I guess that most of us have tried to dream about an ex-girlfriend once, twice or even several times in our lives. I just dreamt about one of mine this night.

It was a beautiful dream. It was a summer day, and we were enjoying an ice cream in the park. We were smiling and laughing, and we ended up kissing in the grass. This carries striking resemblance with an experience I had with just this girl once – only it was on the beach and not the park, that’s the only difference.

I have been over this girl for months, but when a dream like that pops up, you have to ask yourself: what does it mean?

What does it mean?

If you had asked me four years ago, I would probably have answered that I might still like this girl. A lot of crazy thoughts would start showing up – thoughts about the break-up, if it was the right thing to do, if I were as good a man with her as I could have been, if we really were meant to be together, etc.

A single dream can spur a lot of thoughts, and one thing leads to another. Most of all, it can lead to a lot of insecurity – which is something we don’t want too much of!

But a lot have changed in the last four years, and today, my thoughts about the dream have been radically different than what I might have thought back then.

First of all, I woke up smiling. Re-living beautiful memories is one of life’s greatest joys, and I appreciate the mere fact that I even dream. I guess we all do, but I think it’s amazing when I can actually remember parts of my dream(s).

Four years ago, when my knowledge was not the same as it is now, I would probably have woken up a little nervous with a lot of questions on my mind. I would probably wander around all day pondering them from time to time, stressing me out unconsciously.

What to do

If you’re like I was about four years ago – having insecure thoughts about stuff like dreaming about an ex-girlfriend, read on.

I must admit that when I first woke up, I did imagine being with this girl again. I thought about some more good memories from when we were together. But after daydreaming for a few minutes, I catched myself doing this, and with a few good inhalations of nice, cool air, it was gone.

I know that me and this girl are over. We’re history. We are history that I am proud of – because I know that at the time, I made nothing but right decisions.

I cherish the time that we were happy, but I have moved on.

My theory on dreams

I have been reading a lot about dreams and what they really mean. There is not a single answer, but a lot of theories point to dreams being a way for us humans to cope with all the thoughts we are having every single day.

In short, dreams are a way for us to categorize experiences, and letting go of things that are, or are not, useful to us anymore. They help us sort out the confusion our minds go through on a day to day basis.

Therefore, dreaming a dream like the one I dreamt tonight probably just means that I am letting some thoughts about this girl fly away into the universe.

I think it’s a pleasant thought that dreams are a way for us to let go of things. It’s the same thing if you are dreaming about your granny who passed away a few years ago.

Even though the conscious you may have gotten over things, the unconscious you may not. Your dream world is a deep dive into the unconscious. If you ask me, this is very exciting stuff.

What to take away from all of this

My conclusion is pretty simple: dreams in their own form mean nothing more than what you want them to mean. They are basically your unconscious mind showing its face at the surface of your conscious mind.

If you dream about something that might trouble you a bit – like an ex lover, it probably just means that you are closer to letting go of her for good.

It doesn’t mean that you should hook up with her again. It doesn’t mean that you made the wrong decision. It doesn’t mean anything.

It’s just a dream. Nothing more! Learn to enjoy it.

Images by Eric Nelsøn, Onkel Wart and Vigil Photography.

Hey guys! This is two real stories about how two real guys got over their ex girlfriends. I just wanted to post this to show you that it is possible, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel. There always is.

Let’s start out with Shahi:

“I would say that the two biggest things certainly were time and seizing opportunities. Time helped the pain go away each day but certainly meeting someone new and realizing how awesome someone else can be made all the difference. I called it the “S” factor in the “ex-girlfriend” messageboard that I contributed to several times, where you really see and get to know someone else and realize that there is hope out there.

The girl I am with now is so into me and I find that it has been so much easier to talk to her than to my ex. I know at first that’s a hard thing to say when you’re missing her, but when you’re with someone else, that’s when you’ll realize it. She has shown me so much love and sweetness (for lack of better terms) and I think to myself, “why was I moping when there are girls like the this out there who are more for me and show so much more interest?”

How Shahi got over his ex girlfriend

Time and seizing opportunities. Two powerful factors when it comes to getting over a lost love.

Reading a post like this can really help you getting your hopes up for the future (if you have a hard time getting over her) by showing you that it is possible.

It really is! You two are going to get over her, and that is 100% guaranteed. We all do. Realize this.

Next up is Sergio.

You might know Sergio from the comment thread on the “how to get over your ex girlfriend post“. Here’s what he had to say…

Sergio’s story:

“How crazy is this. I haven’t been on this site since…I don’t remember. My original post was back in March of 2008. I have been where most you guys are now. I am living proof that you can/will move on with your life. I am dating now and I’m even friends with my ex. I learned to forgive her and I’m a better person for that.

To truly move on you must accept that it’s over. That’s the very first step. Don’t get me wrong, you will still hurt and feel down but you will be on your way. No contact is a must. At least in the beginning. Stay busy. With time, you find yourself thinking less of her until you’re completely over her.

This is also important; you need to look at the big picture. We only live once. Are you going to live the one life that you are given depressed and sad over ONE person?? You can’t let her dictate your happiness.

How Sergio got over his ex girlfriend

Sergio used the same approach as hundreds of other men have used before – the Just Keep The Change approach:

Accept, no contact, stay busy.

Basically, you just let yourself feel hurt if that’s what you feel you are. Don’t resist it or ignore it, simply let it be. No contact has been discussed several times on this blog already, and I know from lots of guys and personal experience that it works. No contact!

Staying busy is what I would almost call a “perk” of getting over your ex girlfriend. Now you finally have the time to do something you’ve always wanted, like learning a new language, hanging more out with your friends, starting that online business, whatever!

If you have a success story like Shahi or Sergio, feel free to post it in the comments or let me know directly. I know that a lot of hurting guys out there could benefit from it.

And while you’re at it, check out the new forum; the JKTC Café. Great people, great discussions. Join us!

Stay strong.

Beautiful images by ucumari and dsevilla.

So what would you like to see?

I’m thinking personal stories (with comments, maybe?), interviews, tips, tricks, techniques, mindsets, concrete action-plans, and all that’s in between.

But I would like to hear what you think. Give me what you got; what would you like to read? Or what would be redundant?

Of course, if I use your suggestion, I’ll send the book to you for no cost whatsoever once it’s published.

How’s that for taking two minutes of your time?

So just write a comment below, stating what you would like to see in the ebook on ‘getting over your ex girlfriend’. I would really appreciate it.

Thanks a lot!
Alex

“Maybe in the next post you can cover what to do/not to do when your ex does contact you. I’m in the boat right now and not sure what to make of this unexpected ‘how are you?’ from her.”

This was the comment on the last post 7 Ways to Stop Waiting For Your Ex to Text or Call left by my name brother Alex.

As I have already promised, I am going to listen even more to my readers, and well, here you go.

I have been standing in the exact same situation many times. Maybe I am not over her yet. Maybe I am kind of in the greyland. Maybe I have already moved on. Whatever my situation may be, the phone rings: it’s her.

She’s simply calling me up to hear how I am doing. She asks me how I have been.

The phone call can go in many directions, but in my experience most often it leads to a rather pleasant conversation. You strike up some old memories, laugh and underneath it all, there still lies some sexual tension.

When you hang up, you feel good. You may even have a slight smirk on your face. But then it hits you: what did it mean? And your mind starts to work on high velocity to process all these new thoughts.

What now?

Does she want to get back together? Did you say something wrong? And you also start to question whether you’re really over her or not. A call like that can really stir up your mind, and usually be pretty confusing when you start thinking about it.

In this post, I am going to give you some simple solutions to cope with these rather normal problems.

The advice that’s going to flow through the whole of the article is this: don’t think too much about it.

Overanalyzing

What many guys are prone to do is to overanalyze things. That’s our nature. The capability to analyze like that gives us many strengths and opportunities, but it also has it downsides. One of the most noticeable is that the energy you spend on analyzing, let’s just take the phone call as an example, is taken away from other activities in your life.

And when analyzing something, especially when it comes to an (ex) girlfriend, there’s a tendency to go way overboard with it. There comes a point where there’s just nothing more to add, and that’s the point where most guys go wrong.

They keep on thinking about it, even though there’s nothing more to think about!

You don’t have to be a scientist to understand why that’s not useful. As I said before, the energy you spend thinking about something is taken away from other tasks at hand.

This premise, that guys overanalyze stuff like ex’s contacting them again, is not to be taken lightly.

Because when there is nothing more to add, they will most likely, unconscious about it, make something up. And the most common thing to “make up” is the hope and belief that she wants to get back together.

This is where it gets tricky.

Getting back together?

Do you really want to get back together?

Ponder this question. Your first answer might be yes – that’s natural (also from a biological point of view). In your prehistoric brain, sex is goood. Sex makes babies. Babies make you pappa. Pappa is goood. Pappa means passing on genes!

You get the point.

But when you really give it some thought, what you most likely will come up with is that no, you don’t want to get back together. The reasons are not what important, the important thing is that you can actually feel, way down, that you’re not supposed to be with each other.

Everything happens for a reason

I believe that everything happens for a reason, and when life throws something hard at you, like heartbreak with an (ex) girlfriend, it’s an opportunity to grow. Whether it’s God or the Universe or whatever you call it who “throws it at you”, it’s an opportunity. It’s a help in direction, an unknown force lending you some help in choosing the right path.

Or maybe this force tells you that you have taken a dead end, and that you must go a few steps back to walk the new path.

I like this analogy, because it’s easy to understand, and it makes everything not only happen for a reason, but also for the greater good. It actually says that whatever happens, it’s for the best.

Fight or flee, it’s your choice

That doesn’t mean that you should blindly accept anything life or God throws at you – sometimes you need to fight.

And the only way to know when it’s right to fight is to listen. Listen to yourself; listen to your heart.

I know that I am threading on deep waters here, but I just thought that this simple advice can help some people, as it has helped me. Anyway, let’s get back to the concrete talk on how to respond and act when an ex girlfriend contacts you again.

It didn’t mean anything

I think that the most important thing you can focus on if you’re having thoughts about you and your ex again after a call, is that it didn’t mean anything.

Don’t try to figure out why she did it – you can’t. You will never know, and it really doesn’t matter.

The important thing is that it has no meaning; she could have had millions of reasons to contact you. Maybe she was struck by the thought that you were sick, maybe she missed you, maybe she felt alone or maybe she had an abundance of energy and had to use it on something… and the list goes on.

You see what we’re doing here? We’re overanalyzing things. And it doesn’t lead anywhere at all! It’s 100% unnecessary.

So I really want you to try to stop overanalyzing. Don’t force it; just tell yourself that your thoughts are just that – merely thoughts.

You are not your thoughts

You are not your brain or your thoughts, you are you. Nothing more, nothing less.

The actual conversation

As for the actual conversation, just be casual and friendly. Politely answer her questions and keep the conversation going, but don’t stay on it for too long, especially if you’re uncomfortable with the situation.

If the conversation drags on, simply tell her that you have to go. It was nice chatting – goodbye and have a good day.

It’s as easy as that.

And don’t start flirting too much, either. You don’t want to send the wrong signals, do you?

Here are 6 easy tips to handle your ex contacting you again:

• Be cool. It’s easier said than done, but do your best to keep your cool. Don’t be overexcited to hear from her, just be laidback about it. Relax!
• It didn’t mean anything. Don’t start overanalyzing. She called you, you talked, and that’s it.
• Move on. She most likely has.
• Don’t secretly wish that you’re going to get back together. You most likely won’t, and if you do, it will most likely fail. Really ask yourself why. Write it down, get it out.
• Learn. Everything is an opportunity to learn something about yourself. So is this. You’ll get some profound self-understanding if you keep your mind open to it.
• Be honest. This is my evergreen advice. Be honest with her, and be honest with yourself. Real honest. Not some bullshit “Maybe / I think” stuff, no. That doesn’t cut it.

That’s it guys.

If you have any questions at all, don’t hesitate for a second to contact me. Or write a comment. Or chime in on the forums. I would love to see you over there!

Let me hear your thoughts on the article below.

Stay Strong!

Photos by aphasiafilms and Grace.

I have done it many times: I and my girlfriend broke up, now she’s my ex, and I am kind of over her.

I still think about her, though, and somewhere, I still want her.

Not in the way of driving to her place with a bunch of flowers and confessing my love, no, it’s more like I hope that one day she’ll call me and tell me that she also still wants me.

There’s just one thing… The day never comes.

Being in that is place is what I call the “grey land”, and it’s a very dangerous place.

You’re not really sad anymore, but neither are you particularly happy. You just let life happen, and see what will come next. You could also call it drifting.

How do you know if you are in the grey land?

• You check your phone a little too often to see if there is a text message from her. You’re not totally conscious of it, though. You’re just checking your phone, right?
• You huff and puff of the thought of you too as a couple again, but deep down, you know that you are lying to yourself. You know that, even though you may want other girls, you still want her.
• You wind up thinking about her at the oddest times and letting her distract what you are doing. You might be shooting some hoops, while suddenly you feel that she’s nearby and you lose focus and you stop to look around. Or maybe you’re swimming, or fishing, and your meditation with the activity gets broken of and you have a hard time concentrating again.
• This may be the most common one: you’re kind of looking for her at venues where you know she sometimes goes. This is mostly true if you live (or lived) near each other. And when you secretly look for her, you feel a little ashamed and feel that it’s not quite right.
• And that actually counts for all the points: you feel a little ashamed for still wanting her. And that is exactly what we’ll work on today. There’s no idea in feeling shame; it’s a pretty useless emotion.

In reality, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. It’s absolutely normal to still think about your ex from time to time, to look for her and to check your phone a little too often.

Where many men go wrong is just that they won’t admit it; neither to others or to themselves.

They end up pushing the feelings away, instead of embracing them.

They’re actually pushing away a part of themselves, and that’s a pretty dangerous thing to start doing. The next time you feel a little “out of your body”, check in to see if there’s something you haven’t accepted entirely – if there’s something you still don’t quite believe.

As I said, this issue is very common, so (again) don’t feel ashamed.

The first step is plainly to acknowledge and accept that yes, you still have some feelings for her. It’s okay!

At the same time, you also know that those feelings won’t last forever. They usually disappear (almost) entirely when you meet someone new, or simply when some time has passed. This may be tomorrow, this may be next week, or it might be in three months. No one knows – and it really doesn’t matter!

Because it’s easy living with your feelings, as long as you accept them. Good feelings and bad feelings; they’re all good! Because they are simply just that, feelings.

You can’t control your feelings directly

Feelings are beyond your direct control. So don’t think too much about it, just let them be, and be totally honesty about it.

You may never get entirely over your ex, but don’t let that scare you.

It doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to love again, you most certainly will. It just means that she meant a great deal to you, and that you will never forget her.

Yes, she may have been a bitch (especially when things ended between you two), but despite that, she was and is an incredible woman. And that fact should make you smile; you have been with an incredible woman!

So with a smile on our lips, let’s look at…

The 7 ways to stop waiting and hoping for your ex girlfriend to text or call you (and get out of the grey land)

• 1. Acknowledge your situation. This is hugely important, because if you don’t accept your feelings, the healing process will take a lot longer and you won’t gain as much insight as you would otherwise. So simply take some time to really understand your feelings, I encourage you to write it out.
• 2. Make simple rules for yourself. Checking your phone a lot is a common habit when you are in the grey land, but don’t let that scare you. Strength and willpower is all it takes to get over it. Make simple rules for yourself like, “only check the phone three times a day” or just don’t have it nearby all the time. Don’t be afraid to let it stay at home some days. It’s all about getting more unattached to that little device called a phone…
• 3. Don’t contact her. At all. The no contact rule means no contact; and I’ve heard the excuse before where guys say “what if she needs help” or similar – it just doesn’t cut it. She has friends and family, let them handle her now when you’re not together anymore.
• 4. Meet someone new. Don’t start dating if you feel that you aren’t ready, for some it may take some time (especially if you and your ex was together for a long time). It’s not fair to the new girl if you’re dating her just because you want to get over your ex: date her because you like to date, and you like her. If those two are in check, the healing process can really quicken up. When you meet someone new, you suddenly realize that your ex wasn’t as good as you maybe have idolized her to be – in other words, starting dating again can really bring things into perspective.
• 5. Give up hope and realize that it’s over. This more aggressive approach will work better for some than for others, but it certainly can work. Pinch yourself every time you catch yourself thinking about her, and say to yourself that it’s over.
• 6. Give it time. All healing takes time, and when it comes to love, it can take a lot of time. Give yourself all the time you need, and don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s totally normal to have problems getting over an ex, what many fail to realize is just that you tend to make it worse if you don’t accept it.
• 7. Accept and don’t suppress. So even though I’ve already said it, I say it again. Accept it. Accept all your feelings, and be very honesty with yourself. I can only guide you to the right road – it’s you who have to follow it. It’s your life, so live it on your terms. You are the master and the only one who’s in control. Use it.

My friend David Deida says that you should rather live with a heart in pain than a heart that is closed off, and I whole (heartedly) agree with him.

The whole idea of getting out of this grey land is that she’s a distraction to you, and distractions are seldom any good. As I have stated many times, it’s perfectly normal to still have thoughts about her from time to time, but when it becomes a problem and an annoyance, it’s time to take action.

It’s possible to become attached to the mere thought of her

Sometimes you grow attached to the thought of her, even though you don’t even want her. It’s like you create this image in your mind that everything will be perfect if you get back together.

It’s just that, in the relatively unlikely event that you actually do get back together, nothing will get fixed. Learn to enjoy your situation as it is right now instead. Be grateful for what you have!

It’s the road, guys, not the goal. Keep that in mind.

And while you’re at it, embrace pain, accept your losses, and move on. There’s a new day tomorrow!

See you soon guys.

Your friend in love and pain,
Alex Kay

Also, I think that you should check out the newly opened forum right here: The JKTC Café. Come on over and introduce yourself and let’s talk some sh*t! :-)

Image by cambiodefractal.

Note from Alex: This is a guest post from Jamie. If you’ve been a follower of the How To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend comments (450+ and counting!), you know who he is.

I think that this is an excellent article laying out a lot of important principles for doing just that – getting over your ex. I’ll now give the word to Jamie. Warning: Contains foul language. Yeah!

Thanks Alex!

I believe this is an excellent blast to all the guys out there who are thinking they’d like to stay “friends” with the girl who dumped them.

The flow of the piece is this:

1. You can’t be friends.
2. You MUST neutralize the girl’s power over you.
3. The most effective way to neutralize the power is a clinical approach that is based in large part on the “No Contact Rule”.
4. What are some of the practical tactics that are involved.
5. You’ll be better off for having taken these steps.

You could write a PhD dissertation about the no contact rule and getting over a girl. This, however, is designed to be a quick read that hopefully will give men (read: you!) a fast-acting shot of empathy and momentary strength from realizing that what they are experiencing is something experienced by mankind as a collective and therefore not insurmountable. Phew. Lets get on with it!

Post-break-up friendship with your ex: DON’T

In the immediate aftermath of a break-up, and especially when you’ve been the one to be dumped, it is im-f*cking-possible to remain friends with the woman who grenaded your heart – even if you have months and months (or years and years) invested in her.

While powerful, the desire to remain friends is knee-jerk reaction to your own fear of being alone, and to internal weakness and insecurity – which may be temporary – but that you still need to address.

HOWEVER, it is VITALLY important that you always maintain cordial relationships (if not friendships) with as many women as possible! B/c while the bar/club scene is nice, other women can be a rich feeder source for possible date material – and I mean dates w/ girls who you would actually bring home to mom, and not just bang…

Neutralize her power over you

Another thing to consider: the goal after being dumped is not so much to “forget” the ex as it is to neutralize her power over you.

The irony is that whatever power she has is only there because you give it to her by virtue of having made a mental leap in reconceptualizing your life as now only being able to exist if your ex is part of it.

Any human being should ALWAYS be engaged in a continual process of self-development and cultivation, so that you can be your best.

When you limit your insecurities by excelling at school or sport or in your career, you 1) become less needy and 2) become a much better partner for a woman who might actually deserve you.

The NO contact rule

Nonetheless, when you’re in the shit – like many of us are – and trying to get over an ex, you must be clinical and disciplined in your approach and have no contact whatsoever for some minimum period.

If you just texted her or checked her FaceBook or drunk dialed – that’s fine. It’s normal. It’s what we do. But right now, from this second, commit to not seeking her out in person or virtually for at least 24 hours.

And after those 24 hours pass, commit to another day; and another; and another.

If you’re mentally obsessing over her, every time you start focusing on her FORCE yourself to shift to something else.

Have discipline

Watching TV is not a very good distraction – reading a book is better. But hitting the gym or going for a run or skydiving is a lot more effective – because you shut down the part of your subconscious that obsesses over her – if only for 30min or an hour – and you get some peace.

A relapse is never far away, even after weeks or months – which is why you have to be clinical and disciplined. Delete her from your FaceBook and MySpace. Delete her from your mobile. If you have her contact details stored in your address book – delete them from there, too.

Yes, we KNOW that you feel like you’re dead without her and that you are physically hurting even – it is what it is.

But you have two choices – either be consumed by the hurt and pain and rendered totally impotent, or commit to putting into practice some of the advice given here with the expectation that if you can do the work, one day you’ll find tranquillity and return to equilibrium.

You’ll get through – and get better

And then the next time you become emotionally intimate with a woman, hopefully you have a more sophisticated perspective and will be better aware of what’s happening in the relationship on a daily basis.

Last thing – even though I said delete her from your FaceBook and MySpace and phone, etc., that (for me) is only so you can’t be an idiot and actually call or text her when you crack and your resolve momentarily weakens.

Don’t completely destroy the memory of her

If you were in a relationship for any significant amount of time, that person is always going to have been part of your life, and you can’t obliterate the memory of her as if you were firebombing Germany. It just doesn’t work.

You want to end up with just a black hole in your psyche for the time you were with her? Take all the “stuff” she gave you or that reminds you of her and put it in a box or boxes or whatever and get it out of your physical space.

I don’t think you need to throw it away (but then I’m a little sentimental), and you can save her contact information on a CD that you throw in the box as well; when you’re old a worn-out it’s actually nice to have mementos from the past as they become tangible reminders or triggers of memory from years gone by.

But when you’re knee-deep in hurt and pain and misery, lock that shit away as if it was radioactive. Because in a sense it is – you need to be a technician and shut down your irrationality and reptilian-response to wanting to get back with a chick who dumped you, devalued you, broke your heart, cast you aside…

And someday you’ll have gone through enough misery and suffering that her power over you will be neutralized and you’ll have a better understanding of not just your limits, but your strengths as a person. And your next relationship will be all the better for it.

Back to Alex:

Hope you enjoyed it guys! As always, comments are highly appreciated. What do you think? Girls are also more than welcome to join in :-)

Lots of great images this time. First one by thisisawakeupcall. Second one by jasoneppink. Third one by Thomas Hawk. Last one by .ash. All beautiful, thanks!

As always, please do grab the FREE DATING TIPS by EMAIL or RSS. No spam, no ham. Just posts when they arrive!

This is the number one question I get asked most of the time – right after the question on how to win her back.

And it’s difficult to answer. How do you get over your ex girlfriend?

I guess that we have all been there at some point in our lives.

Relationship starts. Everything’s good. Suddenly, everything isn’t so good. And you break up. That’s life!

I have had my share of it, so I speak from experience here.

You have probably shared lots of good times, and now it’s gone.

No more holding hands, no more crawling in close when it’s cold outside, no more kisses under the moonlight, no more anything.

For some it’s easier to accept than others. But I don’t think anyone like breaking up.

For the first few days, after realizing the truth, you feel pretty awful. This is definitely the worst part of a break up, and also the part that defines your emotions for the next couple of weeks.

So how do you go about handling a break up?

As thoughts are really hard to control, I’ll give you a “timeline” for your emotions.

I know it might sound a little strange, but it’s how I personally handle the break up, and for that reason, I figure it might be useful for some people.

Here we go:

The first few days I cry my heart out. I let out all of my negative feelings, and do almost nothing more all day than to “think about her”. Whenever I try to slip in a positive thought, I’ll disregard it right away. It’s my privelege to be sad just a few days a year, I’ll explain why later on.

What’s really important in this phase is that you don’t talk to anyone about the break up. At least not more than something like “we’re not together anymore”.

Another really important thing to do is to stop listening to love songs. At this point, you will most likely identify with them, and I know from experience that this can really f**k up your emotions later on.

So just let yourself be as sad as you can, without talking to anyone, and without getting feelings from anyone else than yourself.

Afterwards, if you have followed my advice, you should almost be sick thinking about her. 3 days might not be a long time in a calendar, but in your head, it will almost feel like it’s ages ago you broke up.

You will start realizing that she wasn’t “the one” for you, and that you have your whole life waiting, along with millions of cute girls.

Over the next few weeks, you might have some reoccurring thoughts about her. That’s fine. As long as you realize how bad she was for you, and that you’re not going to get back together.

I think this is the part most guys do wrong. They keep thinking they can get back together, and this makes it incredibly hard to move on.

For a couple of days, try to just “get on with it”. Don’t spend time thinking about her, just live your life like you always have.

After a week or two, you’ll see that you do fantastic without her. You might not be completely “over her”, but you’re definitely on the right path to getting so.

Personally, after about 2-3 weeks, I completely stop thinking about her. Well, not completely, she’s still “my ex”, but I’m by no means sad about the fact that we’re not together anymore.

Soon, I’ll meet another girl, twice as nice, and it’s all uphill from here with happiness. Until we break up.

Life’s strange isn’t it?

General tips on handling the break up

• Stop stroking the banana fantasizing about her. It’s just wrong… AND it tightens your emotional bonds to her. Not good man!
• You’d be amazed what kissing a new girl can do. Start meeting new people as soon as possible.
• Accept that she wasn’t the one. She was just a girl, whatever your brain might tell you. You have a “her” hole in your stomach right now, and you probably think that only she can fill it. But what the hole really is is just a woman shaped hole, and any women can fill it.
• Take control of the situation. Don’t let her define your feelings, only you can do that.
• Start living again. After feeling down for a few days, a week, or maybe more, start living again. If you have always wanted to start playing tennis, now is the time to do it. Or start playing guitar, or start painting. Anything will work, just gain some kind of new passion, or relive an old one.

Why it’s important to be sad at first

This might not work for everyone, but I can only conclude stuff from my own experience, so that’s what I’m going to do.

The reason I choose to be sad at first, is to take control. It’s my choice to cry, she has nothing to do with it. Not directly, anyway.

In my opinion it’s really bad to try to run from your feelings, because you will feel sad. Best just to admit it and let it out.

After those few days, you will also realize that someone that made you so sad, wasn’t right for you. This is also important.

So now to wrap it up, I would like to know one thing.

How do you get over an ex girlfriend / handle a break up?

Let’s start a discussion here!

UPDATE: There are A LOT of comments on this post. A lot of them includes fantastic tips for getting over your girl. I highly recommend reading as many as you can to get a general feel.

Something that has helped a lot of guys here is to simple get on with your life. START HERE. Download the EBOOK REVIEWED HERE.

And as always, contact me for personal advice.

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Lovely images by lizzie vengeance.