I didn’t create Just Keep The Change to help you be more successful with women, to help you get over your ex girlfriend, or to help you to be a better kisser; I created Just Keep The Change so that you could ultimately live a fuller and richer life – getting better with women would just be one part of it.

That is why I decided to do something a little different today. I want to show you some resources that might help you grow in all areas of your life – not only romantically, but also when it comes to your health, your spirituality, your personal relations and your social skills.

I believe that to really have success in one part of life, you must also have some part of your other ‘parts’ handled. Each time you improve your weakest link, it strengthens everything and makes room for everything else to grow.

Now, this is not absolutely absolute end of it all, as you can without a doubt have success in some parts of life without having it in others… Just think about the stereotypical geek in his basement coding and hacking: he may not have a lot of success with women, but his coding skills are top notch. But if he did get better with women (rising one of his weaknesses metaphorically speaking), he would most likely experience more success overall and gain a broader perspective on things.

It is also important to take note that the things you need to work on should not be created by anyone but you. Not your friends, not your mom and definitely not society. If you feel that you need to get better with women, or have a more solid career, do it! But if it’s not really you, but more of a demand put on you externally, you should seriously consider focusing on other things.

Anyway, enough of another one of my ramblings about life… Let’s get on with that list.

Oh, and by the way: the links to Amazon here are affiliate links, meaning that I’ll earn a dime or two if you buy the book or anything else while you’re there. So if you don’t want to help out a fellow financial crisis-hit man, please don’t click on the links ;-)

Websites:

T-Nation
THE best training, muscle and nutrition site on the web, bar none. If you’re serious about working out, this one should be a no-brainer. The forum is stuffed with useful information, too. (Not always safe for work, though…)

Scientific American
A great place to broaden your horizon and learn about a lot of really cool stuff. Their research is for the most part solid, and I feel like I get smarter each time I pay them a visit. For example, check out: Affairs of the Lips: Why We Kiss and The Orgasmic Mind: The Neurological Roots of Sexual Pleasure.

Seth Godin’s blog
Seth Godin knows his stuff about marketing, and his blog is always interested to read. If you have never heard of the guy, I’d suggest that you go read up on him. He might change your perspective on some things…

Scott Adams’ Dilbert blog
Scott Adams, “the creator of Dilbert, Wally, Catbert, the Pointy Haired Boss and all your favourite cubicle companions” always has something interesting to say, whether it’s informative, funny or provocative. Broaden your horizon a bit and take a peek. He’s a smart guy. And while you’re at it, read Dilbert the series too – it’s hilarious!

PostSecret
While there’s a good chance you know of PostSecret already, I thought it deserved a mention. Each Sunday, Frank Warren updates his blog with homemade postcards sent to him containing various secrets (hence the name). I could spend all day telling you about it, but instead I think that you should simply hop over and see what it’s all about. Personally, a lot of the secrets move me quite a bit, sometimes to tears, and I most definitely always feel ‘refreshed’ after reading them.

Books:

The Way of the Superior Man
by David Deida, a spiritual guide to mastering the challenges of women, work, and sexual desire.

A lot of great things has already been said about this book, but I’ll add to the pool: “The Way of the Superior Man” will teach you how to be the man you’ve always wanted to be. David Deida writes with passion and honesty about living with your heart open and vulnerable, about how you can satisfy your woman in the bedroom without being a jerk in the living room at the same time and about a lot of other modern challenges about being a man.

The superior man is what I would call the just keep the change man; the man we should all aspire and strive to be. I can’t give justice to the quality of this masterpiece with just a couple of paragraphs, so let me say this instead: if I were to recommend only a single item on this page to you, it would be this book.

How to Win Friends & Influence People
by Dale Carnegie, the first -and still the best- book of its kind to lead you to success.

For a man to be the best that he can absolutely be, I think that it’s crucial for him to be able to conduct one self in all kinds of social situations. It is not about being manipulative as the title could mislead, but more about having good manners, compassion and great listening abilities. It will teach you the art of handling people on a day to day basis, and even though it was written more than 70 years ago, the advice it contains is more crucial now than ever. Put into practice the principles outlined in the book, and I promise you, that you will be seeing more success in both your personal and professional life.

Atomic Dog
by TC Luoma, the testosterone principles.

Brutally honest, sometimes downright absurd and disturbing, and funny as hell… That’s the best way I can describe this book. If you’re not easily offended, read this book as a test. And if you are, take this as a challenge. But to rob yourself from this little gem would be a shame – TC writes like no other about the male hormone testosterone and all that it does to us men. And did I mention that you will be snorting at his one-liners? This is a gift to the uncircumcised man. Read, learn and enjoy.

All books written by Hemingway
A Farewell to Arms, For Whom the Bell Tolls, The Old Man and the Sea, Indian Camp…

Maybe cliché, but personally I have learned a lot about men, women and about myself by reading the books of Ernest Hemingway. In my opinion, one of the most educational and interesting books he has written is “The Sun Also Rises, written in 1926. Its main themes flow around suppressed emotions, desire and (missing) direction in life – important topics I think we should all explore more.

On a vacation, you don’t want to read something that’s too heavy, and Hemingway’s books fall under exactly that category – his books contain a perfect mix of entertainment and thought provokement; just right for a day at the beach or before falling asleep in your hotel room. His prose is often understated, leaving things for you to read between the lines and to figure out for yourself. To not have read a single book by Ernest Hemingway would be the same to literature as it would be to the movies to not have seen Star Wars …now, wait, you have seen Star Wars, right?

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
By Steven R. Covey

If you’re serious about self-development, this book should be a staple in your bookshelf. What Steven Covey writes about is for the most part common sense – but as you know, common sense is not so common after all. This is sensible, pragmatic advice about being effective at its best.

TV-Series

Lost

Since this list contains resources which can help you grow in character, among other things, the tv-series “Lost” absolutely had to be present. There are so many good things about this show that I almost don’t know where to begin, but let me tell you this: if you’re not made of stone, you’re gonna get emotionally involved with this show. And that’s a good thing!

The scene sets out with a plane crash; people are screaming, parts of the plane exploding, total chaos. We’re on a mystical island, and the show is basically about how the 40something people surviving the crash will survive on the island- and how they will get away.

Needless to say, there is a lot of stuff happening on the island. Intrigues, love affairs, heroes, fear, monsters and more… Lord of the flies, anyone? Anyway, I really think that you should check this series out to share some laughs with Hurley, eyeball Kate, learn Korean with Jin, and grow a redneck attitude with Sawyer. I have yet to meet someone who hasn’t at least enjoyed the first season!

Entourage

Entourage, meaning ‘followers’, is another highly entertaining TV-show, although maybe a bit more offensive than Lost. Entourage circles around the four men from Queens Vince, Johnny, Turtle and Eric. Vince is an A-list actor, Johnny is Vince’s older brother, Eric is Vince’s manager and Turtle is just the friend and chauffeur.

What is fascinating about the show is not so much the fast cars, the hot girls or the big houses, no, it’s the play, the fun and the banter between the characters. Vince’s agent, Ari, is also in many ways a good role model for a father, a friend and a husband. Under his tough agent shell, he’s a good guy with a massive heart and a big pair of balls. Vince’s cool, laid back behaviour is also quite inspirational at times.

Check this show out – I can almost guarantee you that you will like it.

Conclusion:

What runs through all these websites, books and series is that I like them – and of course, that is not a guarantee that you will, too. To truly grow in character and develop yourself, you have to follow your own path. Do what you love without shame and learn what you can in the process.

Let me sign out by saying this: living is learning. You learn from everything. But can you apply it? That is the real challenge.

So I challenge you to this: live a little extra the next week. Take a night just for yourself. Prepare a little. Eat a good home-made meal, have a glass of wine, take a hot bath, and watch a great movie. Really enjoy yourself.

One of the things about developing self-confidence is to learn to enjoy one own’s company. If you know that you can be happy by yourself, you really don’t need anyone else. Sure, a great girl can spice your life up, but she won’t be a necessity for your happiness.

Wouldn’t you also like a woman who “wants you, but don’t need you?”

Anyway-

Let me know in the comments about what kind of books and websites and all that stuff that you like and find really useful. That will be interesting to hear. I might even get a new gem for my collection.

I’ll post some of my favorite movies in a future article.

Till then; thanks for reading!
Alex

There are no rules when it comes to dating. Make up your own. Do what works for you. Don’t do what some dude on the internet tells you to do. Take it into consideration, and then take it from there. Got it? Good.

Although there are ‘no rules’, it is generally a good idea to follow some ideas and some principles. Here are 12 of them for your reading pleasure.

1. Be honest.

Now I know that this may not be what you expected. But I got to be honest with you – being honest is truly the best dating advice you will ever get.

Being honest, not only with her, but also with yourself, opens up so many gates and possibilities – you have no idea before you actually try it.

Being honest opens for expression. When you express yourself, truly, you open up a part of yourself. You show her the real you, and that’s vulnerable.

And it all leads to trust. Trust with a woman is one of the key ingredients to having a fulfilling relationship, no matter its nature. Whether you want a one night stand or a girlfriend, you need to have her trust.

So be honest, at all times. I wrote an article a while back which can be found here:
Start Being Brutally Honest with Yourself and Others. Also check out this recent article called Why Bohemian Painters are Sexy as Hell and How You Can Become That, Too, it’s all about expression.

2. Express your true feelings and desires.

This builds upon being honest; they compliment each other very well.

Again, this is not what most “pick up artists” would tell you, but tell her that she looks stunning, because damn! She’s a woman, and that is what she does best.

Not to say that women can’t do other things, I am a big believer in equal rights etc. All I am saying is that generally, women are fabulous, stunning, and the best creation on this planet.

So appreciate them, and TELL them! Compliment your woman, even if you have been together for 10, 20 or 30 years. Tell her that she looks just as hot as she did when you first met.

Tell her on the first dates that she looks gorgeous. Not in an insecure way to gain approval; no, tell her because you appreciate her beauty.

Some guys can pull of saying something like “I want you right now” when out on a date, and that’s fine. It’s just not me.

I would rather be suggestive with my eyes and general body language. Hold the eye contact a little longer than comfortable. Look her in her eyes, glance at her lips, and then back to the eyes. She’ll know what you mean (and want)…

3. Tell her with your body.

Again, this builds on the previous one.

Use your whole body to communicate, don’t rely just on your words. Your body is much better to get the message through ;-)

• Take her for a dance in the living room, women love to dance.
• Spin her around and give her a big kiss.
• Give her the warmest, biggest bear-hug ever.
• Massage her.
• Play with her hand and fingers.
• Tickle her.

These are just playful suggestions, use them or don’t. What is important here is to practice using your whole body instead of just your mouth.

A lot can be communicated with nothing but the eyes, really.

If you feel you could use some body-communication work, do this exercise called the “Silent Day”:

Go about your day as you normally would, do your shopping etc. But don’t say a word the whole day. This doesn’t work too well if you work at an office or go to school, so do it on a weekend.

By not saying a single word, you’ll be much more aware of your own gestures and body language.

4. Know how to kiss

As a female reader wrote me a couple of days ago:

” I am especially glad you emphasize how to kiss well, since this is very important to girls. It’s not uncommon for girls to avoid or dump an otherwise cool guy because he’s a bad kisser. Big, permanent turnoff.”

She said it best… But basically, a good or bad kiss can really make or break ‘the deal’. Check the articles on kissing already published on the site here:

• Kissing A Girl for The First Time – When and How?
• Be a Great Kisser – How To REALLY Kiss a Girl
• How To be The Perfect Kisser
• The 5 Most Common Kissing Mistakes Men Make
• 5 Tips on Kissing Passionately from 5 Women

I would also recommend signing up for the free dating newsletter at the bottom of this post; one of the first articles you will see in your inbox is a very good one on kissing!

5. Don’t take her crap and pass her tests

I wrote a whole post on it here: Dealing With Her Tests – How To Gain Instant Attraction

Women test men. It’s not strange, seriously, how would you go about knowing which one of the 20 guys that approaches you in a night is good enough for you?

Of course you would test them in some way. And not by simple interview questions like, let’s say, “are you honest and authentic?”, “are you confident?” or my personal favourite “are you good in bed?”

All men would just say yes. There is no real truth in that, it is much better for her to test for it in a more subtle way.

Subtle tests women use and how to handle them

It can be as easy as her seeing how you react if she starts talking about sex. She can also see how you treat other people when you’re out. It could be about a lot of stuff.

The best way to handle the tests is to be totally honest all along. Being yourself is a true and tested advice, so don’t go about reinventing the wheel.

That also means don’t hide your desires – be in charge, and don’t be ashamed.

It is often said that the one with the strongest reality “sucks” the other people in. When it comes to dating, use it like this: If you have the strongest “frame” (reality perception), she almost won’t have a choice with you; you’ll be in charge all along.

That means that if you’re really confident, you can do almost anything you want, whenever you want to. So just kiss her! Don’t hesitate if that’s what you want.

Being in charge of yourself like that is very sexy to women.

6. Be chivalrous in public, but an animal behind closed doors

Always open doors, walk on the outside of the curb etc.

If you take on the ‘male’ role like that, she’ll have an easier time feeling like a real woman. Don’t you just love that feminine radiance and glow?

But don’t carry the chivalry into the bedroom. “Can I assist you taking off that bra?”… not going to happen.

All over the place…

Be more of an animal instead. Wild, loose and all over the place.

Do some unexpected things. Kiss her like you never have before. Whisper in her ear. You get the picture.

Check out some of David Shade’s stuff if you’re interested in getting that part of your “game” handled, he’s really good. Follow the link and you’ll also find an interesting video…

7. Take good care of yourself.

Although women generally don’t get turned on by your looks as much as your personality, they care abot how you take care of yourself.

Any man can become sexy if he is well-groomed, has some well-fitted clothes, a healthy tan and a trained body.

Do what you can

So do what you can: Get your teeth fixed, eat more vegetables, spend some dollars on a pair of Levi’s, get outside and run… You’re a smart guy; you know what I’m talking about.

You don’t have to become the healthiest guy on the planet, just take baby steps to get there and show her that you care about yourself. And of course, it’s for your own sake first and foremost.

8. Don’t compromise yourself.

Whatever you do, don’t put her needs before yours.

Even if she says that she would like you to stay home instead of going out with the boys, that’s not what she wants deep down inside.

This presupposes that you told her a couple of days in advance, though, and that she is not sick, ill or in a mood where she really needs your company.

The anti-war climax

This is the same phenomenon taking place when she tells you that she don’t want you to leave for war when you are a soldier.

What she wants deep down is for you to follow your own path and goals and to always put those before her.

So even if you stay at home instead of doing what you really think you should do, you’ll compromise yourself, and in the long road it will be bad for you, for her, and for the both of you as a couple.

So remember this: Listen to yourself and let yourself be the one making the decisions. Take her words into consideration, she may have something useful to add, but always decide for yourself.

This can also be in a small scene like choosing which restaurant to eat at. So keep it in mind. Be in charge!

9. Don’t become clingy and needy

What all women want is a man who is strong, confident and independent. No one wants a wuss boy who clearly sets her needs before his own. It’s just wrong.

So don’t call her all the time. Don’t bring flowers on every date.

Instead, be more of a challenge. Be a little mysterious. Be sexy!

Check out the post I wrote a while ago titled Why Gifts and Flowers don’t work for Creating Attraction – Only for Amplifying it.

Here’s a small excerpt from that article:

“See, I thought that by giving a woman gifts, she would like me more. She would think that I was generous, sweet, and all these words that I linked to gaining a woman’s love.

But instead, the complete opposite happened. On the outside, she would become happy. She would hug me, smile, and say thanks.

On the inside, she was hugely disappointed. I killed the attraction. All women basically want to be attracted to you. They want to fall in love. They want to have amazing relationships.”

Also read the hugely popular post Why Bad Boys get all the Hot Women, and Nice Guys don’t even get close, I think you will learn a thing or two.

Basically what that article boils down to is this:

The balance between bad boy and nice guy looks something like this:

• You are dominant without being domineering.
• You are masculine without being macho.
• You are forthright and trustworthy.
• You are considerate without being placating.
• You are strong yet gentle.
• You are mysterious without being deceiving.
• You are exciting without being reckless.
• You are sexually exciting in the bedroom and a gentleman in the living room.

If interested, read some of the comments on that post. They’re good!

10. Have a powerful voice

Having a powerful voice is often underestimated when it comes to dating and life in general.

It is our first, foremost and most direct communicator, so wouldn’t it make sense to improve it?

In the article How To Use Your Voice to Project More Confidence, I share some tips to strengthen your authority while speaking:

• In the article mentioned above, scroll down for some specific voice training exercises. They will help you get a fuller, deeper (sexier!) voice.
• Speak with confidence (know what you are talking about).
• Only say something when you have something to say.
• Speak slow, have the confidence in yourself that people will still listen to you even if you add small pauses, and…
• Pronounce every word. No mumbling!
• Use hand gestures to enhance what you are saying.
• Stand straight (have good posture)
• Talk louder. Most people would benefit from this; just don’t become obnoxious in any way. Talk loud enough for everybody to hear you.
• Be a better breather. This is alpha-omega to speaking powerfully, so check out the article on breathing here: Start Breathing When It Matters The Most and Get More.

11. Move with purpose and confidence

The way you carry yourself says a lot about you. And even though you may not be aware of it, she notices.

The way you use your hands when you talk, the way you look at her and others, the way you walk, the way you sit… She notices and interprets it all.

Instead of working on all the details, like holding your drink just right, focus on the big thing instead: Be yourself and be proud.

This translates to being confident in ‘date talk’. A confident person will always move and carry himself just right.

While working on getting more confident, there are a couple of body language tips that apply pretty generally:

• Take up space. Spread your legs and reach out with the arms. A non-confident person will always try to fill as little space as possible because he does not feel worthy. But you are worthy! So take up all the space you need. That doesn’t mean you have to be rude, though.
• Hold eye contact. Breaking eye contact is a typical weakness indicator. Try to look the person in the left eye while talking, for him or her it will more intense, and for you it’s easier to hold the focus than looking into both eyes. Experiment a little to see what fits you, but for god’s sake, hold the eye contact!
• Carry yourself tall and with good posture. You have probably already heard it a thousand times. Another one doesn’t damage you: Stand tall! Shoulders back! Chest up! Slouching makes you look very unattractive, so just avoid it altogether. It’s bad for your back and general health, too. Practice by standing with a book on top of your head, or by aligning the back of your head, your shoulders and your butt up a plain wall. That’s pretty good posture. I know it’s tedious to walk around like that all day, but you just have to build the habit, and soon it won’t be tough at all. Or well, at least not as tough. Actually, why don’t you start right now? Sit up. Shoulders back. Head high. Just do it. Now! :-)

12. Accept, let go and move on

I got to be tough with you here: It won’t last. 99% of all relationships fail, that’s a fact and a part of life. But instead of seeing it as a failure, learn to see it as an accomplishment. Learn to look at all you gained and learned, and suddenly it won’t be as bad to break up with someone.

Sure, you’ll feel sad. I do too; it’s completely normal. Learn to accept that too.

Give yourself the time you need to move on, but be sure never to stall. If you get dumped, don’t dwell on it. Truth is, there is not much you can do about it anyway.

If you need help getting over your ex girlfriend, the post How To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend should be of assistance as well as over 900 (yes, 900!) comments.

I would actually go to the length of saying that this is the most important “rule” on this entire list. Learn to accept, let go and move on.

That cute girl didn’t call you back? Call her again the next day, and then let it go. Seriously, she’s not worth your time! That girl you met at the grocery store didn’t seem as friendly when you met again as the first time? That’s her problem, not yours!

If you just work on yourself, don’t dwell on the small details. You are doing everything right.

Get the mindset that basically, it’s their loss. You offered what you had, and they declined. Too bad! You do not want to be with a girl who doesn’t like you, anyway.

Here’s a post I wrote a while back on accepting yourself and letting go: Accept Yourself: How To Let Go of Bad Emotions and Feelings. As always, check out the comments.

Conclusion

That is all from me this time, I hope you learned a thing or two.

The 12 things were the following: Be honest, express your true feelings and desires, tell her with your body, know how to kiss, don’t take her crap and pass her tests, be chivalrous in public but an animal behind closed doors, take good care of yourself, don’t compromise yourself, don’t become clingy and needy, have a powerful voice, move with purpose and confidence and last but not least accept, let go and move on.

As always, I would very much like to hear your thoughts in the comments. Do you have some additional advice? Some critique? Make sure to let me (and everybody else) know.

Also make sure to also sign up for the free dating newsletter, it’s getting pretty popular :-)

Thanks for readings this far!

/Alex over and out.

Thanks to the lovely photographers ..Muha, Prabhu B, Cuellar, Mumbley Joe, Kiwêhowin, Lujaz, Visualpanic, Mortimer and Immagina.

OK, so we all know that guys with booming, dark, sexy masculine voices are highly attractive to women.

But what about you? Do you have an attractive voice?

You may have. And if so – that’s great. If not, I suggest that you read on.

You don’t have to be born with a sexy voice to get one. It can be developed – trained. And I’ll show you how.

Apart from just your voice, we’ll also work on different aspects of your tonality. Your voice itself is only one of many weapons you use while you speak.

Let’s get some theory down before we begin

Speak with confidence

The easiest way to sound confident is to actually be confident.

When you know what you are talking about, and you know that you are right in the matter, you will automatically sound and be more confident. This is attractive.

Only say something when you have something to say
Over time this will raise your authority, since you always know what to say and when.

Speak slow

This is a big one. Speaking slowly projects confidence and builds intrigue.

Why? Take this example.

Average Adam walks in and gets the attention of a group. He starts speaking. But because he is afraid that they won’t listen to him for long, he starts speaking faster to keep their attention. This is a bad approach.

Now, on the other hand we have Confident Carl. He knows that the group wants to listen to him because he says a lot of interesting stuff, and generally is an interesting person. He speaks slow, so everyone can hear every word perfectly.

Now who do you think is most attractive to women, Average Adam or Confident Carl? Well, if you haven’t figured that out… It’s Carl. Big surprise ;-)

The moral? Speak slow. And…

Pronounce every word

This is also really important.

And not only should you pronounce every word, you should also pronounce every word accurately.

Mumbling is unattractive for the simple reason that it’s hard to understand what you say.

And then it doesn’t matter if you have a deep voice.

If people can’t hear you, or don’t understand you, you are going to have quite a hard time socializing.

And that’s not what we want!

Pause… And talk.

Add pauses when you talk. Simple, really. Just pause once in a while and look people in their eyes, it will add suspense and make it more interesting to listen to you. Don’t be a radio jockey!

Use hand gestures

Use your hands while you talk. At first you might be a bit self-concious about it, but soon it will become a habit. Start now!

Stand straight

This is a as much a body language thing as it is a sound thing.

When you stand straight and good – you know, like a soldier, you speak better and project more confidence.

Having a good posture is just generally healthy, too.

Practice by raising your chest. When you raise your chest, you also drop your shoulders down a little. And you straighten your neck.

Just don’t slouch! Also…

Talk louder

This is actually harder than it sounds, but getting used to speaking louder is really rewarding, especially if you enjoy the bar and club scene.

I don’t have any specific exercises or anything, just try it out in your every day life.

Don’t become obnoxious in any way, you should just speak so loud that the listener has no problem hearing what you have to say.

Having people asking you to repeat yourself because you spoke too quiet destroys the natural rhythm of a conversation, and is, on top of that really annoying.

So just speak up a little.

Be a better breather

I have a whole post on good breathing here: Start Breathing When It Matters The Most and Get More.

It’s all about breathing deep. Get the air all the way into your belly.

Just place your hand on your stomach, and breathe in. Get it to expand. Breathe out and repeat.

Getting used to breathe “belly breathing” will absolutely give you better voice control.

(There are lots of other benefits, too.)

Get a deeper, more masculine voice

Mmmmmhh… Barry White. Chicks dig him ’cause of his voice, so why shouldn’t they dig you too?

Simple exercises to get a deeper voice

• Say “ooooohhmmm” as deep as you possibly can. Try to hold it and really feel the resonating feeling in your stomach. This is the feeling you want when you speak.
• Saying “aaaaaahhh” also works to some extend. Experiment!
• Blow out candles.  Try to use short breaths while at it.
• Yawn. Perfect for relaxing the muscles so you won’t sound so uptight.
• Speak from your belly.
• Practice that breathing!

Relax

Relaxing is key. And this is where all the ends get tied up – fully relaxing is easy if you’re confident in the environment.

If you’re not, you’re most likely going to be a little uptight. Try not to.

Start breathing instead!

Conclusion

So guys I hope you could use these tips.

Generally, just try to know what you’re talking about. Stand straight while at it and don’t forget to breathe. Talk a little louder and a little deeper than you’re used to. And use hand movements to add to your points.

Good luck. And I’ll see you in the comments!

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First image by luza. Second one by puja. Last one be millzero. Thanks, they are beautiful!

Kissing and foreplay are just means to get to sex, right? WRONG. Sex is all about giving, and girls love foreplay. You really should too.

No woman in this world enjoys the feeling that their boyfriend is using her as a masturbation tool. He barely gets in before he “shoots”.

She’s not even sure he’s in before he’s out again. The lights go off, and they both go to sleep. You really want to be that guy?

Start taking a new perspective on sex instead: The perspective of doing it for her. Make it as pleasurable for her as you possibly can; I promise you it will be better for you too.

Foreplay and kissing

As I started out by saying, girls LOVE foreplay. And a huge part of great foreplay is great kissing. Learn how to kiss, and you’ll learn the whole art of pleasure and sex. Kissing is in many ways two souls connecting on a very deep level. You’re extremely vulnerable when you kiss. Closed eyes, close body contact.

A lot has been written on the subject of kissing (also by me), but there’s still a lot to be said.

The following is a “technique” that I myself have been using to great success. Success measured in pleasure for her, that is.

It’s all about the anticipation. You can use this if it’s your first time kissing a particular girl. You can also use it on your wife through 30 years.

It’s based on the assumption that girls love to be whispered in the ear. Everyone’s different, and if you know that she absolutely hates it, do not pass go, do not collect €300. But there’s a good chance she does. Give it a try if you’re not sure.

The “real” kissing technique

When you’re talking, hold the eye contact. Move a few inches closer, look down at her lips, and look back into her eyes. Give her a sly smile and hold the sensual eye contact.

Your words will start to matter less, you will speak slower. The both of you should be able to feel the sexual tension.

Lean in, moving slowly, and whisper the following words into her ear: “In a moment, I am going to kiss you like you have never been kissed before”.

Remember to whisper really quiet, barely hearable. And definitely only to be heard by her if there are anybody nearby.

Hold the eye contact after leaning back. Lower your chin, look at her lips, and look back into her eyes.

Keep talking a little bit, depending on her reaction. Go for the kiss whenever you feel appropriate. You’re totally in control.

To add some extra suspense and anticipation, lean in like you’re going to kiss her, but don’t. Pull back.

Mastering this move can seriously drive any woman crazy. Be ware of the consequences…

The kiss itself

All the anticipation and sexual tension in the world won’t make up for a lousy kiss. Sorry!

It can cover it, it can make it better, but not in a degree that matters. The kiss itself is what it’s all about.

5 Easy Kissing Tips

• The most important thing when kissing is to take it slow. Don’t rush anything, make every second count.
• Be really gentle and sensuous. Kiss the same way you would eat a big, red, delicious strawberry. Just slower. Taste every little bite, embrace everything.
• Don’t bring in mr. tongue in too early (or not at all)
• Add some gentle biting instead. The lower lip works best for this. Again, go with the “tasting something really nice” feel.
• Remember to use your hands while kissing. This is a big one guys. All girls love to have their heads held in some way while kissing. Hands through her hair (slowly, but with force and strength) is usually a winner. Feel your way through it, do what she likes. It’s all about making her feel secure.

I guess that’s it. Here are 3 other articles I have written on the topic of kissing:

5 Tips on Kissing Passionately from 5 Women 5 of my girlfriends speak up on kissing. Highly recommended!

The 5 Most Common Kissing Mistakes Men Make The don’ts of kissing.

How To be The Perfect Kisser The opposite. Some great comments, little old post though.

If you have a minute to spare, please write me a comment with some thoughts / a report / whatever. I would love to hear from you! So please, don’t hold back :-)

I really appreciate it.

Stay cool, and see you in the comments section!
Alex

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Top Image by WTL Photos. Thanks. It’s a beautiful picture. Second one by Julia. Last one by darkroom11.

This is part two of the 5 tips from 5 women series.

In this part I have asked the exact same 5 women about what a bad kiss is and as a summary I’ll write up the mistakes you can avoid making.

I asked them:

What’s a bad kiss to you?

Pam:
Unfortunately, a bad kiss can be found in many variations. Personally, I think that the worst one is what I call the spinning propeller – where his tongue is just splashing around, not knowing where it’s going.

Another really bad one is the dog kiss, where the tongue is everywhere but in my mouth. Really not pleasant to experience… and very wet.

Once I was with a guy who just couldn’t hold his teeth in his own part of the field. The feeling that goes through your body when your teeth clash is just really, really uncomfortable. Try to avoid this at all costs!

Colleen:
A bad kiss is a kiss where the tongue either comes in too hard, or too quick.

It just keeps swirling around, like it has to clean my whole mouth or something. Focus on the lips and mouth muscles, and just let the tongue do its thing guys!

Once I was at a high school party, where I mistakenly had let a boy who was one year younger than me (that in itself, yuck!) seduce me. As the night progressed, he eventually went for the kiss. But every feeling I had had for him just flew right out like air from a balloon when he kissed me… It was so disgusting. His tongue was everywhere, and there were no feelings in it whatsoever.

Camilla:
A bad kiss is a kiss where his tongues slogan is something like “the faster the better”. It’s dry lips, bad breath and it’s unfocused and unconcentrated.

If the focus is on the television in the background, or in his hand on my ass, the kiss is just not going to be good. He should at least be able to pretend that it’s the kiss it’s all about!

Ann:
A bad kiss is a kiss without feelings, and without “team play”.

You just don’t feel “it” for eachother, and the kiss is a perfect judge for the case. A bad kiss is so much more than just a bad kiss.

Physically, a bad kiss is one where everything is fast and aggressive. A tongue down the throat is disgusting.

Personally, I would never waste my time with a bad kisser.

Rosetta:
The bad kiss is the one where the lips is way too small and cold, when the tongue is too quick, too insisting.

And when the hands are totally away, or headed right for the “erotic zones” – way too fast!

A bad kiss can kill all parts of an initial attraction, so go slow, and turn it up as you go along.

The 5 Most Common Kissing Mistakes Men Make

1. Speed men, speed! The way I see the big picture on kissing, women really like it slow. Not just slow movements, but also slow progressions.
2. The delicate balance of the tongue. This is the tricky part, when should the tongue come into play? The best pointer is that it shouldn’t be forced, and it should feel very natural. Try to stick it out just a little bit, and see if you can a reaction, before you put in the whole cavalry.
3. Fix the lips. Cold and dry is what you want to avoid. A little bit of Vaseline or similar everyday should do the trick.
4. Control your hands. This is really important. You should know where she likes your hands to be placed, and for most women, it’s not the breasts/butt (right away).
5. Fix your breath. Also really simple. Drink some water; chew a chewing gum, anything. Alcohol and cigarette breath is the worst, fish isn’t too pleasant either.

Image by .f@rfie.

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Follow these 7 fashion tips and you’ll be on your way to a more stylish life.

• Don’t tuck your shirt in your pants
  Only if you’re going to wear a tie or a formal jacket. Shirts tucked in jeans are a big no-no.
• Always iron your shirt
  Even if you’re going to wear a suit, unironed shirts just look awful. Who knows if you on an occasion have to drop the jacket? Don’t take that chance.
• Make it fit
  Nothing is more important in fashion than to wear your clothes with the right fit, and in the right size. Women are usually better to judge that than we are, so take help from them while you’re in the store. Fitting size is Alfa-omega for jeans. Too big and you’ll look like a fool, and vice versa if they’re too small.
• Match shoes with belt
  I know that this is an old one, but I still think it’s relevant. If you’re wearing black shoes, please wear a black belt too. It’s just a sign of good style.
• Dress shoes require dress socks
  No athletic socks allowed.
• Dress for your age
  No matter how cool a shirtless hoodie looks, it’s just wrong on a 50+ man. No offence to older (or younger) people, but dressing for one’s age is one of the most important rules in fashion.
• White and black
  As these should be timeless tips, it should be said that white and black will always be in style.

Follow these 7 easy fashion tips, and you’ll be in style for the rest of your life. Or, at least you’ll be in the right direction.

Image by sarabrighteyes

Everyone remembers their first kiss. Or their last kiss. Kissing is something that everyone loves, and if done right, it can be almost as fulfilling as sex.

So in this post we’ll discuss if she’s ready to be kissed, and how to do it right if she is. Enjoy!

Is she ready?

Kissing is by no doubt the definitive line between romance and friends. Once you have “really” kissed, it seems that you just can’t go back to being friends again. So when you kiss for the first time, it’s all or nothing.

Let’s look at how to know when she is ready to be kissed:

First of all, you have to know that you have built both attraction and sexual chemistry between the two of you.

This process is outside the scope of this article. But if you haven’t, kissing her would be like kissing your mom. It’s just wrong.

Secondly, there are a few clues that you can use to know when she’s ready.

The most obvious would one being if her initiating a kiss directly, but as most other things about women, you have to be the initiator.

So look after small hints:

• Is she grabbing your hand when you walk?
• Does she hold eye contact a little longer than comfortable?
• Does she run her fingers through your hair?

These are all good signs of interest from her.

Or if you want to test her, you could do some of the same things. See how she responds. If she responds positively, she is usually ready to be kissed.

When to kiss her

If you have been on a date, kiss her at your “emotional high”. In movies, this is often in a middle of a fight, or after the man or woman said “I love you”. For you, it doesn’t have to be at these exact moments. But time your kiss to when she feels the most attraction for you. Don’t let “the moment” slip away.

Don’t wait until you say goodbye or to some other predictable time. Kiss her when you feel like it.

Good, so now we have at least a small idea on when to kiss her. But there’s a few things you need to know first:

Preperations:

1. Do you have bad breath? Check by licking on your wrist and smelling the saliva. If it smells bad, your breath probably does too. Use mouthwash, drink water, chew chewing gum. Whatever it takes! Bad breath can really kill the moment.

2. Take care of your lips. Lips that are cracked and ugly just don’t invite kissing.

3. Shave. Although your trimmed beard might look sexy, it will itch and scratch when you kiss, hurting both of you.

The kiss:

• Take it easy. Don’t kiss just to “get to the next step”.
• Enjoy it. And she will too.
• Take notice of your mouth muscles. If you’re lips are too tight, she might think that you are tense. But if you’re too sloppy, you’ll come off as uninterested.
• Match her tempo. Or set it yourself.
• You’re not a dentist! If you french kiss, stay away from everything else than her tongue.
• Tilt your head. Nose clashing is not really considered a turn on.
• Close your eyes. A quick peep is OK, everything else is just awkward.
• Move your head. If kissing more passionately, moving your head from side to while kissing can really turn up the heat.
• Tease her. Pull away and look into her eyes. Stop just an inch before reaching her mouth. You get the drill.
• Variate. Don’t ever let your kiss get boring.
• Dont drool.
• Don’t just kiss the lips. Move onto the neck, kiss her cheek, and slowly kiss her eyes. If done right, this can be a major turn on.
• Bite her. Some people like small amounts of sensual biting while they kiss. I personally do.
• Use your hands. Tease her, run them through her hair, anything. Dead hands usually mean a dead kiss.

But remember, these entire tips mean nothing if you don’t use them.

So my number one tip is to get out there and try everything out. As you know, practice makes perfect.

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Few things are more attractive to women than a healthy smile, and it has been proven that those with white teeth smile more.

And those who smile more get more girls, live longer and suffer less from depressions.

So there are enough reasons to get a brighter smile, here are my 21 tips and suggestions:

Brush your teeth

• First of all you need to actually brush your teeth! This can’t be stressed enough, without a healthy mouth, you just won’t get a bright and beautiful smile.
• So get a toothbrush you’re comfortable with, and brush your teeth regularly, preferably 2 times per day. Do what works best for you.
• Remember to brush in the right direction. Outwards and in small circle movements.
• When you brush your teeth, take an extra minute or two and floss in between teeth too. If you don’t, you might miss up to 30% of bacteria.

Smile more:

• An important factor in a bright and healthy smile is also to remember to actually smile. Remember that if you smile to the world, the world will smile at you.

Fresh breath:

• You will smile more if you have a fresh breath, so start brushing your tongue too.
• And use mouthwash once in a while to kill bacteria on the tongue and in the mouth.
• Chewing gum can be a quick solution and a life saver, but remember that it does not replace regular brushing.

Eat and drink right:

• A healthy diet will benefit your smile just the same way as it will benefit the rest of your body.
• Lay off sugar and sweets.
• Drop the chocolate. Unfortunately, besides all the good things about it, chocolate is often packed with sugar, and has the ability to discolour your teeth.
• Quit smoking.
• Drink your milk. Not only is it healthy in numerous of ways, it also contains calcium which helps you build strong and beautiful teeth.
• Although fruit is generally a healthy choice, it might not always be for your teeth.
• Dark drinks such as coffee, cola, tea (iced tea, too) and red wine stain your teeth. Avoid them as much as you can.
• Use a straw to prevent stains from the dark drinks listed above. It helps the beverage bypass the teeth without doing any damage. Ok, it might look dorky if you drink tea through a straw, but at least drink your cokes and iced teas through them.

Whitening teeth:

• These days there are lots of ways to artificially whiten and bleaching teeth.
• One way is to visit your dentist and hear about the options there. It’s often rather expensive, but the result won’t disappoint you.
• Another way is to buy a home kit. They often consist of strips with gel on them, which you have to put on your teeth for about 30 minutes a day. Generally they give very good results, and are often cheaper than the dentist solutions.

Taking care of your teeth:

• Remember to visit your dentist at least twice a year. Just getting a little check up won’t hurt.
• Never “take a break” from taking care of your teeth. Make it a habit, and follow it ruthlessly. Forgetting about it for one evening is ok; just remember to brush them the next day again.

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As stated before, smelling good can be a huge turn on for women. Simply showering in the morning, and possibly before meeting her, is great.

But to really smell good, you need a nice cologne, and this week I have been on a mission to find the best.

I have asked almost all of my female friends, and even though not all women like the same, there have been 3 perfumes that seemed to be universally popular.

Here are my findings and experiences:

Number 3: Davidoff, Cool Water

A classic. I have never tried this one myself, but perhaps I should. It has been one of the most popular man fragrances for well over 20 years, and many men say that when they wear it, they get a lot of comments on their scent by the ladies.

It goes well with lots of styles, and is generally considered a “safe bet”. Not suitable for dates or business meetings, but highly recommended for any other activity.

Buy Davidoff Cool Water

Number 2: Jean Paul Gaultier, Le Male

“Guaranteed to knock the socks of the ladies”. I don’t know who would like to knock of socks, but I can tell you guys one thing, and that is that this fragrance is amazing!

I have used it for years, and I just never get tired of it. It can be used as an everyday perfume, or for special occasions.

Actually I never heard a bad thing about this fragrance, and the ladies seem to love it.

Buy Le Male

Number 1: Gucci, Envy

If you are going to buy just one perfume this year, buy Envy by Gucci.

Called sex in a bottle numerous times, you just can’t go wrong with this one. Once I wore this at the club, and literally a group of women came up to me, and asked if they could just smell me for a while. I guess they were a bit drunk, but still!

A spray on the throat and one on each wrist will last all day, and it’s brilliant to wear when going out. Best described as sophisticated and sexy, this is a must have perfume.

Buy Gucci Envy

Keep in mind:
Every scent will smell differently on different persons. You have to experiment a little and see what works best for you, because that might not be what works best for me.

Good luck out there,
and smell ya later!

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Question 1

“I’m not actually a man, but I figure tinnitus is a pretty gender neutral affliction ;) My question would be, what’s the best way to get over it?” – Skellie

My answer:

Tinnitus is affecting men a little more often than women. Hearing loss and tinnitus are well connected, and more men than women work in noisy places (construction, industry, musicians) and there also seems to be a slight male overweight in tinnitus cases without noise exposure, also among young people. But lets get back to your question. You will not get rid of it in the sense that a wound will heal or like recovering from a broken bone.

This goes for tinnitus coming from noise or damage to your central nerve system caused by certain drugs and medicines. But there is also the possibility that your tinnitus origins from tension in your neck, jaw, back, or even your muscles in your face. A few very simple but helpful tips:

1. Relax. This can be really hard, when all you can concentrate about is the hissing sound in your head. But try anyway. Go and see a therapist or chiropractist, learn how to relax maybe using yoga or meditation.

2. Exercise more. Exercise, especially that kind where you use all your strength and stamina, like running, playing football, martial arts or boxing, are good. You will focus 100% at the activity, get caught up in the action, and will forget the sound, giving your central nerve system a break, and so to say teaching yourself that you don’t have to focus on the sound 100% of your time. And it the same time, you will get fitter. Not bad, huh?

3. Enjoy the natural sounds surrounding you. Try to really listen actively to cars, the wind in the trees, the radio playing in the background. Train your central nerve system to focus at other sounds, like your feet while walking. It takes some time, but it´s all about training.

4. Don´t be afraid. Remember, this is just a sound. And sounds don´t hurt you. They are not dangerous. If you react to the sound like the sound of the fridge humming (and that´s not annoying, is it?) your tinnitus will take its proper place in your consciousness, gradually fading away.

5. Get your healthy sleep. If you have severe sleeping problems, it’s OK to take sleeping pills from time to time. These drugs are now not as addictive as they used to be, and mentally it´s nice to have them as a backup. Just having them will relax you. And that’s good.

Skellie, without knowing you or anything about your tinnitus, these are a few useful tips how to get on top of your tinnitus, controlling it and eventually notice it fade away into complete silence. This happened to me after 19 months of tinnitus, where the first year was quite bad. Now, I hardly notice it, and from time to time I experience complete silence for days. Good luck!

Question 2

“I went to this really loud concert a few days ago, and afterwards I noticed that my hearing was somewhat muffled and I notice a not very loud but irritating high-pitched tone in my right ear. Should I worry, go see the doctor or just relax and see what happens?” – Rufus

My answer:

Hi Rufus, by now, I hope your hearing is ok again. You have experienced a noise trauma, where your whole inner ear and especially your hair cells in your cochlea have been working overtime.

If this is the first time you experience this, chances are very good that your tinnitus will disappear within a few days.
Some of your hair cells are now probably dead – and they will not come back. The ones you have left must be protected.

1. No loud music. Don’t use your iPod, and if you do, keep the volume very low.

2. Wear protection. Next time you go to a concert, or know you will be exposed to noise, wear protection. You can easily get something from the drugstore for a few dollars, or invest a little more and get the type of protection professional musicians use: They don’t disturb the frequencies, so you will still enjoy all sounds and the music, but instead of the full 100 db blast to your ears, you will be exposed to 75 db. And that’s all it takes to save your ears from further damage.

3. Give your ears a break. You don’t have to listen to music all the time, go for a walk in a quiet place like in the woods or enjoy the silence while diving, that kind of silence. It´s pure medicine for your ears.

Question 3

“I´m a guy (28) who for as long as I can remember had something I only can describe as a buzzing or whistling sound in my head, like a TV set not tuned into any channel. It doesn´t really bother me that much, but what is it? It gets worse when I´m tired or stressed. My hearing is OK, even though places like bars and clubs or places with a lot of noisy people are hard to handle from time to time. Just read this post, and guess that you maybe could help me.” – Hanson

My answer:

Hi Hanson, I´d like to know more about you. When did you notice your tinnitus for the first time? As a teenager? As a child? Did you have any ear problems as a child? Any history of tinnitus or hearing problems in your family?

What you describe could be something like what a colleague of mine also is having. She doesn´t give her tinnitus much attention, but like you is wondering where the heck it comes from? Please write again.

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