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[Victor]

How can we do it? How can we drive the girl of our desires crazy with lust? When you are attracted to someone, and you are out and about having a great time, the last thing that would be on your mind is "I should end the date soon as to show I'm a busy guy and I have priorities". And yet, forcing myself to listen to a friend's advice, I did it once and ended a first date far sooner than I would have wanted. The result? She was nuts about me. So much so that it got physical on the second time we saw each other. She was a respectable girl most certainly, but she wanted me and I have little doubt that it was because our first outing was short and very intense. This kind of attraction is hard to keep up though as you get to know her, because logically you want to see each other more and more, and then the next thing you know, she gets cold on the phone because you maybe stayed over a little longer and bored her or something.

What I am wondering is how do you keep a girl waiting for YOUR every call, your every shred of communication, and keep her thinking about YOU constantly? In essence, how do you make her clingy? On the flip side, how do you keep yourself from thinking about HER and from doing stupid things like calling after sending a text message that she hasn't replied to yet or wondering where she is and who she might be with?

I found that with a bit of willpower I can will myself into not caring what will happen next, but only temporarily. Mostly I hope things will go well and I sometimes find myself fantasizing about the future with the girl (it bothers me I do that, just so you all know). Yet, I can't, despite my efforts, maintain this at all times, I can't NOT be clingy sometimes. Which is what I'm hoping we can all help ourselves with.

What is the perfect balance of push and pull that drives a girl crazy?

[JCZ]

Not an easy question. By the way, I can attest to the fact that even on a 1st date you can get physical. Unfortunately, I can also attest to the fact that letting a date go on for too long can let her attraction cool off completely.

Though I'm not yet as experienced as I'd hope to be, I think this has a lot to do with finding a balance between you wanting her and you letting her have the time to want you. During the date I allowed to carry on for way too long, I felt her level of attraction wind down drastically after a given amount of time. During this time, I either should have acted or ended the date. After that time, her attraction was gone and I was out.

Recently, I was on a date that was quite long - and yet, she was the one wanting to date me again. Alas, I wasn't as interested.

I think we, men, often allow ourselves to get way too attached to a woman. We pull and pull at her because we think we can't live without her, and before you know it, we've bored her to tears. I think the "end the date early" thing is a good mechanism to prevent us from doing this. Of course, if we allow ourselves to become clingy later on, we'll have the same effect.

Personally, I think being 'clingy' really means sucking all of the energy out of the (potential) relationship. How to avoid it? By being playful and flirtatious during the relationship. She'll keep having the feeling she'll never fully have you under her control - hence the longing.

[Victor]

Excellent points JCZ,
One thing I found very weird is that even though I have many things to do (which is something any good guy should have going for him) I still start focusing on the girl more and make efforts to spend time with her. Do you do this sometimes? And when she retreats for whatever reason (going away for a party or just tired) I begin to get insecure about why she isn't calling or messaging me constantly (which they often do in the beginning). I suppose I expect that intensity to last forever... maybe it doesn't, and maybe I'm stressing about nothing.

In your experience, do girls stay highly communicative if you don't try to contact them often?

I think we, men, often allow ourselves to get way too attached to a woman. We pull and pull at her because we think we can't live without her, and before you know it, we've bored her to tears. I think the "end the date early" thing is a good mechanism to prevent us from doing this. Of course, if we allow ourselves to become clingy later on, we'll have the same effect.

That, I agree with completely

...I think i'm going to turn off my phone and stop sitting around waiting for calls

Anyways, I end with a question I asked a very attractive girl/close friend I work with:
ME: Is it attractive if a guy is a bit of an ass to you?
HER: Yeah... It shouldn't be, but it is...

[Victor]

I'm reminded of a quote I heard in a movie: "The only way you can function as a soldier is to accept that you are already dead."

And it makes me think that the only way to detach yourself if you're feeling too emotionally dependant on a girl is to accept that the relationship is already over. This can be far from the truth, but I found it greatly helped me deal with my uneasiness. It's a little drastic, I know, but thinking like that, I let myself turn off the cellphone and just went and had fun with another female friend. I started remembering all the other attractive girls I could ask out, and forgot that I have a very attractive girlfriend who didn't call me. I remembered how not to care what happens next and just go with the flow, and it felt good, it freed me, so to speak. This is not to say that tomorrow I will call her and end things, I will simply be a little cold for a while, for my sake, not because I enjoy mind games. And yet, SOMEHOW, I anticipate that she will try to regain my affection, because she will miss it.

And if not? Screw it then, NEXT!

[JCZ]

Seems like you answered your own question, then. Interesting hearing your female friend tell you something like that about a man's behaviour.

[Victor]

I ask girls these kinda things a lot, helps me understand things better. If you're interested, she said the ass hole is more of a challenge and thats attractive to her (as well as many other girls). In the end, women want a guy who is powerful, and the ass holes are exactly that, not giving her what she wants just because she wants it. A shame its like this, but treating girls kindly gets me far less than when im a bit of a dick and pushy.

[JCZ]

Exactly, and while I do not share your experience (just can't push myself to behave like a total asshole, and when I accidentally do, it apparently is so much over the top that I fail miserably), this is what all those 'dating guru's' out there say. It's a matter of combining the character traits of the 'assholes' that make women see them as a challenge with the more polished character traits of the loveable 'nice guys'.

As to how that's done? I wouldn't know. I'm more of a challenge to women right now than I used to be, but I'm still not the ladies' man I'd like to be.