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[Anthony Parkes]

Hello Everyone!
I've written an article called How To Develop an Attractive Personality, where I tried to break down the key elements of an attractive personality. I could think of Irrationality, Aggressivity, Attention-Giving, Detatchement, Being yourself, Humor, Class, Confidence, Romance, and Dignity.

Can you think of any more? What are in your experience the personality traits that women typically fall for? Jerk or Nice Guy? I'd love to hear of your ideas or start a little debate.

Thanks,
Anthony

[Adam]

Good article, I think that possibly the most important part of developing a personality is to have the confidence to show who you really are. Everyone has a personality, personally I don't believe anyone can have more or less personality, just different. The variation lies in whether you have the confidence to show it, or whether you hide it.

As for what attracts women, I think its all about confidence in whatever you do. Women are programmed to seek protectors, fun people nonetheless, but people who they can completely trust in. In animal terms, if the alpha male of a group of animals decides to move, he will get up and move, with the rest of the group following. He doesn't look back and check that everyone wants to move, or where they want to move to, he will simply make a decision for the best and act on it because they trust and respect him. Personally, I think that this is the essence of masculinity; and so the basis of female attraction. On this subject, and this might sound strange, but watching alpha male behaviour in animals can actually be quite informative, as long as you take away the right parts. An alpha male of most species will fight to defend, if necessary, yet can be a caring and gentle mate and father, giving attention.

It is on top of this basis that all the tweaks that trigger attraction can be developed, like appearance, what you say and how you say it, along with all the other aspects of attraction. 

I find it a really interesting topic to get involved in, although of course it isn't without its benefits 

[Anthony Parkes]

Welher, thanks for the quick answer!

I definitely agree that confidence alone is the single most important masculine trait. And I also agree that the key to being masculine is to actually have the guts to show who you really are.

In other words, the secret to being an alpha-male is to overcome the fear of what other people might think and actually start showing your personality, just like you said. I've written about this too in an article titled How to Be Yourself Around Girls and Stand Out From The Crowd. You have to get passed the fear of social conditionning, the "what-will-she-think?" question. And you need confidence to do so.

Otherwise, you become a slave of that question and filter your actions so much you end up being boring and a "nice guy". The other traits I mention in my post naturally arise when your confidence level is high enough.

The secret to becoming an alpha male is to start thinking you are one, in the same way that if you want others to respect you, you have to respect yourself. Welher, I just tapped into a new realization thanks to the opinion you expressed! I'll try writing a post on con.structed.org or maybe guest-post it on JKTC if Alex accepts.

I will look for videos showing alpha-male primates and post them here. We could comment on their attitudes and try to learn some lessons from their behavior.

Welher - Thank you so much!
Anthony

[Alex]

Anthony, I liked your article, but I don't agree with all that you say.

For one, I don't really believe in all these "games" that you talk about - like being unpredictable by not calling her. In my opinion (and experience), that is not neccessarily a good idea.

The main trait for me to have as a man is congruence. Are you who you say you are?

Women sense this. Men do too, but in a lesser degree.

Respect, as you say in your last post is also hugely important. Respect not only for others, but also for yourself.

[Adam]

Personally I don't like to play games that will make women worried or unsure. I know that there are guys who do it a lot, and get girls eating out of their hands for it, but I just find that I'd rather be slightly less successful, but more respectful, by just being honest.

That's not to say that fun games like the strawberry fields one are bad, they're light hearted and fun and everyone has a good time, but when you play mind games like giving mixed messages or not calling, I just don't think its fair on women.

But each to their own, whatever works, works.

[Alex]

Exactly, Adam.

We're all different, and it's important to find out what works for you, not for the other guys.

[Anthony Parkes]

Personally, I don't necessarily advocate that to be attractive you absolutely have to play "games" like you said. What I've written about not calling her is something I do naturally (I don't force myself to not do it). I wrote that in my post because I noticed women responded well to it - plus it gives me clues to whether she's really interested or not (i.e. why would you have to call and she wouldn't?).

Guys, what I think is bad advice is "not to call her" (for example) just for the sake of being a challenge, like "I shouldn't do it or I'll be boring just like every other random guy and she won't love me as much". Don't try to be someone that you're not.

I guess the example I chose wasn't very good - you don't need to play with her fears to be unpredictable. Would have been better to say "don't be predictable".

Being unpredictable breaks routine and does add to attraction. What I was trying to say is leave her space to breathe but at the same time be there all the time. Love her but don't adore nor stalk her. She has to need you, there's no room for superfluous presence.

I find guys idealize women waaaay too much (at least when they're in love). Being like you would be with other friends is what you should look for - being natural, and being yourself. It's not about who you are, it's about how you behave and what you show - and you can decide that.

"Alpha-Maleism" is a mindset and an attitude with personality traits, but it's not a personality type.

What I've learned that works best is don't take a woman for granted, even if you get the signs she's interested. Hurts a lot less if she isn't (that's why I do it) and keeps her on her toes!

Anyway, I don't know if you grasp my viewpoint, it's quite complicated and i feel like what one sentence says contradicts the previous one... Do you see what I mean?

Anthony

[Alex]

I completely grasp your viewpoint, Anthony, and yes, it's quite contradictionary... On the surface.

Once you digg in, you know, start to see the matrix, it all makes sense.

This is the kind of words you need to put out; this is you, and it's interesting to read. Keep it up

You are right about it not being about doing something for the sake of being a challenge - instead, you do something because it feels good and natural.

[Adam]

I think some input from all the new guys on the forum would be great here. Come on, share your opinion on the secret to success.

[Brent G]

Well, To have a attractive personailty, I have been completely honest and caring. I also have put down many compliments over the times and have made at least a one or two speeches on how great that girl is when I talked with them. What I found important was to be different from the guys around you. Guys around me call girls hot or sexxy, I say they are beautiful or cute.
Example: My friend talked with this hot girl at a party, she seemed wild and fun to be with. She seemed to me a girl who dosen't really care about guys on how they are but what they can do.
I was horrible to come to conclusions when she did this:
My cousin who gets girls for his physique and persuasive words, said she looked hot and sexy, he added a pickup line too.
She laughed and touched his arm. Postive response.
I said "You look beautiful, and no girl around us can't be more good looking then you are right now." Cheesy, my choice of words Yes.
But her reaction, off the charts, she smiled widely and talked with me the whole time. She said it's been awhile since a guy called me beautiful, and she thanked me for doing that. After, I got her number and we've been friends since, also she gave me remarks saying I'm an amazing guy.
What I learned was that to have an attractive personality is to be Sweet. Not usually in a cheesey way, but to show you care, respect and adore her. I guess maybe I'm straying away from the bad guy persona, but that's me and I got really far with that. However, Alex you've shown great points and other guys even me still follow it.
Does anyone disagree or agree to what I'm saying?

[Scott D]

I agree largely with you, Brent. I, too, use words like "beautiful," "gorgeous," and sometimes even the very simple "pretty" to describe ladies, and it's usually more effective than saying "Wow you're hot." Words like "hot," "sexy," and "damn" don't take a lot of thought, so it makes the girl think you are ONLY interested in her for her looks (which may be true...). But I find using those deeper words portrays a more interesting interior that she would become attracted to. I'm pretty cheesy as well, but I try not to make it obvious. Showing too much affection and complimenting a girl too much can push her away since it makes you seem very needy sometimes. A lot of people use the term "bad boy" to describe what women are attracted to, but I think a word more like "genuine" would be a better description.

[Brent G]

Being too much about compliments and affection can really scare away a girl, yes, you are totally right on That Scott. However, genuine is better than bad boy. Genuine is the middle person, the one that cares but shows he is careless, the one that wants the girl but dosen't show it, the sly guy, the smooth criminal mixed with the sweetheart and loverboy. Bad boy is another genre of a man, however, they take it to the limit by becoming too dangerous, or become a jackass or asshole.
But think of this: We Need these Bad Boys! Because of them, they make the girls regret becoming attracted to them and so come back to the righteous good men. But if a "genuine" guy was going for the girl i loved, i know she would be happy and better off, because he is the special one, I'm trying to be the special one as much as I can. Because clearly, I'm not perfect, but I try to be for that special someone.