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[JCZ]

Just returned from holidays, guys. I've been to Malta. Great place to visit. Don't go there for the beaches, though, there aren't many. If you're interested in an island with a rich history, architecture, nature and sea life, then by all means put Malta on your to-visit list.

Anyway, my holidays never consist of relaxing only. They have this tendency to turn into a very journey through the Self. As were these holidays on Malta. I booked my holidays with a group of people I didn't know. Fifteen persons; about half of them girls. Well, what I did right was that I started talking to the girls right at the airport. Almost no guy does this (why on earth not?? I do not understand this anymore). What didn't go so good was that I didn't manage to create a connection with all of them; two 18 year old girls didn't really respond to me and I failed to tune in to them. Which was a pity, since one of them was flat out the cutest of all.

I was about to never mind that, but after a few days the following happened. Two guys (among which my roommate) appeared really humorous, and even more so together. Eventually, they were kind of the most attention demanding element of the group. This started to attract the 18-year-old girl I just told of; eventually my roommate managed to 'get her'. Just by being funny, nothing more. Which goes to show how attractive humor can be.

Anyway, I started to have this nagging feeling: why am I not in the spotlights? I mean, I don't think I should be on top of the world. But should I be content with just some place in the margin? Obviously not. However, joking around at the level these two guys were doing proved to be quite demanding. It also got me kind of confused.

I could have done some things I didn't do. For example, I could have approached Maltese girls (they came across as not being very open to tourists on a romantic level, so this would have been a good practice scenario). However, that probably wouldn't have worked out very well for the cohesion of the group, and I wanted to have a nice vacation with a group of people, not just as an individual. Besides, for reasons I'll explain to you later I wasn't very interested in pursuing a romantic relationship.

So, I have a question for you guys. If in a situation in which other guys demand a lot of attention, what should you do? You obviously don't need to be as funny as them. On the other hand, wouldn't that be a good ambition? And if you feel some people are demanding a little too much attention, how can you put this to a stop, so you (and maybe even other people) get the room you deserve?

In other words, how to be an alpha type of male when others are being this as well?

[Alex]

Your vacation sounds great! I've heart A LOT of great stuff about Malta from some of my pal's - never been there myself, though.

But let's jump right on to your question. I think that it's always really important to become good friends with the guys; even more so than the girls. The optimal scenario would have been if you could have joked with these two guys and had a lot of fun with them while scoring some of the cred so to speak.

Another "tactic" is to see if any of the girls are appalled by their maybe obnoxious behaviour and let that be your thing - you two withdrawing from the group, if you get my drift.

To be really friendly to everybody and joke around with the guys and get their respect and they get yours is usually the best thing.

[JCZ]

Thanks, Alex. I think that actually was what I did, though; I became good friends with both guys. However, I felt I wasn't able to get to their level of being humorous, and that felt kinda intimidating...

[Brent G]

Well If you can't beat em, join em, but if you can't trully join em, do something else.
Don't you have something about you that lights up the room other then humour? Those guys are good at being funny? What are you good at?
2 me, If someone is more funnier den me in a group conversation, I try being clever. If they laugh everyone up with their jokes, give those comedians a intresting trivia about something, it will make em look less attractive and you more dominant. OR Talk about something that's real intresting about yourself to presuade and invited the girls in to be in a state of awe and understanding. Dont just get the girls on it, make the guys wanna listen too. Then you will earn respect from the guys and be a unique attractive individual to the girls.
Don't know if these are right ways to go but they seem pretty good tactics 2 me.

[Scott D]

I think Brent nailed this one on the head. Humor isn't the only way to spark attraction. The reason humor works so well in most cases is because laughing makes people feel good, and they associate that good feeling with you. The key is to make yourself memorable. If you aren't naturally a funny person (I know I'm not), try finding out what interests people (both guys and girls) and start talking about that. Or bring up something new. Astronomy, astrology, conspiracy theories, new research, there are all kinds things you can work with.