The JKTC Café

thanks for the input fellas... i have absorbed everything u guys said and decided not to wish her...i think it is about time, when i just forget about her all together..step into a new phase in my life and start fresh...though she will be in my memories for a long long time, but she won't cause me any unhappiness, cuz she is no longer my source of hapiness...thanks again to everyone...

Lesson learned from this episode of my life is: enjoy it, don't get hung on any particular thing may it be human or a non human (tangible things) cuz they can be taken away from you at any time, and specially, never make anyone your ONLY source of happiness, unless that source is within yourself...these are my two cents, and when i have kids i'll be sure to give them this philosphy of life, that i had to learn the hard way..

cheers.

5 more days till her b'day, and i am contemplating to wish her or not. Some part of me wants to just send her a nice short email wishing her b'day, and then the other part just wants to do nothing and forget about it.

I know (atleast thats what i think) she will be expecting me to wish her b'day, even though she is still very bitter. What do u guys think i should do?

welll....I still wanna wish her, out of common courtsey i guess. i don't wanna hold grudges against ppl, no matter what they did to me. besides she is young and immature and i guess i have to be the mature one, otherwise there would be no difference between us. and cmon u know, i will always have a soft spot for this girl, i know i shouldn't but i'll always will....i know she ain't worth it, but i wanted to wish her anyways.

don't get me wrong fellas, i m not after this girl anymore. i have been way way better since it first started. i mean i hit rock bottom when it first started, everything from total insanity to sucidal thoughts, to psychologists , the whole sheabang..anyways past 2 months have been alot better. i bought a motorcycle (suzuki gsxr600) so thats been a great distraction for me for past month. im playin sports, reading more, doing great at work...so things are finally starting to fall in place. i still want to interact more with friends and family, since i am a little reserved still, but its all in due time, i don't wanna force it.

Lastly, i would like to say this site has helped me tremendously. Alex i know u prolly hear this alot, but u really saved my life man, literally...my good wishes are with all you fellas, because u guys helped me pick myself up more that my friends here..

cheers..

Scott, thanks for the input. Yea, i already know that it wasn't meant to be. and to be honest with you, i m getting over her, i don't see me and her being together. Its her b'day in 3 weeks and again out of common courtsey and as a friend.

i wanted to email her wishing her happy b'day and kinda explainging that she misunderstood my intentions when i called her the other day. I'll just give a brief explanation that i wasn't trying to get at her. i was simply calling to see how she was doing. also, i'll kinda hint that i am over her, not exactly in those words. just to come out clean you know, i mean altho i don't really care anymore, but i don't want her to keep thinking im obsessed with her.

anyways still debating if i should just wish b'day with no explanation, or both or neither. what do you guys think?

Scott, thanks for the input. Yea, i already know that it wasn't meant to be. and to be honest with you, i m getting over her, i don't see me and her being together. Its her b'day in 3 weeks and again out of common courtsey and as a friend.

i wanted to email her wishing her happy b'day and kinda explainging that she misunderstood my intentions when i called her the other day. I'll just give a brief explanation that i wasn't trying to get at her. i was simply calling to see how she was doing. also, i'll kinda hint that i am over her, not exactly in those words. just to come out clean you know, i mean altho i don't really care anymore, but i don't want her to keep thinking im obsessed with her.

anyways still debating if i should just wish b'day with no explanation, or both or neither. what do you guys think?

so i was doing sooo god for past 2 months, i held up no contact, kept my self busy with work, honestly i was getting over her. finally realizing that it just wasn’t worth it. anyways so i called after 2 months, she picked up asked who it was and then hung up. wow… i was kinda caught by surprise..i mean i wasn’t planning her to call her today, or anything..i just called out of ransom just to see how she was doin..no intentions of asking her to get back etc…and then i called second time, her sister picked up and told me to never call her again…cold as hell….clearly she is still hella pissed at me, or maybe just not over me…but i doubt its the latter..

But seriously after 2 months and she was still cold, i mean i already knew it was over, i was calling as a friend, to see how her summer was goin…neways i think i should have just never called…its her b’day in 3 weeks, but i don’t think i’ll call…

i read the "Get out of your mind & into your life." I did most of the exercises. I don't know man, been losing hope lately. Don't know whats going on with me, i don't have power over myself anymore. I really need to seek some profesional/medical help. already made an appointment with my dr.

we will see what happens.

Ah. i wish i was as strong as you brother. How do u do it? i have been reading the acceptance theory book by steven hayes. it says willingly accept you fears and anxiety. i dunno if i am doing it right or not but i have been feeling worse after accepting it...but anyways keep strong, and move on...

Akshay

Fellas, i was doing so good past few days, but last night i got drunk and messaged her on facebook. I wanted to wait to for a month or two to write this to her, but my dumbass got drunk and fucked up. This is what i wrote to her...What do you guys think she will think about this? shit i fuckin need to die or something, i'm just a fuckup in life....

"hi sharon, good luck on finals....

i was gonna say this wen i was at peace of mind, but i think im close to it.

Lemme say this, its been rough past few days, after grandma's death and problems at home, i didn't know what to do. i am not asking you for an apology here, cuz i know i don't deserve it. I know i have been acting like an obsessive asshole, but i want you to know thats not me, i am not that person anymore. i am not that psychotic asshole. I know i have spent lot of time acting like an immature baby and turned into a person that i am really not. Cuz now it is time for me to grab hold on my life and take care of my family and friends. Again i'm not asking for your forgiveness, i am just doing this for myself, cuz i didn't want this feeling forever and wanted to get out of it.cuz if u ever remember this from 30 yrs from now i didnt want u to rememeber me like that. thats all.
always be happpy for me. 637"

Victor thanks again man! your words of wisdom do give me alot of power. and to see that people who have been thru same thing and were able to move on in time, makes me feel like im not the only one, and that, i too can move on..

but there is this thing that will always be at the back of my mind..if you read my first post it talks about how i was calling her friends, and sister in desperation. I even knew her email passwords and was checking up on her and she hated this alot (even tho she was the one who told me her pw). Anyways, all those acts have gotten her to think that i am this obsessive asshole. That i was stalking her and obsessing over her. I don't know if that is true, but what i do want is that she doesn't hate me forever. i don't want her to remember me like that. Because i am not that person, it was love that made me do all that...

So i was thinking of writing a letter to her, not for forgiveness, but just asking her to not think of me like that. I really don't want her to remember me like that, that is if she does remember me at all. I wanted to do this in person but i don't think she will ever want to see me again. I am not gonna do this now, maybe in a month or so..because she has finals coming up in 2 weeks and is probabbly already busy with school. I wanted to do this when she is back home from summer and chilling at her parent's house.

Lemme know what you guys think?

I am in the same boat man. Although my break up was only 3 weeks ago. i Cant get over my ex. I know exactly what you mean when you said how hard it is to get over someone who meant the world to you. Someone you loved sooo much that you were ready to give up anything for them.

But then again after all that you have to take a step back and look at the big picture from a outsiders point of view. And when you do realize it, it will all be very clear and you will have no problem to move on. I have yet to realize this for myself. But i am trying very very hard to get over it..i m trying very hard not to think what she is doing, where she is, etc.

But anyways keep strong man, and you will get through it. we just gotta keep each other strong.

Victor, Thanks bro. No your words were not harsh. I need someone to tell me the straight truth. And to tell you the truth i know that it is over. I know that i don't deserve her, because the way i acted, because i showed her how weak i am..But its just the matter of accepting it man..and i can't seem to do that, no matter how hard i try...just can't seem to get her out of my head.

I dunno why, but it seems like without this girl, there is no purpose left in life, she was my motivation, my inspiration for everything. She gave me strength to go far in life, to achieve the greatest things. And do i all for US. but now i just seem to be lost, without her...

but i know i can't go in life like this, sooner or later i will have to accept the truth and move on..sooner or later this false hope in my head that she is coming back will also go away...mind u i am a very strong guy otherwise, never once in my life i have acted like this. i have very strong will power and i can do whatever i set my mind to. But when it comes to her all of that goes out the window, she was my weakness..i know its pathetic, but i just couldn't help it man...this girl stole my heart like noone else before...

But anyways thanks again for the reply man. let me know what are the other ways you guys got over yours...Thanks!!

Hi everyone, first of i want to introduce myself, My name is Akshay (Ak), i am 24 yr old, and living in california.

So i'll jump right in this and share my story with you guys. Please feel free to advice, comment and help me out here!!

So my ex and i started going out 2 yrs ago. I was a graduating senior in college and she was an 18 yr old freshman. I soon graduated and our relationship was long distance pretty much right from the beginning. Because i moved back to my hometown after graduating and am currently working here. First few months of our relationship were the best. we tried to see each other atleast once or twice a month, since she was stilll in school. The distance issue came up time after time right from the beginning, but we managed to work with it since we both loved each other sooo much. Let me just say that this girl was amazing, my first "true love" and i was the same for her.

So basically we started out relationship in June 2007, and first time she broke up with me was in November 2008. I will be honest with you guys here, that break up really broke me apart, i was depressed, even suicidal. but after a month we came back, worked on our issues and patched things up. Let me just say that i did lot of desperate stuff during that a month, i use to blow up her phone alot, called her friends and family. even showed up at her doorstep unannounced. But whatever we get back together and i was happy again in life. Only to get broken up again 5-6 months later.

So this time, she broke up again on May 2009 (three weeks ago) and although i didn't react like last time i was still hurt and depressed little bit. But again i wrote desperate emails to her, and again contacted her friends and her little sister. Though it wasn't as much as last time. But i took it even further this time. So when we were going out, she told me her facebook password, and she knew mine too. She used same password for all her emails too. So i started logging into her facebook and emails. And trust me i know it was the most unethical thing to do, but i just couldn't stop myself. Love makes you do the stupid shit ever. I was checking her accounts everyday, almost every few hours, and was just not being able to move on. So i decided to tell her to change her passwords so i can't log in anymore and move on for reals. But she didn't like that, she thought i was hacking into her accounts like some obsessed psycho. I told her that she was the one who told me her passwords but she didn't believe me. also when i told her that i knew she was logging into my facebook account she didn't accept it and got even more mad at me for accusing her.

So to sum it all up, basically she hates me, she thinks and even called me an obsessive psycho. She then changed her passwords and also changed her emails. She de-friended me on facebook and all of my friends as well. Pretty much cutting off every ties with me. I wouldnt' be surprised if she changes her cell phone too, but i don't think she has. I think i really pushed her very far and pretty much forced her to get over me in the shortest time. any feeling that she had left for me were now gone because of what i did. i know i have no other choice but to move on and specially don't contact her at all!! But i just can't seem to get her out of my head and move on. I have already deleted hers and all her friends contact info, so i can't contact them again. I have put all the memories in a box and stored in the attic. I am trying very hard to move on, but i still can't. this is already affecting my work and home life.

I know very well that she is never coming back, because of what i have done to her. But i don't want her to keep hating me for rest of her life or think of me like the obsessive psycho. I was thinking of contacting her one last time, not right now maybe in few more week, just to tell her this. That i am not that obsessive psycho, i am not that person. Because 30 years from now when she looks back at this situation i don't want her to remember me like that 
I have been finding out thru our mutual friends that she has moved on, and she has been out partying and what not. I don't know if she really has moved on our just putting a front. But somewhere in my mind i still have this hope that she will come back, after all this. I still have this hope that we really were mean't for each other. Plus i love this girl soo much and don't want to loose her like this.

I know this story jumps around alot, but this is how i am feeling right now. Would do anything to get her back again and make her mine. Because only she gave me real happiness. and i will love her forever.