The JKTC Café

Exactly. I'm not saying this is a cure-all. But I've seen other guys do it too and it does often work.

Brent, you would still have to build some attraction from her before, this is specifically for those times where you are not quite there with her. The key is to get her comfortable with your touch, so lightly touching her arm for emphasis as you talk to her, followed by holding her hand, perhaps to check out her jewellery, lastly run your fingers through her hair. Maybe ask if its her natural colour etc. If she lets you do this then you're good to go. As you're talking to her, pause, tilt your head slightly and give her some warm eye contact, look at her lips and back up to her eyes again, then pull her in slowly.

Scott's totally right though, don't overthink things, if you really concentrate on what you are doing, your tenseness shows and its unnattractive. Breathe slow and deep, think 'cool, calm, confident', smile and go for it.

For a first kiss avoid tongues, a slow kiss just with the lips will seem much more romantic to her than a tongue scrubbing the inside of her mouth!

An update to this, I've had some time off over the summer and I've done a bit of reading on dating and attraction. A great deal of it is advertisment and rubbish but I found a couple of nuggets. And here's one that worked for me.

Its a simple exercise but it does wonders and goes like this; when you next go out, say hi to all the girls you see. I'm talking suitable ones here as in, around your age. So smile warmly, say hi with some good eye contact and carry on walking.

Now, the first one I did of these was horrible, it took about 15 mins of just walking round until I got the courage, but I did it and felt so embarrased, so awkward and so like I wanted to get out of there. But the second time was a little easier and so on.

The point of this is to be embarrased, maybe by some weird chance some will stop to talk to you. If so, great, but the main idea is just to completely get rid of your nervousness in approaching.

So give it a go 

I read a tip the other day which seemed valid enough, on kissing.

It was that, if you go to kiss a girl and she turns her cheek to you, kiss her cheek, then kiss her neck, nearly all girls will turn back round to kiss you (the neck is a very erogenous zone).

I tried it last weekend and this actually worked. I have to admit I'd drank a little more than I realised, and it actually only was a little more, but as a result it wasn't quite progressing as would be ideal. So when i went for the kiss she turned away. Ideal oppurtinity there I thought.

So i tried it. And it worked like a dream. She turned and kissed more passionately than I was expecting and it really blew me away.

I just love these little tips, those tiny tools you can use to really change the situation.

Let me know how you get on with it, because even though I've had 100% success with it so far one time is obviously not a proper trial!

I'm sure you've all heard of this but anyone who hasn't should know this.

Research suggests that between 60% and 80% of communcation is body language.

When I read about this it took me a while to get me head around. It worried and comforted me in equal measure, because it meant that how I positioned my body could have caused the outcome of so many past situations. However its kind of comforting to know that the actual words you say only make up 7% of your communication. The rest is voice speed and intonation.

I'm not plugging anyone but the pua (bear with me on this) Gambler talks about trying to emulate the faces and movements of actors, even practising them in the mirror, regardless of how embarrased you feel.

I sort of cast this away until I watched Ocean's Eleven the other night and was just struck by what a smooth b*stard George Clooney is! If you haven't seen it, I really recommend it, its no masterpiece but there are some great people to model in there.

So, in summary! watch ocean's eleven and just copy george clooney, and see the results!

I think everyone has summed it up pretty well.

The main thing to overcome many problems is to do things outside of your comfort zone. Of course when you see an attractive woman you don't feel like you can talk to her, but just throw yourself into it. as long as you are not weird then the worst that can happen is that the conversation dies out and you part. but you know what, the next time you do this will be slightly easier, and so the time after that. One day you'll reach a point where talking to new people is almost as easy as talking to your best mates, and there is where the real success lies.

You can do it!

That's not lucky Scott, that's just you getting what you deserved from being great with her. Nice one! Just remember to always keep a little mystery, always keep it fresh so she can't get bored.

That's not lucky Scott, that's just you getting what you deserved from being great with her. Nice one! Just remember to always keep a little mystery, always keep it fresh so she can't get bored.

I find that with kissing, if you are supremely confident and comfortable in your movements and actions as you are doing it (or at least appear to be), then you can actually initiate the kiss in a surprisingly wide range of situations. Nervous guys are always telling themselves 'she won't want to kiss me', and this hesitation and uncertainty shines like a beacon to her, and puts her right off.

The thing is, and this applied most specially if she is at all drunk, most people who are being kissed don't automatically push the person away. what i mean is, if a woman was to kiss you, you'd just go right along with it unless you realised you shouldn't be.

So be assured in your actions, and smoothly transition into it, you'd be surprised just how receptive most women are.


P.S. As an extra point, although not completely related to your question I didn't think this deserved its own thread. No this may not apply to you, but from your 'drought spell of more years than you'd want to know' part, i think it could. I think most of us guys have, at some point, felt that our relationship history was inadequate. You could be talking to a really hot girl who talks about her past boyfriends etc and you realise that you've experienced little in comparison. Now here you can either lie and make up some stuff when she asks you, or just say this, that you don't like talking about all your past relationships too much because it makes them feel less special to you, it degrades the value you had for them.

Now this does two things, firstly it serves as a handy barrier to further questioning from her, at least until a time where you are comfortable enough with her to tell her more, but also demonstrates how much you value your relationships. a lot of guys are left bitter by bad breakups, so for her to find a guy who still respects the time he spent with someone would attract her greatly.

As ever, if you don't agree with me on this, i'd love to hear your thoughts.

Hi Matt, that teaching english sounds great. I did some teaching in schools in Uganda last summer as a volunteer and its a great feeling you get to think you can help the kids out. The kids in the less developed places are so much more appreciative of what you're doing too.

As for the dating stuff, I'm with you on the whole Mystery/Style thing. Bits of it inspired me and gave me ideas, but the whole idea of using set material and routines seems like its just taking all the fun and spontaneity out of it!

This is a continual problem, and I've got a feeling its going to be a long post, I don't know if any of you guys have this too but I'm just gonna 'fess up now.

I find myself attracted to girls far more if they have a boyfriend, especially if he's with her at the time I first see her.

I don't know what it is, maybe its because I crave a challenge, or maybe its just a deathwish, but I just get a buzz flirting with taken women that I don't get as much with the single ones. I've noticed this most when I'm at work; I work in Topman, and for any that don't know its basically men's fashion. So naturally, couples are coming in shopping all the time. Its then that I just find myself drawn to these girls in particular, giving her the eye contact, the hidden messages, the push/pull banter, even if her boyfriend is stood right by her. Now this obviously all has to be fairly covert operations, for one thing I'm supposed to be working, so its often disguised as helping them out with something.

The thing is, I find that the girls often respond really well to it, maybe its something to do with the excitement of flirting with another guy when she's out with her boyfriend, or maybe because she's just bored in her relationship and is seeking that thrill. Either way, I've had scraps of paper with numbers written on it thrust into my hand when the boyfriend is changing, lingering eye contact and winks as she turns her head to face me as she walks away and even one girl who was pushing the physical contact when her boyfriend was literally metres away, behind the curtain trying on a jacket.

Anyway, the point of all this isn't that I'm trying to boast, I'll admit i'm no expert at this game, but the problem is that I don't want this attraction. If a girl and a guy are in a good relationship then I don't want to break that up for my own desires, I'm not a selfish guy and in the same position i'd hate to have that happen to me. Not only this, but going for taken girls means a much lower success rate!

So, is this something everyone comes across? And how should I go about sorting this out?

Once a week. It is, and we incorporate a lot of cardio work in there too so I've definitely seen imporvements in strength and stamina. I'd never really found team sports interesting, so I was glad to find kickboxing, its also a big confidence boost to know that you could handle yourself in a fight.

I wondered this too, if you look at the member list there are little charts of how many posts you have done. A few weeks ago it looked like I was near the end of the bar but it actually just expands do I have no idea where the limits are.

Ha, it would be nice to have a slightly higher status though.

You're right, even though its so important to learn from your own mistakes, if you can learn from someone else's mistake first then thats gotta be a bonus!

You're right about the forum though, it'd be nice to have a few more people, just to get quicker and more numerous replies if anything, but I like the fact its just a group of mature guys giving each other help. And yes, I have just realised how wrong that sounds! You catch my drift anyway.

Its a blog with usually about 2 posts per month on dating and self-confidence topics. And there's also this forum, obviously.

There's not a lot else to it?

We did these at my kickboxing class the other night, I didn't realise they were called burpees!

I actually found them pretty difficult though, I have the same problem with squat thrusts. I think it could be because I have long legs, its kinda hard to get them underneath me quickly, if you understand.

As for exercise, I'm finding it difficult at the moment to properly get into it. I'd love to be able to get a decent looking body for the summer, but I'm not really sure what I should be doing.

If any of you guys is pretty good on the whole muscle building thing, do you reckon you could give me some sort of a workout idea? There's so much confusing stuff on the internet.

As far as equipment, I've got a multigym with pec deck, bench press, pull down and leg raise. Also got a treadmill and exercise bike. Got a straight bar with plenty of weights and dumbells with plenty of weights, but no bench to do free weight bench presses with.

Any help you guys can give I'd appreciate, just pm, email me, whatever