You are a man. So am I. So stop apologizing for it. I see it every single freakin’ day – men walking around like pussies, looking into the ground and blaming everyone but themselves for their unsuccessful lives.

It is ALL your fault. I know that this doesn’t sell. And I know that it’s not what you want to hear – but it truly is. You HAVE to start to take responsibility for your own life and for your own actions.

Man up. Grab life by its balls. You have two of them at your disposal – so use them.

• A real man is fucking honest. He speaks his mind freely about things that concern him, but he also takes into regard the feelings of others. He lives by the rule of never harming anyone intentionally (more than needed, of course. In a few cases, like a break up, some ‘harm’ is needed).
• A real man doesn’t need or seek approval from others. You probably know this; so why do you keep doing it? Start living your life with integrity and you will see that you do not need the approval of others; that, in the end, it is ONLY your opinion that matters.
• A real man trusts his instinct and his abilities. But at the same time, he is HONEST about them. If you know that you are not skilled enough to, let’s say, climb a mountain, you have two choices: Either, you learn or acquire the skills needed for the task OR you back out and direct your attention to another matter. It is as simple as this. Two choices, nothing else.
• A real man is totally upfront with his intentions. He doesn’t apologize for being a man and for wanting sex – it’s perfectly acceptable. If he feels that the time is right for getting more physical, he goes for it without hesitation.
• A real man also has only two choices regarding something he fears, like doing a bungee jump. Either he just does it, OR admits that he won’t do it. Usually, we walk away from things we fear with guilt. This is not a choice for the real man, the just keep the change man. Either he TAKES ACTION, or admits that HE WON’T. There’s no middle ground. Really wanting to do something, but succumbing to your fear is WEAK. Don’t be that guy. You will grow if you take one of these two roads, and you will shrink if you pussy out. In 90% of all cases, just do it. Breathe deep, and tell yourself that you’ll live. You will… In the other 10%, be sure that backing out is the smart thing to do. It might be you wanting to approach a girl, but you being too afraid to fuck it up, you freeze like a Popsicle on the south pole. You do nothing, and you beat yourself up over it afterwards. THIS IS WRONG. Either, you approach her, or you admit to yourself that you won’t do it and be happy with it. Maybe, you don’t approach this girl, but smile and say “hey sunshine” the next time you greet that cute girl at your local supermarket instead. But don’t let it become procrastination, instead, learn which battles to fight. Which brings me to…
• Baby steps. A real man takes baby steps. Or at least he takes action. A real man doesn’t sit around on his couch reading advice that he won’t put into practice (if he really believes it, that is… Of course you shouldn’t take advice you don’t believe in at all). But I challenge you to try. How else would you know for sure?

So please, go out NOW and do something that you
a) want to do or
b) fear to do.

Often these two overlap. Start out by smiling and looking every girl in the eyes that you see today. After a couple of times, start saying hello, maybe getting their name in the process. Soon you will find a girl you like, and you will ask her out. No tricks, just you and her. You will go for the kiss, and you will take her home if that’s what you both want.

It takes balls my friend. Good thing you have ‘em.

10 years ago, if someone asked me “should I bring flowers on the first date?” I would have said yes without hesitation. Today I discourage it.

I thought that by giving a woman gifts, and by complimenting her on her looks, I would make her like me.

Oh boy, was I wrong. I just didn’t get it at the time. Date after date, I made the same mistakes over and over again.

I would show up early, waiting for her, and when she finally came, I would be over-excited. I would give her flowers, compliment her all night long, buy her dinner, and in every possible way kiss up to her.

But somehow, the dates didn’t lead very far. If I was lucky all I got was a kiss at the end of the night! It makes me cringe just to think about it…

Now I see very clearly what was wrong. I was a complete and total wuss. Read up on the post Why Bad Boys get all the Hot Women, and Nice Guys don’t even get close for a definition of what that is. I was the nice guy of nice guys.

My biggest problem was that I didn’t understand attraction. The word simply didn’t exist in my dating dictionary.

I had no knowledge of female psychology. I had low self-esteem. The list goes on.

Flowers and gifts

Using the knowledge I have now, I know that I freaked the girls out. It was *too much*. It was *too early*.

And that’s where the gifts and flowers step in.

See, I thought that by giving a woman gifts, she would like me more. She would think that I was generous, sweet, and all these words that I linked to gaining a woman’s love.

But instead, the complete opposite happened. On the outside, she would become happy. She would hug me, smile, and say thanks.

On the inside, she was hugely disappointed. I killed the attraction. All women basically wants to be attracted to you. They want to fall in love. They want to have amazing relationships.

Your job is to let that happen. Don’t give her an excuse for not liking you. (Such as showing you’re a wussy in such a way as bringing her flowers to a first date.)

Look at it this way: All women in the world are attracted to you before you go talk to them. When you start talking, she will try to find all kinds of reasons why you’re not right. If she can’t find any, she’s almost automatically going to “like you”.

Of course there’s more to making a woman like you, but basically you just have to not give her any reasons to not.

Common attraction killers

• Bringing flowers on a first date.
• Killing “the chase” by calling her or texting her too much.
• Complimenting her on her looks before you know her personality. A sincere compliment can be hugely attractive, but only in the right context.
• Being too available. (Thus killing “the chase”).
• Being predictable and boring.

What I mean by “the chase” is that a woman wants to chase you. She highly enjoys it, but you have to let her do it. Don’t ever stand in the way of letting a woman chase you.

It’s often called “Two steps forward, one step back“, and it’s one of the most important things you must learn to have great success with women.

Going two steps forward, and one step back shows that you understand female psychology. It shows that you are pre-selected. It shows that you are confident. It shows all the right things in the right way. It’s a little like Cocky and Funny.

So what I want you to do now is to reflect on your last three dates. What went wrong, and why? Don’t get all sad about it, see it as a learning experience.

If you can, get back to me with your results, and we can talk about how to fix it before your next date.

In one of the following posts, I want to talk about amplifying attraction, which is amazingly effective if done right.

That wraps it up for today. Show some love in the comments. Feedback and Discussion are HIGHLY encouraged; it’s what makes this blog alive! :)

If you haven’t already, I would also like you to Subscribe by Email. That way you’ll get all the new posts when I publish them.

Take care guys!

Your friend,
Alex Kay.

Image by freshballs.

A bad boy is sexy. There’s something about that sly smile; that look in his eyes. He just turns women on wherever he looks.

He moves like an alpha male in the animal kingdom: Relaxed and confident. Almost too relaxed. Almost too confident.

So what exactly defines a bad boy?

In its most simple definition, a bad boy is someone who works outside the norms of society. He doesn’t follow rules, he f**king makes them himself!

It’s really all about the mindset; the attitude. He just doesn’t give a damn.

A bad boy is also incredibly unpredictable. One moment he might be your best friend; the next you’re outside getting your ass kicked. For no reason at all.

His looks witness his personality; adventurous, unpredictable, raw. Exactly what he wears doesn’t matter – it’s the way he wears it that counts.

Typical bad boy traits:

• He always put himself first.
• Does what he wants, whenever he wants.
• He’s extremely arrogant.
• Abuse the people around him.
• He’s really dominant
• Create a lot of drama.
• Has high masculinty.
• Has very high sexual confidence, and he knows how to please a woman.
• He’s dangerous, and you never really know where you have him.
• Lead an exciting life.
• Gets a lot of girls.

And it’s that last trait that’s interesting. Bad boys generally get lots of girls. And even though they treat them like sh*t, they keep coming back… Because the sex is so exciting. And not only the sex:

Everything about the bad boy is exciting. Being with one is like riding a giant roller coaster for a woman; there are incredible emotional highs, and there are incredible emotional lows.

Wussies and nice guys

Wussies on the other hand, are almost the exact opposite. In “pick up glossary”, a wussy can also be called an “AFC” – an Average Frustrated Chump. You could also call him a needy guy, or a nice guy, whatever works for you.

Nice guys generally don’t get girls. And when most nice guys do get laid, they often refer to it as “getting lucky”.

Typical nice guy traits:

• He’s available all the time.
• dresses “nice”.
• Only talks about “death topics” (family, politics, economy etc.)
• Calls 27 times a day, and leaves “cute messages” in her voicemail.
• Compliments her all day long (mostly on her looks)
• His bodylanguage is “stiff” (center of gravity in the middle, arms hanging pointlessly at the sides)
• Never takes risks.
• He is dependable, and she always knows exactly where she haves him.
• Always shows up 10 minutes early.
• Live a boring, predictable life.
• Doesn’t get a lot of girls. Few to none actually.
• And when he does, she usually ends it with the “let’s just be friends” phrase.

Said in simpler words, a wussy is boring as hell.

And who wants boring? I know for sure that I don’t. My life is too short for boring.

What women really want

A lot of girls feel the same. They want entertainment, someone to have fun with, someone to excite them. They want drama, someone to make them feel!

Most guys don’t make women feel anything else than plain boredom.

If she feels like she’s in complete control over the situation, if there’s no element of excitement, no surprises and if you’re so predictable, she actually knows what you’re going to do before you do it, you become boring. Booooring I tell you.
Don’t let that happen!

So now we have the definitions of both a bad boy and a wussy (or a nice guy).

My guess is that, since you’re reading this, you’re interested in having more success with women.

You know from your own life that lots of the bad guys often get the good girls. Now you have more of an idea why that is.

But you don’t want to turn into an abusive jerk just to get good with women, right? That probably wouldn’t work anyway.

So we have to find a better solution…

What about taking all the good stuff from the bad boys, and ditching all the negative?

Wouldn’t that create the perfect man? I certainly think so.

Because there usually are a lot of negative things to say about the typical bad boy.

He’s usually very paranoid. He is over-protective, controlling, jealous, and basically wants to keep her for himself. These are very negative traits, since trust and respect are the building stones for every successful relationship.

He’s mentally unstable. He’s inconsiderable, selfish and abusive. And once again, the list could go on and on.

Then what IS so sexy about the bad boy?

Most women become addicted. Addicted to the drama, addicted to the amazing sex, addicted to his masculinity and confidence.

For high self-esteem women, one day she can’t take it anymore. She decides to leave, the drama has become too much.

For low self-esteem women on the other hand, they often stick to him like flies stick to flypaper. A lot of women end up getting married to bad boys.

Enough about the bad boys…

Let’s focus on making you better.

The first step is to realize your “bad” nice guy traits, and why they just don’t cut it.

For this to happen, you have to gain some knowledge on female psychology. (There should be a lot of info on this site… Also check out the book review of “double your dating”, where David spends a great deal of time talking about just that.)

The next step is to eliminate your bad traits. This is easier said than done. If you have been a wussy all your life, knocking him out of you easily can take some time, and it needs a lot of self-realization.

At the third step it’s time to pick up some new traits.

The balance between bad boy and nice guy looks something like this:

• You are dominant without being domineering.
• You are masculine without being macho.
• You are forthright and trustworthy.
• You are considerate without being placating.
• You are strong yet gentle.
• You are mysterious without being deceiving.
• You are exciting without being reckless.
• You are sexually exciting in the bedroom and a gentleman in the living room.

-David Shade.

I think this explains my point pretty damn good.

Work on creating a more exciting life and personality, work on your confidence, work on your skills… That’s a pretty good start.

Being “the man” is all about being yourself, about being the best you.

Learn from the bad boys, but be careful not picking up their negative traits on the way. That’s the lesson from today guys.

This is a topic I will be writing more about in the future, so stay tuned. And please don’t hesitate to ask in the comments if you have any questions.

To your success with women,
Alex Kay

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Photo #1, #2 and #3 by Azzazello, dlemieux and julianrod.

No one wants to be bored, do they? Of course not. Then why is it that I see guys every single day boring their girls like crazy? I just don’t get it. They do absolutely nothing that could stir her up. They say nothing that could even be interpreted as funny.

They say she’s looking good. They are being polite. All that boring stuff that your momma told you to do.

I am not saying that being polite or giving compliments is bad by itself, but when you do this stuff, usually you’re a very specific type of man.

You are a wuss.

And you really need to stop being that. Do something that will make her actually feel anything. Make her happy. Make her sad. Make her think about you. Be a little unpredictable.

This was a really short post, I know. I just wanted to bring this subject to the blog. More about wussies, and how to stop being one, in next week.

Take care guys, and stop being boring! ;)

Image by phoenixdailyphoto