Once in a while, you meet someone who has got that little bit of extra. It’s pretty hard to define, she just has it. She is amazing and beautiful. She makes you smile.

She can turn up everywhere, anytime. At a party where you see her dancing and laughing with her friends like a silly little girl. On the streets where she drops something and looks all helpless. At a supermarket or in a shop where she just looks like she has it all together, rocking a super-sharp business suit and high-heels.

You do not see one of these women every day, noooo sir. At least that would surprise me. If you do, leave me a comment and tell me where you live, I’ll get there pronto!

And when you get to know her, she is still super cool. Even cooler, actually. Usually, she is special in some way. Rockin’ the guitar, painting like Picasso, an amazing dancer, Counter-Strike geek or just sweet as honey. Besides being beautiful, these girls usually have something else to them. Sometimes you can define it, sometimes you can’t. But you know you like it.

The mistake I see over and over again

I want to talk about what to do when you meet one of these women. Most likely, you do not fall for her the first time you see her. I do believe in ’love at first sight’, it is not impossible, but for the most part you will not start really liking a girl after at least a few times talking to her and/or being around her.

The mistake I see over and over again is that men fail to take action when one of these women swing into their lives. No, scratch that. I see two mistakes. First one is lack of taking action. The second one is almost as critical: putting her on a pedestal. Now this might sound counter-intuitive, after praising these women to the sky and beyond, but let me elaborate.

Don’t put her out of your reach!

All people are equal in value. That is our starting point. A beautiful woman is not worth more than an ugly one. We as individuals place those adjectives on them, it is not something they are, it is something we think they are. You may like beautiful women more than ugly women, and that is perfectly good, healthy and natural. After all, it is you who think that she is beautiful. Someone might just as well think that the girl you think is ugly is the most beautiful woman in the world. (I am aware of the fact that some women by the definition of the masses are more attractive than others, but let us look past that for just a moment.)

She’s only human

So what I want you to avoid when you meet one of these amazing women is to put her on a pedestal. You can raise her above others in the sense that she does something for you, but not more than that. No matter how divine-looking and  how much she smells of flowers and heaven, she is still just a human being. She is a woman with some of the same problems as everybody else.

Most likely, this woman knows she is good. People have most likely told her that she is beautiful all her life. What she wants is not another ass-licker.

She wants a man who also does something for her. She wants an equal. If her self-esteem is at the right place, she knows what she can get and how she can get it. I bet that you want her to want you.

So why doesn’t she want you?

Here comes a real shocker: how do you know? How do you know, really, that she does not want you?

Let me tell you this. The women we are talking about here are not like many other women. They do not settle for less than they know they are worth. Sometimes, you can mistake this trait for arrogance, and sometimes it is, but admit it: you kind of dig that about her. You like that she does not make out with half the club and that she is a challenge. You like that she most likely does not have sex on the first date. She takes a little bit of work, and she is all worth it.

And she doesn’t do these things to get an ego boost by keeping guys waiting. She is all above that. She does them to test you. That’s right. Test you to see if you are man enough for her and know what you really want.

Most of the guys in her life most likely haven’t had a clue what they have been doing when they were with her.

You

You are different. What you do when you meet this girl is that you are totally authentic. You know what you are and what you want. You are honest. That alone will set you apart from most other guys. You are upfront with your intentions.

What I want you to do

So what I want you to do when this woman comes by is to muster the courage to walk up to her and say hi. No tricks, no gimmicks. Let it flow, make her laugh, smile and look her in the eye. Relax, have fun.

You do not have to be nervous when talking to her, because you know that she is just like every other girl. And to top that, some guy, somewhere, is most likely tired of fucking her. Think about that for a minute.

What you shouldn’t do

What you shouldn’t do is to raise her above everybody else. And especially before getting to know her.

These women can make your life everything you’ve ever wanted. But they can also make it hell. The women you like the best are most likely the women who can fuck you up the most as well. Tread carefully if you are afraid of getting hurt.

I personally think that you should not be. Open yourself and accept whatever comes your way. Learn from your experiences. But it’s up to you. Just know what you are doing!

Bonus:

Usually, I do not like the advice from most PUA’s (pick-up artists), but I heard of an ’opener’ (way to start a conversation with a girl) worth mentioning. She has to sit by herself and look bored, or at least looks like she is not having any fun. Anyway, what you do is walk up to her. Do not look at her directly. Instead, look around her like you’ve lost something (think a pair of keys). Look all around her, underneath her, beside her, behind her. After you have looked around her, her curiosity will be sparked. Look her directly in the eyes, and say something along the lines of ”I am looking for a smile, can you help me find it?”

If you have got luck on your side and you do it right, she should smile right back at you. Even if you don’t take it any further than that, you will still have made a girl smile, and that by itself is pretty amazing. And continuing with some light banter and fun conversation should not be too hard, either. I think it’s a fun ’opener’ and I will definitely try it out when I get the chance. Unlike most other PUA material, this one is cute and authentic. It’s a way to open up a girl who would not otherwise have been interested in talking to you (if she were down in some kind of way and not willing to start a conversation with a stranger). She may also just look at you like you are some kind of weirdo, but hey, that’s a chance you have got to be willing to take. You win some, you lose some.

I’ll be sure to let you how it goes when I get to try it out.

Take care!

Images by Vincent Boiteau, Mark Sebastian, Alex Dram, San Diego Shooter and Daily Misery.

Now, I know that it’s only some of you who are undergoing an education at the moment, but this post is not written for the masses, it’s written for those who are at college, in high-school, or some place else where there are many young, bright people seeing one another almost every day.

This is also the reason why it’s a different approach to get popular with the girls in a place like this, than let’s say for example at a bar. At a bar you can be anyone you want to be for a night; at a school people see you all the time, and will most likely get a pretty broad picture of you.

For a guy with his game together, getting seen everyday will only help to establish his strong character and identity. For the more silent, introverted type that doesn’t get noticed much and doesn’t have a lot of friends, the opposite will happen. It’s either a positive or a negative spiral.

Now with that said, let us look at what characterizes a place like college regarding dating and girls:

• First of all, there are generally A LOT of girls. In many high-schools and colleges, the women to men ratio can be as high as 60/40.
• Many of these girls are both smart and attractive. Lucrative combination if you ask me!
• People at colleges usually take on the herd mentality very fast, and flock together to protect themselves from the evil of being known as a loner, a freak or something even worse.
• The most popular guys become more popular due to people wanting to be close to those who are popular. More equals more, and less equals less.
• Young people (aged around 15-25) usually want more than anything to have FUN. If you have fun, if you are fun or if you manage to create fun, people will naturally want to be around you. And remember what happens to those people who people want to hang around? They become even more popular.

The key to popularity

The key to gaining popularity in college is to always have fun. Or at least appear to!

If you have a lot of great friends with whom you have fun with, you and your friends will be like a huge magnet to girls, who can be nothing but drawn to you.

Fun in this sense is not about walking around and telling dirty jokes or laughing at your own intern stuff; it’s more like creating these events where people can join in and feel like they’re a part of something.

Small and big events

Small competitions like arm wresting at lunch or drinking games at parties can be very successful at drawing in a crowd and establishing you as a leader.

Throwing your own party can definitely also achieve this; just as holding a warm-up before going out or inviting people to a bowling event or something similar. It can be anything as long as it involves other people and makes them and you have a good time.

If you don’t have anyone to do these things with, it’s a little harder. Without a friend circle to start with, creating one of these events is not easy.

Be the guy you’d want to be friends with

That is why you also have to be really friendly to everyone all the time, too. Smile and greet everyone you meet and make casual conversation with as many people as you can. Flirt with the girls without being creepy, and hug and kiss them as much as possible. What we are shooting for here is to become that guy everybody knows and likes. Sure, you can’t please everybody, but don’t deliberately insult anyone.

Inspiration

I got the inspiration for this article on the forums in a thread called Back to School.

The first thing I thought of was Mark Redman, and how I have been a fool to hide him from you. Now who the hell is Mark Redman? He is the author of the book Conquer Your Campus, the most awesome book on being the king of your campus ever written. Read and apply it, and I can guarantee you that you will soon become the state university’s most notorious player. Check it out here!

Start building your friend circle

Getting into sports can be a good idea if you need a starting point; so can anything else that brings people together naturally at your institution. It can be the school musical, the school band or anything of that kind. Talking to people this way and bonding with them can really help you get to the point where you can create events and have a whole lot of fun.

I put help in italics since all this stuff is not about getting girls by itself, it’s more about creating a life for yourself where you have fun and have a lot of great friends and do all the crazy stuff associated with the ‘best years of your life’. When you manage to do those things, girls seem to magically follow.

Wrap up and conclusion

So to wrap it up, it’s all about having and creating fun. Everybody wants to be a part of something in college or at school, and nobody wants to be known as someone who hasn’t got any friends.

To become the guy people go to to have fun, you have to start out by having some kind of friend circle who you are doing fun stuff with. Bar hopping, parties, events at school; anything goes. Invite new people to these events and be prepared to be a social godfather in your school or at your campus.

Always be really friendly and talk to as many people as possible.

If you manage to do all this, I guarantee you that the girls will be flocking around you like children around candy.

Good luck, stud!
Alex

Image by Ian.

Hello Just Keep the Change, my name is Rob.

I never expected to be one of those guys whose girlfriend ruled his life. Heck, I remember talking with my buddies about a friend or two of ours back in college and how “that would never happen to me”. But a demanding, manipulative girlfriend can sneak up on you when you’re busy living life, and the next thing you know you’re in a relationship from hell. That’s why happened to me.

Kelli With an “I”

I met Kelli at work, like so many people do, I guess. She was a supervisor in a different department and, I have to admit, that kind of appealed to me. Things were great at first. We kept work in the workplace and there was no reason for our work status to matter. Heck, Kelli’s job was a big plus, because she introduced me to other managers and we got along. If anything, our relationship was helping me make friends at the workplace, and I was a young guy fresh out of college looking to move up.

Love and Romance

Like I said, things were great for the first year. We dated. We had our circle of friends, sort of a different circle of friends from what I was used to. Maybe I was looking for something a little different and more adult. Kelli was a few years my senior, but the age difference wasn’t that big of a deal. We had similar hobbies, similar interests. Even our lives were some pretty parallel: both from suburbia, both from broken homes, both from the same part of the country. We had reasons to relate.

Things were even casual at first. We dated off and on for about 4 or 5 months. I continued to see other people, but nothing much to speak about. Kelli was married to her career. We got along.

Things Take a Turn For the Worst

About five months in, though, we started to get more serious. It all started on Kelli’s 29th birthday. I made sure we had a romantic night. We made love. Maybe she was feeling her age, because we talked seriously about our relationship for the first time. After that, Kelli and I were in a committed relationship. It was something I wanted, too. We clicked.

Even then, things were good for the next half year. Then we started talking engagement and marriage. In hindsight, I realise Kelli was on a time table. Something in her needed to have a fiance, needed to be planning the future, needed to be talking kids and a family life and good schools. Me, I was still in a different place than Kelli, and that’s when I started to pull away. It was subtle at first.

Kelli Changes

That’s when Kelli started to show her other side: demanding, jealous, spiteful. I realized that Kelli was used to getting her way and that she didn’t like being told “no”. I guess being a supervisor does that to you.

Me? I had my doubts, but I also had a year together that was playing tricks with my mind. Kelli and I had had an amazing year together – in many ways, the best year of my dating life. We had been equals in a relationship for most of that year and I was content. Even now, I wanted to remain in the romance: it’s just that Kelli was wanting to go faster than I was. Well, that’s what I thought at the time.

My friends saw it differently. Moving into a new circle of friends, I guess I had lost touch for weeks and sometimes even months on end. When the engagement came about, I naturally wanted Kelli to meet my friends. They weren’t impressed, on either side of the equation. It’s always crazy when two worlds collide, but my friends were astounded I was with what they saw as a bossy, over-critical biyatch. Frankly, they were amazed I put up with Kelli’s act.

A Dramatic Argument

In one dramatic scene, one of my oldest, closest friends (Dustin) took me out for drinks and told me he thought we were co-dependent. I told Dustin my engagement wasn’t any of his damn business. Things got heated. I told him I should come over the table for the way he talked about Kelli. Dustin shot back with “Die tryin’” and walked out of the place.

We didn’t talk for a while. It put a real strain on our friendship. Frankly, I didn’t even know what codependent was, but Dustin got me to thinking. After considering what my buddy had to say, I decided he was right. Something was wrong. I wasn’t in the kind of relationship I wanted to be in.

So there I was, engaged to a woman who was a superior at work, who was friends (or so I thought) with half of my direct managers at work, and who was starting to put all kinds of crazy demands on my time and loyalties. Anytime were were apart for more than an hour, she was calling my Blackberry. She was demanding I “check in” with her at all hours of the night. She didn’t want me seeing my friends, sometimes even my family. Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, I was in a crazy romance.

The Breakup

So we end up going to a party at my sister’s one night. Kelli was never very happy about these kind of get-togethers, but Kelli’s had gutted it out a few times, because my sister would obviously be her sister-in-law soon. My sister, for her part, likes to have a good time at her parties, so she didn’t like to see Kelli coming, because she had made a scene at the previous event.

We get to the party and are having a good time for about an hour. It’s at that point that I see Rachel, a woman I had known through my sister for a couple of years. Rachel and I had had chemistry from the start and I had asked her out when we first met. She was serious with a guy at the time, but had since broken up. Rachel and I would talk at these parties, but we had become friendly acquaintances and I didn’t feel any kind of romantic chemistry.

Kelli didn’t see it that way. She saw me talking with this hottie and I guess she didn’t like the way Rachel looked at me. From what happened later, maybe she sensed something in the way I acted, though there was nothing conscious on my part. Whatever the case, Kelli came over to the two of us and started up her act. She was snotty to Rachel and controlling towards me, trying to put me down or put me in my place or whatever. Rachel isn’t the kind of person to listen to that kind of stuff about someone she likes, so she told Kelli to calm down and stop being a bitch.

The next thing you know, Kelli is leaving the party and telling me to come along. We go outside to her car and have a huge fight. I had had enough. I grew a set and told Kelli our relationship had spiraled out of control. I told her she had changed. She told me she realized she didn’t know me. I replied, “I think it’s obvious we neither one knew one another like we thought.” Then I called off the engagement. Enraged, Kelli spun out down the road.

A First Kiss

So there I was, having made a big scene at the party with my fiance. As they say, the wedding was off. You can imagine walking back into that party (I had no ride) and having to answer all those questions. My sister and her friends wanted to know what had happened, then I had to listen to all my over-served friends tell their Kelli horror stories. Even at that moment, I didn’t want to hear that. Dustin told them they were stupid for saying all those things, since we’d be back together the next day. I told Dustin he was one to talk, but we grinned at each other and knew we were good again.

I went to apologize to Rachel for having to see all that and put up with my controlling ex-fiance. She was real cool about it. We found a quiet place away from everyone and sat and talked for a while. I told Rachel my troubles and she told me she’d been through something similar.

Rachel told me she was “out of there” and offered to drop me off. I accepted. Before I got out of the car, Rachel asked me out sometime, “if I was really through with that girl”. I replied, “I was about to ask you the same question.” Rachel told me that she was definitely through with Kelli. We laughed, then we kissed.

Rob and Rachel Sitting in a Tree

Kelli and I talked a few times about reconciliation, but it was a formality at that point. We both knew it was through. I was afraid I would see repercussions at work, but I eventually realized that Kelli’s personality had rubbed more than me the wrong way. We’re in different parts of the business, which is really good.

Rachel and I eventually started seeing one another. Rachel has some of the same traits I liked about Kelli – she speaks her mind, she’s easy to talk to, she’s gorgeous – without the negative traits. We make a good pair, because we’re equal parts of a couple. Right now, it’s just casual, but I can see it going somewhere eventually. There’s a lot of potential there.

With Rachel, I feel like I traded up.

Happily Yours,
Rob

Note from Alex: Thanks Rob. Now, it might be appropriate to write about what you could learn from the story… But instead, I want to ask you, what’s the lesson? Tell me in the comments! :-)

This guest post was provided by Dating Online, a website offering exclusive reviews of today’s popular dating websites. Dating Online also operates the blog: Dating Zen.

Image one, two and three.

Getting women to notice you seems either very easy or very hard. The trap I see a lot of guys falling in is trying to please everyone – because when you please people, they love you, right?… Wrong.

Women will like you if you have concrete social status; if you’re the “big thing”. If you have authority. If you respect yourself and others.

This article is aimed at teaching you how to have exactly that: mind-blowing popularity with women. Here’s how:

1. Build Rock-Solid Confidence

Confidence is about having solid, self-established value. People respect the ones they value. Women will respect you if you respect yourself.

Focus on the positive – Look at everything you do well – it could be playing the guitar, making people laugh, or anything else. Spend more time doing these things.

Make people feel good: not because you’re seeking their approval, because you want to. Making others happy gives you a feeling of worth and purpose. Something very powerful for building confidence.

Start a project – Set yourself manageable goals and have concrete focus. Achieving something difficult will make you feel great.

Face your fear of failure – it might be being rejected by a hot girl standing at a bar. Only by facing your fear will you realize how pointless it was. Go up to her and say “Hi!”. You’ll feel great every time you defeat your fears.

Stop comparing yourself to others – there will always be people who are stronger, smarter, richer than you are. Focus on what you have, and realize negativity is always harmful. You’re never inferior to others, you’re just different.

Must-read confidence articles:

• Change your Mindset and Instantly Become an Alpha Male
• Why Confidence Can Not Be Faked, and What to Do About It
• How to Build Unstoppable Confidence

2. Provide Leadership

Women like leaders, people who take action – because those who do always have an impact. Leaders change the world they live in and have a bold vision.

Don’t let others make decisions, make them yourself! Organize events like dates or parties, choose the bar to which you’re going with your friends.

A good tip to see if you’re a leader is to go to a restaurant with five or so buddies. Who does the waiter give the check to? If it’s you, you’re the leader of the pack. If it’s not, learn from the friend who is.

Always decide and take action, because thinking without acting is useless. Think. Make up your mind. Take action. Rinse and repeat.

3. Be Independent

Rely on yourself, and yourself only. If you rely on others, people will trust them, not you. By being independent, you show authority and self-respect. It shows you trust your own judgment.

That doesn’t mean you should only trust yourself, it means you shouldn’t depend on others. An entirely different thing. An example of depending on others would be to seek their approval.

4. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Popular people are always trying out new things. When you stop doing only what’s “safe”, it shows you have the guts to confront failure and rejection – which means you don’t fear any of these. As the saying goes, “nothing ventured, nothing gained”.

Very few people can do that successfully – it takes a lot of willpower and strength. Strength and vision are incredibly sexy – get out of your comfort zone now!

5. Stop Caring about what Women Think

Well, do care, but don’t let it affect the way you are. You shouldn’t adapt who you are to fit a standard or to make an impression. Work on getting people to accept you as you are, and if they don’t, screw them! You can’t please everybody.

Master this and you’ll achieve total freedom. Being free is extremely empowering, women will sit back and watch in awe. Beautiful women won’t be able to own you like they own nice guys.

Another advantage: Women will think you don’t care because they’re not worth it. It places you in a situation of tremendous power, and women will start to seek your approval all the time.

6. Take Care of Yourself

Remember what I’ve said above, respect yourself, and others will respect you. Here, it’s about respecting your body and making a good impression.

This is similar to branding a product. Think about your image. What impact do you have on others? What three adjectives jump to people’s minds when they hear your name?

1. Dress with style. You’ll find great tips here and there.
2. Get yourself a nice fragrance.
3. Work out, build strength and gain muscle. Here’s an excellent place to start.
4. Invest in a classy watch.
5. Exercise – it’ll improve your toning and make you happier. Women love happy guys. And active men are sexy as hell.

7. Project Confidence with Body Language

This is also a part of “branding yourself”. Now you’ve got great packaging and design, it’s time to show off how great you are, so women will “buy” you.

Show leadership and confidence with body language. Here’s how:

• Bold eye-contact. Looking people in the eye is a sign of dominance. Click here and here for more.
• Take space. Confident men fully use the space around them. Don’t cross your legs for instance.
• Slow down. Slow, full movements show self-control and calmness. A very “cool” thing to do.
• Use your voice to project confidence.
• Open up! Don’t cross your arms or look down. Looking in front of you shows determination, and crossing your arms is protecting yourself.

8. Have Something Extra

What sets you out from the competition? What makes you unique? What do you have that other guys don’t?

Develop a skill, like playing an instrument, or being a kick-ass arm wrestler or soccer player. Anything that will get people to remember you is fine (as long as it’s something good).

It may be something you already have. Are you the funny guy with great jokes? Are you the cool and mysterious guy? Are you the one throwing great parties? What are you famous for? Grab a piece of paper and do a brainstorm. Then, focus on building that unique extra you have.

Remember, social status is something that exists in people’s minds. These tips are aimed at building status, not faking it. Change the way you think about yourself, and I guarantee women will flock to you.

You can read more articles like this one over at my blog, where I share more rock-solid dating tips for men.

Alex here again: thanks Anthony! To you, the reader – I hope you enjoyed the article. And while you’re at it, do check out Anthony’s blog where he regularly posts a lot of interesting articles. I’m out! See you in the comments.

By the way, why don’t you join me and Anthony over at the forums? Check out the thread “Social Energy” which contains discussion related to this article.

Image by Kevin Klöcker.

See the beauty in everyone.

If you’re a (straight) man, which both my statistics and guts tell me that you are, of course you’d pay most attention to the women you see.

You have most likely trained your negative eye for the most part of your life, always looking for fault and mistakes.

I bet that I could show you a picture of almost anyone, and with in seconds, you could find something that could look better. It could be a wrinkle, a zit, a hair sitting ‘wrong’, a crooked nose… And the list goes on.

And this is not said to judge you, it’s just to make a point – and hey, I’m not any better myself! This is how most of us are programmed.

See the beauty in women

But I think that if we gradually train ourselves to see the beauty in things, we will live richer and happier lifes.

Why? Because that way you’ll slowly kill or transcend that little part of you I have called the Ego before. You’ll take away its power and regain control of your emotions and beliefs at a deeper level.

I know that may have sounded a little buddhist or religious, but take it for what it is. In more plain language, training to see the beauty in things will satisfy you more in the long-term.

See her real sexy self

The next time you’ll meet a girl you like, you’ll see all the beauty in her. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t see her faults and flaws; we all have those. I’m just saying that you should see past them, and see her & her beauty instead.

So as I started out by saying, the next time you’re at a public place, practice to see the beauty in the people walking by you. See how a particular girl’s eyes are glowing, or how that other girl’s hair is waving in the sun.

It doesn’t even have to be “practice” or to “train”, it can just be to have a pleasant experience. At least I always feel a little higher and happier when I have done this than if I hadn’t.

So try it out and let me know what happens!

And by the way, don’t forget to Subscribe to the RSS Feed! It’s absolutely free, and you get all my articles as soon as they are published. How’s that for an offer!

This is something I have been getting quite a few questions on lately – how do you kiss a girl for the first time?

If you are in a hurry and just want a quick tip for your date tonight, skip the rest of the article. Seriously, just read and apply the following three words and you will be fine.

Just do it.

Good. Thanks for reading to those of you who are leaving, and a big welcome to the rest of you!

There are no rules

This is absolutely crucial. When it comes to dating (and kissing girls), no matter what any guru, dating expert or friend tells you, there are no rules.

Remember that rules are meant to be broken.

In dating, there are literally millions of factors and variables, so many that it would be impossible to have every theory work for everybody all the time. And that is why I tell you this.

There are no rules.

Now, when we have that out of the way, let us get on with the good stuff!

When we talk about kissing someone for the first time, only two variables are really important: When and How.

When to kiss her for the first time

As I said earlier, the best advice I can give you is to just do it.

Most of the time, you will get the kiss. If you don’t, well, now you know. Just try again later.

I really believe in learning by mistake. But if you learn from something, was it really a mistake? I don’t think so.

Anyway.

I guess you didn’t find this article just to get smacked in the head by a guy telling you to just do it.

So here are some general pointers on when to kiss her:

• The best time to kiss a girl is when the sexual tension is at its peak point.
• No sexual tension, on the other hand, is a bad sign. Dial up the attraction as much as possible.
• Don’t wait till the end of the date. That is just cliché and unneccessary.
• Kiss her at a romantic spot so she will remember “your first kiss”. Girls really digg that stuff, so keep it in mind.
• Any kiss can be romantic though. It’s up to you.
• Kiss her when she looks you in the eyes, looks at your lips, and looks back into your eyes. This is a major interest indicator.
• You can also “feel” if she is ready to be kissed by pulling her close to you, and slowly moving your lips towards hers. What’s her reaction?

You can try to find all the signs of interest in the world before you kiss her, and test her in every single way. But the only way to really know if she’s ready to be kissed is to just do it.

How to kiss her for the first time

Ahh, kissing technique. A lovely subject indeed.

In my opinion, the best way to kiss a girl for the first time is to take it really slow.

If there has been a lot of tension dialed up, aka Ross and Rachel in Friends, sure! Go for it, Tiger.

Otherwise, just try to feel her. Get a sense of she is as a kisser.

Personally, I never bring in mr. Tongue. But that’s up to you. Nip her really gently on the lower lip. Look into her eyes. Smile. Kiss her again.

Just remember to take it slow.

If you would like to learn more kissing techniques, or read more about how to kiss girls, take a look at the following four articles:

• Be a Great Kisser – How To REALLY Kiss a Girl
• 5 Tips on Kissing Passionately from 5 Women
• How To be The Perfect Kisser
• The 5 Most Common Kissing Mistakes Men Make

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A woman will always test you. She will test you for your masculinity, she will test for your strength; she will test to see if you’re (still) the man she’s seeks and craves.

Testing men is a woman’s secret tool. She wants you to pass the tests, but she will make it as difficult for you as she can.

To understand this, we have to dig a little into female psychology. We have to know what a woman of a feminine essence wants (masculine women also exists, but their wants and needs are a bit different.)

What a woman wants

She wants a strong man. That means she wants a man with a strong masculine essence. A masculine essence is defined by an ongoing pursuit for freedom – you don’t have to know or understand what that means, just keep it in your mind while reading on.

A masculine man is authentic. And he’s honest. And that my friends, is actually all you need.

If you answer to all her tests with authenticy and honesty, you’re going to pass them. And passing a test is the fast-lane to a woman’s heart (and pussy).

Let’s just be friends

This is probably the most important and most common test of all. Usually, she’s not testing you consciously.

It can come up on the first date, at the tenth, under sex, after two years; it really doesn’t matter. What matters is how you deal with it.

I can remember it quite vividly. I was out on a date with a lovely lady – her name was May. She was half Asian, half Caucasian, a short but really beautiful girl.

We had walked around in a park, hand in hand, for about 20 minutes, until I suddenly felt her energy change. She pulled away, looked at me, and stopped. It didn’t seem real at the time;

“Let’s just be friends.”

I was quite surprised. I was blown away for a few seconds, but then looked into her eyes and said the following:

“You know we can’t, sweetheart. And even if you insist on being just that, I will always chase you. I am attracted, and will be as long as I am in love with you. Come here.”

I grabbed her and kissed her. It was a good kiss, and we never talked about being just friends again. In fact, I think I was with her for about 4 months. It could also have stopped right there in the park.

So why did we continue being lovers and not friends?

I was being honest. I was being authentic. I was being vulnerable. And at the same time, I was being strong.

This might not have been a particularly good example, but it was the first one that came to my mind. It’s all about how I handled it.

I could also had lied both to her and to myself and said that yeah, we could just be friends. That would be “fine”. And I would have continued chasing her – but most likely never gotten her again.

Instead I was being honest and authentic. I spoke from my heart. And it couldn’t have worked better. This works with almost any test a woman can throw at you.

Another common test

Women can often test you early by trying to throw you out of your own “frame”. You could say that you frame is the mindset you come in with. It’s your masculinity. It’s your core. It’s what you work from in every interaction. It’s the underlying theme of everything you do. You’re frame is your reality.

A woman can easily throw a man out of his frame by saying something like “Are you a player?”

If you’re a weak man- a wussy, you’re going to go into a strong defensive position. You’re going to tell her that No! Of course you’re not.

A stronger man is most likely going to do one of the following things:

• Throw it right back at her. Ask her if she’s a typical blonde.
• Tell her that you’re going to answer that question later, and continue the conversation.
• Say that yeah, you play… sports, and continue the conversation.
• Or the easiest one: Just ignore it and continue the conversation.

You see what I’m getting at? The stronger male is not going to step out of his own frame. The weaker man most likely is, and being thrown off like that is not a particularly good sign to send to a woman about all your good qualities.

Buy me a drink

When a woman asks you to buy her drink, it may not be a conscious test from her. She may just want a drink. But you can definitely use it to your advantage.

By knowing what you know now, you won’t step into her reality. You will stay in your own reality (frame), and draw her in.

A really good reply would be to look deeply into her eyes, smirk, smile like the game is on! And say that she can buy you a drink. I can not guarantee you that she will do it, but it’s a much better reply than just doing it. You don’t want to be the guy getting the girls drunk, just so they can go home and sleep with all the other men. Trust me, sitting alone at 4am, without any money, without any women, just memories about the guys they went home with… You don’t want to be that guy!

Instead; be honest. You don’t want to buy her a drink. Actually, it would be kind of nice if she bought you one.

Don’t draw it to the extreme

This does not mean that you should ever do anything for anyone.

If your woman asks you to go out with the trash, you should not say no just for the sake of “staying in your own frame” or some crazy shit like that.

Relationships are built on mutual respect, cooperation, and of course love. And lots of other stuff. That’s not the point.

The point is actually that you should never draw anything to the extreme. It’s all about doing the right thing(s) at the right time. It’s all about calibration.

Personally, I can step out of my own “reality” or “frame” or whatever once in a while to do the dishes. Or go out with the trash. This is a really attractive quality. But that’s just because I want to make life a bit easier for the girl in my life once in a while.

I can also do it without she even asks me to do it – just doing it out of my own free will. I know that she will sometimes do the same. I know that if we have this relationships were we do stuff for each other, I might wake up with a hangover to a freshly made burger. Just because she cares!

So guys, handle all tests she gives you with authenticy and honesy. But don’t draw it to the exteme, and have some common sense while at it.

Remember that tests are a beautiful thing. It lets you stay “on top of your game”. Learn to recognize these tests as opportunities – and then be sure to pass them.

Please do report any thoughts or stories in the comments – and as always, questions are highly welcome.

Stay cool!
Alex

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Top image by dlemieux, rest by Ferran.

Note from Alex: Another guest post, this time from a good friend of mine – Sebastyne from Australia. She has a lot of experience when it comes to online dating, so take what she has to say seriously! Sebastyne, the word is all yours.

As Alex is concentrating on offline dating tips, I offered my help in the online dating arena, as that happens to be my specialty.

I joined a dating site the year 2000, met my husband online in 2004. It took me a good 4 years to find the man of my dreams. That is to say online dating is not a quick “place an order and wait for the door bell to ring” service. For a girl, it means a flood of absolutely ridiculous emails, and this is where I come in.

To start with, I want to set straight a common misconception about online dating. It is not JUST for losers. The great thing about online dating is that it gives you a lot more options.

It will bring you people who you would never meet in your normal life. That is one reason why it is a great extension of dating options for people who are quite picky – such as myself. I would have never met my husband “in the real life” even if we lived in the same city, as he would spend time in places I would probably not set a foot in.

Unfortunately, like someone said, to find your prince you have to kiss a lot of frogs. These following type of men never got as far as a hand shake, and I am here to make sure you are (no longer) one of them, and as for the rest of you I hope you get a good laugh:

3 type of men you DO NOT want to be

• The too busy man This man uses an email template that he sends to all girls he finds attractive. He believes in advertising to wide range of potential buyers. The problem he will face is that the girls will instantly know if it is a mass email, and will be put off, his email will get deleted and she makes a mental note that this guy is a moron. Often this man makes the mistake of sending the SAME message many times to the same girl AND her friends as he can’t keep track of all the girls he has emailed. That will not make him look good.
• The man with muscle This guy will tell the girl how he got his muscle mass by listing the sports he plays and then probably attach an image of himself showing his muscles with the head cut off the photo. This is intended to protect the identity of the sender, but really just makes him look very superficial and quite silly. He probably won’t get a reply.
• The man who has balls This man is related to the muscle man, but instead of listing information about his sports, he lists details about the measurements of his private parts. He may add details of his annual income as if to make a point about why it would be wise to sleep with him. The most disturbing thing about this type is that he will attach a photo of his genitals for the mere joy he has them.

Those are the biggest and most common mistakes men make on dating sites. It is fairly easy to stand out from the crowd by putting a little more effort into the email.

To do it right: Read her profile. Every word of it!

Girls are excellent at writing dating profiles. They will give you a lot of information about what she is looking for and why, how she wants it to come along and so forth. Some sites allow linking to a website, if that is the case; check her website for even more information on how to approach her or what she is like. If you think it is cheating to find out what she likes before you email her, it’s really not. It shows that you are interested and most men skip this part, so you will come out ahead.

Instead of introducing yourself, talk about her

A lot of people start an email by telling the reader who they are. That is fine and all, but don’t you find it hard to try to sell yourself to a total stranger? Instead, write about her, why exactly did you find her interesting, and why you wanted to contact her in the first place. That makes her feel like you actually do mean to contact her and not just any girl.

At the same time, as you are writing about her, you will probably find things you have in common, like: “I read in your profile that you like fast cars. I immediately thought I must write to you, as I recently bought a Ferrari.” (Yeah, keep on dreaming, but you get my point.) It might be animals, computers, philosophy or other topic that is common to you, bring that up. If there isn’t anything like that, but you still want to write to her, mention the reason why, but don’t just cop out by saying you really like her boobs, ass or figure in general.

Avoid clichés at all cost. Don’t use words like “sexy” “hot” or “pretty”. It may be a surprise to you, but even “beautiful” should be avoided, as the beautiful girls have heard it so many times it makes no impact anymore. My husband described me “sensual” in his first email in case you are curious. Be as sincere as you can, be happy to compliment her even if she wasn’t interested in you.

Tell her what you want

Be honest in your email. If you want a casual relationship, say so. If you are not sure what you want, tell her that. If you just expect someone to talk to or what ever you may be after, tell her. That will save both of you time and heart ache. Don’t assume that all girls want a serious relationship from the day one, so what ever it is you want might or might not be what she wants. Pretending is never good, as you will appear sleazy and that will not get you far with most girls.

Include your photo – of your face

No matter what you look like, always include a photo of yourself to the email or on your dating profile. It is more important to show of your face than it is to show of any other part of your body or your motor bike, so make sure there is a good photo of your face in there. Do not use drunken party photos. As amusing as they may be to you, the girl will think that is when you are at your best – not a good sign! In addition, avoid too serious business type of photos; unless you are after women who will love you for your money – this is not a job interview.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT include a photo of you surrounded by women or a photo that you cropped an ex-girlfriend out off but still leaving her arm around your neck. Take a photo without any specific theme to it (white background and casual clothing) or doing something you love or with something you love, like your dog. (Girls love guys with dogs, but don’t make the mistake of borrowing one, as it will come up in the conversation!)

You might be apprehensive about adding your photo. I have a few reasons why you should have one up though.

First off, men who don’t have a photo up are normally either:

• Married or in a serious relationship
• Very seriously ugly
• Insecure and secretive
• Computer illiterate or
• Wanted for murder

None of these reasons make you look good, and there is no other good reason not to put your picture up. Even if you weren’t the hunkiest guy on the planet, there will be girls who find you the cutest thing alive, especially the one you are looking for. If there is a valid reason why you can’t put a photo up, online dating is probably not for you.

Are girls different online than offline?

Talking to girls online isn’t much different than it is face to face. There are things you shouldn’t say, and the girls are no more after sex hookups online as they are offline. They are not in any way different online.

The only difference I would bring up is that online girls know what they want; all you have to do is to find out if you are what they want.

Let me just repeat that one important thing: Read the profile. It’s a bit like the manual for the latest Nokia phone, with the difference that you actually do need to read the profile!

Back to Alex: That was a long one! Hope you enjoyed it.

Lets start a discussion in the comments!

Do you have any experience when it comes to online dating? How do you approach women online? And if you’re woman, how do you like to be approached? Is online dating any good?

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Lovely images by Martin, Joeywan and Leslie Vega.

Hanging out with a girl you really like, having fun, walking around hand in hand; aren’t that one of the best ways to spend your time?

I think so. I think that a really fantastic date (no matter the “outcome”) is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

And you can have more of them. It’s really not that hard. If you have met the girl, which is the hardest part, I’ll take care of the rest. Read on soldier!

The first part of the date is the logistics. How, where and when and are you going to meet? The logistics you’ll have to handle yourself, it’s out of my hands.

But just remember to not go out of your way just to please her. Maybe it’s just me, but I think it’s important. It has to be on your terms. Be the leader. Be a man.

Where to take her?

Once you get the logistics handled, you’ll have to have some kind of idea on where you’ll take her. Is it back to your place? Is it a wild night in town? Is it to a café?

Personally, I treat the first date a little different that the possible rest. I want to know if she’s something for me.

Therefore I always take a first date out to coffee. It’s easy to get away (for both of us), it’s cheap (low commitment) and it’s a very suitable environment for conversation.

Different places are great for different occasions. When picking a place to take your date, you’ll have to keep your goal in mind.

Fun should always be the main goal. But like on a first date, I want to get to know her. On the third date maybe I just want to have even more fun. So we’ll go dancing.

As a straight forward example, I wouldn’t take her dancing if conversation and comfort were my intentions for the night.

The 11 Ways to Have a Fantastic Date

Whoops, too much talk. Let’s get on with the list!

1. Get the logistics handled
   We have already touched lightly on this, but it’s actually really important. Since it’s too unique for everyone, I can’t give concrete tips, but just remember to be the man. Don’t let her push your around, you’re in charge.
2. Make your date congruent with your goals for the night (or day, for that matter)
   Start out lightly. Don’t go overboard with things (flying her to Rome on a second date, for example..) Think about what you want out of the night. If it’s a first kiss, a walk in the park is usually a better idea than going to a happy hour a pub. At least I don’t like kissing drunk girls, maybe you do, and then a bar would be a great idea! Just be sure about what you want (roughly).
3. Think about commonalities
   If you know that she likes fish, going to a big aquarium might not be a bad idea. If you know she hates water, don’t take her swimming. You get the drill.
4. Have a lot of fun
   I think I have said it a 1000 times, but it just can’t be said enough. A date is not a job interview! Don’t go to a boring restaurant, have boring food and have boring conversation. Baaad idea. Think about the element of fun when picking a place. Some funky sushi restaurant might be fun if you would really like to take her to dinner. Simply do things she might not be used to, and have fun with it.
5. Be confident
   This is not related directly to the date, but more to you. Don’t forget yourself in the whole dating pick a place process. With no you, there wouldn’t even be a date! Simple as that. If you’re this fantastic fun, warm, outgoing guy who is at the same time a confident natural leader, with a sexy smile and things going for you, the date itself doesn’t really matter. Don’t forget to be that guy (the most attractive you) while on the date.
6. Smile and relax
   Awkwardness is the killer of a good date. Smiling can easen up a lot of tension. So can simply taking a big breath. If you’re relaxed and calm in your own body, so will she be. If you’re generally a little anxious and nervous, taking up some yoga or meditation might not be a bad idea.
7. Touch her right from the start
   Give her a big hug. Playfully slap her shoulder. Stroke her hair and tell her that it smells good. Kiss her. If you like the girl, the most natural thing in the world is to touch her. Don’t be shy of your intentions and nature! Don’t think that you’re “polite” by not touching her. It’s unpolite not to touch her! By not touching her you’re actually degrading her sexuality. So start touching your woman! But don’t go overboard with it, you know what I mean. It’s all about calibration.
8. Flirt, flirt and flirt
   Flirting is the natural thing happening between a female and a male. Understand flirting, and you’ll have it all handled. But it’s hard to learn flirting just by reading, flirting is best learned through practice. Flirt with girls as much as you can. Flirting is fun!
9. Lead her
   She has to know that she can trust you. You have to show that you’re a strong man who can protect her. Being a leader is a very masculine trait, and if you haven’t got it, you better start cultivating it.
10. Be a little mysterious
    A little mystery around you is universally attractive. This is something I’ll write more about in the future. At its basics, it’s about not showing it all. You know, the most sexy parts are those you don’t get the full view of, right? It’s about surprising her. If you own a motorcycle, don’t tell her right away. Let her find out for herself. This draws her into your reality, which is what being a leader is really all about.
11. End it in the bedroom
    The best dates leads to the bedroom, at least in my experience. Don’t be too eager about sex, but don’t deny your own sexuality either. You’re a man, she’s a woman, and the most natural thing in the world for you would be to have sex. So get your groove on!

Following these tips, it really shouldn’t be that hard :-)

By the way, fun making a list again. That was quite a while ago. Hope you enjoyed guys.

As always, let me know what you think in the comments. What’s your recipe for a fantastic date?

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Image by riot. Thanks!

OK, so you want to get good with the ladies? Maybe even great? It takes practice, you know that.

You also know it won’t come overnight. It will take time.

So why are you only talking to girls on Friday and Saturday nights?!

By only talking to women on two days of the week, you’re significantly cutting down your chances of meeting someone amazing – and gaining a lot less practice!

Most of us see beautiful women on a daily basis. Might be a girl on the bus, in the supermarket, on the street, in a fashion store, it doesn’t matter.

So why are you only talking to girls on Friday and Saturday nights?!

This post might not be directed at you. Maybe you talk to women every day. Maybe you haven’t ever “approached” someone. But please, read on. You’ll learn something anyway.

Meeting women everywhere

When I first started out trying to meet women, I would only do it on the weekends. I thought that this was just the way it was supposed to work. I didn’t understand that there are no “rules” when it comes to dating. You make the rules.

I did think about approaching on the street. But not for many seconds at a time. I thought to myself that “she might be doing something important”, “she’s in a hurry” or some other wuss explanation I made up.

It’s not too long ago I realized that she would be lucky to meet me!

Of course I can take a minute out of her day. I might be the best thing ever happening to her.

And if she doesn’t agree? What if she has to do something really important and is in a hurry?

We will both just walk away, simple as that. At least I tried.

Did you try? What did you do the last time you saw a gorgeous lady? My bet is that you didn’t do anything. You just walked on.

You let her walk right out of your life.

Let go of your excuses

Realize that by just letting go of your excuses, you could be dating 10 times as much.

This really is “the secret” when it comes to dating. Having no excuses and making your own rules.

So what are you going to do the next time you see someone you would like to meet? Go up and say hi. Observe something. Comment on something. Get to know her. Listen.

Don’t just walk away. Don’t make excuses.

I promise you, it will be worth your time. And you’ll be worth hers.

Try it, and let me know what happens.

Image by Thomas Hawk.

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