So I know a lot of you subscribe to my RSS feed – that’s great, and I really appreciate it. If you’re not a subscriber, you’re really missing out. Anyway…

I have started an email list. And I think you should sign up for that one too.

There is going to be published stuff on the list that will never reach the blog – mostly question and answers, in-depth articles and all kinds of other cool stuff.

So take 7 seconds and give me your first name and email adress here:

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Steve needs some advice for his date sunday:

“Hi Alex, First of all, great site – I absolutely enjoy reading every new post. Keep doing what you’re doing.

Here’s my question: I’m going on a date Sunday, and I’m way more nervous than usual. I think it’s mostly because I’ve never even seen the girl in person before – a mutual friend set us up on the date – I’ve only seen pictures of her.

Usually I’ve met the girl before so I know we have some type of connection/common interest, etc. With this girl I have no idea what she’ll be like. Any advice or tips?” Thanks man! – Steve

How to tackle a blind date

All right Steve, for once I can’t speak from my own experiences. I have never been on a blind date in my life.

But I have been on “regular” dates before, and for what I know, the difference isn’t that big.

But I made a few phone calls, and one of my close friends has been on one just recently. Everything went really smooth for him, and he told me that he’s still seeing the girl.

I asked him for some tips on how he handled it, and here we go:

First of all, as with everything, you have to have the right mindset.

You write in your e-mail that you usually have some kind of connection to a girl before you go on a date with her.

You already have two connections; your mutual friend, and the fact that you have been “set up” by her. I assume that your friend is a girl.

She has already “validated” both of you! Think about it, that’s a better start than most guys gets on most dates.

And you also have one common interest; that is to meet each other! And how great isn’t that? You’re both “interested”.

Not knowing “what she’ll be like” is actually a pretty good thing; you could say that you start at ground zero.

Since there are no expectations, you should actually be more comfortable than at a “regular date”, where you will both be “coloured” a little by your last interaction, whether it was by phone or in person.

This is really good news.

So after all my babble, you can conclude that you have not one, but two connections, and that you have a common interest and that is to meet each other. Fantastic.

Onto the date:

I think I have said this before, but I’ll say it again.

Don’t treat a date like a job interview!

That means you:

• Shouldn’t be wearing clothes that are not “you”. You should be 100% comfortable in your clothes. A shirt only looks as good as you wear it, so if you’re not used to wear shirts, a t-shirt is fine.
• Shouldn’t ask her all kind of boring questions. More on the subject of boring here.
• Be overly nervous. I know this is hard. But try to relax. Speak slowly, and pause between words to create suspense for her, and to give yourself time to think about what to say.
• Be interesting. (Read: Don’t be boring) You shouldn’t be afraid to say something to upset her a little bit, or make her laugh. You have nothing to lose, and being boring is the absolute worst thing you can do.
• Have an exit plan. It’s so much better to meet over coffee for a first date, than to do the whole “dinner and a movie” approach. It’s expensive, and if you just don’t feel it for each other, it can also be extremely awkward.
• When you meet, be sure to make her comfortable right at the beginning by introducing yourself with an open hand, and by saying your name out clear. This is really “standard procedure”, but shaking hands really helps with getting her comfortable around you.

So to wrap it up, this is one way to go about a blind date:

Right from the point where you walk out the door, be confident that she is a good girl that is interested in you. And to get the right look in your eyes, have the mentality that she actually thinks you’re pretty sexy, too.

When you meet her, you meet her at a local café or Starbucks. You wear comfortable clothes, and you greet her by shaking hands.

You don’t talk about or ask her boring stuff; instead you start of by asking her something like this:

“So, do you often have a hard time finding a sexy man like me, without using your friends?”

Of course, this shouldn’t be taken too seriously, but it’s a great way to ease the tension a bit.

You could also ask her more casually if she often goes on blind dates, and if she does, you could ask her something like “What’s the worst man you have found dating like this? Everybody has a story about that creepy guy that wouldn’t stop following them…”

This could also be supplied by you looking suspicious in a fun way, like that “creep” was you. Quickly looking from left to right, and back again a few times is almost guaranteed to make her laugh.

Again, making a little fun of yourself is a great way to ease the natural tension between you, making room for a much better date.

The rest is up to you; just remember the number 1 rule:

Have fun!

If you manage to have fun, I think everything will be fine.

Good luck man,
Alex

I try to answer all the dating questions I get. Subscribe to our RSS Feed and be the first to get them!

Iestyn wants to win back his ex-girlfriend. She has been starting to get in touch with him again after 5 months, but he’s unsure about how to go about it.

“Hey Alex! I’ve just come across your fantastic blog; all your advice so far has been great! I was wondering if you’ve got any advice for a man who really wants his ex-girlfriend back. We broke up about 5 months ago now, and just recently she’s been getting in touch with me, and I’m not too sure how to handle it, as I don’t want to drive her away again, as I would do anything to have a second chance with her.” Thanks man – Iestyn.

Hey Iestyn, I think what you have here is a very common scenario. Man chases woman, woman flees and woman comes back. Put that on repeat, and I think we’ve got your problem covered.

You need to eliminate one link of the chain. You need to stop “chasing” her. Not meant physically, although it could be, I mean in the way you think about her.

You say that you would “do anything to have a second chance with her”. Why is that?

Don’t be desperate

If you don’t have any choices when it comes to women, it automatically makes you desperate. And I think that this is the real issue. If you had more choices, you wouldn’t worry about your ex-girlfriend from almost half a year ago.

Sure, you would think about her sometimes. Be glad for all the good things you had together. But you would also have moved on with your life, de-attaching yourself.

Ask her out

The way you should handle her getting back in touch should be just like if it was an old friend. Be laidback, you couldn’t care less what she thinks about you! Maybe talk about some good old times, and be genuinely interested in her life.

Set up a “date”, and say that you want to catch up with her. If she’s the one contacting you, I can’t see why she wouldn’t say yes to this.

When on the date, as I always preach, have fun. Lots of fun. Sitting in a restaurant talking about her new job is boring. Going to an amusement park while talking about why Britney Spears cut of all her hair is so much better. Or, well at least you’re not talking about her job.

Since your ex was originally attracted to you, there’s a good chance that you can re-attract her. Just remember what she liked about you when you were together. There’s a good chance that it was because you made her laugh and made her feel good.

Do that again!

The mentality

As I said before, be laidback and confident. You have a new life, and she can be a part of it again. But you don’t need her. Not at all!

If you have this mentality, I can almost guarantee you that she will be crawling back to you.

Few things are less attractive to women than men living their own lives, by their own premises. Keep this in mind.

Good luck Iestyn, and be sure to report back with your results!

Also, I highly encourage you to check out my book called “The Ex-Girlfriend Solution”. It includes everything you ever wanted to know about getting over your ex and moving on with your life. It takes you right from the break-up to your new relationship, and it answers all the questions I get all the time, like “what to do if she wants to be friends”, “how to avoid being distracted by thoughts about her”, “how to fall asleep when I miss her” etc… Read more about it here!

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Today I am going to give Michael some advice on a little “love declaration” issue.

“I’m in this 4-week relationship, and not everything was going smooth. We were eating out, and during chit-chat, she then suddenly asked me: “well do you love me?” We never actually declared our love before, so I was a bit stunned. What is the appropriate response, if you are not totally head over heels yet?”
- Michael.

Well, this is a tough one. As I don’t know your past – how you met, how you behave together, if you have had sex etc. it’s hard to give a concise answer to your problem Michael. But I am going to give it a try.

What do you want?

With your response, you would want to do two things.

First, you would want to not look like a wussy. Example answer: “Yes, I love you so much; I can’t stop thinking about you”. I can almost guarantee you that she would run away screaming.

But you don’t want to come across as exceptionally cocky, and maybe even evil, either. Example answer: “No, why the hell on earth would you think that?” That would just be rude, and equally bad.

So, I guess we have gotten rid of both the answers yes and no. We need something more subtle.

You said that things weren’t going too smooth, and the “Well do you love me” also implies that she is having some doubt about the two of you. At least that’s how it sounds to me. Or maybe she just wants to know if the two of you have a future together.

Two different answers

Again, without knowing you, it’s hard to give a precise “line” to what you should say. But I think that the following would be a pretty good example.

The good boy:
“I don’t really know. I think that our relationship is too new to say that I love you, but I do like hanging out with you, and would just like to see where things are heading”.
This is not a horrible answer. Not at all, but it hands a lot of power into her hands.

If she doesn’t like you, well, you’re probably going to get hurt. But on the other hand, she might reply with something like “I would like to see where things are headed too”, and then you’re good to go!

By the way she asked, this answer might be what she was looking for. It kind of sounds like she needed some validation that you were (or are) more than friends, and that you are ready to “take it to the next level”.

You could also do a “bad boy” approach.

Bad boy:
Say “no” in a very serious tone, with a very serious facial expression backing it up. Then lean over, and kiss her. This may chock her a little, and this is where you pull back, look deeply into her eyes, and say “I hate you”. Still with a very serious tone. She may laugh. She may blush. She may command a “real” answer. She might get mad. But then it’s up to you…

You really need some “cojones” to pull this off, but if you can, I’ll guarantee that things will be going a lot smoother. If done correctly, it will almost knock her off her chair. At least I know that no guy have ever done this to her before.

But maybe most important of all, you need to discover if you really do love her. Because if you don’t, well, problem solved.

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I am starting a dating ‘question and answer’ feature here, and well, for me to give the answers, I need some questions first.

So, if you have any dating/sex/women related questions at all, I’ll give my best shot at answering them for you!

Ask me whatever you want, I promise I won’t laugh.

Just fill out the contact form with the subject line “Dating Q & A“.

Hope to get some great questions!

Take care until next time,
Alex

PS. Girls are welcome too.