What’s up guys. Today I want to talk to you about banter. Banter is awesome in every way, and I want to show you how you can use it to experience amazing things in your own life.

Banter is often confused with flirting, but the two concepts are not exactly the same. Banter would be defined as a playful conversation, where as flirting is more of a sexual interaction. You can banter with your friends, but you most likely wouldn’t flirt with them.

So this post is not about flirting. It’s about bantering, and bantering only.

You can banter with someone in any situation imaginable. At the office, at the bus-stop, at the party, at a restaurant… Where there are people, there is a banter possibility.

Why banter just works

Banter is by definition lighthearted and fun – and it should definitely be kept that way. When you banter with someone, you are having fun. You are getting out of your head and into your body. And so are they!

This is where the magic happens. You start thawing that natural barrier that exists between two human beings that do not know one another yet. When they start having fun, laughing and smiling, the whole atmosphere warms up. You create less friction and resistance – and as you may know, most people are like water… They take the path of least resistance!

When you create this positive energy around yourself, it will be very natural for others to join in on your conversation, and everything will just seem to glide smoothly.

Before you know it, there will be people all around you doing just one thing: having fun. Now that is what I call magic.

I know this all sounds very easy to do, but you probably also think that it can’t possibly be. Bantering really is easy though – you just have to learn it J

How to banter successfully (and how I did just a few days ago!)

Think about the last time you had a really fun conversation with someone. The jokes were flying and so were the big grins. Think hard. How was the energy and the mood?

Let me tell you about the last time I had a really good conversation with someone. It was at the postal office, and I was there to ship a big Christmas present filled with sweets to one of my really good girl-friends.

I arrived with a mate of mine, and when we stepped in, we were already in a damn good mood. The postal office was about to close, so there weren’t many folks around.

We wrapped the present in present-paper, and taped the whole thing up. Problem was, I am not a good taper and neither is my friend. To be frank, we’re horrible tapers. So we got some help. We were in such a good mood and the whole scene was so hilarious that we had a fantastic time with the girl helping us taping the thing up because we couldn’t do it ourselves. It was a huge mess, but since all the employees at the postal office didn’t have any other customers to take care off, we got a lot of attention. It didn’t take long before everyone working there were helping us wrapping our present and taping it. It was a huge huge mess, but we had a ridiculous amount of fun.

When it was time to pay for the shipping, we also bought what in an English translation from Danish would be called ‘Christmas marks’. This is something we usually put on our Christmas-presents when we send them by mail here in Denmark, and the price of them goes to charitable organizations. Usually, you would buy them for about a dollar. We bought for at least 10 dollars, and we plastered them all over the already well-taped present. This just reinforced the amazing atmosphere in the place, with the employees praising us for helping the kids with these Christmas marks, etc. etc.

Even though some of the details of this little story might have passed over your head, since some of the things included might have been very Danish (I don’t know how you ship presents by mail in the U.S!), the take away lesson is this:

Have fun. Smile. Joke. Banter! To break the ice, ask some ‘easy’ questions like how the business has been for the day or something similar. When you start having an actual conversation, it’s much easier to poke at something he or she said, joke with it a bit and take it from there.

An example from my little story from before could be that we had taped the present with enough tape to run around the Great Wall of China or to the moon. You could also say that the present would now weigh a ton because of all the excess wrapping!

(I’m sorry for not taking a photo of the present… It really was a monster. It was big beforehand, but when we finally shipped it, the size of it had literally doubled just from wrapping and taping!)

What you need to have success bantering

You need very little to banter successfully. You just a need a good mood and an open mind.

Bantering should be very natural and should not in any way be forced. If you feel that you or the other person is not in the mood for bantering at all, don’t do it. You can only thaw a person up to the temperature in the room, if you get my figure of speech…

A crucial thing when bantering is to not in any way expect any result. The only things on your mind (if anything!) should be fun, fun, socializing and more fun.

It’s really about coming from an ‘enjoying myself – entertainment’ mode, more than a ‘creepy pick up’ mode. If you do so, people will genuinely want to hang out with you, because people always want to hang out with people who are having fun and and make them feel good.

So when I say that you should be open minded, it really means that you should not be attached to any outcomes. Don’t worry about that cute girl too much and don’t freeze up all of a sudden.

When it comes to girls! Yeah baby

The most amazing thing about bantering is that you don’t have to be particularly good with girls to have success with them. They will come to you.

If you banter successfully at a party or at a similar venue, and you end up having a whole crowd around you just having fun, you will be very attractive to girls… Not just because you seem popular and stuff like that, but also because you will have a vibrant glow around you from being so much in your own body and being so carefree and being so happy.

On top of this, bantering will also in a quick way make you more open and vulnerable, simply because you from being in such a good state will worry less about your insecurities and about what you are saying. Ka-ching!

To conclude

Bantering is freakin’ awesome. It makes you feel good, it makes others feel good and ain’t that just beautiful?!

To banter, be in a great mood. We’ll talk about how to get in a great mood very soon, so don’t worry too much about that. Actually keep all worries out of your body and mind.

Joke around and try to get everyone involved. Introduce people to each other. Be unattached to any outcome and be open to anything.

That is basically it.

In the comments…

I would really like to hear a story about when you last were in a really great mood and had a lot of fun with a lot of people (preferably people you didn’t know at that time!)

Looking forward to hearing from you below,
Alex

Bonus: if you feel up for it, try introducing yourself as ‘Sexy Yourname’ the next time you meet a girl and you are already in a good state. For example, I would say “Hi, I’m Sexy Alex”. If you are a whole group and you are doing this, it’s even better. The girls will definitely think that there is something interesting and intriguing about you if you pull this one of right.

Images by CarbonNYC, prizeponey, sunrise.seven and Alastair Thompson. Thanks!

Now, I know that it’s only some of you who are undergoing an education at the moment, but this post is not written for the masses, it’s written for those who are at college, in high-school, or some place else where there are many young, bright people seeing one another almost every day.

This is also the reason why it’s a different approach to get popular with the girls in a place like this, than let’s say for example at a bar. At a bar you can be anyone you want to be for a night; at a school people see you all the time, and will most likely get a pretty broad picture of you.

For a guy with his game together, getting seen everyday will only help to establish his strong character and identity. For the more silent, introverted type that doesn’t get noticed much and doesn’t have a lot of friends, the opposite will happen. It’s either a positive or a negative spiral.

Now with that said, let us look at what characterizes a place like college regarding dating and girls:

• First of all, there are generally A LOT of girls. In many high-schools and colleges, the women to men ratio can be as high as 60/40.
• Many of these girls are both smart and attractive. Lucrative combination if you ask me!
• People at colleges usually take on the herd mentality very fast, and flock together to protect themselves from the evil of being known as a loner, a freak or something even worse.
• The most popular guys become more popular due to people wanting to be close to those who are popular. More equals more, and less equals less.
• Young people (aged around 15-25) usually want more than anything to have FUN. If you have fun, if you are fun or if you manage to create fun, people will naturally want to be around you. And remember what happens to those people who people want to hang around? They become even more popular.

The key to popularity

The key to gaining popularity in college is to always have fun. Or at least appear to!

If you have a lot of great friends with whom you have fun with, you and your friends will be like a huge magnet to girls, who can be nothing but drawn to you.

Fun in this sense is not about walking around and telling dirty jokes or laughing at your own intern stuff; it’s more like creating these events where people can join in and feel like they’re a part of something.

Small and big events

Small competitions like arm wresting at lunch or drinking games at parties can be very successful at drawing in a crowd and establishing you as a leader.

Throwing your own party can definitely also achieve this; just as holding a warm-up before going out or inviting people to a bowling event or something similar. It can be anything as long as it involves other people and makes them and you have a good time.

If you don’t have anyone to do these things with, it’s a little harder. Without a friend circle to start with, creating one of these events is not easy.

Be the guy you’d want to be friends with

That is why you also have to be really friendly to everyone all the time, too. Smile and greet everyone you meet and make casual conversation with as many people as you can. Flirt with the girls without being creepy, and hug and kiss them as much as possible. What we are shooting for here is to become that guy everybody knows and likes. Sure, you can’t please everybody, but don’t deliberately insult anyone.

Inspiration

I got the inspiration for this article on the forums in a thread called Back to School.

The first thing I thought of was Mark Redman, and how I have been a fool to hide him from you. Now who the hell is Mark Redman? He is the author of the book Conquer Your Campus, the most awesome book on being the king of your campus ever written. Read and apply it, and I can guarantee you that you will soon become the state university’s most notorious player. Check it out here!

Start building your friend circle

Getting into sports can be a good idea if you need a starting point; so can anything else that brings people together naturally at your institution. It can be the school musical, the school band or anything of that kind. Talking to people this way and bonding with them can really help you get to the point where you can create events and have a whole lot of fun.

I put help in italics since all this stuff is not about getting girls by itself, it’s more about creating a life for yourself where you have fun and have a lot of great friends and do all the crazy stuff associated with the ‘best years of your life’. When you manage to do those things, girls seem to magically follow.

Wrap up and conclusion

So to wrap it up, it’s all about having and creating fun. Everybody wants to be a part of something in college or at school, and nobody wants to be known as someone who hasn’t got any friends.

To become the guy people go to to have fun, you have to start out by having some kind of friend circle who you are doing fun stuff with. Bar hopping, parties, events at school; anything goes. Invite new people to these events and be prepared to be a social godfather in your school or at your campus.

Always be really friendly and talk to as many people as possible.

If you manage to do all this, I guarantee you that the girls will be flocking around you like children around candy.

Good luck, stud!
Alex

Image by Ian.

Getting women to notice you seems either very easy or very hard. The trap I see a lot of guys falling in is trying to please everyone – because when you please people, they love you, right?… Wrong.

Women will like you if you have concrete social status; if you’re the “big thing”. If you have authority. If you respect yourself and others.

This article is aimed at teaching you how to have exactly that: mind-blowing popularity with women. Here’s how:

1. Build Rock-Solid Confidence

Confidence is about having solid, self-established value. People respect the ones they value. Women will respect you if you respect yourself.

Focus on the positive – Look at everything you do well – it could be playing the guitar, making people laugh, or anything else. Spend more time doing these things.

Make people feel good: not because you’re seeking their approval, because you want to. Making others happy gives you a feeling of worth and purpose. Something very powerful for building confidence.

Start a project – Set yourself manageable goals and have concrete focus. Achieving something difficult will make you feel great.

Face your fear of failure – it might be being rejected by a hot girl standing at a bar. Only by facing your fear will you realize how pointless it was. Go up to her and say “Hi!”. You’ll feel great every time you defeat your fears.

Stop comparing yourself to others – there will always be people who are stronger, smarter, richer than you are. Focus on what you have, and realize negativity is always harmful. You’re never inferior to others, you’re just different.

Must-read confidence articles:

• Change your Mindset and Instantly Become an Alpha Male
• Why Confidence Can Not Be Faked, and What to Do About It
• How to Build Unstoppable Confidence

2. Provide Leadership

Women like leaders, people who take action – because those who do always have an impact. Leaders change the world they live in and have a bold vision.

Don’t let others make decisions, make them yourself! Organize events like dates or parties, choose the bar to which you’re going with your friends.

A good tip to see if you’re a leader is to go to a restaurant with five or so buddies. Who does the waiter give the check to? If it’s you, you’re the leader of the pack. If it’s not, learn from the friend who is.

Always decide and take action, because thinking without acting is useless. Think. Make up your mind. Take action. Rinse and repeat.

3. Be Independent

Rely on yourself, and yourself only. If you rely on others, people will trust them, not you. By being independent, you show authority and self-respect. It shows you trust your own judgment.

That doesn’t mean you should only trust yourself, it means you shouldn’t depend on others. An entirely different thing. An example of depending on others would be to seek their approval.

4. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Popular people are always trying out new things. When you stop doing only what’s “safe”, it shows you have the guts to confront failure and rejection – which means you don’t fear any of these. As the saying goes, “nothing ventured, nothing gained”.

Very few people can do that successfully – it takes a lot of willpower and strength. Strength and vision are incredibly sexy – get out of your comfort zone now!

5. Stop Caring about what Women Think

Well, do care, but don’t let it affect the way you are. You shouldn’t adapt who you are to fit a standard or to make an impression. Work on getting people to accept you as you are, and if they don’t, screw them! You can’t please everybody.

Master this and you’ll achieve total freedom. Being free is extremely empowering, women will sit back and watch in awe. Beautiful women won’t be able to own you like they own nice guys.

Another advantage: Women will think you don’t care because they’re not worth it. It places you in a situation of tremendous power, and women will start to seek your approval all the time.

6. Take Care of Yourself

Remember what I’ve said above, respect yourself, and others will respect you. Here, it’s about respecting your body and making a good impression.

This is similar to branding a product. Think about your image. What impact do you have on others? What three adjectives jump to people’s minds when they hear your name?

1. Dress with style. You’ll find great tips here and there.
2. Get yourself a nice fragrance.
3. Work out, build strength and gain muscle. Here’s an excellent place to start.
4. Invest in a classy watch.
5. Exercise – it’ll improve your toning and make you happier. Women love happy guys. And active men are sexy as hell.

7. Project Confidence with Body Language

This is also a part of “branding yourself”. Now you’ve got great packaging and design, it’s time to show off how great you are, so women will “buy” you.

Show leadership and confidence with body language. Here’s how:

• Bold eye-contact. Looking people in the eye is a sign of dominance. Click here and here for more.
• Take space. Confident men fully use the space around them. Don’t cross your legs for instance.
• Slow down. Slow, full movements show self-control and calmness. A very “cool” thing to do.
• Use your voice to project confidence.
• Open up! Don’t cross your arms or look down. Looking in front of you shows determination, and crossing your arms is protecting yourself.

8. Have Something Extra

What sets you out from the competition? What makes you unique? What do you have that other guys don’t?

Develop a skill, like playing an instrument, or being a kick-ass arm wrestler or soccer player. Anything that will get people to remember you is fine (as long as it’s something good).

It may be something you already have. Are you the funny guy with great jokes? Are you the cool and mysterious guy? Are you the one throwing great parties? What are you famous for? Grab a piece of paper and do a brainstorm. Then, focus on building that unique extra you have.

Remember, social status is something that exists in people’s minds. These tips are aimed at building status, not faking it. Change the way you think about yourself, and I guarantee women will flock to you.

You can read more articles like this one over at my blog, where I share more rock-solid dating tips for men.

Alex here again: thanks Anthony! To you, the reader – I hope you enjoyed the article. And while you’re at it, do check out Anthony’s blog where he regularly posts a lot of interesting articles. I’m out! See you in the comments.

By the way, why don’t you join me and Anthony over at the forums? Check out the thread “Social Energy” which contains discussion related to this article.

Image by Kevin Klöcker.

See the beauty in everyone.

If you’re a (straight) man, which both my statistics and guts tell me that you are, of course you’d pay most attention to the women you see.

You have most likely trained your negative eye for the most part of your life, always looking for fault and mistakes.

I bet that I could show you a picture of almost anyone, and with in seconds, you could find something that could look better. It could be a wrinkle, a zit, a hair sitting ‘wrong’, a crooked nose… And the list goes on.

And this is not said to judge you, it’s just to make a point – and hey, I’m not any better myself! This is how most of us are programmed.

See the beauty in women

But I think that if we gradually train ourselves to see the beauty in things, we will live richer and happier lifes.

Why? Because that way you’ll slowly kill or transcend that little part of you I have called the Ego before. You’ll take away its power and regain control of your emotions and beliefs at a deeper level.

I know that may have sounded a little buddhist or religious, but take it for what it is. In more plain language, training to see the beauty in things will satisfy you more in the long-term.

See her real sexy self

The next time you’ll meet a girl you like, you’ll see all the beauty in her. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t see her faults and flaws; we all have those. I’m just saying that you should see past them, and see her & her beauty instead.

So as I started out by saying, the next time you’re at a public place, practice to see the beauty in the people walking by you. See how a particular girl’s eyes are glowing, or how that other girl’s hair is waving in the sun.

It doesn’t even have to be “practice” or to “train”, it can just be to have a pleasant experience. At least I always feel a little higher and happier when I have done this than if I hadn’t.

So try it out and let me know what happens!

And by the way, don’t forget to Subscribe to the RSS Feed! It’s absolutely free, and you get all my articles as soon as they are published. How’s that for an offer!

If you are like me, you have been to too many good parties that just wasn’t fun – they may have been for everybody else, but you were kind of miserable.

Not because you had some odd food and had a stomach pain or anything of that sorts, it was more like you were feeling misplaced, ignored and alone.

This might be a too dramatic picture to paint, but you know, ‘exaggeration gains learning’.

So what is there to do about it? Because I think that we can agree that we all want to have fun when we go to a party; otherwise, what’s the point?

Here are 3 surefire ways to have a better, more enjoyable party:

Don’t wait to be engaged

Sitting around like a sweet little girl just waiting for somebody to engage you is a risky chance to take. I guess that this is a no-brainer, but it is what this article is basically about.

Don’t wait or take the chance, engage someone yourself instead.

It is so much more fun to talk to people at a party than to sit alone. And it will only get worse, since you will be most likely to just keep sitting alone if you are already doing it. It is a bad spiral, that can only be broken by you taking action.

The only time that time will help you if you’re alone and miserable is when, and only if, someone sees that and feels sorry for you. There is a chance that the man, or lady, will go and engage you just because you look so miserable.

But wouldn’t you rather be engaged because you liked like so much fun? I know I would.

So don’t sit around and wait.

Get up and talk to people!

This is alpha-omega. It’s easy if you know a lot of people, but that might not always be the case.

It usually for the best though, since meeting and getting to know new people can lead to amazing experiences. Getting used to talking to strangers will also radically push your comfort levels.

So how do you do it? If it feels very uncomfortable or strange for your to talk to strangers, I suggest that you start doing it on a daily basis.

Not in the pick up artist sense that you should stop every cute girl you see on the streets, I don’t necessarily think that that is a good idea.

I would rather have that you engaged the people you meet on a day to day basis.

The girl at the coffee shop? Smile at her. That’s a start. Tell her to have a great day. Even better!

After a while, you can even ask her small, trivial stuff like how the day has been, if it has been rough, when she’s getting off etc. Soon you will find yourself in a small conversation.

Generally start to look people more in the eyes and smile. A smile can go a long way.

It’s time that you stop excluding yourself from the world!

This planet can be a wonderful place if you just let it. Open up – meet the world with a smile and you have come a long way.

Also work on your breath. Here is a whole article on it: Start Breathing When It Matters The Most and Get More.

Now back to the party:

A question that always works at a party is this:

“From where do you know the host”?

Of course you don’t just walk up to somebody and say that. Or actually you do, but you start by saying hi. You look him, or her, in the eyes, smile, and then ask.

If it’s a group, a surefire question to ask is also this:

“From where do you know eachother?”

More than often, you get some interesting stories. Ask some questions based on those, and be really interested! It’s super important to listen to what people have to say.

One of the things these two questions do is that they get a momentum going.

People will notice you talking to people, and will suddenly also want to talk to you. “Who is this guy, talking to everyone?”

Be a cool guy

Don’t be creepy at all, just like everyone else you are there to have fun.

So just be friendly, being nice can go a long way. And be very polite.

Cool doesn’t mean that you brag about yourself or the car you own. It doesn’t mean that you only talk to the hot girls.

It means that you talk to everybody. It means that you listen, and that you engange. It can very well mean that you draw other people into your conversations.

These three habits sound so simple, it’s almost stupid. But sometimes you might need a reminder, especially here right before the weekend.

If you are not waiting for people to engange you, but instead are getting up and talking to them, while at the same time being a cool guy, it can’t go wrong.

This works best at smaller parties though, where you at least know one, or two or three people.

Engaging people in bars and clubs is a little different, but in the end it’s all about getting up and doing something about your situation if there is something you are not happy with.

So if you ever catch yourself just wandering around the club, or sitting and staring blankly into your beer at a houseparty, get up.

Get up the second you start feeling bad, and talk to somebody. Anybody!

It can’t really be worse than sitting alone, can it?

I don’t think so. Talk to people. That’s it.

Hope this served as a little reminder to you guys, don’t forget it. And if you do, just come back here J

Tell me about your thoughts or party tricks in the comments. I’m looking forward to hearing from you!

Have you subscribed to the posts by RSS or Email yet? Hurry up man, it’s free and easy as pie! Good pie, even.

Top image by tgphotographer. Next one by wipeout.

Last night I met a beautiful girl named Lisa in the video rental store. It was amazing.

I had every excuse in the book not to walk up and talk to her: I had been up for more hours than I could possibly count because I returned from my trip to India that morning (Hard to sleep in the plane when you’re a tall guy like me!)

So not only was I really tired; I also looked like a mess. My clothes was rather dirty, my hair looked awful, and I just wanted to go home, watch a movie and fall asleep.

But there she was, looking at some romantic comedy all by herself.

First I had all these fears running through my head: Is she going to reject me? Am I going to be humiliated? Will she laugh at me? Will it be awkward?I took a deep breath, and realized that my thoughts had no base in reality. I made friends with the fear.

And then I walked up right next to her and picked the same movie that she had in her hands. After skimming the backside for roughly 10 seconds, I asked her: “Is this any good?” It was such a simple “opener”.

I looked at her and smiled. She smiled too.

The whole meeting went something like this:

We talked a little about the movie. We then agreed that it looked too goofy. So we walked around the store for a couple of minutes to find a better one. We found one. Talked some more.

I asked her what she was doing at a video store on a saturday night. I found out she was also tired coming back from New York just a few hours earlier. We agreed to chat more about movies and travelling another day over a cup of tea. Exchanged numbers.

I just had this incredible feeling in my stomach on my way home. The whole conversation just went so smooth and natural. I never got to see the movie I rented though; I was too tired when I got back home.

Always be socially prepared

This is just one of those stories. You always have to be prepared to meet people! If I had excused myself by saying that I was too tired, I would probably never have seen her again.

There is a saying that goes something like “You don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone”. There’s a lot of truth in that. Another good one is this: “Every friend you have was a stranger before you met him. (or her, in this case)”

It’s all about taking some chances in life.

Who cares if you screw up? Seriously! It happens to everyone. Look at every failure as a win instead of a loss. Now you know more about how not to do what you were trying to do.

It’s brilliant. Even the best soccer players only have a pass completion rate of 60-70%. You really don’t have to “win” all the time to be good. Not at all.

Start a conversation in your local Blockbuster

Be interested. This is really key. Listening is so important.

Walk up to someone and ask them politely about something. Or just say hello and smile.

You can ask about anything related to movies: Do you have any recommendations? Something here I shouldn’t rent? The question isn’t the most important thing, it’s the answer.

Be social

I don’t think I would have had the nerve to go up and talk to Lisa if it wasn’t because I am already a social guy. It would have felt weird. But it wasn’t weird at all to start a conversation, it was incredibly fun and simple.

And that’s because I have done it a thousand times.

When I started getting this area of my life handled, I talked to a lot of people. Old, fat, ugly, men, children, women, dwarfs, everyone. Talking to children is hilarious by the way.

I started out with really small conversations. After a while they got longer. It’s actually a lot of fun!

You too can be more social

Start out easy. Just get used to talking to strangers. A good way is to talk to people in stores and shops. Say hi, smile, ask about where something is located and say thanks. So simple. After a while you’ll be able to talk to more people. It’s all about getting used to opening your mouth to strangers.

Commit to it. Say to yourself that you’re going to talk to 60 strangers in 30 days. Whatever!

Just do something about it.

Always ask questions, and listen to the answers. Always listen! It’s so powerful to be a good listener.

Think about it; We learn to speak, we learn to talk, but we don’t learn to listen. Do yourself the favour to really hear what people are saying. It opens up whole new worlds of communication.

That’s it for now guys, hope you enjoyed. And I’m glad to be back!

As always, if you haven’t yet, get the free dating tips first by Email or RSS.

Image by Beija Floor.