Sometimes you sit and wonder whether or not you did the right thing in a given situation. If you find yourself in this position often, the following five minutes of your time will be well spent. In this article, I will examine the question: ”what is the right decision?”

My philosophy on the subject is actually quite simple. The right decision will always be the one that you made. Let me explain.

With every decision we make, both small and big, we guide our lives in a new direction. I am a big believer in chaos-theory, and therefore think that even just a small movement or a few words can change your fate drastically.

When you decide that you want to go for a walk, instead of let’s just say watch the game on television, you change your fate and with that you also change a lot of other people’s lives (in some way).

The deserted island

The way I see it, this even applies if you’re all alone on a deserted island. Perhaps, if you decide to go to the left to find food instead of the right, you wake up a bird who wouldn’t have woke up if you had just gone to the right. This bird then flies to a city and takes a dump on a man who is just crossing the street. He gets distracted by the sudden icky feeling on his head, and doesn’t see that a truck is driving straight against him. Bam, traffic accident. Which then leads to another thousand things. I think you get my point.

Now, you might ask yourself how I can tell that little story, and still say that every decision made was the right decision. Just hear me out, it will become crystal-clear in just a second.

It’s all for the greater good

In my world, everything, both good and bad, happens for the greater good. I am a firm believer in that, even when something supposedly bad happens to you, it was meant to all along and happened because of a series of choices you made. Those choices were all, just as all choices in general are, the best you could muster with your given resources at the time. So when you stand in this bad situation now, it is your own fault. Completely. You bear full responsibility.

New possibilities

But that does not mean that your bad situation really is that bad. I think that everything works out the way that it is supposed to in the end. With every new bad situation, a new path opens up with new possibilities. When you get fired, you are available for a new position. I am not saying that it is all good when something terrible happens – not at all. But it is not all bad either.

When a person close to you dies, or you get fired, or get dumped, or fails a test, or whatever, I see it as if you are given new opportunities to make your life, and the lives of others, as amazing as you possibly can.

Before we start putting this into practice, let us examine the philosophy behind my words just a little bit closer.

The philosophy behind

I don’t know whether or not god exists. I think that this ’choice’ is up to every individual. But I believe that there is a higher power. You can call it god, you can call it energy, you can call it karma, you can call it whatever you want. But it rewards effort, good intentions and hard work. That’s what I believe.

When you decide to pick up some trash from the ground and throw it out in a nearby trash can, you made the right decision. You opened up for just a little more charity in your own life by giving it first.

If you decided not to pick up the trash, you still made the right decision. It might not lead to better things in your life and in the lives of those around you immediately, but in the end, it will have helped you on the right path in some way still.

And that’s why you made the right decision, always, because there is no real right or wrong. There is only what you did – that is all that will be remembered.

To step out of the mumbo jumbo and become realistic, I honestly do not really think that ’something’ watches over us and defines our destiny and rewards us for doing good etc.

But. And this is a big but, because it is here it all gets tied together. It helps me. I only think this way because it is optimal for me and my way of living. Not to sound too cynical, but I do not really care whether or not god exists. It doesn’t matter. What I care about is results.

Results results results

That is all I can use. I am egoistic and put myself first. But with this philosophy in the back pocket, it does not mean that I can’t put other people’s wants and needs before my own. This is because I belive that it goes back to me in the end anyway, and hey, the feeling of helping people genuinely is a good feeling too.

When you get down to it, it is a much better feeling than standing on the top of the world with a lot of money and power and all of those things… But all alone at the same time. It is all ego. You can never open up to love if you don’t give it.

But you can live egoistically, and still not live through your ego.

You made the right decision

I did it again. I got off-track. But that’s just how it is – when I start writing, the ideas flow out. I rarely edit, and I don’t give what I write much thought.

But to recap: you made the right decision. It doesn’t matter if your decision caused death and destruction, because when it all goes down, it was just a small thing leading to everything becoming what it is. It is not right or wrong, it just is.

There is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Just accept your decision with all of your heart and see it for what it is.

To quit the mumbo jumbo again real quick and put it into practice, I don’t care if this philosophy is real or right or anything. I just care about me, my happiness and my results.

One thing less to worry about

Not having doubt about whether or not you made the right decision frees up a lot of things in your life. At least, you have one thing less to worry about. When you have absolutely no regrets, you can live your life free and with full vigor.

On a closing side-note, decisions you made which had bad consequences are good decisions anyway because there is an opportunity for you to learn something.

Always stride for your best and be as strong as possible. Open up and be honest. Accept whatever happens for what it is, learn from it, and move on.

Thanks for reading,
Alex Kay

First image by KhayaL. Second and Third image by Anna.

Do you wake up just to go to a shitty job or a boring education, just to survive another day? Or do you wake up filled with happiness, ready to take on the day and its challenges in all its glory?

And I know that we all have both our good and our bad days. But try to look at your life on a greater scale than just the last week or the last month. Are you motivated?

I would really like to know what gets you up and going every single day. Your drive, so to speak. Why do you do what you do? Later on, we’ll dive deeper into this question and explore the exciting realm of beliefs.

Personally, I try to make the world just a little bit better everyday. I don’t take the weight on my shoulders and take responsibility for every bad thing happening to everyone all the time… Nah, that’s not my style.

Make ‘em smile

But I do try to make at least one person’s day just a little bit better, everyday. I usually keep the little sentence “make ‘em smile” in the back of my head when I go through my daily errands. I say that my day is a success if I made just one person smile.

I feel that we are all obliged to improve the world we live in with our best capacity and ability to do so. That’s also one of the reasons that I’m writing this blog: to enhance, fine-tune, boost, upgrade, relieve and contribute to the lives of my fellow men. That means you.

What about you?

And so I would like to know your motivation.

I would like to know what gets you fired up. What gets you through the day. Your dreams and aspirations. Just a paragraph or two, it doesn’t have to be detailed.

The better I know you, the better I can help you, entertain you and create better value for you. So if you just do this one thing for me, I’ll take care of the rest.

It’s actually a pretty simple question :-)

What’s your motivation?
Let me know in the comments.

9.58 seconds – the new world record in the 100m sprint. Possibly the biggest single event in track and field in the last 50 years.

9.58 seconds moves that line for what is possible. It was moved at Usain Bolt’s 9.69, and now he did it again. Only better. 0.11 seconds is the best improvement on the 100m world record since electronic timing entered the scene in 1968.

Now, this may not be a big thing for someone not interested in sports at all, but for us of us who are, it is a big thing. It’s a huge thing.

As this is not a blog about fantastic sports accomplishments (although that would be pretty darn cool), this post is not really about Usain Bolt and his world record.

This post is about hope and breaking (your own) expectations.

Sometimes, something extraordinary happens. For a typical male in the 21st century, it might be a perfect night ending with going home with the queen of the party. It could also be a fantastic job promotion, or experiencing the joy of seeing your son for the first time.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not comparing these events, but they can all feel almost divine or holy. Like you ‘suddenly see the light’. Call it religious mumbo-jumbo, I don’t care… Think back, you know what I’m talking about. It comes in different degrees.

Anyway, I like to see that kind moment as a ‘sign from god’.
(Ahhh, the superstitious dude talking again, right? Just listen to me for a second and it’ll make sense.)

I like to see those moments as opportunities given by something or someone that is larger than ourselves. A chance or a test, so to speak.

So really, this post is about you grabbing that chance when it opens up to you. It might be a little confusing right now, but I’ll tie the ends together, hang on.

You can also experience that kind of motivation while watching a movie or reading a book – it’s actually quite common. You get filled with a sudden surge or rush of positive thoughts on all kinds of good things you could do right when you get out of the movie theatre, or lay the book away or whatever.

Now it comes together. This is what Usain Bolt taught me last night. You have to grab that chance when it shines. It might be there for just a few seconds – that divine inspiration. But you must decide to act upon it.

I could have written the same post the day Obama truly got elected for president in the United States. It’s the same kind of thing. It shows us what’s possible and really should inspire us to be the best we can be in the present moment (and maybe even to be extraordinary!)

So to recap:

The next time you’re filled with a surge of motivational feelings, act on them! Follow the ‘divine’ advice within even if it scares you. See it as a form of enlightenment.

You might get it from an event like the 9.58 world record, or you might get it from a post like this. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that you follow your heart when you’re filled with inspiration, even if it’s just for a few seconds. Don’t throw it away as something silly. Follow your dream (cliché, but true).

This really was it from me. I’m working at the moment on getting the discussion board converted to a much more powerful, sleek and sexy system called Invision Power Board. So look forward to that.

If you haven’t seen it already, take a look at the 100 meter race embedded below. If I can’t inspire you to do something great, I sure hope the Lightning Bolt himself can…

(An Italian version was the best version I could find)

I hope this served as a little Tuesday inspiration bit.

I’ll talk to you soon,
Alex

Image by friskytuna.

And that’s why I talk a lot about acceptance. I see acceptance (and willingness) as key concepts when it comes to living with pain – and that means, key concepts to living at all.

Today I want to give you an example on how you can be willing (and accepting). For some of you, the essence of these concepts might be a bit hard to grasp, but with this example, I hope to make it more real, clear and applicable for you.

I got this example from a great book on Acceptance and Commitment therapy, called “Get out of your mind and into your life”. Here goes…

Let your Aunt Ida in

Imagine vividly that you want to invite your whole family to a party at your house. You send out the invitations to everyone, far and beyond. You are looking forward to seeing everyone.

On the day of the party, a lot of your relatives show up. It’s a cheerful scene: people from all over the country seeing each other for the first time in years. It’s a great party. The spirit is high and everyone is enjoying themselves.

That is… Until Aunt Ida arrives. Aunt Ida is that Aunt who never takes a shower, who always gets too drunk and noisy and who always makes the children cry. She’s very unpleasant to have around.

So when she knocks on the door, you refuse to open it – instead, you stand up against it so she aren’t able to get in.

The consequence of not letting her in

This is where the whole theory on acceptance and willingness steps forward. What do you think it means that you have to barricade the door to let Aunt Ida out? Think about it.

The party is going to die. First of all, while you’re guarding the door, you won’t be able to participate in the party yourself. Your guests will also feel like they are in a wierd position; some will argue with you, some will go home and some will try to retreat farther away from the door and the entrance hall. The mood will drop substantially.

Do you see what I’m getting at here? Denying or suppressing something, in this case, Aunt Ida, just doesn’t work. In the end, it ends up only begging for more attention and causing more destruction and unhappiness for you (and everyone around).

Let in the pain

Now, what’s the better scenario? You guessed it. Just let Aunt Ida in. Be friendly to her. Show her where the food and drinks are located, introduce her to your new girlfriend, ask her how she has been doing, etc. In short: recognize her presence and give her some attention.

You don’t have to follow her around and take extra good care for her, not at all. Just don’t treat her any differently than all your other guests.

Who is this Ida?

As you most likely have figured out, Aunt Ida is your “bad” thoughts and emotions. She’s the painful thoughts you have of your ex girlfriend, the bad childhood memories; everything you have been denying or suppressing your whole life.

But it’s time to let them in. It’s time to let her in. Open up and welcome the pain. Live with an open heart, even if it hurts!

It’s when you don’t recognize it’s presence, her presence, when you shut it out or when you try to ignore it, that it has the ability to grow and grow and become so large that it fills up everything.

Keep this is mind. Let your Aunt Ida in!

Let me know what you think in the comments. Have you had success with accepting bad thoughts in the past? Do this example resonate with you? Have any other techniques or ideas on the subject?

Ever had some kind of mental thought loop running through your mind, again and again?

It could be about a desire; you know you’re not supposed to think about it, but you still do. You try to distract yourself for some time, but it keeps coming back.

It could be about an ex girlfriend. It could be an image of your naked grandmother you got printed in your mind when you walked in on her in the bathroom. It could even be a song you just can’t stop humming.

It could be anything or everything that you keep denying and suppressing.

Letting it go

Basically what you’re doing when you’re denying a thought is that you reinforce it and make it stronger – because of the fact that you let it have power over you. The thought starts controlling you.

Control the thought

Turn the tables on the denying and follow the words of Jesus:

Turn the other cheek.

Accept the thought! Accept the feeling! Accept the emotion!

Let it take over you completely: Hum the song non-stop, keep thinking about your naked grandmother, cry over your ex – accept yourself!

Don’t deny or suppress any thought or feeling or emotion – let it all out. Suddenly there won’t be anything left.

Cry or yell, whatever you feel you need to do. It doesn’t matter. Just do it.

What happens when you do this is that you take the responsibility back for your own body and soul.

You reclaim yourself

Suddenly, you’re the one in control. Not the thought. Not the feeling. Not the emotion.

So try this out the next time you’re denying something: Accept it instead.

This also works if you think you have a physical trait that you don’t like – maybe it’s a big nose, maybe it’s acne, maybe it’s a scar, who knows.

Try to just accept it. Say to yourself: You know what? I don’t give a fuck. This is ME. And I’m cool with it. I accept every inch.

A personal story of accepting and denying

When I was younger, I didn’t really like my smile. I had these vampire teeth, you know, a crooked smile.

I kept denying my smile; I wouldn’t smile. I always tried to hide it.

But I wasn’t happy, so I knew I had to change things. You know the best way to change things? Turn it all around.

So I did the opposite – I smiled all the time. I said to myself that I had the most beautiful smile.

And you know what?

People started telling me I had a great smile!

And I started to feel great about it, I loved my smile – suddenly I had changed the loop.

What you can learn from this story

The relationship you have with the world is a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. Think about it.

In reality, this is what confidence is all about. It’s the subtle things. The way you hold a glass, the way you write with a pen, the way you walk.

All this happens by itself if you feel good about yourself. Sure, you can “fake it until you make it”, but why should you?

Wouldn’t you rather be a confident person, and have all the subtle things work for you, instead of working for the subtle things? I think that’s a better approach.

Accept everything. Accept yourself.

Just try it and let me know how it goes.

Thanks for reading!

Let me in on your thoughts and experiences in the comments below, I always love to hear from you guys.

And by the way, if you liked this post, you might also like my post Don’t be afraid of fear – make friends with it.

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Top image by denis collette. Next one’s by big golf.

Newspaper columns, blog posts, small talk at the local café; it’s everywhere.

Valentine’s Day. It seems that you have two choices regarding this “special” day in the middle of February. Either you love it, or you hate it.

The arguments usually go something like this:

Typical Negative side: “You should be able to do romantic things every day, and not rely on some specific commercial day.”

Typical Positive side: “It reminds us of love” or “is a great reason to do something special.”

I really see where both schools of thought comes from. But I can’t say I agree more with one than the other.

I think that Valentine’s Day is a little over dramatized. And I know that I contribute to this over-dramatization just by writing this blog post. I’m sorry.

But I just don’t get it.

Why do people care so much?

Let it go! Most of the people negative about this day is usually people who doesn’t get a date for the evening. Change your life instead of taking it out on society.

Maybe next year you’ll get a date, who knows.

Let the shy boy enjoy that today, at Valentine’s Day, he has the guts to invite out the girl he has been exchanging looks with all year.

And I’m sure he’ll have a wonderful evening. And she will too. They’re not thinking about the higher restaurant prices. No, they’re just thinking about who should kiss who first, and when, and all this exciting stuff that you think about when a relationship is new.

Because if you get invited out on valentines day, there’s no mistake. It’s for the looove, baby. And I think that’s great.

I know that the restaurants push the prices a little bit. Let them do it! And if you don’t agree that you should pay more because more people want to eat out, eat out any other day of the year!

Really, I don’t see the problem.

Personally, I spent my Valentine’s with 3 of my closest friends.

We were all hanging out at my apartment, watching some movies, getting a drink or two, and we were just having a great time.

So, I think that we all should just care less. Let the people interested have their Valentine’s. For some people, it means a lot.

And if you don’t agree that Valentine’s is about love, but more about money, just stay at home. There’s a new day tomorrow.

Well, that’s just my thoughts.

What do you think about Valentine’s Day?

Image by scottwills.