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[Scott D]

So, after missing my chance with a girl that I really liked (you can read about it in the thread titled "My Date Last Night"), I tried the whole being friends thing. But as time went by, I realized that I am not content being just friends with her. And I don't want to hang out with a girl I like when she's not interested in anything more. And especially not if she's out chasing other guys. So last night, after I took her to a concert we'd been looking forward to for about a month, I told her...

Me: You know... I really like being around you, and hanging out with you and your friends and stuff... but I don't think we should hang out anymore.
Her (in a quiet voice): Ok.
Me: You don't even want to know why?
Her: I know why, I just think it's stupid.
Me: (slight pause) You know I want to pursue something more than just a friendship with you. But if you're not interested I don't see where this is going.
Her: So I'm worthy of being more than friends but not worthy of just being friends.
Me: Right now, yeah. It's just something I really don't feel like dealing with right now.
Her: Ok.

And then she pretty much stormed off. She didn't slam my car door or anything, but I could tell she was upset. I think she was more upset that one of her friends was leaving her, than at the prospect of losing me specifically. But I feel like I messed up, like I just threw away something really good. Logically, she knew I was interested so if she wanted something more she could have taken it. But she didn't, her loss right? But I can't shake the feeling that if I had just waited a little longer she might have come around. Realistically I know that if she doesn't think I'm the best thing to ever happen to her, she doesn't deserve a great guy like me. But that doesn't make it suck any less.

Do you guys think I handled the situation well? What can I do next time to make it easier? Or any advice or comments in general that you might have would also be appreciated.

[Alex]

Scott, you just need to know that you did the right thing. No back thoughts, no nothing. You did what you felt was right at the moment, and that's all that matters. Period.

Don't give a damn about her signals. It could be a million things. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Let it happen the way it's supposed to

[Scott D]

She ended up texting me yesterday.

"You know. I was really upset at first. But I think I was ruder than I needed to be. I hope you have an amazing life. You're an awesome kid... And if you ever find room for me. Let me know. P.s. I quit smoking."

This had me all sorts of confused. I mean, I get that she is upset that I broke it off (even though we weren't anything more than friends), but why bother telling me all this? Especially the part about not smoking anymore. She knew I didn't like it. I was afraid to assume she said that to entice me into coming back.
I just got out of the class we have together, and I decided I would talk to her one last time about it. I made sure she knows that it's not her fault, I just wasn't happy with the situation. She said she understood, but I could tell she was still upset. I told her I'll miss her, then said goodbye. It's got me pretty upset, but I know staying in that situation would just cause heartache that I don't need. I sure will miss that girl, though. It's unfortunate it didn't work out.
But I've learned a very valuable lesson in all this... if you have a chance, take it! I missed more than one opportunity near the beginning of our relationship to really solidify something serious, and that was my mistake. Now I know next time not to let those chances slip by.

[Scott D]

Last week before we took the final exam in the class we have together, we had a mini-conversation about nothing in particular. She chimed into a "group discussion" I was having with some classmates about chapstick and energy drinks... nothing really important. Minutes before the test started, she texted me: "Are you done not hanging out with me yet? =/" I never responded because I didn't actually get the message 'til a few hours later. Ever since I've been struggling with whether or not to contact her. I miss her a lot, but I understand it's for the best if I don't. I made my intentions clear from the beginning, and she missed her shot. For better or worse, I'm letting it die. I spent a lot of time thinking about it objectively, and I realized that even if we did have a talk and everything turned out exactly how I wanted it to, that I still wouldn't be happy. As much as I like this girl, I don't believe she can give me what I need from a relationship. It sucks, but it's true. I thought about all the things she did that bothered me (read: made me jealous); I don't want to imagine how those things would make me feel if we were dating!

Although it's a good feeling to know that she misses me at least a bit, I think the reason she texted me those two times was because she missed my attention more than she missed me. Such being the case, I made the decision to just let it go. I'm not going to play those games with someone who is not willing to put in the same amount of effort into a relationship that I am. Just words of wisdom for anyone else in a similar situation. It hurts, but it's for the best.

[Cpt. Jackal]

Scott,

It might be that, due to my past experiences, I've developed a sort of allergy to this behavior, but from what you wrote she reminds me of a fisherman. She knew all along about your feelings for her and was just comfortable leaving things that way. She liked having you at the end of a string.

Probably it was a gift from above that the last text message arrived late... not replying to it shifted the game back into your control, something I think is very important with this kind of person. Now, if you've determined you would not be interested in her even if it had turned out exactly the way you wanted, just move on, and keep relations with her to the bare minimum required to be civil. Sure, you can chat about energy drinks with friends, but I'd leave it at that.

And cheer up, you had the courage to do what you felt was right and stuck to it. It's not something everybody does.

[Scott D]

Hey Bryan, thanks for the encouraging words. You are right about her (and all my other friends agree with that assessment), but it's still difficult to deal with. I'm glad that I won't have to see her again unless by some off chance we run into each other at school. I think she has the capacity to care as much as I do, but at this point in time, for whatever reason she didn't want to. I'm sure after a few weeks, once the summer session starts really, I'll be able to get her off my mind for good. 

[Scott D]

Feeling quite strong now that I have solidified a relationship with another (better!) girl, I decided to look her up on Facebook the other day. I must say, I'm more than glad I walked away from this one. She's gained weight, lost her job, and from what I can tell she's become very immature. Although I feel a little bad about it, this just helps confirm that I did the right thing a couple months ago.

[Alex]

I know you did Scott 

[abogatir]

No regrets Scott - no regrets 

[Anthony Parkes]

That's good news buddy! What I admire is that you took action. You could have stayed in your comfort zone: but you took action (I repeat :p ).

What you also did perfectly: you didn't buy her crap about the text message where she was more or less "missing you". Women either like you or they don't. You had sufficient guts not to think "Well, she might kinda like me". You stayed determined and stuck to your goals. Excellent!

Most other guys would have stayed there longer, torturing themselves for additional weeks, months, maybe even years, wasting time and money on a girl that probably wasn't interested.

Scott, you had vision, and you had guts. You deserve a round of applause from the whole forum.

[Scott D]

Thanks guys, way to put a smile on this tired face of mine.