This post contains two tips for you to become much more peaceful in your everyday life. Apply them as you see fit, and watch your professional and social life bloom over the next few weeks.

If you’re used to being all stressed out over work, a girl etc., these tips will hopefully help you take some of that burden off your shoulders.

More mindfulness, peace and acceptance in your life will almost immediately reduce the overall stress you feel. It will help you to focus on the things that will really improve the quality of your life.

My first and most important tip is to…

Detach yourself from the outcome

This is definitely one of the harder ones to apply, but it is also something that can really change your life in a damn positive way. Primarily it’s about realizing that you do not have control over everything in your life. Yeah, you can always do your best, but sometimes, you just don’t have a say.

One of the things that will bring you the most stress in your life is to attach yourself to the outcome of things too much, and then blame yourself if it doesn’t go as well as it could have gone. This is not to say that you shouldn’t take responsibility for your actions, or shouldn’t try to correct things that have gone wrong. Definitely not. It’s about not caring too much about it and putting too much emotional energy into it.

Abundance instead of scarcity
The best way to do this is to come, or to act like you come, from a mindset of abundance. Let me give you an example: Let’s say that you invested 200 dollars in stocks. The firm you invested in goes bankrupt a couple of days later, and you lose your money. Boo-hoo. Two choices: either you cry about it and get angry etc., or you brush it off yourself just like if it was nothing but pennies to you (even if it weren’t!)

Now you should know that I am all for accepting your own feelings and ‘crying it out’ if you need to etc., but I have to say that in most cases, the ‘best case’ would be if you didn’t have a need to cry at all. And in most cases, you actually don’t. In the example, the investor most likely knew about the risks involved in his investment. And if he didn’t, he didn’t do his homework well enough. Either way, he should learn something from it. What he shouldn’t do is to let it get to him in a negative way. If he does, it can open the door to a lot of shit.

And now I know that we’re going quite deep, but of course, it would be best if you didn’t have a door at all holding back all your shit. But the reality is that most of us have. The optimal situation is by far to have ‘your shit together’ and not have anything negative suppressed in the back of your mind at all. To achieve this you will need to do a lot of soul searching, and hey, even though I think it would be a great idea, it’s just not very attainable for most of us mere mortals who deal with a day job and things to do. In the end though, it should be some kind of goal to be absolutely clear about your past experiences and have let them all go and accepted them in full.

SO…

To jump back on track, let me give you the second tip.

Do things that require you to put in an effort

This may not be logical at first, but let me explain what I mean. In my opinion, one of the best ways to clear yourself from something negative is to do stuff. And not to distract yourself, no, it’s to change your mental focus. Sometimes you get stuck in a mental loop about something, let’s say thoughts about an ex girlfriend, and the best way to get out of it is to snap out of it and do something productive. For me, something productive is something that will help you in the long term. A great example is a workout.

Ever felt ‘cleansed’ after doing something that really required you to give yourself completely? Most likely you have. It almost feels like you sweated a part of the negative experience of yourself.

Get into a super focused state of mind
Whatever gets you into a super focused state of mind will work, it doesn’t necessarily have to be productive (that’s just a plus). It could be to go to a concert and just really rock out. It could be to be fully submerged in a good book. It could be to have a really long conversation with your dad. It could be to paint a picture. It’s just about re-focusing your focus. And in my opinion, it is done best when you’re in that state of mind where nothing can slip under the radar and destroy your concentration.

Two extreme examples are bungee-jumping (how can you think about losing 200 dollars in stocks where you approaching the deadly ground with 99999 miles an hour?! ARGGHH!!!!) or driving a sports motorcycle on a track allowing you to go as fast as possible (this will require loooots of effort, I know it’s a random example but it brings my point forward. Pretty hard to think about your damn ex girlfriend when you could spin out or fuck up anytime if you don’t concentrate enough!) So basically, snap yourself out of it by doing something. Preferably productive. Boom!

So that’s it. Two things that work. Detach yourself from the outcome, and do things that require you to put in some effort. Give ‘em a try.

And it would be cool if you would let me know what works for you in the comments.

Thanks for reading!

Images by Mr. Punto and Achmed Amir.

And that’s why I talk a lot about acceptance. I see acceptance (and willingness) as key concepts when it comes to living with pain – and that means, key concepts to living at all.

Today I want to give you an example on how you can be willing (and accepting). For some of you, the essence of these concepts might be a bit hard to grasp, but with this example, I hope to make it more real, clear and applicable for you.

I got this example from a great book on Acceptance and Commitment therapy, called “Get out of your mind and into your life”. Here goes…

Let your Aunt Ida in

Imagine vividly that you want to invite your whole family to a party at your house. You send out the invitations to everyone, far and beyond. You are looking forward to seeing everyone.

On the day of the party, a lot of your relatives show up. It’s a cheerful scene: people from all over the country seeing each other for the first time in years. It’s a great party. The spirit is high and everyone is enjoying themselves.

That is… Until Aunt Ida arrives. Aunt Ida is that Aunt who never takes a shower, who always gets too drunk and noisy and who always makes the children cry. She’s very unpleasant to have around.

So when she knocks on the door, you refuse to open it – instead, you stand up against it so she aren’t able to get in.

The consequence of not letting her in

This is where the whole theory on acceptance and willingness steps forward. What do you think it means that you have to barricade the door to let Aunt Ida out? Think about it.

The party is going to die. First of all, while you’re guarding the door, you won’t be able to participate in the party yourself. Your guests will also feel like they are in a wierd position; some will argue with you, some will go home and some will try to retreat farther away from the door and the entrance hall. The mood will drop substantially.

Do you see what I’m getting at here? Denying or suppressing something, in this case, Aunt Ida, just doesn’t work. In the end, it ends up only begging for more attention and causing more destruction and unhappiness for you (and everyone around).

Let in the pain

Now, what’s the better scenario? You guessed it. Just let Aunt Ida in. Be friendly to her. Show her where the food and drinks are located, introduce her to your new girlfriend, ask her how she has been doing, etc. In short: recognize her presence and give her some attention.

You don’t have to follow her around and take extra good care for her, not at all. Just don’t treat her any differently than all your other guests.

Who is this Ida?

As you most likely have figured out, Aunt Ida is your “bad” thoughts and emotions. She’s the painful thoughts you have of your ex girlfriend, the bad childhood memories; everything you have been denying or suppressing your whole life.

But it’s time to let them in. It’s time to let her in. Open up and welcome the pain. Live with an open heart, even if it hurts!

It’s when you don’t recognize it’s presence, her presence, when you shut it out or when you try to ignore it, that it has the ability to grow and grow and become so large that it fills up everything.

Keep this is mind. Let your Aunt Ida in!

Let me know what you think in the comments. Have you had success with accepting bad thoughts in the past? Do this example resonate with you? Have any other techniques or ideas on the subject?

Living with an open heart means that you experience all experiences fully without denying anything. It is like looking fear in the eye – you stand up for yourself and take up the fight.

The weak man

The weak man will always try to deny his pain. Whether it’s emotional or physical, he will always try to think of anything but the pain.

When running, he will distract himself when it starts to hurt. When faced with criticism, he will try to move on, move around it, forget it or deny it. When a weak man loses something, or someone, he will suppress his feelings; his pain. He will look the other way and distract himself.

On the surface, this approach might look beneficial. Pain is bad, so it must be good not to feel it, no? If just it was so simple…

See, pain is a part of life. And when you reject pain, suppress it, deny it, you also reject, suppress and deny life. And on top of that, pain only grows in denial. So when you reject your pain, all you are actually doing is that you make it grow. And it will grow, grow until it eats you up.

A man living with a closed heart will die bit by bit, every single day.

What to do instead

The honest, courageous man, on the other hand, will face his pain. He will see it for what it is, and do with it what needs to be done: live with it.

He will be open to the world and to the people that love him, and his mind and spirit will be strong.

So try this the next time you are faced with something “bad”, like criticism: stand up for yourself. Breathe at all times to open up the front of your body. And listen.

The same thing applies to loss, whether its in love, death or anything that’s in between: take responsibility. Face the pain. Remain open. Whatever you do, you must remain open.

When you practice openness like this, you will start to see that pain and hurt is just as much a part of life as love and light.. You won’t ever get rid of your pain by denying it, so why not learn to live with it?

The funny thing is that there comes a time, where you will realize that the pain, your pain, is gone. It is just like fear: you won’t ever get rid of it before you face it and fight it.

The way to fight fear is to do what you are afraid of.

The way to fight pain is to live with it, with an open heart.

Always.

What do you think?
What’s your point of view when it comes to pain – is it best to just see it for what it is, or do you believe in denying or suppressing it? Is there a middle road? Let me know what you think in the comments.

By the way, I’m going to Sweden in an hour, I’ll be back in a few days. Take care guys!