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Dealing With Her Tests – How To Gain Instant Attraction

A great woman will always test you A great woman will always test you

A woman will always test you. She will test you for your masculinity, she will test for your strength; she will test to see if you’re (still) the man she’s seeks and craves.

Testing men is a woman’s secret tool. She wants you to pass the tests, but she will make it as difficult for you as she can.

To understand this, we have to dig a little into female psychology. We have to know what a woman of a feminine essence wants (masculine women also exists, but their wants and needs are a bit different.)

What a woman wants

She wants a strong man. That means she wants a man with a strong masculine essence. A masculine essence is defined by an ongoing pursuit for freedom – you don’t have to know or understand what that means, just keep it in your mind while reading on.

A masculine man is authentic. And he’s honest. And that my friends, is actually all you need.

If you answer to all her tests with authenticy and honesty, you’re going to pass them. And passing a test is the fast-lane to a woman’s heart (and pussy).

Let’s just be friends

This is probably the most important and most common test of all. Usually, she’s not testing you consciously.

It can come up on the first date, at the tenth, under sex, after two years; it really doesn’t matter. What matters is how you deal with it.

I can remember it quite vividly. I was out on a date with a lovely lady – her name was May. She was half Asian, half Caucasian, a short but really beautiful girl.

We had walked around in a park, hand in hand, for about 20 minutes, until I suddenly felt her energy change. She pulled away, looked at me, and stopped. It didn’t seem real at the time;

“Let’s just be friends.”

I was quite surprised. I was blown away for a few seconds, but then looked into her eyes and said the following:

“You know we can’t, sweetheart. And even if you insist on being just that, I will always chase you. I am attracted, and will be as long as I am in love with you. Come here.”

I grabbed her and kissed her. It was a good kiss, and we never talked about being just friends again. In fact, I think I was with her for about 4 months. It could also have stopped right there in the park.

woman leg

So why did we continue being lovers and not friends?

I was being honest. I was being authentic. I was being vulnerable. And at the same time, I was being strong.

This might not have been a particularly good example, but it was the first one that came to my mind. It’s all about how I handled it.

I could also had lied both to her and to myself and said that yeah, we could just be friends. That would be “fine”. And I would have continued chasing her – but most likely never gotten her again.

Instead I was being honest and authentic. I spoke from my heart. And it couldn’t have worked better. This works with almost any test a woman can throw at you.

Another common test

Women can often test you early by trying to throw you out of your own “frame”. You could say that you frame is the mindset you come in with. It’s your masculinity. It’s your core. It’s what you work from in every interaction. It’s the underlying theme of everything you do. You’re frame is your reality.

A woman can easily throw a man out of his frame by saying something like “Are you a player?”

If you’re a weak man- a wussy, you’re going to go into a strong defensive position. You’re going to tell her that No! Of course you’re not.

A stronger man is most likely going to do one of the following things:

  • Throw it right back at her. Ask her if she’s a typical blonde.
  • Tell her that you’re going to answer that question later, and continue the conversation.
  • Say that yeah, you play… sports, and continue the conversation.
  • Or the easiest one: Just ignore it and continue the conversation.

You see what I’m getting at? The stronger male is not going to step out of his own frame. The weaker man most likely is, and being thrown off like that is not a particularly good sign to send to a woman about all your good qualities.

Buy me a drink

When a woman asks you to buy her drink, it may not be a conscious test from her. She may just want a drink. But you can definitely use it to your advantage.

By knowing what you know now, you won’t step into her reality. You will stay in your own reality (frame), and draw her in.

A really good reply would be to look deeply into her eyes, smirk, smile like the game is on! And say that she can buy you a drink. I can not guarantee you that she will do it, but it’s a much better reply than just doing it. You don’t want to be the guy getting the girls drunk, just so they can go home and sleep with all the other men. Trust me, sitting alone at 4am, without any money, without any women, just memories about the guys they went home with… You don’t want to be that guy!

Instead; be honest. You don’t want to buy her a drink. Actually, it would be kind of nice if she bought you one.

woman leaving

Don’t draw it to the extreme

This does not mean that you should ever do anything for anyone.

If your woman asks you to go out with the trash, you should not say no just for the sake of “staying in your own frame” or some crazy shit like that.

Relationships are built on mutual respect, cooperation, and of course love. And lots of other stuff. That’s not the point.

The point is actually that you should never draw anything to the extreme. It’s all about doing the right thing(s) at the right time. It’s all about calibration.

Personally, I can step out of my own “reality” or “frame” or whatever once in a while to do the dishes. Or go out with the trash. This is a really attractive quality. But that’s just because I want to make life a bit easier for the girl in my life once in a while.

I can also do it without she even asks me to do it – just doing it out of my own free will. I know that she will sometimes do the same. I know that if we have this relationships were we do stuff for each other, I might wake up with a hangover to a freshly made burger. Just because she cares!

So guys, handle all tests she gives you with authenticy and honesy. But don’t draw it to the exteme, and have some common sense while at it.

Remember that tests are a beautiful thing. It lets you stay “on top of your game”. Learn to recognize these tests as opportunities – and then be sure to pass them.

Please do report any thoughts or stories in the comments – and as always, questions are highly welcome.

Stay cool!

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Top image by dlemieux, rest by Ferran.

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22 thoughts on “Dealing With Her Tests – How To Gain Instant Attraction

  1. Steve

    Great article. I know in my situation I was constantly being tested with regards to my “being into” the relationship. Eventually it caused me to lose my frame and the whole thing crashed and burned. I think if I had played it differently, we would still be together. (She was pretty much putty in my hands when I would minimize her clinginess….when I reacted harshly, I lost her.)

    Thanks as always, Alex.

  2. Alex

    Thanks for your story Steve.

    When you lose your frame, that’s when you lose the game. Just made that up. Pretty cool huh’ :-)

    But it’s true. The moment you step out of your own reality and into hers, you’ve lost.

    Good to hear that you have learned a lesson. Better luck next time!

    All the best,

  3. SFT

    Thanks for this. There’s a woman I’m more than a little interested in, in fact I want her more than any other woman I’ve ever met. I’m not fool enough to tell her that, but maybe some of this will help me keep my cool & maybe get the girl.

  4. Ali Ozman

    Hey Alex..
    This actually helped me. This is the story

    Yesterday, I was was with my girlfriend. She asked me to take the dishes for once (I never do it) and she seemed kind of grumpy about it. So I decided to just do it. She was completely stunned. And even more when I lifted her in the air, holding her ass tight, and kissed her passionatly.

    This is not the exact subject of your post, but it does include some relevance


  5. Peter

    I used your buy me a drink line, and it worked! Seriously, I have never ever before had a women buy me a drink. It was cool, and my friends were just looking like WTF..

    Thanks alex:)

  6. Alex

    Ali Ozman,
    Way to go man! Can’t say much else. Keep it up :-)

    And same with you Peter. To the next free drink!

    Thanks for both of your comments guys.

  7. Albert | UrbanMonk.Net

    I love this post Alex! The fact that women test men all the time can be a bit stressful if you are constantly trying to figure out the right response, but as you say right from the start – being honest and authentic is the best. Nothing works all the time, but sticking with this will keep your chin up even if you mess up. I think ;) Beautiful stuff!

  8. Alex

    Thank you Albert! Much appreciated.

    You’re right – even if you “mess up” a little, you have stayed true to yourself, and in the end, I think that’s what really matters.

  9. Christoper

    Really interesting concept, this “frame”. One of my friends recommended this site, think I will stick around a little


  10. Nas

    Great articles Alex!! Though there is one scenario that confuses most of the time.

    I recently met this really cute girl at college and had a few conversations with her (made her laugh to my silly jokes and busted her in a friendly way a few times).. I didn’t really expect her to be into me or anything but the next thing I know she tells her best friend (guy)that she thinks I’m really cute and she likes me.

    I saw her again the same day but acted myself.. My question is; is that some kind of test? and how do I make the best of it?

    Would appreciate it, thanks!!

  11. Alex

    Nah, I wouldn’t see that as a “test”.

    Just keep talking to her Nas, keep doing what works, and ask her out sometime. She sounds like a great girl :-)

    Best of luck!

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  13. Michael

    Thanks for the insightful post, at first I thought I learnt something important, but I’m not so sure it applies to a lot of women…

    I have a problem with the concept of women having to test me. See, my last relationship went to hell because of it. Or rather because I didn’t pass her test and she dumped me. Fact is, she decided to purposefully act different towards me for about a week (i.e. cold and distant) to see what I would do about it. I did nothing – I thought she just needed time for herself. I couldn’t conceive of the possibility that she would just make that up or test me. Turns out that was the wrong interpretation. After that week she dumped me telling me that she can’t love a man who doesn’t approach her through her barriers. So I’m expected to be nice to her all the time even though she isn’t? What f*cked up kind of logic is that?

    Maybe I should add that she has always been what I would call “emotionally distant”, so in retrospect she wasn’t the one for me anyway, but it still hurt a great deal.
    Sometimes I just want to hate women :(

    About the girl who told you “lets just be friends”: If a girl did that to me and I found out later that it was just a test of hers, I’d get mad, not just regular mad but HULK SMASH mad! Why is it OK for women to deceive men like that? Do you really think that’s OK? Honestly, I don’t have a high opinion of women who do that.
    If I have to test somebody, it’s because I don’t trust them in the first place, isn’t that so? If I genuinely like / love someone, there’s no need for stupid testing which might only wreck things between us, right?

    best regards,

  14. Alex

    Hey Michael,

    sorry to hear about your loss, it’s tough! But women are strange, crazy and all that shit, and you know what? That’s also why we love ’em so much. Don’t try to understand her, or them, because you can’t!

    I can totally see what you mean, but women only test you because they like you! It’s not to hurt you, not at all, it’s for having the best possible relationship.

    I suggest that you read “The way of the superior man” by David Deida, that should give you some food for thought.

    Take care Michael.

  15. Michael

    Hi Alex,

    I still don’t think women should test men, after all I don’t test women I am in a relationship with either… but I know the world doesn’t work like that and maybe women just can’t help being the way they are, just like us men can’t.

    I can’t really follow your logic about women testing me because they like me… it seems to me women test men rather because they just like themselves and they think “if it’s not going to be you, I’ll find someone else”.

    Sorry if I sound negative (that’s the way I feel at the moment) but I think men have become too easy to replace for women. My dad’s girlfriend told me she doesn’t need someone to provide for her, but someone for her heart. That’s something I can understand, but when I look among my circle of friends I see lots of women in their early twenties just messing around with guys, dumping them at the faintest glimpse of difficulties in the relationships. It happened to a friend of mine too, one day his girlfriend was all excited about spending time together, the next day she dumps him all of a sudden.

    I’ll have a good look at the book you recommended, thanks!
    And thank you for trying to build me up again :)

    have a nice one,

  16. Scott D

    Michael, unfortunately I agree with your statement about guys being too replaceable. Unfortunately, a good number of guys out there are wililng to go out of their way to make their girl happy. But the second they try to stand up for themselves (like when they are having a bad day and don’t want to go to the supermarket), the girl gets upset and leaves.

    The tips in this article I think are great for everyone, not just guys who are in the beginning stages of a relationship. Even if you have been together for years, you need to make sure you don’t let yourself get walked on, especially if you know your girl wouldn’t return the favor. In worst case scenarios, just explain that you don’t like the way things are going and would like to work to change them (if you happen to get stepped on a couple times). If she cares as much as you she will put in the necessary effort to fix whatever problems you have.

  17. mike

    Alex me and this girl im trying to get or i should say
    (get back). we have dated before and it was great, she showed severe interest physically and emotionally.. i think she got scared, because she wanted to break up so i said”well if thats what you want” in a period of 2 months she tryed dating 2 others, 1st was an attempt. during dating the second one she broke down and told me it didnt feel right between them, and that she didnt feel herself anymore, i told her what i thought, she spoke of how she really felt, and so did i. i told her it was hard to be freinds with the noticable attraction between us, she agreed. I regretfully got frustrated because she contineud to date him and said a few harsh words and so did she..

    The guy she was dating was one of her freinds, and he broke up with her after finding out she was’nt truly interested in him and wanted me.. after the tension between us came to a truce she has def. been testing me.. i know she is still attracted, and she knows i know.. she sais things like calling me a friend in front of people, and using her body to try and luer me in, demanding things, i dont give in or act as if these affect me. Its working. But now she has pulled back again trying to tease me,

    What should i do? i know not to give in, but i want to do it in a progressive way such as leading her closer.. and not just back and forth with the same things.

    I would appreciate your opinion alex.

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