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[yanks367]

This is my story--I'll try to make it as succinct as possible. Please give me some advice on how to go through this complicated situation. Thanks.

I'm 20 years old and going to be a junior in college. I live in north New Jersey and my ex lives in Baltimore. We go to school together in New York. We started dating last November and broke up in May.

We became incredibly close while we were dating. We had a great relationship and told each other how much we loved one another constantly. We called each other best friends. We cried together and knew everything about the other. Although we only dated for about 6 months, I have never been so close to someone who is not a family member. I have dated girls before and had my heart broken before, so breakups are not really anything new to me.

My ex--let's call her Jill--is going to study in Spain for both the fall and spring semesters this upcoming year. We broke up in May when school ended on very good terms. We knew the relationship would not work if we couldn't see each other for 10-12 months, so we ended it. But we vowed to still stay great friends, see each other this summer, talk online while she's in Spain, and see where things are our senior year.

Since we've been home, Jill has not really wanted anything to do with me. She doesn't respond to most texts and she never has time to talk. Now, she does work 5 days a week for 10 hours a day. I understand she does not have a lot of free time. But this girl really just wants nothing to do with me. I was able to talk to her (via texting) the other day and she said I should stop making this so personal... that she doesn't have time for anyone, not just me. She said I would have to understand how busy she is and that she would probably not be responding to my texts and calls.

I told Jill I would just leave her alone for the summer and let her talk to me when she has time.

I just don't understand how we could be SO close and now, she doesn't have time to talk on the phone for 10 minutes once a week to see how things are. She says that she does not love me anymore the same way she did. She loves me 'as a friend.'

I cannot wrap my brain around this situation. Any advice or comments?

[Scott D]

Hey bud, I wanted to apologize for not responding yet. I've been extremely busy the past few days with work and school, but I'll take some time tomorrow to read over your story and see if I can help at all.

[Scott D]

From what I gather, she doesn't think you are valuable enough to keep. That's not your fault, and I guarantee she's wrong, but for whatever reason she thinks she's better off without you. Otherwise, why would she say things like "don't make it so personal" and never respond to your calls/texts? Situations like this are some of the toughest because you are left wondering why it happened and what you could have done to stop it, but in this particular case you can't be blamed. This one is all on her. The best thing to do is to just leave her alone, and if she wants to talk, she can call you. If she does though, you'll have to spend some time thinking about whether she's worth the trouble, because for the time being it seems like she isn't.

If you don't want to just go straight into no contact, try calling her and explaining to her how you feel about it... something like "Jill, I know you've been really busy but it seems like you aren't even willing to take a few minutes a week to talk to me anymore, and it really bothers me. But if you aren't willing to put in the effort to keep a friendship going then I can't make myself stay in this situation."

[Keebles]

yanks,

I'm sorry to hear this. Its best that you go ahead and assume its over. Really, you guys weren't together for a year and now you want to know why she doesnt want to be with you. I'm going to guess that she went away to spain and had the time of her life, while you waited for her. Maybe not, but that's the vibe I get. Lesson learned, now dont wait for her any longer. The summer is almost over, and you have your last year at college left and you need to enjoy that now. I'd bet even if she did like you enough to want to continue something the fact that youll both graduate in a year anyway would likely be reason enough for her to not want to start up with you again.

Let me tell you where Im coming from. I too dated a girl for about 6 months and it was great like you had said. The time came for her to go to ireland for 5 months, miss my graduation and all of that stuff. I had gone abroad before and I knew I would want to be single abroad ( actually years ago I did dump a girl so i could be single abroad). I suggested even that we break it off for the time being. However my ex felt really strongly and "knew" we could make it work while she was abroad. So we went for it, and it worked. It worked great, I had spring break in ireland and it was wonderful. after graduation, i stayed in baltimore since i didnt have a job and so i might as well stay near her.

We'll all of a sudden she realizes shes at her last year of college, and wants to find herself so to speak. After months of work while shes abroad, I've signed the lease and moved in, she dumps me.

the takeaway is that its not worth pursuing this girl. Besides this time next year you could be on opposite sides of the country from each other, and you should never make plans around a girl. If i knew that 8 months ago, id be teaching in Thailand right now.