You are a man. So am I. So stop apologizing for it. I see it every single freakin’ day – men walking around like pussies, looking into the ground and blaming everyone but themselves for their unsuccessful lives.

It is ALL your fault. I know that this doesn’t sell. And I know that it’s not what you want to hear – but it truly is. You HAVE to start to take responsibility for your own life and for your own actions.

Man up. Grab life by its balls. You have two of them at your disposal – so use them.

• A real man is fucking honest. He speaks his mind freely about things that concern him, but he also takes into regard the feelings of others. He lives by the rule of never harming anyone intentionally (more than needed, of course. In a few cases, like a break up, some ‘harm’ is needed).
• A real man doesn’t need or seek approval from others. You probably know this; so why do you keep doing it? Start living your life with integrity and you will see that you do not need the approval of others; that, in the end, it is ONLY your opinion that matters.
• A real man trusts his instinct and his abilities. But at the same time, he is HONEST about them. If you know that you are not skilled enough to, let’s say, climb a mountain, you have two choices: Either, you learn or acquire the skills needed for the task OR you back out and direct your attention to another matter. It is as simple as this. Two choices, nothing else.
• A real man is totally upfront with his intentions. He doesn’t apologize for being a man and for wanting sex – it’s perfectly acceptable. If he feels that the time is right for getting more physical, he goes for it without hesitation.
• A real man also has only two choices regarding something he fears, like doing a bungee jump. Either he just does it, OR admits that he won’t do it. Usually, we walk away from things we fear with guilt. This is not a choice for the real man, the just keep the change man. Either he TAKES ACTION, or admits that HE WON’T. There’s no middle ground. Really wanting to do something, but succumbing to your fear is WEAK. Don’t be that guy. You will grow if you take one of these two roads, and you will shrink if you pussy out. In 90% of all cases, just do it. Breathe deep, and tell yourself that you’ll live. You will… In the other 10%, be sure that backing out is the smart thing to do. It might be you wanting to approach a girl, but you being too afraid to fuck it up, you freeze like a Popsicle on the south pole. You do nothing, and you beat yourself up over it afterwards. THIS IS WRONG. Either, you approach her, or you admit to yourself that you won’t do it and be happy with it. Maybe, you don’t approach this girl, but smile and say “hey sunshine” the next time you greet that cute girl at your local supermarket instead. But don’t let it become procrastination, instead, learn which battles to fight. Which brings me to…
• Baby steps. A real man takes baby steps. Or at least he takes action. A real man doesn’t sit around on his couch reading advice that he won’t put into practice (if he really believes it, that is… Of course you shouldn’t take advice you don’t believe in at all). But I challenge you to try. How else would you know for sure?

So please, go out NOW and do something that you
a) want to do or
b) fear to do.

Often these two overlap. Start out by smiling and looking every girl in the eyes that you see today. After a couple of times, start saying hello, maybe getting their name in the process. Soon you will find a girl you like, and you will ask her out. No tricks, just you and her. You will go for the kiss, and you will take her home if that’s what you both want.

It takes balls my friend. Good thing you have ‘em.

Living with an open heart means that you experience all experiences fully without denying anything. It is like looking fear in the eye – you stand up for yourself and take up the fight.

The weak man

The weak man will always try to deny his pain. Whether it’s emotional or physical, he will always try to think of anything but the pain.

When running, he will distract himself when it starts to hurt. When faced with criticism, he will try to move on, move around it, forget it or deny it. When a weak man loses something, or someone, he will suppress his feelings; his pain. He will look the other way and distract himself.

On the surface, this approach might look beneficial. Pain is bad, so it must be good not to feel it, no? If just it was so simple…

See, pain is a part of life. And when you reject pain, suppress it, deny it, you also reject, suppress and deny life. And on top of that, pain only grows in denial. So when you reject your pain, all you are actually doing is that you make it grow. And it will grow, grow until it eats you up.

A man living with a closed heart will die bit by bit, every single day.

What to do instead

The honest, courageous man, on the other hand, will face his pain. He will see it for what it is, and do with it what needs to be done: live with it.

He will be open to the world and to the people that love him, and his mind and spirit will be strong.

So try this the next time you are faced with something “bad”, like criticism: stand up for yourself. Breathe at all times to open up the front of your body. And listen.

The same thing applies to loss, whether its in love, death or anything that’s in between: take responsibility. Face the pain. Remain open. Whatever you do, you must remain open.

When you practice openness like this, you will start to see that pain and hurt is just as much a part of life as love and light.. You won’t ever get rid of your pain by denying it, so why not learn to live with it?

The funny thing is that there comes a time, where you will realize that the pain, your pain, is gone. It is just like fear: you won’t ever get rid of it before you face it and fight it.

The way to fight fear is to do what you are afraid of.

The way to fight pain is to live with it, with an open heart.

Always.

What do you think?
What’s your point of view when it comes to pain – is it best to just see it for what it is, or do you believe in denying or suppressing it? Is there a middle road? Let me know what you think in the comments.

By the way, I’m going to Sweden in an hour, I’ll be back in a few days. Take care guys!

It has been 15 minutes since you sent her a text. You just said that you had a great night last night, and asked when you would see her again. You have read it a couple of times after you sent it – was it any good? Could you have done better?

30 minutes passes. You have been checking your cell phone like a maniac. Why hasn’t she replied?!

45 minutes. Now you get all these wierd thoughts that, maybe she wasn’t that into you? But you vibed pretty well, didn’t you? What went wrong?

You start analyzing the evening for mistakes or clues. Nothing. Just a wait a minute! There was this awkward silence, and…

There is no point in continuing the story. You’re a smart guy, you get the point. I’m pretty sure you have been there, too. I know for sure that I have.

It’s a dark, dark place waiting for a text message reply. It downright sucks.

So what is there to do about it?

It’s about a change in mind

The simplest way to say it is this: Stop caring so much!

I know it can be hard. Really hard. But if you don’t want to walk around your whole life and just wait, it is absolutely crucial to learn it.

There will be hundreds of girls. She was just one of them.

This is the attitude you need to take on when you send a text message:

• I don’t really care if she replies to this message. It’s just a text, I’m just a guy, and she’s just a girl.
• It would be nice if she did reply, though, because I think she’s kind of cute and I would like to get to know her better.
• I have better things to do than sitting around and waiting. I have a life. There will be others.
• Now I’ll just live on and accept whatever the outcome may be.

So maybe she will reply. Maybe she never received the SMS. There are 1000 possibilities.

But in the end, it’s all about the amount of importance you lay on her reply. If it honestly doesn’t mean much to you, what’s the big deal?

Don’t check your phone all the time

Guys, this is huge! Try to really become “outcome independent” of your phone.

No, you don’t need to take it with you everywhere you go, just in case…

No, you didn’t just hear your phone. It was probably something else.

No, you don’t need to check it every 5 minutes. And just in case you actually got a SMS, what difference does it make if you don’t read it right away?

Just chill. That’s the basic lesson for today. Don’t take dating so god damn serious!

When to write again

If, after a day or two she still hasn’t replied, it may be time to send another text, just to give it another shot.

Try to not sound too needy. Something along the lines of this should work:

“Hey (girl/nickname), too busy to reply, are you?… That’s just too bad, since I think you’re cute and would like to see you again! :-)

This is not necessarily an example of a good text message, it is just an example. And it may not be your style at all, always remember to ‘be yourself’.

I know it’s old advice, but to be yourself means to be congruent and authentic. Two really important qualities.

What you want to achieve is just some kind of life signal from her side. Maybe she didn’t receive your first text, and in that case, it was a good idea to send her another one.

Maybe she just forgot about it or actually ignored it. If that’s the case, she may reply to this one.

If she doesn’t, is she really worth spending your time and energy on?

I think not.

Third text

If you want to, and she haven’t replied to your second SMS, you can send a third one after a week or something.

A sample could be this:

“Are you alive?”

If she doesn’t text you back after that message, I would just delete her number.

But that’s just me. It’s your call ;-)

Let us hear your stories on waiting for text messages (or calls, for that matter) in the comments.

Liked this article? Of course you did! Then why don’t you subscribe for free to the RSS feed, and sign up to the free newsletter? Come on, you sexy beast. I know you want to…

Photo by Don Solo.

You’re standing there, shaking. You’re mind is entirely blocked out. Sweating. Your tongue won’t let you speak. Heart rate rising. The world moves very fast, or very slow. Muscles are tight.

Fear. It’s a strange thing. Few things provoke such strong physical reactions.

It can be the worst thing in the world. But it doesn’t have to be… Read on.

Before we can use it, we have to know what causes it.

What is fear?

Chemicals such as adrenaline and the stress hormone cortisol are released into the blood stream causing certain physical reactions such as:

• More sweating
• Blood pressure rises
• Tightening of muscles
• Rapid heart rate
• Sharpened or redirected senses

All these reactions are protective mechanisms to increase our chances of survival.

When speaking of human mechanisms, you can always go back to when we “lived in caves” to find the use and cause.

We often experience fear when we are found in a situation that can lead to death. Because as humans, we basically only have one goal: To survive.

The best way to do that is to reproduce, because no one lives forever. And you can’t reproduce when you’re dead, right? (Yet…)

Great, so we know we have to survive. Our body helps us with that in “dangerous” situations.

But when it comes to daily life, fear doesn’t help us much. It holds us back.

A social situation that can make lots of guys get all anxious is to walk up to a girl and start a conversation.

Kiss your fear goodnight

We’re able to climb mountains, ride cars with 250km/h, travel to the moon, you get the drill…

But most guys aren’t even able to walk up to a cute girl and say hi! Amazing, isn’t it?

The first thing you have to get into place to make that happen is to really want it. Make a commitment to it. Get really motivated.

Say to yourself one day, “I’m going to get out, find a cute girl, and talk to her”. Really feel that you’re going to do it. Picture a conversation in your head.

Maybe it wasn’t harder than that. Maybe you did it right away. If yes, great!

But, maybe you freezed, or made up some dumb excuse to not talk to her. Maybe you felt that there wasn’t “any girls worth talking to”. There are lots of maybes.

If you did go out and meet someone, then this post really isn’t directed at you. You’re doing great! Getting over “approach anxiety” is a really important step in getting success with women.

Let’s take a look at those who did not do it. I was one of them for quite a few years.

Not too long ago, I would rather take a bullet than walk up to a stranger. Today is a little different…

The first step is to admit to yourself that you were afraid. You looked fear in he’s eyes, and you lost. That’s cool though, just admit it.

Drop all the excuses; it’s just your ego protecting you.

Really look into what you felt at the moment you saw a woman you wanted to talk to. What did you think? Did you see or feel any signs of fear, such as a faster heartbeat?

The next time you give it a shot, try to just let it all in. Let the fear in completely, don’t try to fight it or hold it back. If you’re able to do this, it won’t take long before you make your first approach.

Easy exercise if you want to meet women on the street

Ask for the time.

Notice how you’re acting when you’re about to do something as non-threatening as asking for the time.

You will probably start out by saying “excuse me” to stop people. This works well in this scenario, but I do not advice it for stopping girls in general. It shows weakness. Why should you excuse for yourself?

After you have become comfortable with asking for the time, practice going up and saying “Hi! What’s the clock?”

Try not to excuse yourself. This is a bad habit to get into if you want to approach and attract women.

When you start out like this, it shouldn’t be too hard to start conversations with girls after a while. Try to do it one day. Again, notice all your thoughts and feelings. Let all the fear in.

Really try to approach no matter what your body is telling you. This is the only real way to overcome approach anxiety. Look fear in the eyes, and beat it.

Try it, and let me know how it goes!

Get free dating and approaching tips by email. Click here!

By the way, I am leaving to India tomorrow night. The next post will be published while I am away. So no responding to emails/comments from the 1st july to the 18th. Wish me a good trip guys!

Image #1 by haniamir, #2 by ucumari.

“I am not good looking enough to be with her”. “I am too fat”. “I’m not funny enough”.

Self limiting beliefs – your worst enemy when it comes to dating.

Ever experienced one of the above thoughts yourself? I know you have.

In some way, at some point, I know you have limited yourself. And I’m no exception myself. Actually most of us do it all the time.

Just before you approach a girl, there’s a good chance you see a lot of frightening images.

Her slapping you down, and then just standing there laughing at you. You actually feel humiliated before you even talk to her.

And then what happens? You decide it’s better to not approach her. You walk away.

You beat yourself up over it later. You find 100’s of things you could have said, but didn’t.

This is what used to happen for me.

Now I just go over and say hi

I have realized that I have nothing to lose. I know for sure that she’s not going to slap me or anything like that.

If she’s not interested (which in that case would be her loss…) I simply walk away myself. Fair enough, I gave it a shot.

You can also think of it this way:

What’s the chance of you hooking up with her if you don’t approach her? Near zero.

What’s the chance if you do? For beginners, I’d say about 15-20%. Maybe more or less, it comes down to a lot of things.

But the point is, you actually have a pretty decent chance of getting laid in the future if you just approach a few girls.

And getting laid is better than not getting laid, right?

It’s almost just math. Some girls will not be into you. That’s life.

But some will, and it’s here the real “opportunity” arises. If you just approach a few girls each day, you have a very good chance of meeting someone great once in a while.

And if you don’t fuck it up, you might end up getting a quality girlfriend. Someone to come home to, to hold tight, to kiss, to please.

Or to do whatever you want, that’s out of my scope. But having one (or more) quality girls in your life is fantastic.

It’s a lot of hard work, especially at first, but I can assure you that it’s worth it.

The feeling that you have (almost) total control over your dating life is really incredible. And it’s just a positive spiral.

Getting rid of self limiting beliefs

• Identify the self limiting belief. One of the most common is that you’re in some way not attractive enough to be with really good looking women.
• Find out why you have it. This is important. Usually it’s because of something that happened years ago. It may have been your father yelling at you saying that you’re “too dumb”, or some girl saying you need to lose a few kilos. Not important. You just have to realize that “looking back makes you fall over what’s in front of you“.
• Eliminate the problem. If you think you’re too fat; you have two options. Either you lose weight, or you decide with yourself that it’s not important when it comes to dating. It’s easier to fix the root of the problem than fixing the “branches”. If you think you’re not attractive enough, do what you can to look good, and then decide that you’re the best looking man in the world.
• Stick to your new belief. Whenever you try to say to yourself that you’re too fat, or you’re not “hot” enough, change it. Say that you’re almost too hot. Say that you’re dangerously ripped. Anything else than your old belief.

So I just wanted this to be a short motivational post, and I hope it can help you decide that you are good enough, and that it’s only a matter of approaching her to get to know her. It’s really quite simple.

If you need help with these sort of things, I highly recommend you to subscribe to my RSS feed. I bring fresh dating tips here every week.

And before you leave, make sure to leave a comment with your views on self limiting beliefs and approaching girls in the comments section below.

Thanks and see you soon,
Alex

Image by nebe.