Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Scott D]

So I met this girl at school a couple weeks ago (I'll call her April). We got along fine, spoke a little bit about the class we are in, that sort of thing. Stupidly, I never asked for her number. So I e-mailed her through an online service offered to all students by the school, gave her my number and told her to call or text me sometime. She did the next day, and we talked a little bit. We started sitting next to eachother during class, but we don't really talk much. Two weeks ago, for her 21st birthday she came to the casino I work at to play bingo, then came up to say hi to me. (That was a very nice surprise, and got me thinking that she might have some sort of interest in me). A couple days ago I texted her, asking if she'd like to see a movie Saturday, but she said she had to work. So I simply told her if she'd like, we could go before or after her shift, but if not that's totally cool. She never got back to me afer that. So last night, curious about where she stood, I texted her... this is the conversation we had through texts, verbatim.

Me: Hey, what are you up to?
April: Nothing just got off work. You?
Me: Just chillin at home. I just woke up and realized I have nothing to do. How'd it go?
April: Busy but bad tippers. I'm with a friend. Maybe wanna meet up with us in a little bit?
Me: What do you guys have planned?
April: No plans.
Me: Feel like bowling? It's free after 2am.
(I didn't get a response, waited fifteen minutes)
Me: I'll take that as a no lol. Any other ideas?
April: No that's fine.
Me: Meet me there at two?
April: Okay sure!

Alright, I must admit I was a little surprised that she accepted. I am fatally pessimistic when it comes to relationships (I know that's bad!) and was already expecting a polite decline. She and her friend got there, and we all went bowling for a little bit. From what I could tell we all had a good time. We talked mostly about music and concerts, and a little about school. The friend and I got along well enough, and neither of them seemed to have a problem talking about their other friends or what they are doing the next few days, which can mean one of two things: they are comfortable around me, OR they don't care what I think. Hopefully the former is true. Before we left, the friend asked for my number (not really sure why, she has a boyfriend -- any ideas?). Anyway, when it was time to go, I got a hug from each of them, and they left. I stuck around to talk to my coworkers (since this was the bowling alley I work in). Afterwards, they both texted me...

Her friend: Thanks for letting us come hang out. It was a pleasure meeting you!
Me: You are more than welcome. Hope I didn't offend you too much with my taste in music haha. If you guys wanna kick it again let me know. =)
Her friend: No offense taken. Not everyone has the same taste in music as I do. And we will bowl again. I gotta improve haha.

April: Thanks again. Hope we weren't too obnoxious!
Me: You were not obnoxious at all. It's fun chillin with you. If you don't have anything going on next weekend we should do it again. =)
April: Lol okay. That's good though. Although we were pretty behaved
Me: Next time don't behave so I can see what you're like behind closed doors. =)
April: Lol. The same? And why do you wanna know? Nobody wants to know. It's scary!
Me: I'm curious.
April: Haha. I'm nerdy. Hilarious. And kinda boring.
Me: Nerdy is good. Nothing wrong with being boring. And hilarious? Funny, maybe. But hilarious? Eh...
April: I am. Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
April: April! And I'm fucking hilarious. The end.
Me: Like I said... we'll see. =) Shouldn't you be sleeping?
April: Ya but I cant. Want me to leave you alone? Tired of me already?
Me: Why cant you sleep? And no don't want you to leave but don't blame me for keeping you up haha
April: Never! So anything else you wanna know?
Me: You have any tattoos?
April: I have one small one.
Me: The one on the back of your neck? What is it exactly?

After that she never replied (I'm assuming she fell asleep). Now, I had a great time. I really like April, and her friend is pretty cool too. I don't know if I should be concerned about the friend or not though. Meaning... why did April bring a friend? Was it because she likes me and wants her friends to meet me? Or was it because she wasn't expecting to have a good time and wanted an "out"? Any suggestions on how I should follow this up? I see April twice a week in class, so it might be kind of hard for her to avoid me if she really wanted to. The biggest thing I want to know from you guys, though, is from my one-sided commentary, what do you make of it? Do you think she likes me? Or at least might have an interest? Or should I not get my hopes up? Let me know if anything seems unclear or if there are anymore details you need. Thanks. 

[Alex]

Ah, great story Scott!

I must say that I am impressed. You handled it all very well 

I think that they both genuinely like you. They had a great time with a good guy, so why shouldn't they?

Is there any kind of tension between you and April, you know, sexually? Any prolonged, deep looks into each others eyes? If there is some sensual spark, I'd say go for it 100%. She's just waiting for you to come swoon her away.

If there is not, and you're more at a friend level, it might take some "work". Begin to touch her a little more, maybe a kiss on the cheek when you hug.

I would say that anyway, your chances stand pretty good. But don't worry too much about it, Scott, I see a great future in you 

Keep us updated!

[Adam]

Her friend will have just been there for support, a buffer if you like, against any unwanted male attention. She's also there to test you out on behalf of Alice, so be careful how you treat her, she will tell Alice EVERYTHING, so watch out for traps as well. Good luck though mate

[Scott D]

Thank you both, Alex and Adam, for the encouraging words. I managed to secure a second date this Friday, but this time I don't think she actually wants to go. This was our conversation:

Me: Hey, what are you doing this weekend?
Her: Working and hanging out. You?
Me: Bowling Friday night but that's about it. Want to grab coffee Friday afternoon?
Her: I work at 4:30
Me: Should I take that as a no?
Her: I was just saying...
Me: Haha ok. We could go before that if you want. If not that's totally cool, don't feel obligated.
Her: Yeah sure.
Me: Is 3 ok for you?
Her: Okay.

Maybe it's just my pessimism, but I'm worried she doesn't like me and just accepted this time because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. She texts me every now and then, but when we talk I feel like I annoy her. Maybe I'm just looking at it all wrong. I think Friday morning I'm going to try to confirm our date, see if she's still interested. I will definitely keep you guys posted. Wish me luck if nothing else. 

[Alex]

Good luck mate.

I have a small suggestion for you:

Drop your "pessimism".  It's really not getting you anywhere.

Instead of saying "should I take that as a no?", say something like, "Great! I'll pick you up at 2 "

You sound too weak, and like you come from a place of neediness instead of abundance.

So sack up and act more like a man. I think it'll work out for you.

[Adam]

Alex hit the nail on the head there with that point, by saying 'shall i take that as a no?' you're showing that you think its a foregone conclusion, that she's probably going to reject you anyway. This isn't the image you should be putting across.

Having said that, she seemed to react fairly well to it, considering what could have happened.

[Scott D]

Pessimism is something I've struggled with for the past few years (I think it stems from being cheated on), but I understand it's something I need to change. Easier said than done, of course. I've read a bunch of articles in improving confidence and positive thinking, but old habits are hard to change. The past few days I have gotten a lot of mixed signals from her. She ended up coming to the bowling alley I work at Thursday night with a couple friends, so we talked a little bit and I introduced her to my coworkers. She started talking to one of them quite a bit actually, and they exchanged phone numbers, which rather upset me. They ended up texting for a few hours after she left, making very tentative plans to hang out. At this point I told myself it's over, she has no interest in me, especially after she cancelled our date for the next day.

Well, the next night, Friday, she texts me while she's at work just saying hi, asking how my day's going and about my plans for later on. I told her I was going to a friend's house for poker. She texted me again after she got off work asking what I was doing, and I had to repeat myself, saying I was at my friend's house playing poker. She said when I'm done I should come hang out with her and her friends. I thought "Great, I'm back in it!" but said, "We'll see, I'm pretty tired." After she told me to stop being tired and come hang out anyway, I agreed. We ended up just chilling at Ihop for a while playing a card game (there were about eight of us there). Last night, she texted me again after she got off work asking if I was busy, because she and one of her friends are really bored. We met again at Ihop and just chatted for a while. The friend had to leave since she had work early this morning, but April and I ended up going to a park and just sat in my car and talked for over three hours, watching the sunrise. It was very nice, and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. We spoke about past relationships, future plans, preferences, just regular "getting to know eachother" stuff really. I realized last night/this morning that I really like this girl, and I think there is a lot of potential for us. But I don't want to scare her away by coming on too strongly, you know? I've told her I think she's very cool and very pretty, but she happens to have a poor self-image and doesn't believe me. She mentioned she "sort of has her eye on someone" so now I'm hesitant to ask her out again, because I really don't want to be categorized as only friend material. But it's very difficult to know how she feels because she is very shy about that sort of thing. I have this week off work so I probably will ask her to hang out sometime, but we'll see where it leads.

That's my update, thank you guys for reading. =)

[Scott D]

It's come to the point where I'm going to take my time and back off a bit now. Last night I went to hang out with her and her friends while they smoked hookah. We all just chilled, goofed off a bit. Eventually everyone else had to leave, so April and I went back to the park near her house and sat in my car and talked again. She started asking me some personal questions like "What do you first notice about a girl," and "describe your perfect date," and similar things. She even told me to rate her looks because she wanted to know how my scale compares to that of her other friends. I asked why she wanted to know, and she told me to just answer the question. So I told her straight up, "I think you are beautiful." After so much intimate conversation, I eventually just busted up the nerve and told her, "April, I really like you. I don't want to be just friends." She didn't say anything, so I got a little worried. I said I was expecting a little more of a reaction, but she just said "What do you want me to do?" I don't remember much of what happened after that, but we ended up laying back in the back seat of my car, with me scratching/massaging her head for a while. I'm pretty sure I could have kissed her if I wanted to, but I didn't. If she has already labeled me as just friend material then I don't want to make anything awkward. At least not yet, I want the information to sink into her a little bit before I go for it again. I've decided for the next week or so I'm not going to go out of my way to speak with or hang out with her, to show her that even though I have feelings for her, she isn't going to rule me. I'm hoping she might become intrigued by the change of character, but I won't make it so obvious as to push her away. Wish me luck. 

[Alex]

You don't need luck, bro.

You need to kiss her!

[Adam]

You sound like you're almost there mate, you've already been fairly intimate with her. The hard bit is done 

So just go for it, I appreciate your way of holding back a little, so just wait for the right moment, don't rush it and make it magical for her.

You'll do it.

[Scott D]

So I'm pretty sure I missed my chance with this girl. I e-mailed Alex about it and his advice is to just let it go, and I'm trying to. I like the friendship though, so it's a difficult decision to make. I want to just stay friends with her and see where it leads, but I'm definitely taking Alex's advice and not going out of my way to try for her anymore. I just have to make myself accept that we are friends and find someone else to chase after.

She still gives me mixed signals though, and it drives me nuts. She texted me one day saying how much she likes hanging out with me and that I'm one of the very few people she's ever known that she actually finds herself wanting to talk to. But then she tells me that she likes another guy. It's frustrating, but I'm doing my best at not worrying about it. She invited me to go to Disneyland with her in a few weeks, so we are planning that. It should be fun. 

What I've learned from this.
1) Don't explain your feelings too early because most likely it will make things awkward for a while.
2) If you have a legitimate chance to kiss her, do it! You might not get another opportunity.
3) Don't bend over backwards (or forwards, for that matter) to make her like you. If she does, great, if not, keep on looking.