Hi everyone, first of i want to introduce myself, My name is Akshay (Ak), i am 24 yr old, and living in california.
So i'll jump right in this and share my story with you guys. Please feel free to advice, comment and help me out here!!
So my ex and i started going out 2 yrs ago. I was a graduating senior in college and she was an 18 yr old freshman. I soon graduated and our relationship was long distance pretty much right from the beginning. Because i moved back to my hometown after graduating and am currently working here. First few months of our relationship were the best. we tried to see each other atleast once or twice a month, since she was stilll in school. The distance issue came up time after time right from the beginning, but we managed to work with it since we both loved each other sooo much. Let me just say that this girl was amazing, my first "true love" and i was the same for her.
So basically we started out relationship in June 2007, and first time she broke up with me was in November 2008. I will be honest with you guys here, that break up really broke me apart, i was depressed, even suicidal. but after a month we came back, worked on our issues and patched things up. Let me just say that i did lot of desperate stuff during that a month, i use to blow up her phone alot, called her friends and family. even showed up at her doorstep unannounced. But whatever we get back together and i was happy again in life. Only to get broken up again 5-6 months later.
So this time, she broke up again on May 2009 (three weeks ago) and although i didn't react like last time i was still hurt and depressed little bit. But again i wrote desperate emails to her, and again contacted her friends and her little sister. Though it wasn't as much as last time. But i took it even further this time. So when we were going out, she told me her facebook password, and she knew mine too. She used same password for all her emails too. So i started logging into her facebook and emails. And trust me i know it was the most unethical thing to do, but i just couldn't stop myself. Love makes you do the stupid shit ever. I was checking her accounts everyday, almost every few hours, and was just not being able to move on. So i decided to tell her to change her passwords so i can't log in anymore and move on for reals. But she didn't like that, she thought i was hacking into her accounts like some obsessed psycho. I told her that she was the one who told me her passwords but she didn't believe me. also when i told her that i knew she was logging into my facebook account she didn't accept it and got even more mad at me for accusing her.
So to sum it all up, basically she hates me, she thinks and even called me an obsessive psycho. She then changed her passwords and also changed her emails. She de-friended me on facebook and all of my friends as well. Pretty much cutting off every ties with me. I wouldnt' be surprised if she changes her cell phone too, but i don't think she has. I think i really pushed her very far and pretty much forced her to get over me in the shortest time. any feeling that she had left for me were now gone because of what i did. i know i have no other choice but to move on and specially don't contact her at all!! But i just can't seem to get her out of my head and move on. I have already deleted hers and all her friends contact info, so i can't contact them again. I have put all the memories in a box and stored in the attic. I am trying very hard to move on, but i still can't. this is already affecting my work and home life.
I know very well that she is never coming back, because of what i have done to her. But i don't want her to keep hating me for rest of her life or think of me like the obsessive psycho. I was thinking of contacting her one last time, not right now maybe in few more week, just to tell her this. That i am not that obsessive psycho, i am not that person. Because 30 years from now when she looks back at this situation i don't want her to remember me like that
I have been finding out thru our mutual friends that she has moved on, and she has been out partying and what not. I don't know if she really has moved on our just putting a front. But somewhere in my mind i still have this hope that she will come back, after all this. I still have this hope that we really were mean't for each other. Plus i love this girl soo much and don't want to loose her like this.
I know this story jumps around alot, but this is how i am feeling right now. Would do anything to get her back again and make her mine. Because only she gave me real happiness. and i will love her forever.