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[Jim James]

Hey guys,

Thank you for the advice on my previous posting.  I've been talking it slow, more like steps.  I say "Hi" or ask them something, which isn't hard since I'm in school so there's plenty of women around and I could find 100 reasons to talk to them.  As soon as I get comfortable with this part I'll start introducing some C&F lines and keep it moving. 

I've been talking to women online to see how they react to some of the material, so that if it's really bad it won't blow up in my face.  Here is a recent conversation that I had with a woman and I'd appreciate it if you could point out everything that I did wrong.  My feelings don't get easily hurt so fire away.
ME: 
Dear sexually frustrated woman,

You seem like you may have a severe case of sexual frustration.  This may have been caused by your medication (which you mention) or by having had unsatisfying sexual experiences in the past (which it seems like you have had).  Another source of this cause could be your constant contact with desperate men, which is not uncommon, since most of us act like we're still cavemen when the other head does the thinking.

I will not in any way, shape or form deal with your crap, but(unfortunately) I have a burning urge to help people.  With that being said, if you are ready for interaction with normal people and want a normal friendship then you deserve to get to know me.

Best regards,
A normal person

Her:
No, LOL I don't have a severe case of sexual frustration. If you knew me and just how "little ole hermit lady" I am you would understand how it is that I got tired of being used for what I look like. You did hit the nail on the head though when you said I picked desperate men. I've always dated beneath myself and the mental stimulation that I needed from my partners was never there, a problem that I created. I know.

You consider yourself to be normal. I consider myself to quite the quiet oddball.

ME:
Hmmm...a really good looking woman who is really quiet?  That just doesn't sound right.  So an amazing man like myself should stay away from you if I do not want to be stalked?  I figured since you always date desperate men, you'd probably turn desperate when you meet a great guy me.

As much as I'd like to be your e-mail buddy, my time is very limited:(  However, I've discovered this device that let's you communicate faster and you can even hear each other.  All I'd have to do is dial the right numbers

Her:
No I'm not looking for an e-mail buddy, nor could I conceive of myself stalking anybody. I'm just not that ambitious, or needy. No, I have not dated only desperate men, In fact the men that I've slept with over the past thirteen years number only three. Two of them were husbands and one was a two year relationship. So I am sorry to bust up your thought that I sleep with desperate men, but obviously I do not.

And I would not in any way shape or form ever be so desperate as to become "needy" of a mans attention; no matter how "amazing" his is ( in his own opinion of himself.)
What may be "amazing" in your eyes- looks to me like a man who is interested in a woman and already expects to put conditions on if there would be further conversations. That to me is not "amazing" that to me is exactly what I am looking to avoid. Were you the right one you would also enjoy a written conversation and as you have expressed a desire to chat on the phone rather than continue here in my eyes you're just "lazy"

But it has been fun chatting with you, and it all in good Cheer - Ta

[Adam]

I think you might have gone a bit overboard with the cockiness, the "amazing man like myself" and "great guy me" are a little too obvious. This does all depend on context though, obviously I don't know how you first came into contact with her so some things are a bit mysterious, but I think the seeking desperate men line was a bit intrusive. To be fair you did seem to get her attention well at first, but then i think she got over the interest and just found the whole thing a bit weird.

Personally, I find it a bit awkward talking to women online, I appreciate the idea behind what you're doing but there are a lot of things missing from talking online, like eye contact, body language etc. that stop you learning how to properly develop your communication. I'd say use it as a tool for communication, or setting up dates but never as a replacement for actually speaking, unless you live far apart.

[Anthony Parkes]

Just as Adam mentionned, talking online is very different to talking in real life, since there's no screen to protect yourself, and there's body language and tone of voice. Plus online you can actually think about your answer, edit it, correct, etc...

I think the cockiness would have been nice in real life with a light tone of voice and some smiling, but online you don't get that feeling so it's a bit... weird.

Kudos for the compliment, "a really good-looking woman". Sandwiched between confidence and cockiness, I think that's the direction you should be looking at.

I admit I was surprised when I read her answer to your first mail, she reacted well, I was thinking she would get defensive and "counter-attack" in her reply as I read your mail. In the second reply though she definitely assaulted you (I would have taken it personally if I were you)

I'm with Adam on this one - I think you pushed it a little too far with "sexually frustrated" and "your crap". I think the cockiness here is too exaggerated and you sound too confident - plus when it's written text we don't really get the tone of your words.

I also think here you sounded a little too unfriendly - try taking it from her side. In my experience, never 'attack' unless you're kidding and she can see it (no mistaking). Try to take it from her side and be on it, otherwise it's just a giant "Ego Battle".

If she does have problems, try to help her with them instead of underlining them. I think here you sounded a bit disrespectful and it seemed to me you were trying to make her feel uncomfortable - don't! Don't fight, charm

Anthony

[Jim James]

You guys are right.  I can see I exaggerated on the cockiness to the point where it might have turned offensive(unintentionally).  I'm naturally very sarcastic and that's what I was going for, but I forgot everything else that you guys mentioned (the physical part). 

Anthony you mentioned that I should try to help her with her problems instead of underlining them.  Isn't that what a nice guy would do and end up being just her friend?

[Tuplad]

Too much cockiness and downright an absurd mail. Imagine a chick sending that to you.

What I see, is an insecure young man. Why ? You have the need to post here and ask for critique etc.

Your POSTS on this forum and your MAIL to that lady are like "Heaven<---->Earth" apart. The email looks fake too, like, you're going overboard. Don't do any of those things until you feel very comfortable. I think I've seen these kind of mails at David DeAngelo's book or whatever. In any case, it's not a good idea. Just be yourself... if you're insecure, be insecure... but don't put on a mask of "amazing man like myself".

And that "I don't have enough time" line, who are you fooling ? You're registered on an online dating site(I guess).

The mails you've sent beam with insecurity.

Better luck next time

[Adam]

Tuplad has a point here, reading through it again it does sound a bit strange, but as I said earlier it would depends on the context, do you know her at all or just randomly strike up a conversation?

But you rarely forget something you learnt through a mistake, so this is good and will teach you 

[RAG]

hey guys,

i also have been talking to women online. here's a recent convo i had with a woman and i would appreciate feedback: 

her: im off to bed.. i got work tomorrow.. boo

me: wait! where's my good night kiss? lol.

me: anyways, have a great day tomorrow alright

her: thanks. hope i will. lol.

her: thats a perv thing to say!

me: what perv? which one?

her: ur good night kiss remark

me: it isnt perv. its a tease

her: no its not

her: its just an odd thing to say unless i like u like that and u know that

her: u know?

her: just saying

her: bc girls dont usually like that

her: unless they like u like that

her: so stop perving

her: lol haha.

me: lol. ok. thanks for the heads up.

her: k, night night.. have a grt day tomorrow. its suppose to be grt out.

what does she mean by this? --> her: its just an odd thing to say unless i like u like that and u know that <-- i just don't get it. what do i know?

[Adam]

She's saying why woul you ask her for a kiss if you're not even with her?

Plus online you can't show that you are joking through your face, she could think you are serious.

So I think that's where you get wrong.

[RAG]

She's saying why woul you ask her for a kiss if you're not even with her?

Plus online you can't show that you are joking through your face, she could think you are serious.

So I think that's where you get wrong.

thanks for the feedback adam. i appreciate it man.

but what does she meant by this--> unless i like u like that and u know that

does that she mean she doesn't want me to be "pervy" or she just doesn't like me at all?

feedback would be greatly appreciated.

[Adam]

Ok, what she means by this is, don't say you want a kiss unless you knew that I liked you. So she's not saying she does at all, maybe hinting at it but that's a slim chance. Basically I think she was just a bit creeped out, I mean its not the worst thing to have asked her but maybe she was just in a bad mood or something.

Just take it easier from now on, unless you're talking to her in person, which I do recommend FAR more.

[RAG]

hey guys, here's another recent convo i had with a woman i knew from work. i was trying to get to spend time with her but i guess i got turned down.

anyways, here it goes.
---

me: hey, what are you up to today?

her: babysitting my friends dog

me: nice what kind of dog he/she has?

her: its a mut of some sort

her: lol

me:  lol

me: isnt that a nice dog?

me: are u taking the dog for a walk?

me: its nice out

her: yes, we will be out pretty much all day

me: can i tag along? lol

her: lol, wish you could but i think my moms going to come down sometime today

me: lol. great

THE END
---

what do you guys think of this? --> her: lol, wish you could but i think my moms going to come down sometime today

i think its just her nice way of saying NO.. what do you guys think?

and what else could i have said instead of saying "lol. great"?

FEEDBACK will be greatly appreciated..

[Alex]

To be honest, I also think that it's just a polite way of saying no. I could be wrong, though, since I don't know any of you :-)

[Adam]

I'd agree here, I think she's basically saying she's not keen on seeing you.

Don't lose hope though, seeing as she was dog-sitting it could just be that she was dressed in scruffy clothes without make up and so didn't feel like seeing anybody, or even that she was actually telling the truth.

[RAG]

Thanks for the feedback guys.. much appreciated.

I won't lose hope. I'll be persistent. lol   

[Scott D]

Persistence pays off, but it can also push away. Be careful with how much you try, or she might just end up wanting nothing to do with you.

Instead of saying "lol. great" next time I would try something more akin to "Ah no worries, I have to (wash my car/go shopping/hang out with a buddy) anyway." 1) It shows her you aren't upset at being turned down (whatever her reasoning is), and 2) It makes her question whether or not she is really a priority for you, or just simply an afterthought.