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[sean]

The name's Sean,
  Just wanted to say that this site is great! But I still have a problem with this one woman. Ok, a little history..

Rose and I met about a year ago in college. It was my senior year and her junior. She was involved with this asshole who didn't treat her very well. We started joking around with each other and it was amazing. Everyday we talked no matter what. Well, I got attached way too attached and there where moments that I know that we could have kissed but in the back of my mind she was still with someone else. They weren't exclusive or anything but I still have morals. The reason why I didn't mind talking and seeing her everyday is because the guy she was involved with was a married man and she didn't find that out until she was emotionally attached. He kept telling her they were getting a divorce. So, there have been some rocky moments between us. Shared love and emotions. We both have confessed our love for each other, but she still won't commit to me. After things ended with this A$$hole she obviously knew how I felt and didn't want anything because of her not wanting to jump right back into a relationship and I understand that. So, she started hanging out with another guy and the end of my senior year thing got ugly between us because of her rebound, I was a little jealous!

Anyways, in summer I moved closer to where she is from and there were all of these promises of visiting. I was even invited to her house, but nothing ever was solid. Finally, we went to the beach together and hung out all day. I haven't seen Rose before that in 3 months... so it was a little awkward trying to flirt because of the emotional roller coaster that we have been through. There was some hair caressing and flirtatious moments. And over dinner she expressed that she isn't hanging out with her rebound and told me that is exactly what he was and she didn't want to do that to me. It ended with a kiss on the cheek and a departure. Since then she is back up to college and I can't help but feel she has once again slipped through my fingers. I feel like I had another chance to seal the deal but didn't.

Our whole so called relationship has been off and on. There has been several moments where we both try not talking to each other for awhile but it never lasts. We both tell each other that we can't do it. The love is there on both sides, but I think that she isn't ready for commitment. I know that if i could seal the deal and finally just kiss her that things would move on slowly, but I'm still afraid of being hurt. We still talk everyday but I'm not too sure on how she feels about me still. Like, I go out of my way for her and she knows that, but she really doesn't go out of her way for me. In the beginning she did. I just want to have the chance to show her how i would be if i was with her. I know that things would be great! or is that high hopes?! Help me get her to want only me! ugh, i need therapy!! lol love struck!

[Alex]

Thanks for sharing your story with us... And with that said, onto my advice:

Be bold and kiss her Sean.

That's the only real thing to do right now. Go on, it's the only way you'll ever know

[InnerGameReframe]

If only you could kiss her and everything would be ok, right? It won't be ok, trust me. Your extreme NEEDINESS is what will prevent you two from ever being together. Neediness =no attraction in this "potential" relationship. And you are being needy with her. You fear losing a girl you have never kissed, go out of your way to treat her like a princess and wait around by the phone for her to call so you can hang out. You are putting your life on hold for this girl and investing a lot of emotional energy into this situation.

Your story and the way you talk about it reminds me of almost EVERY romantic love story you see at the movies. "I just want to have the chance to show her how i would be if i was with her" is the same as saying "if she ONLY knew how I felt, then she would fall madly in love with me and we would be happy". Cute story but it's a fantasy not based on reality. Reality is that she already knows exactly how you feel about her and she does not feel the same way. If she was attracted to you then you would be together or she would make more of an effort to spend time with you because that's what a person does when they like someone.

Causes for her flirting with you when she was married

She flirted with you because that's what someone does when they are in a relationship that isn't satisfying. Odds are great that her previous relationship broke down her self esteem very much. Women are insecure to begin with and continuing a bad relationship makes them feel worse. A temporary fix for their unhappiness and low self esteem is to find someone to approve of them and this is where you come in. Flirting gives you a boost of energy and self esteem (although very fleeting) and this is what she was getting from you. She's not evil or a bad person for doing this but simply being human.

She finally had the strength to leave the asshole guy but doing so caused her ego to get stronger and search out someone to plug that hole-the rebound guy. After a while she started to wake up and build a little confidence and the rebound guy was tossed aside.

Notice how you spent so much time together while she had a husband but never see each other now that she is completely single and available? You were a band aid that made her feel good but now the wound has healed and she no longer needs the band aid. She told you that she loved you but in reality she just wanted to feel loved, approval and validation.

I'm being harsh but you need something to wake you up from this fairytale. Read an article I wrote about these types of situations :

http://innergamereframe.com/turning-a-friendship-into-something-more/

[Brent G]

Hey Sean,

I know I'm not the advice guru here unlike these amazing guys above me lol
But I think you should follow both there advices because they are goood.

Example: If you get a chance to talk with her again. Try your fucking best to get her in the mood. And Kiss her. Like flirt, and if she smiles and accepts, move in for the kill. You'll definately get your answer there for if she has true feelings for you or not.

But if you cant or you comeplete that little kissing mission and she says no to what you attempted to do...

InnerGameReframe was SO RIGHT!

My true advice here:
If she wanted you fully, she would have went out of HER way to get to you. If she just talks to you for only the meanwhile, she just thinks of you as a pillow. Pillows are only comforting for a few hours of the day.