick to it and time will cure all pain….

        Reply
  2. insaneguy

    My ex and I broke up two days ago. Grabbed the stuff that actually had value from her apartment, we had sex then i left. I have not done the NC yet, and I want her back but my question is this. If i told her “Im allowed to at times, since i usually talk highly and down to others. well goodbye for now” (thats a text in reference to me being all depressed) She responds “For now?” me “IDk when we will talk i guess” her “oh…ok just let me know i guess.”

    I am assuming she is still seeing how attached I am to her..But I feel like I couldve had a stronger hand, so my theory is text her this “Do you want to make us work out?” If she gives me some other bullshit answer besides a yes or if she gives me a no, I’m gonna just say ok, i respect your decision and understand where your coming from.” and then start NC. If she says yes, well I suppose I will work with her but I will have the knowledge of how she is so if i start seeing the same signs to back the fuck out.

    Any thoughts gents?

    Reply
  3. insaneguy

    This also came up might be helpful might not be. I was calm and cool headed during the breakup, and I wasnt mean or disrespectful and she kept mentioning that I seemed so cool towards the breakup. I wouldnt mind keeping this girl around for some backup fun if i have no plans and wanna get mine…

    Reply
  4. John

    Hi, it’s been 4 weeks, since my girlfriend said I have to go after 8 and half year we have to kids, all she keeps saying is ( I don’t want to be with anyone ) problem I have is we still live togeather, some days it hurts like hell, nights are the worst, I’m trying to sort a 2 bed flat so I have room for the kids, but dred the day I move from my kids, we have agreed to have the kids 50/50, but i worry I can’t move out and just try to hold on, Im trying to keep strong but some days are so so hard, I thought about going out getting sh#t faced and look for a girl, but worry I’ll get in the moment and burst out crying, she seem to want to argue a lot and treats my like trash , I ever stroke the banana each day to calm my emotions. Sound crude but it somtimes works,
    I built a brick wall around my feeling but it’s slowly falling apart, its nice to read about other people dealing with the same issue , it’s so so hard, benefits I’ve lost weight and im hitting the sun beds, some days I feel great other days I think what’s the point, some women but not all are snakes with t#ts, don’t bust my balls over say this buts it’s how I feel HER LOSS good look lads we will do it, BRING IT ON !!

    Reply
  5. Jack

    Everything was great. For five days we were together the whole time….then on our last day together, she ended things. I was in denial for weeks. She just ignored me and did not even give me a chance to talk and work things out. I have no idea why she decided to end things so suddenly. I sent flowers, letters, emails, texts….just got a few cold text responses back that she does not feel the same. What the hell is that? There is nothing more cruel than to ignore someone that loves you. She could have at least given me the chance to talk, to make sure that I tried everything. Instead, I felt as though somebody died since I could not talk to her. In fact, maybe it is even worse, because she is choosing not to talk to me. She must hate me. I don’t know why. How can someone be so loving for five days and then just pretend you are less than scum. Even criminals have a chance to speak and to make their case. I was in denial for weeks….It took two months before I finally came to conclusion that I will never hear from her again. I loved her and thought I would marry her.

    Reply
    1. Peo

      Hey buddy, you’re telling my exact story. I know your pain. I wanted to engage and was about to ask her, but she dumped me. 3 years we’ve been together and no reasons nor chances were given.

      Reply
      1. Chris

        Same here. Two years later she asked me if I was going to be serious with her and I said I want to focus on my career first. She told me you will regret this for the rest of your life. 3 weeks later she moved in with a guy and got engaged.

        Reply
        1. dean

          dude…..fuck that ! that means she was cheating on you the whole time bro!!!! get away from her…that my friend is messed up.

          Reply
  6. John part 2

    Well I’ve managed to find a flat and im moving on 28th may, my pain isn’t as bad we still live togeather, She seems to enjoy splitting hairs especially after I have found a flat and act all happy and cool about it, she is alway busting my balls over everything, well, she still just reads books every change she gets, I’ve lost loads of weight, eat good food, I’ve cut out all crap, take sea kelp ( look it up on google ) got my self a tan, ready to start again with my 2 kids, 28 th may 2012 life begins, she’s made her bed, she can lie in it, the guide is right I needed to write these messages on this site nobody might never read them but it help to write it down THANKYOU to however is reading this.

    Reply
    1. mailman

      Proud of you bro..its hell loving someone.woman say men are dogs dont want to commit etc…but after going thru the b.s.its seems like being heartless they love it…backwards. .

      Reply
  7. Phil

    Well, I’m fine. I haven’t talked to the ex in a LONG time. After about 2 years of no contact, about 2 weeks ago, I accidentally sent her a text to come pick me up because I was kinda stranded at a bar and didn’t want to risk a dui. I sent out a mass text to see if anyone was still up, and with getting a new phone, etc, the auto sync must’ve added her number to the list. I never in a million years would’ve sent her the text. But, she was one of the few to respond.I get a text asking me where I was I thought it was someone else since I knew that other person was going to be up. So I’d say where I am at about 10 minutes later I get a phone call and its the ex. I’m in shock .She said she was driving home and she can come get me. Then I heard a guy in the background saying no I’m doing is driving. That figured she was with her dude and her dude was coo I’m like yeah just come get me. So she came and got me. I introduce myself to the guy and it turns out that it was her gay friend whom she lives with now. Last I heard she was living with your long term boyfriend, but now she’s living with this gay dude and a few other women. I’m not really sure if she is still with her dude (whom she dated right after me and lived with him for about a year), all I know is that she isn’t living with him now, The gay dude goes ” I know you. I know all about you. I know more about you than you even know about you.” First thing my ex says to me is happy birthday. then she starts talking about how she misses my family et cetera. The gay dude told her to quit quit reminiscing and all that stuff whenever she got that way. Whats kinda weird is that she kept looking at the rear view mirror looking at me and saying stuff like awe isn’t he cute! And a gay guy kept telling her to stop it. Then she kept kinda rubbing my leg. She didn’t ask me if I had my keys which I did. Then she kept asking me which key was for my door et cetera et cetera. She asked me if I needed help up to bed..I told her I was fine and you could just drop me off at the corner. She said she would pick me up the next day to take me to my car. That’s when he goes no we both will take him to his car. When she got to my place she got out of the car I think to give me a hug. I got out out of the car just kinda touch her arm and thank her for answering my text. Well she never called me the next day to take me to my car. I sent her a text the next day evening thanking her for the rescue and that I really appreciated it and if she ever got stranded but I could return the favor. She responded with sure thing and that was it. A few days later I sent her a text asking if she could walk my dog because I was called out of town. It was a mass text. She replied saying she would feel weird doing that. A few days later, when I was out, I accidentally butt dialed her and a few other friends. She called me like 2 hours later, but I didn’t answer. When I saw that she had called, I didn’t realize she was calling me back, so I texted her if she needed me to come get her, because I would. Then I noticed that I butt dialed, and sent another texted saying “oops, I butt dialed, sorry”. Then this past weekend, I had a little liquid courage in me, sent her just a “hello” type of text, and then I get this message that my phone has been blocked!! When we were going through our issues 2 years ago, I never was blocked! And now, I send a total of 3 texts, and a butt dial in a span of 2 weeks, and she blocks my number!

    Reply
    1. John part 2

      Mate sound like her gay mate is telling her what to do, she’s probably give her all your negative points and no of the good times plus it’s sound like the gay broke would be jealous if she give you attention, it’s probably for the best your numbers been block , do you have any feelings for her ? you don’t want to open a can of worm with your feeling, have you met anyone in the last 2 years ? Hope you are ok mate SOME women are akes with tits and don’t give a shit about your feelings, my ex talks to me like i a peace of trash, when I pick the kids up BUT when she around people she’s all nicey nicey, I keep have bad days and ok days I hope it gets better, OORAH

      Reply
  8. Phil

    I can’t really say I have any romantic feelings for her. I know we are way too different. As far as being intimate, well, I can think of worse things to do that have sex with her again, but again, it’s not anything I would ever pursue. As far as missing her, I have to admit that it was really nice seeing her again, so yes, I miss her. A lot it would seem. I am a little bothered that I’ve been blocked, but it is her phone and she can do what she wants. Makes me wonder if she is still in fact with her boyfriend. If she is, it doesn’t make sense why they would go from living together to not.

    Reply
    1. John

      PHIL
      It could be her mates telling tell to block you, you’ll properly never no unless u buy another sim but you will properly make your self worse, than good, Mate its her loss ! , have you met anyone else since splitting with her ? All the best John

      Reply
  9. RJ

    I agree with John. She told the gay dude all about your story and the heartbreak and now he thinks he is her protector and if she moved out he couldnt cover the bills. Be done bro – block that number and avoid the storm that will follow her, the mess, the eventual repeat of a breakup and the gay dude. Just be done with it.

    Reply
  10. Phil

    My story from almost 2 years ago? I guess it was a nice feeling that she seemed genuinely happy to see me. And I can’t say I blame gay dude for being “protective”. He’s just looking out for her. If the situations were reversed, and I was out with a female friend who I confided in about the ex, let alone live with this friend, I’m sure she would be telling me the same thing.

    I guess it’s my pride kinda taking over too. I know she started hanging out with a new group of friends when she and I started having problems (again, this was 2 years ago), and I think this gay guy was oart of that group. If so, then the stories he’s heard about me are when things were pretty raw.

    Reply
    1. John part 3

      I need help plz it’s been 3 moths ish I now have my own pad to live in i see the kids every other day but when I drop them off I see my ex it’s starting to sink in and it hurts really bad she say these no chance ever, I cannot stop seeing the kids, but I just can’t let go, I’ve pawed my heart out to her but get no response in feeling from her catch 22 how do I move on, and will the pain go, cheers John

      Reply
  11. RJ

    ..oh the pain will go away I assure you. UNderstand you’ll always feel something when you see her but it doesnt have to be pain, call it sorrow. Sorrow that she chooses not to be with you. Feel sorry for her. If you are in a race and ran ran as fast as you could but still didnt win, would you be mad – NO. You did your best. You did your best and tried to make things right and she said no. Well, it may sound cold, but she doesnt want you. However, you suffer cause you make yourself available in case she changes her mind. Well stop making yourself available and waiting for her to be ready. She will start getting involved in your life when she sees you moving on, be aware of this and know its her way of keeping you on the line, being a safety net for when she wants you. What you gonna do then? Rewind & play or move on – you only want to go through this once and once its broke its never the same. Dont fool yourself and say “were different” cause you’re not. I dont mean to sound hard but so many times I got back with my ex because I thought our love was strong enough and ended up in a vicious cycle but once you get out – man its great. Be strong, man up.

    Reply
    1. John part 3

      Cheers RJ your right I need to man up I do 80% off the time then my head goes up my arse, the other 20% , just hard mate and not seeing the kids as much i used too do the the killer, so so hard, I need to cut the link with her I still run her around in the car, etc I’m like her bitch, but if I stop I’m scared that she’s funny with me and the kids cheers for talking to me how long did it take you?

      Reply
      1. Richard

        Just gotta say these comment and post helped me so much to the stage of moving on! God I can’t believe how there are so many people out there like me! Thanks For All Of these Advice Experience Friend!

        Reply
  12. Phil

    RJ is right. You just need to get into a new routine. One that does not involve your ex. You need to stop cold turkey. That’s what I did the minute I confirmed she was seeing someone else. I wrote her an emai saying that I needed to take time for myself. And got on with my life. And it was HARD. But, you get into new routines. And it’s not about meeting someone else, even though that’s the advice I got when all this went down. It funny. When I first tried to cut her out of my life, I joined every online dating site, bugged all my friends to try to set me up, etc etc. And the more I got over her, the less I really wanted to meet someone else. Granted, i do miss intimacy, and I have dated a few after the ex, but never got too involved. Maybe a defense mechanism. I have to admit, seeing my ex has got me thinking about her again, and the fact that I am blocked bothers me to no end, but I’m not going to contact her asking her why she blocked me, etc etc. I have too much pride now.

    Reply
    1. John part 3

      PHIL you have just made me laugh, I have do the exact same thing set up on all the dating sites i could find ive asked friend to set me up, and pestering them for a night out, I’m like a dog in heat lol chin up mate ! Cheers RJ and PHIL for taking the time to talk,

      Reply
  13. Phil

    So you guys really think it was the gay dude/roommate who told her to block me? She really seemed happy to see me when she picked me up.

    Reply
  14. RJ

    John it took me about 4-5 months. And sure enough she contacts me wanting to know if I wanted some pics and souveneirs from our trips together back. Each time she did it I got nostalgic and comfy and went back to her, soon as she had me just strung me along. Last time she asked if I wanted my water bottle back! WTF a dollar water bottle. Now it just makes me mad when I see her cause I know her mind game, a laugh a little cause she isnt over me being over her! I was scared to that she would use my indifference to her and use it against me with our child. But you know I said, it has to happen sooner or later, and I need to get it over with. I was on egshells to at first cause I wanted her to think good of me. Then I realized scre that, she thinks I am a wuss. She got all nasty and but then realized that it only hurts her cause I do my thing and enjoy time with kid when during my time. She eventually just let it go. Go through the pain bro and get it over.
    Phil – Heck yeah its the gay guy. If she was nice to you and all, he was the instigator and obvious he has poewr over her and you DONT need to save her or convince her of anything. She is making her choices. She’s a big girl and can do what she wants. Drop it bro – I promise you a reconciliation will not work out. It will feel good for a while then all the stuf will hit like an avalanche. Keep the memories like a year of school, its over, and you cant go back. Take care brothers. Were not mean, were just not gonna be treated bad ir used as pawns anymore.

    Reply
  15. Phil

    THanks RJ. I know what you’re saying. I just don’t know if it’s because of the butt dial at 1 in the morning, or the 2 texts I sent after that made he block me. She did call me back though.

    But you’re right. I need to drop it. I wish I would’ve remembered that before I sent a short email last night. It went “Blocked? That’s sad but ok. It’s a shame though.” That’s all. short and sweet

    Reply
  16. RJ

    …you feel like sending her your nuts in an email, thats what I heard. You’re blocked for a reason, she doesnt want to hear from you. Either because it makes her sad or because soemone else might see. Whats the difference. Write a letter then burn that thing if you need to get something off your chest, write it to her in this forum to release your emotions. Why you burning your time over her after SO LONG? So long you wanna go back to that dark miserable spot, your like an addict who is slipping. I dont wanna be cruel to you but look what your doing. I wish someone pointed out my flaws. She KNOWs how to get in touch with you if she really wants to, obvious she doesnt REALLY want to . Your her convenience, her backup, she tells stories to her friends that she STILL, after all this time has you on the hook! They laugh and laugh your still after her. She dont need you and you dont need friends like that. Come on man – do it for all the guys out there and man up. Nothong but love for you Phil – Cheers!

    Reply
  17. Phil

    Thank you for the advice. I guess I had a momentary episode of nostalgia and weakness. I didn’t even talk about the occurances that let to our breakup, but it wasn’t the nicest, and that’s what I have to remember. This one meeting we had when she did me a solid and acted the way she did, it’s not really how things are. We were both a little intoxicated. And whether or not her friends encouraged her to block me or not, the fact is she did, and my pride should be where I shouldn’t be wasting my time on someone who obviously wants to contact with me.

    I wrote her a long e-mail yesterday. Not saying I wanted to get back together, but that I missed her. I was very close to sending it until I snapped back into reality. There’s only 3 realistic scenarios that could’ve occured. She could’ve a) ignored. b) politely tell me that though it was nice to see me, she doesn’t think it would be a good idea for us to talk again. Or, c) not so politely tell me that it’s been 2 years, get over it, and her current boyfriend doesn’t appreciate it. None of these is what I would be trying to accomplish, plus would make me look weak and needy. Needless to say I didn’t send.

    I guess I’m just a little lonely. I’ve dated some since our breakup, but really haven’t found that type of connection like I had with her. At least, the connection I felt.

    Reply
  18. RJ

    ..my hats off to ya partner! I know how you feel. I had a super connection with my girl from the bedroom to just hanging out and singing in the car during travels. Like you my fear is I will never have that kind of connection again. Im over 40 so its really kinda scary. However I like your point about she made her choice to block. I remember I was on a date with this girl and she was listening to her voicemail on speaker phone, some guy left a message went something like, “Hi Deb its Jay, just want to say I’m really sorry and would like to try again, I will work on myself and show you love, call me”. Well Deb just smiled an evil grin and said, “they always come crawling back to me like babies”. I remember that so vividly and vowed to myself THAT WILL NEVER BE ME. Just gym it up bro, grab a beverage and head to the coast for a day, talk to people in line, tell girls they have a nice smile, hairdo or whatever, you’ll be surpised what a compliment will lead to…

    Reply
  19. Brandon

    I know how you feel Phil,

    I may have dated a girl for only a month total but we were friends before that. Its really hard, I never thought I would in my life be so compatible with someone like I was with her. Its tough to let go. Your lucky youve had two years time to be in a better position as far as your feelings and such. I just got out of the relationship as of May 9th. It came out of nowhere literally. We had just spent an amazing weekend in New York together, it was her first time going. After that we spent a few days together she even sat in the rain for hours while I played softball the night she broke up with me. The strangest part was she was kissing all over me and rubbing my back when I was sitting on the bench waiting to go up to bat. I was supposed to go to her house after the game but I had to run home real quick but before I could make it to her house I got “the call” saying we need to “talk”.

    After our talk she gave me some excuse on how shes not ready for a relationship and she just wants to enjoy life. What is confusing to me is that days prior to breaking up with me she was talking about how “crazy” I made her (in a good way) and that she has never met a guy like me before, she was even planning on inviting me to her family vacations and making plans for us to go on a cruise together. It just doesnt make sense to me as to why you would talk about those things unless you meant them. She even introduced me to the rest of her immediate family and her very close friends the day before she broke up with me.

    Im not the type of person to introduce anyone to family or friends unless I had intentions of keeping them around. I dont think its possible to do a complete 180 on feelings in a matter of hours. I dont understand it at all. The best thing to do even though it hurts so much is to move on and find someone new.

    I wish you luck Phil, you and anyone else who has ever experienced what I have.

    Reply
  20. Jaret

    Brandon, She broke up the day after you met her family maybe means they did not approved of you and she was therefore pressured into breaking it off. Not trying to be mean but that is a lil bit weird to meet family and get dumped the next day.

    I just broke up with my ex 2 week’s ago and was on this site long ago and am back dealing with the same heartache, but it seem’s to get easier every time and we learn something new as well. I’m not happy about it but what can I do………NOTHING! If they really loved us they would be there and I have seen girls stay with guys even in tough times because they truly do love them. Everybody is different and has a different story’s to tell but ultimately we must accept their choices and man up! I know it’s hard trust me!

    Reply
  21. Riley

    Hey guys, I came to this website cause my girlfriend broke up with me about a year ago. I am trying to figure out why she did it to start but I have given up. My story is that I found her as a shy girl my eigth grade year. We dated for about 2 years as we went through everything together. Then out of the blue, she dumped me. I was in shock for weeks maybe months. Then around December (four months later) she got a new boyfriend. This may sounds normal but let’s put it this way. She went from being EXTREMELY shy to the most ougoing person after we broke up. She has since had 3 boyfriends and just last week I found out that her and one of my bestfriends are starting to date. I am a Junior in high school now so you may say this all sounds dumb and it’s “Just High School” But I just don’t know what to do. All I do is think about her, and I compare her to every girl I meet. She is too nice and perfect that I can’t find a reason to not like her. I don’t know how to confront my friend and say how it hurts me a lot for him to like her now since we went to the past 2 homecomings… IN THE SAME GROUP. The biggest thing that hurts me is technology though. I see her EVERYWHERE. I blocked her on facebook, twitter and instagram and also deleted her number. Yet everyone posts pictures with her or status’s about her… So it is no use. I can’t go to a lot of sporting events without feeling depressed because I see her there with another guy. Whenever I g to a party you can guarentee that she is there with another guy. I mean it’s been a year… and I still can’t get over her. I mean any advice would be great and very helpful. Thanks -Riley

    Reply
    1. John part 3

      Hi Riley

      I think confronting your friend won’t help ! if he is/was a friend he will know how much you are hurting but he’s still going ahead with your ex and not thinking of you, it’s really hard mate not sure what to say that will help, apart from keep your chin high don’t let them see it’s hurting, the hurt will go promise ! ( I know that dosn’t help you now ) another thing you will not want to here is these someone out there mate thats the one for you. You will be happy again promise, take care mate John

      Reply
  22. AD

    Hey Riley, sounds to me like she changed. She isnt the same person you knew and fell in love with. Best advice I can give you is move on with your life. Start doing things that you like or maybe would want to try. You also have to force yourself to stop thinking about her and comparing other girls to her. Yes its gona be hard to do at first but youll get into a habit of not thinking about her and comparing her. every girl is different, yes one may have a similar characteristic to another but this is a different person your dealing with, not ur ex. Good luck.

    Reply
  23. Evin

    Any advice, I broke up with my ex about two and a half months ago. We did not get along to well and had split up a few times in the past and always got back together. The funny thing is she has a new boyfriend and now I find myself thinking about her and regretting breaking up with her. When I was with her all I wanted to be away from her but now that she’s gone I fell in a bad state of depression and telling myself I made a big mistake. I am looking for any advice to help pick myself up and move on

    Reply
    1. John

      Mate I feel for you women are funny things, if you got together and tried a few times and it did not work I don’t see the point trying again, now she’s with someone else and know you can’t have her, you will feel the way your are but it will go PROMISE. I was the same 6 months back I couldn’t see any future without my ex but, now I hate been around her ( we have children ) it’s a strange feeling, this site helped, talking and reading other stories, be strong mate you will find love agian good luck John

      Reply
  24. John

    JUST WANTED TO SAY A BIG BIG THANKS TO ALL THAT HELP ESPECIALLY !!! RJ & PHIL THANKS PEOPLE x

    It’s been about 5 months since I split from the ex, I just wanted to say to all of you that are in the same boat, in the moment you cannot see the future and it hurts so much, you will think what IF or what can I do to fix it, all I’ll say is one morning you will wake and think WTF !!! And the pain will stop promise, THANKS FOR THE HELP X

    Reply
  25. RJ

    …you just gotta tell yourself “if you were meant to be together – you would be together.” Be confident in who you are its not a case of “will I ever get a girl like her again” make it about a girl good enough for you. Each time a relationship ends with a girl, the next one is better! So when I breakup after after 2 weeks or 6 months with a girl, its a little sad, then I remind myself of what I learned and get excited knowing the next one will be that much better!! Lets kick it fellas and bring back MANHOOD not wimyness. If your girl wants space – make her feel like Neil Armstrong on the moon.

    Reply
  26. Evin

    Thanks guys, The problem I am faceing is that our relationship was a co-dependent one. She is a counciler and constantly had me under a micro scope analizing everything I do, that is not easy to handle. She was controling and mentaly abusive, she also has a lot of issues like insecurity and jelousy. Now that she is gone I have to find everything she took away from me during our two and a half year relationship and I completly got ingolfed in her world after the first date, it is amazing how one person can mess up your hole life. I should hate her for the pain I am going through but I still think about her { she is a pretty girl which always makes it harder}. I still have not seen her since the break up and i am very nervous about the flood of emotions that will bring, I hope it is not going to be as bad as i thinkit will. I have to knock her off the pedistal asap and remember the aweful stuff, i keep thinking about all the outdoors stuff we did { I really do miss that}. My friends tell me I have no idea what a normal relationship is like and when it happens it will be like a breath of fresh air and maybe she will like to hike and camp. I hope they are right, i seem to atract some crazy girls.
    Depression is an aweful thing, loss of weight, mind raceing, lack of motivation; i can’t wait to get back to normal i wish i can speed up time three months from now but I have to endur the pain. I hope the next girl that i will meet is going to be the one, i don’t think i can go through this pain again in my life. A break up is harder for me to handle then my dog or family member passing away. The human brain is a very very strange thing..

    Reply
    1. Evin

      I almost called my ex this weekend and did not. I wish the feelings would stop, all I did was think of her last weekend. The fact that I am alone is what is killing me, I am not used to being alone. My friend said I should get a dog which is not a bad idea and I have time for it now. How does a girl that has another boyfriend still run in my thoughts I should hate her but i am finding it hard to do so..Its been three months maybe I should start looking for someone to date or should wait until I am over her?

      Reply
  27. PETEDUDE

    Gotta write this down. need to vent

    long story short, I need to give my Ex some space, its been only 3 dayssince she broke with me cause she is having a mental breakdown, Her babys father is after a year of not seeing their daughter trying to take her to court and get the majority of custody, he has also stopped her , so he is mind fucking her, she has no money for a good lawyer so has been stressing about it. and because im adding more stress by wanting her to also focus on me like a girlfriend should, it has become just to much to bare for her, so she broke with me cause she cant deal with all that is going on in her life right now. plus i reckon that by breaking with me, she thinks the daddy will ease off on the custody issues a bit.

    sO NOW IM ALL ALONE and absolutely taken back, ive been with this chick for 1 1/2 years and would of married her. but now Im fucked, Ive done nothing wrong except wanting a girlfriend to be a girlfiend. also to rub salt in the wound she wrote me messages saying its all her and nothing to do with me, which is the worst to hear, she is supposedly going to go to counselling to sort through her issues, so that is good.

    But ive just got to do NC which is so hard to do, but a must , i have deleted her off facebook and shit, but not after i seen a Post saying she is shaking and vomiting, and that she has joined the heartbreak hotel and its all her fault.

    god that pisses me off, I want to be angry with her, but i dont have any serious things to be angry about, only the fact that she felt she needs to be by herself and sort through this shit

    Reply
    1. RJ

      Dude my girl did same thing for different reasons. I had to realize, she wanted the break, she wanted to not deal with me. Then I saw stuff on fbook that she cant eat cause she lost appetite cause she cant get over losing me. It hurt at first and I called to say “you didnt lose me Im right here, what do you ned” She said knowing youre there is enough. I was like hmmmm, so knowing I am just waiting around like a hungry puppy is all you need me for? OUT – BYE – HOSTA. Didnt tell her went NC but in my head I laugh cause Im like, if thats all you want go get a cat and youll be happy. Peace out

      Reply
      1. PETEDUDE

        RJ, i hear ya brother . The simple fact is there is absolutely nothing I can do, I cant change her mind for her , i cant manipulate her to want to be with me, im not a fucking idiot. my problem is that I do truly love this girl , first girl ive loved in 10years and there have been plenty of chicks in that time, however this one i thought, fuck yeah ive got my girl……u know… like she has to be the one. maybe i was wrong and just dreaming that she was the one for me, Anyway I cant help the way I feel and I know i did my best to be with this girl above and beyond. It hasnt really hit me yet, im not looking forward to the coming weeks as i know i will be very depressed , so go Pete.

        lots to look forward too. no chick, NC, and miserable.. oh happy days

        Reply
        1. PETEDUDE

          OK SO I AM GOING INSANE, wow this the worst i have been, it wa 4 days of just numb and shock, now its realizing the truth, the fact =is its over.. and its absolutely killing me today. so this is my past days, I have been on a road trip and have even traveld to new york for the weekend just to get away. ive tried to keep busy, but i find myself in new york for the first time of my life, and im wondering through central park thinking of this girl, im doing all the sights been to a comedy club, just doing the right things.but i find myself, in pure misery, ive done nothing wrong, but today im in a shit hole, sorry to write this but i feel i need to express this. As ive said before ive de friended her from facebook, unfortunatley i see her photo on my photo page. so sucky balls, im lost again. and am in no place but total loss. total loss

          Reply
  28. RJ

    if it was meant to be you would stil lbe together. She said bye to you just say OK and move on. I guarentee you that she is owndering why you havent called or tried to contact its killing her. But dont do it. She doesnt deserve your concern. When you think of her, picture a dog licking its nuts and just laugh. Each new girl will only be better (they always are). Stay strong

    Reply
  29. Pingback: getting over an ex girlfriend | My Ex Boyfriend

  30. kmoney

    OK, I need some advice… My ex broke up with me about a month ago, we were best friends for about 7 years, then we started dating, moved in together and it lasted a little over a year…. she works for my father’s business, we started our own promotional and dance group together, and we still have trips planned together… Everything was going really great, until she found out that she had some health problems (a tumor on her uterus) that didnt allow for us to be physical for about a month …then she also found out I had plans of marrying her in a few months, She had a terrible family life and when this happened she really freaked and as she told me, “was just turned off” since then she has started counseling for her own personal issues…and said that she needed to work on herself and her carreer now, and that its just too much to have a bf right now… so we stayed in this half relationship type thing that was causing us to fight a lot, so she ended it offically saying she was doing me a favor, blah blah blah. but we just cancelled the lease on our apartment so we could seperate (as she cant afford to live on her own immediately, im being the nice, caring friend again) in a couple montths…. however, literally everything was amazing up until some strange events occurred… I just dont know if i should start to try and move on, or hold on and see if she comes back around…

    Reply
  31. skeeter

    9 years together stupid argument over nothing 3 days later shes with this total retard loser and still with him now 6 months later ,if i had just been stronger to begin with i wouldnt have been wanting her back for so long 6 months and im just finally letting go,bitch called me in tears the other night saying i still love you,next day denied she ever did put me back to the begining,no contact since then and sticking with it ,shit why are women so cold after being so close

    Reply
  32. Pingback: The Top 10 JKTC Blog Posts of All Time – Just Keep The Change

  33. Ant

    Hi Guys, well after 21 months of healing i thought it would a good time to offer up my perspective. When i was torpedoed by my ex (after 5years together), i felt annihilated, floored, desperate to put it right and eradicate the anxiety and the storm in my chest. so i made the classic mistake alot of us have made. i tried everything in the book to get her back, wrote to her friends. namely begging. Listen up, GUY, DO NOT DO THIS, leave her the f**k alone. The only effect that had on her was to push her away into the arms of another guy whilst making me look like a sour little pussy. a woman is attracted to a confident, fun outgoing independent male. why on earth do we think behaving in the opposite will win her back? in the early stages we are blinded by our emotions which are all over the place. it is a very confusing time.

    If i could go back 21 Months and talk to myself i would say this:

    1)Accept her decision and GO NO CONTACT, it is stressed throughout this blog and the reason for this is because it works in your favour. it might not get her back but if there is a chance of getting her back this is the best medthod. If it doesnt work then NC is the best chance you have of healing.

    2) If she does cave in and contact you, be gracious, DONOT ask her anythign baout her private life whilst at the same time donot offer any information about yours. Be funny, light hearted, brief and aloof.

    even though you may think you know your ex inside out. Bottom line is, she is wanting to hear that you are suffering and that you want her back. Give her nothing. Those of you that have, i put it to you that you regretted it? i bet my mortgage she torpedoed you once you started to open up to her again? ive seen it too many times since

    3) Work on your own short-comings. i know this isnt what you want to hear and that it is a common peice of advice but we dont always get what we want, we almost always get what we need though. Goto the Gym and become the man she wanted. If the gym isnt your thing start running, or goto Night school and learn a language. Basically better yourself because (and i promise you this) in 18 months all that pain you are experiencing, the heavy heart, that deep dark debilitating emptiness will be gone. I know its impossible to believe.

    I used this forum when i was feeling at my lowest (well this and red wine). reading about how common these feelings are, is of great comfort. Alex has done a terrific job bringing all of this together, just knowing others out there are at different stages of healing and improvement is like having a road map to recovery. How similar everybody is brings alot of hope. i hope reading this helps somebody at the beginning stages reaslise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel because there is! i can honestly say that i dont think about my ex at all anymore. this is after not being able to hold it together during the day at work, i cried 6/7 times a day and had to run to the toilets to do so. i was in a bad way and could not see a way out. NC is the onyl way fellas, NC, Time and distractions. Its very difficult but what pursuit worth anything isnt difficult?

    Reply
  34. Shawn

    Hey guys.. been on here in the past with some relationship issues.. however this one is a horrible one..
    my ex and i were on and off for 3 years, im not going to get into all of it.. but whats caused issues was.. well shes now in a relationship with my ex bro in law..
    we broke up 2 months ago, my sister and him broke up 3 weeks after.. my ex and him got together cause they formed a connection by talking to eachother about their relationships with me and my sister.. then it started.. now.. i’ve been in the hospital for mental health due to suicidal thoughts and major depression and anxiety.. been in the hospital twice in a month.. my sister went once for a week in the rehab section part to clear her head for a week.. and theres 3 kids involved.. so its a huge mess right now.. she even slept in my sisters bed with him.. cause technically my sister still lives with him but has been staying with me.. and in this time my ex has been at her apartment in her bed with him.. iduno what to do guys.. this is a really fucked up situation.. im even on anti depressants..

    my worry is in the future what will happn? would you take someone back after they do such a thing? would you talk to her? i mean i loved her, i thought i would be married to her, have kids with her.. now shes with my ex bro in law and in contact with my nephews and nieces.. guys i need some serious advice.. oh and i lost my job today because of all this.

    Reply
  35. Paulo

    Hey – here’s one for you. I must warn you, it’s complicated in the extreme. I met a girl I had kind of known of for years (she was a year below me at school). She kind of knew me too for the same reason. We met at my friend’s wedding, sat next to each other at dinner and got on very, very well. This was September and we’d both split up from our exes in about July. She had to leave the wedding at 11, I stayed on as I had a hotel, but she Facebook friend requested me straight away that night. We had great conversations on FB, she then gave me her number and we continued on text, I then asked her out. We went on a series of dates and they were great. She then started to come to my flat too and stayed over but insisted that we wouldn’t sleep together until we were bf and gf. I liked this.

    Through talking, I found out a lot of horrible stuff had happened to her in the past. She had also done some fairly bad things too. She’s 35, one year younger than me. She had…found out at 14 that her dad wasn’t actually her dad, grew so far apart from her dad that she only learnt of his death through Facebook, saw her mum leave her dad (again when she was about 14) to live with her real dad, never had a proper relationship with her real dad, lived through two suicide attempts by one of her three older brothers, had a baby with her boyfriend at 22, then left him shortly after as she felt the relationship had run its course, found a new bf who she later married and had another child at the age of 27, then left him too a few years later because she felt trapped in a life as a housewife and he was quite old fashioned in his views on women, found a new bf 5 years ago who is 5 years her junior and has no proper job, used to cheat on her regularly (she never did to him), would walk out on her for weeks at a time and hit her a couple of times. They would be off and on for the whole 5 years. In July she decided enough was enough (4.5 years too late in my opinion). However, the catalyst for the break up was that she was 4 months pregnant but had to terminate it when she discovered the baby was to be born with many, many defects. She knew after this that they would break up for good as there was nothing holding them together. This termination has, understandably, affected her. She had some counselling for it. They recommended therapy when she can afford it. She’s not having this yet.

    We were official in early October. I met her kids quite early, at her request, and got on brilliantly with them. They are 12 and 8 – both girls. I thought everything was perfect. Within a month, I knew I loved her. Throughout the relationship she frequently expressed doubts, based on her previous experiences. But she would also, very often, say how perfect I am, how we never argue, how good looking I am, how happy she is, how calm I am, how the kids love me and how good I am with them. She often told me I was a real catch.

    During the relationship I got close to the kids, playing with them, helping with homework, giving them lists, buying them little presents. We all liked each other and – far from being the burden I thought they’d be – they actually enhanced the relationship.

    The big problem was that her ex would not leave her alone. He wanted her back. She kept contact with him as she was under the impression that they could be mates. I didn’t have too much problem with that as I am quite secure and knew she didn’t want him back. However, in November, she had to call round his house to pick up some library books that were overdue. He came out, got into the car and slashed his wrists in front of her.

    She told me about it that night on the phone. I immediately went round there. That night I told her I loved her. Partly this was to make her feel better, partly it was to compete with her ex, but overall it was because I meant it. She didn’t say she loved me back, but I didn’t expect her too. It was very early.

    Since this time, her ex has had this hold over her. Basically she feels she has to keep him placated as she feels he will kill himself. He is part of one of her friendship groups and they all go to music gigs etc together. For obvious reasons, I am never included in this. Therefore there have been about 4 occasions where she has been out with him and their mates. I was never happy with this. I can tell you that she is 100% trustworthy in terms of cheating etc. However, I still wasn’t happy, as you can imagine. He would always corner her to try to get her back, walk her home, come in to ring a cab and chat further etc. Again, I am 100% convinced that nothing sexual ever happened.

    She tells me that she does not love him and does not want him back but does want to retain him as a friend because he’s not all bad (I think he is) and she is also fearful of what he might do. She says she cannot abandon people, especially him when he is “suicidal”. A few Fridays ago, he sent a text to her saying “if you marry him I’ll shoot myself”. He has also declared his love for her via his Facebook status a few times.

    All this was a constant source of argument and pressure for us. We never argued about anything else. Every time an incident would occur, she’d vow to “do something about it” but this vow would soften over time and she never would.

    She broke up with me two weeks ago. We’d been together for only 4 months but I was 100% in love with her. Still am. Her reasons were that there was something missing from us, that she needed to be on her own, that she couldn’t deal with all the pressures of me, her ex, her kids, her uni work (she is a full-time MA student) and I had to go. She added that there was no one else (I believe her) that she does not love her ex (I believe her) and that she would not be going back to him (I’m not so sure long-term). She also thought about her previous two relationships – ie when it started getting cosy/serious she’d bail out.

    I found this odd as 5 days earlier she’d sent me a text to say she was falling in love with me and to be patient with her. She’d also been bringing up conversations about the possibilities of moving in together and going on holiday recently. I thought I might be able to win her back. I’ve sent countless texts, emails, letters etc. All of them get a response, but it’s never positive for me.

    Two Thursdays ago I was working from home and, as I knew her car was broken, offered to give her a lift if she needed anything. I didn’t expect her to say yes but she did – asking me to pick her up at 7.30 with the kids. I agreed (obviously I wanted to see her). Later she brought this forward to 6.30. I picked them up, dropped them off at her house and was saying goodbye when the kids (who didn’t know about the break up yet) asked if I was coming in. I said no, because “I had to meet my friend”. My gf then said “but we’re an hour earlier, so you’ve got an hour to kill”. I asked her if she really wanted me to come in and she said “it’s up to you”. The kids obviously said “yes”, so I did. It was good. The kids were cuddling up to me and me and the gf had a nice chat. I helped her with a job application, it was all very nice. I asked her why she wanted to end all this. She said she had to and she hadn’t changed her mind. I gave her a long cuddle and left.

    Next day I got a bit drunk and asked to see her. She said “do you think it’s a good idea” I said yes, obviously. She then said no. I hated this so I called her, upset. The kids were in the room and knew something was wrong and demanded she told them. She did when put the phone down. I decide to go round that night unannounced and said I needed to pick up my things and to say goodbye to the kids. She said they’d been crying and shouting at her. I said goodbye to them. Apparently they started crying and shouting again when I’d left. Apparently they have been up and down ever since.

    I have continued with emails and texts and letters until yesterday when I decided to end contact. I guess part of me hopes this will mean she misses me and changes her mind. However, I also feel she might just remember the blubbing idiot of the past two weeks and not the strong, secure man of the last 4 months.

    She maintains she needs to be alone. I know everyone has the right to break up with someone. But it just feels like she is throwing away something that could be perfect for everyone involved if she let it. I was always quite happy to give her loads of time to develop her feelings, on account of her horrible past.

    I love her like I’ve never loved before. In fact it makes me realise I was never in love with any of my exes. I’d do anything to get her back. All of the things I do for her, my exes would have loved me to do for them. I never did. Because of the cloud this ex put over the relationship, I cut-back all my usual interests (football, gym, golf, out with mates) and dedicated my time to her. This was probably a mistake as it maybe made her feel claustrophobic – although I was never needy or soppy about it. I just felt I needed to be there a lot.

    I have been depressed for these last two weeks. I cannot think of anything else for any length of time. Work suffers. I have opened up to every one of my friends about it all. I’ve never been the type to do this. It’s pretty much all I talk about. My mum and dad are worried a bit I think because I am wallowing. I even contacted an ex who I broke up with on bad terms to get her take on it.

    FYI – without wanting to appear arrogant, I am a pretty popular man with the girls. I look quite good and always get attention when I’m out. I am quite experienced in talking to and being with girls. I only add this because I want to make you aware that I’m not ‘batting out of my league’ or anything like that. We are both good looking, intelligent people. The weighting is pretty even.

    What do I do?? Please help because i am going spare.

    Reply
  36. unknown b

    So i met this girl im 21 and shes still in high school we met first as friends to experiment sexually then we had sex and become benefits,together and then dated for a week we broke it off cause her parents didnt know and she said she didnt feel anything for me or love me ive known her since beginning of feb 2013 and im now on the 16th march 2013 she and i still talk and we managed to keep sex alive even though shes no interested in seeing me or having sex shes doing it cause she knows ive got nudes of her that ill post so its techincally blackmail but ive told her i wont do it cause no one should be evil and post nudes to have sex , she leaves on school holidays away to her home town and she promised me she wouldnt have sex while she was away for the short time and if she does she knows ill be HEART BROKEN but i wanna know how can i get over her or make her want to be back with me again without letting her go to the point she has sex again cause i was her first. anyone let me know please – result needs to be dating or over her.

    Reply
  37. Devin

    About a month ago, me and my girlfriend broke up. Like not even a week after I took her to a concert in which I spent $80 on her ticket just so she could meet the bands. We were together bout almost 4 months, and have had sex very often. And we had gotten really close during that time. But she ended up breaking up with me cuz she thought i was lazy and had no ambition or self respect for myself, and also had no job and stuff. And she felt like she was the only one pushing me to do anything. No matter how many times I’ve told her I’m doing it myself. About two weeks after we broke up, she texted me saying she missed me, and I told her the same, and we got back together. I told her i would change and i was pushing myself harder than ever. But a few days later, I end up breaking up with her. Cuz I thought I didnt want to be with her, that she deserved better and I didnt feel good enough. Shs was constantly making me feel that way, saying stuff like how she knows I can be good enough, ya that sounds like a good thing, but rly that means she didnt think I was good enough. It’s been bout 4 days since we have broken up again. And all i can think about is her, and how devastated I would be if she got with another guy, or if she were to sleep with someone else. And I want to talk to her so bad but the last time we talked, she didn’t say very nice things, back to the how Im lazy, I drove her crazy, dress like a slob(which I know I don’t), stuff like that. And Idk what to do now..can someone give me some advice please?

    Reply
  38. luii

    look IM the one that doesn’t want to be with her but I love her and I want to get over her, the reason is that she is to jelous she gets mad at movies cuz girls would come out in bikinis and stuff like that so I respected that so I would turn my head then a few months passed and she started getting mad at movies with girls with regular cloth on then later of family guy cuz the stupid cartoons would show girls in bikini but it’s a cartoon and she would say I dnt care u still think like that idk wtf is wrong with her she sees me as a perv or something idk way to do oh and can go out to places but I can’t cuz she says that I look at girls like today I found out she went to the arc walk with her cuzin wile I was at wrk cuz I got out early and IM petty sure she wasn’t going to tell me so I got the truth out of her did so plz any help way should I do

    Reply
  39. Chris

    Same here. Two years later she asked me if I was going to be serious with her and I said I want to focus on my career first. She told me you will regret this for the rest of your life. 3 weeks later she moved in with a guy and got engaged.

    Reply
    1. Loz84

      Want to hear my tap? It really is horrible.

      I met my ex 3 years ago in a nightclub we were both drunk. She said she had seen me around and fancied me. At the time I was just about the sex. She had a bf but my own desire for this girl broke my morals and i started seeing her. Before long i insisted that if she wanted to carry on having a relationship with me then she had to leave her partner, which she did apparently but she continued to live with him which i hated.
      But times were ok, we went out together, slept together, always talked everyday and i found myself falling in love with her which was to become my downfall. During all this time i was only ever seeing her, i had asked to become her bf but she had said that she doesnt like labels, this went on for the rest of the relationship.
      And our sex life began to suffer and found myself only being with her a few times a year.
      What was my reaction to this? I slept with other women. I felt like she was making a fool of me. Before i met her yes i was arrogant and up myself a lot but i wasn’t a bad person and liked to make people happy and have great times with my friends.
      She managed to stop all that by controlling my feelings for her, or so i felt.
      I had to become proud again and i felt like i was having the piss taken out of me by someone in their early 20’s (im 5 years older). But the deed eventually started to rip me in 2 because i didn’t want to lie to her. So i told her the truth and knew i should have ended it there and then.
      But I’ve never ever been as confident as i appear and was afraid that i would never find better, all my previous gf’s couldn’t hold a candle to this one, not in looks or magnetism. So she gave me the chance to prove how i felt for her. After that i stopped cheating but the drinking became really bad, and she was always wondering if i was being faithful when i was out. I even got attacked by her exes cousin because he thought that she was still going out with him. She helped me back to health but when the court case was coming up she told me not to mention her name when i took the stand because she didn’t want to be mentioned in the papers, which could meant lying or avoiding a particular part of testimony, i wasn’t very impressed, considering the attack had put me in hospital and was fearing repercussions.
      She actually broke up with me just after Xmas, over the phone. Of course im in love so i dont want that to happen. But i knew that sending her flowers begging texting or writing love letters would only make me appear desperate and push her further away, so i left it dead weight as a hole in my stomach that felt impossible to fill. 2 weeks went by and not a word, i had almost completely given up hope, especially when prior to that there wasn’t a day since we met that we didn’t talk. And then she text me and we arranged to meet but not until a further full month had past. I wanted her back so i was very careful to not show any eagerness.
      I fell right back in and wish i hadn’t now.
      She’s started saying this 31 year old, we were still talking on the phone because i tried being friends but as soon seas she said she was smitten my stomach lurched and knew that i could never handle more than that, let alone kissing or sex. So i text her and said that because im not over the relationship i can’t be friends.
      In a nutshell i know we aren’t right for each other and i know she’s making a big mistake with the new guy because he’s a well known player, but that’s her mistake to make.
      This girl is used to getting get own way, she has ripped my pride to pieces, i have even lost hair because of steer with our relationship and now i feel like I’ve been slung into the trash.
      I would do virtually anything to rid myself of this emotional attachment because i know if i sew them together the best i can do is walk away with my sanity intact.

      After a relationship like that why am i hating this new guy through jealousy instead of feeling sorry for him?

      Reply
      1. Josh

        Loz84,
        It is because you have feeling for her and that’s it. I always say that a person who truly loves someone will sacrifice for that person. When a person suddenly leaves you for someone, you realize your sacrifice is in vein. The sacrifice is not mutual. However, you did cheat on her which made me conclude that you too did not sacrifice for the meaning of love but just for the “feeling.” Also, seeing someone who is dating is very unethical.

        You are hating because he has what you once had, it’s human nature and that’s all. That’s why people try to get each other to be jealous in order to get someone back. I really suggest you to move on and think about how you can prepare yourself for future relationship(s).

        Reply
  40. David

    I just thought I would post a comment on here. Since all you guys seem Alright about talking about stuff like this. I’ll keep it pretty short since I don’t wanna think about it too much, but I’m coming out of a 2 year relationship, wasn’t the best relationship but I don’t know I guess because I feel so alone now since we lived together, it was a month ago now just wondering if anyone has had this kind of situation and how long it took them to get over it? I’m still in the stage where I can’t think of any other girl being better, but the fact that she’s moved on to another guy is annoying, He’s 30 and she’s 18, her parents hated me being 2 years older yet they’re okay to him, so I’m still hoping they’re going to break up but I don’t want to, I just want to move on. ( guess it wasn’t that short )

    Reply
  41. Paul

    Me and my girlfriend broke up a week ago and it has been the hardest week of my life. I actually went through the 7 steps of grief. You have to get your emotions out and then it will get worse. It’ll get worse for a day or two.. But after, you feel like a new person. You pretty much have to force yourself to think that it’s fine and if you do that enough, you’ll believe it. Throw away anything that reminds you of her. Delete the pictures. The phone number. Everything. After all that.. You feel more powerful because you are you again.

    Reply