You’re standing there, shaking. You’re mind is entirely blocked out. Sweating. Your tongue won’t let you speak. Heart rate rising. The world moves very fast, or very slow. Muscles are tight.
Fear. It’s a strange thing. Few things provoke such strong physical reactions.
It can be the worst thing in the world. But it doesn’t have to be… Read on.
Before we can use it, we have to know what causes it.
What is fear?
Chemicals such as adrenaline and the stress hormone cortisol are released into the blood stream causing certain physical reactions such as:
- More sweating
- Blood pressure rises
- Tightening of muscles
- Rapid heart rate
- Sharpened or redirected senses
All these reactions are protective mechanisms to increase our chances of survival.
When speaking of human mechanisms, you can always go back to when we “lived in caves” to find the use and cause.
We often experience fear when we are found in a situation that can lead to death. Because as humans, we basically only have one goal: To survive.
The best way to do that is to reproduce, because no one lives forever. And you can’t reproduce when you’re dead, right? (Yet…)
Great, so we know we have to survive. Our body helps us with that in “dangerous” situations.
But when it comes to daily life, fear doesn’t help us much. It holds us back.
A social situation that can make lots of guys get all anxious is to walk up to a girl and start a conversation.
Kiss your fear goodnight
We’re able to climb mountains, ride cars with 250km/h, travel to the moon, you get the drill…
But most guys aren’t even able to walk up to a cute girl and say hi! Amazing, isn’t it?
The first thing you have to get into place to make that happen is to really want it. Make a commitment to it. Get really motivated.
Say to yourself one day, “I’m going to get out, find a cute girl, and talk to her”. Really feel that you’re going to do it. Picture a conversation in your head.
Maybe it wasn’t harder than that. Maybe you did it right away. If yes, great!
But, maybe you freezed, or made up some dumb excuse to not talk to her. Maybe you felt that there wasn’t “any girls worth talking to”. There are lots of maybes.
If you did go out and meet someone, then this post really isn’t directed at you. You’re doing great! Getting over “approach anxiety” is a really important step in getting success with women.
Let’s take a look at those who did not do it. I was one of them for quite a few years.
Not too long ago, I would rather take a bullet than walk up to a stranger. Today is a little different…
The first step is to admit to yourself that you were afraid. You looked fear in he’s eyes, and you lost. That’s cool though, just admit it.
Drop all the excuses; it’s just your ego protecting you.
Really look into what you felt at the moment you saw a woman you wanted to talk to. What did you think? Did you see or feel any signs of fear, such as a faster heartbeat?
The next time you give it a shot, try to just let it all in. Let the fear in completely, don’t try to fight it or hold it back. If you’re able to do this, it won’t take long before you make your first approach.
Easy exercise if you want to meet women on the street
Ask for the time.
Notice how you’re acting when you’re about to do something as non-threatening as asking for the time.
You will probably start out by saying “excuse me” to stop people. This works well in this scenario, but I do not advice it for stopping girls in general. It shows weakness. Why should you excuse for yourself?
After you have become comfortable with asking for the time, practice going up and saying “Hi! What’s the clock?”
Try not to excuse yourself. This is a bad habit to get into if you want to approach and attract women.
When you start out like this, it shouldn’t be too hard to start conversations with girls after a while. Try to do it one day. Again, notice all your thoughts and feelings. Let all the fear in.
Really try to approach no matter what your body is telling you. This is the only real way to overcome approach anxiety. Look fear in the eyes, and beat it.
Try it, and let me know how it goes!
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By the way, I am leaving to India tomorrow night. The next post will be published while I am away. So no responding to emails/comments from the 1st july to the 18th. Wish me a good trip guys!
Image #1 by haniamir, #2 by ucumari.
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Fear can also be used as a motivator. Many people eat healthy because of their fear of getting fat. Sometimes you have to re-frame how you look at fear.
I’m afraid of approaching women can become I’m afraid of spending my life alone.
That’s a great way to look at it Tyler, I completely agree.
USE the fear, don’t FEAR it.
Way to go.
“You looked fear in he’s eyes, and you lost.”
What does that mean ? I think the sentence is wrong.
“Really look into what you felt at the moment you saw a woman you wanted to talk to.”
Would it be better if you used “:” after ‘moment’.
“You’re mind is entirely blocked out.”
You’re should be Your.
Besides that, a good article!
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“Hi! What’s the clock?” should read “Hi What’s the time?”.
Still a very interesting article.