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[Anthony Parkes]

Hey guys! Been a while!
After a month of being in the "grayish" zone with my girlfriend (not really breaking up, and not really together), i managed to have a serious chat with her about where we were going. Well, it was more of a huge dilemma for both of us than a regular convo.

Basically, here are the cold, hard facts:

-We have very different goals, and aren't looking for the same type of relationship
-We simply can't make it work between us, no matter how much we try (we always argue...)
-We see each other every day with other people, and don't see each other alone enough (and there's no way to change that)
-We want to concentrate on studying this year
-She isn't ready to be 200% active in the relationship
-Both of us have been "dating" other people while we were in the "gray" zone
-The relationship is going nowhere, and has no purpose

But:

-Deep down, both of us want to be with each other, pretty badly.

Finally, i decided to call it quits, because it was pointless. We're going to try and stick to that resolution for a couple of weeks, and then meet up just to see how we're managing the whole thing.

There is one fatal and huge problem i'm going to have: i see her every day, all day. No way i can apply the no contact rule. And moving on without it is pretty much suicide. Oh, and it's going to stay that way for a whole year.

Other problem: no matter how much i think about us, i realize it's totally impossible for our relationship to work out. But i'm still aching to be with her despite the impossibility of that situation.

Help?

[Alex]

Why do you see each other all day long, Anthony?

And how did you manage that while you were still together?

[Anthony Parkes]

We work at the same place... and I won't quit my job. It was extremely hard to manage, lots of arguing. I would say it's the main reason it didn't work out between us: too much time seeing each other but not together (as in alone), and not enough time alone, just the two of us.

It sucks...

[Scott D]

Sounds like a case of down right bad timing, Anthony. I remember how happy and excited you were when all your work finally culminated into a relationship with this girl, and I can't imagine how you must feel right now. I'm afraid I don't know what to say to help, really. Try to keep in mind that it isn't a case of either of you not liking the other anymore, it's just a bad time in your lives. You're both busy with work, aiming for different things, perhaps you have different ideas of relaxing outside of work, all these different factors are getting in the way of your relationship. You might like eachother who for who you are, but sometimes the hill is just a little too big to climb. But up isn't the only way. By that I mean, perhaps a break will be good for you... you won't have the pressure of having to make time for eachother or making the other happy. Work on your separate goals for now, and if the weather permits, try again later?

[Manrevo]

Anthony, when you guys were in the gray zone, did you have sex with her? Serious question.

My ex- situation is very similar. We both wanted to be with each other but on her end, it just didn't "click". We ended up spending a night together and after lots intimacy and bumping uglies, she started to stop being a bitch for the first time in a long time. As in, she started to slowly act flirty and shit like "the good ol' days"

A lot of times, girls forget how they feel about you. They forget about those little things you did that really attracted her and turned her on. And as important as sex is, they forget what it even felt like to be so intimate with you. Even though we aren't back together, we've been spending a lot of time together just hanging out. Kinda like she's slowly remembering how much I rocked her world or something.

Alone time and intimacy is crucial. The hard part is that sometimes they just give up and don't feel that it's worth it anymore to give you that little bit. Should you persevere? That call is yours to make.

And as Scott said, it could also just be terrible timing. I know for a fact that my work and schooling is always a higher priority than any relationship, and perhaps she feels that way as well?

[Anthony Parkes]

Nope, we didn't have sex together while in the "gray" zone. It's really a f*cking dilemma, things would be so much easier if she didn't love me anymore for instance - it would still suck, but at least my options would be clear. We spent two hours weighing pros and cons for us getting back together. I don't see us going anywhere, I don't see things getting better between us, there are like 200 reasons in the "con" list, and only one in the "pro": I really want this girl. It had been a very long time since I'd spoken to her in person, and the whole thing was ambiguous (like her playing with my hair, holding my hand, hugging), but we didn't kiss. When we were close up she wouldn't look me in the eye (or briefly), but I could see it was a big effort for her. Her whole body language was yelling "kiss me!!!". Getting back together is simply something that we cannot afford, and so is splitting up.

This might sound cliché, but for both of us, it's really "listen to your heart" or "listen to your head (and to logic)". Either way, the road ahead is really bumpy for both of us (it's pretty much always been anyway). I change my mind all the time, I don't know what I want. The chances of building a stable, working relationship are extremely slim.

@Manrevo: it's possible she's forgotten, as I've said, it had been a long time since I'd seen her in person.

So, call it quits, or give it another shot?

[Manrevo]

>> only one in the "pro": I really want this girl

There you go.

It seems to me that it's not about how much you really love her, but more like you're so comfortable with her that you NEED to have her. It's kind of like a possessive feeling where you can't live with her, but you really don't want to live without her either. It's the same for her as that she's not so much attracted to you, but your history with each other makes it seem that you guys SHOULD be together (hence her really trying to make an effort), when clearly things aren't working out.

I think you should just call it quits unless you guys can really find time to be really intimate. It's frustrating you a lot and as long as this keeps up, you guys will also ruin any kind of normal relationship you guys might be able to have with each other.